Unsent messages to JASON

You exhaust me. Being your friend is so exhausting because I don’t see you as my friend. And that’s the problem because you only will ever see me as your friend.

last night i had a dream about some boy, a boy that didn't exist. i met him at a party or a wedding or something like that, and we walked and talked together. we got back to his house and talked some more. when i had to leave the party, i knew i wouldn't ever see him again. so i hugged him so tight and we slow danced together and in that moment i knew that we loved each other so much. i loved that boy more than anything and i had just met him a little while earlier. i could physically feel the love he had for me while he held me. that was the happiest i had ever been.
i wish i was always sleeping, always dreaming, just because of that boy. i hope he comes back. because what you and i have is nothing near what i felt while i was dreaming about some boy i had never met before. i didn't even know his name.

Hey, I know that you probably hate me, and I don't blame you. I just wanted to tell you that I really miss you. I always think about you 24/7. You're always the first thing that I think about when I wake un in the morning. I know that you probably don't believe me but I still love you will all my heart. And I know that my actions didn't prove that to you but I was just confused at the time. I wasn't sure what I was doing. I wasn't in a good mind set. I had a lot of things going on and it was so unexpected. I would go back to the day and redo it. I'm so sorry for hurting you. I hate myself for that and I don't think I could ever forgive myself for that. I really miss our conversations and the way that you would always joke about stupid things. I keep looking back at our messages, pictures, and videos. I really miss what we had even when we were friends. And it's going to suck when I see you again because I'll probably cry right in front of you since we have the same friend group. Ones again I really miss you and I feel so stupid for hutting you. You were everything that I wanted, but I messed it up. Even though we had our ups and downs I'm glad that we fixed things and made the most of our relationship. You know I don't regret anything the night at formal. That was the best decision I ever made if I'm being honest with you. You probably regret telling me that you liked me because you told me that you thought I was gong to to hurt you and I did. I am soooo sorry Jason. I'm sorry that I wasn't the best girlfriend ever. Even though at times you made me feel like complete shit and so insecure I still love you. I can't believe it took me so long to tell you those three words. I really did mean it when I told you the last time I saw you. I saw the big smile that you had on your face. You looked so happy when I told you that I still remember how happy you look. I always smile like an idiot. I hate you for leading me on that whole week when we started to talk again. You bright my hopes up wayyyy to much and I hate you for it. I really just wanted to earn your trust again. But if you really did truly "love" me then wouldn't you have fixed things with me? I don't understand how you seemed to not care at all. You seemed so fine with leaving me. I'm scared to get back into a relationship now. And I know ones that day comes of you dating someone else it will crush me. And I also know that if I move on you still still be my first love. I wish you the best and I hope that later on we can fix things and talk ones again. I love you and forever and always will.

i love you sm it isnt funny. you might not back but its okay. i would wait till the end of time for you. you made me so happy ever since the first day i met you despite the problems we had. you just made me a mf fat simp.

I still want to talk to you but I don't want you to know that. obviously I knew the chances of you actually wanting to talk and not just for pics were unlikely but I didn't want to admit it. ive accepted the fact that you probably dont think of it as much as I do. I told my friends about you, but probably so did that other girl trying to send you pics did to. I also just want to know why you would talk to me for this long all for you to only want pics when there's so many other girls out there. why me. I told myself you only live once so many times that I opened up to you more then probably anyone and I dont even KNOW you. I feel like you know me more then Ik you. and the thing is I think now I shoudve known you didn't want to talk to me even tho you said you did because no matter what you were asking for pics. and there were also sometimes when I wouldn't really care to send them, just the way you asked. I knew when we went 4 days without talking you would have texted me if you wanted but you didn't and I feel stupid now for texting you but the last thing you said to me really hurt me and I feel even more stupid because like I said ive never met you. I even lost my bestfreind because of you. for all I know she could have told you. I dont think well be talking anymore after what you said ... does this mean your mad at me or yk im hurt by what you said or you just dont care I dont know but im ok with it now .

take care of aubrey for me, please. there's going to be a day where i won't be here anymore, tell her im sorry

I'm so thankful to have you in my life. You taught me what love is like. I love you so much. As a person. As a best friend. And everything in between

i’m not going to fight with you through digital boxes online. i told you everything i did. i didn’t have to tell you about any of it but i chose to of my own free will. you chose to openly deny the truth about a relationship for weeks. you continued to tell me you friendzoned her AFTER you had kissed her. this is not my fault. i’ve done things in the past but this situation is completely on you.

stop pretending you don’t like her or kissing her or anything. if you didn’t like it then you wouldn’t do it. it doesn’t make me feel better when you say that it just makes me sad that you lied to me about a girl you don’t even have real feelings for.

a revenge scheme? i guess you don’t know me at all. if you thought i couldn’t promise you anything, why would you make me a promise in the first place?

i was avoiding him for you. because you said i was better than that. but now there’s no point. you can’t tell me what i should do. you promised me. you made me a promise to my face and you broke it.

this isn't quite aqua but it's close enough. i don't know why you did what you did, and hopefully you can be honest with yourself soon. ALSO, your new girl looks like you took a picture of me and put it in a blender. remember what i said in the car..

If you ever see this i just wanna say im not mad i just wanna know why you did it, i trusted you with something i dont even trust sharing with my family, i loved you dearly i thought you loved me too but i'll be okay. i cherish all the moments and memories we made together, even if they didnt mean anything to you. love you

i forever wish you'd put in the same effort i do. you mean the world to me but i don't think you feel the same and it hurts

I keep telling myself I already let go of you but part of me keeps pushing the truth away I don't know why I guess I rather just you hurt me over and over than someone else

i’m sorry i broke it off. i am so in love with you and you are with me and i hate how the timing just ruined everything and i feel like you won’t love me the way i love you

in some other life or alternate universe, we're together. I just know it. i kinda wish it was this one though.

I’m sorry things ended the way they did but I’m happy for you and I think we should go out separate ways

if you had reached out a lot sooner i would’ve chosen you. that whole time we didn’t talk i was thinking about you nonstop

Es inevitable no presionar el corazón cada que te pienso, te ame mas que a mi misma, ese fue el error. YO LO DI TODO POR TI

best friends or more, you were the first boy who told me he loved me... a part of me still loves you too

I know I shouldn’t have let you touch me while you have a girlfriend. I knew it was wrong but I just couldn’t help myself. I just wanted to touch you and feel your skin and I don’t fucking regret it. I just want you to be mine but you love your girlfriend.

You taught me a lesson and i learned but next time give me a hint when you just gonna leave just to let you know there’s still room in my heart if you ever wanna come back Jason imy I miss you a tun I just wish I could’ve hug you tighter knowing would never hug you again

I don't think you'll ever understand how much I actually love you. I hate how you led me on for so long. Not a day goes by that I dont think of you. I truly do hope you're happy and doing well. I always tried to check on you because I know deep down you always struggled w things, but I think you've found a new girl to help you w that. I hope it works out for you. Thank you for being one of the many lessons I needed to learn in life.

Miss you so much.
Sorry for leaving but I doubt u even wanna talk to me now.
-the girl u made stories with.

I constantly listen to Eden and just break down. I cannot even begin to express how much there is to tell you. I don't even know if you are aware of this whole website. But, yeah.

you 're not my first love....we're just friends, but u def have a special place in my heart. u made me feel things that i haven't felt in so long. I didn't rlly think that was possible. the amount of warmth and comfort that I felt when I talked to u was so freeing. I was/am going through a rough spot and talking to u was prob the only thing I looked forward to every day. ur honestly the only person who rlly made sure I was okay. ur my bsf and ik that we've been pretty distant rn and im sad abt that but just know ill always be here for u

You were horrible to me. I don’t even know if Jason was your real name. You caused me so much unnecessary trauma and body dysmorphia.

I'm sorry I didn't mean for things to end this way.
if i were you I'd hate me too... :)
I'll love you forever and always.

Im listening to all of the songs you like. I've been doing so good, but tonights just a little harder.I wanna let you go, I have you blocked but I still check her location because I know y'all are together. Her story is muted because I hate seeing y'all together, but I still check to see if she has posted every ten minutes. You keeping texting and calling my friends to try and get me to unblock you or to talk to you but I wont.You asked if I would sneak out last night even though she was with you. maybe y'all aren't together. maybe im wrong. maybe you actually really love me. but I know that's not true. y'all are together. maybe you want me but y'all are together. if you were just gonna keep asking me to hangout then why did you choose her. Why didn't you choose me. I shouldn't be mad at her, she doesn't know. I feel bad for her too, she thinks you are loyal and good. she doesn't know you like I do yet. I honestly should thank her, its better to know that you aren't shit sooner than later. I just wish it wasn't five months wasted. I don't know why I miss you. Everyone always said you were ugly, but I didn't care you were attractive to me.I loved your eyes and your voice, I still hear it in my head. I can't stop thinking about you. I just want to kiss you one last time. be in your arms, you holding my face in your hands and rub my check with your thumb just one more time, look into your eyes and think everything is ok one last time. but I can't. I can't want you anymore.You have someone new now. I want you to be good for her, even though she's not me you should treat her well, be loyal, appreciate her. One time you told me that you wanted me to be your best friend, someone you could talk to, be your everything. I hope she is all those things for you. I hope she makes you happy and makes you smile. I want the best for you. this has to be goodbye. I don't want to hurt anymore. so goodbye. I love.

every time he tells me that he loves me, all i can think about is you. whenever he mentions a future together, all i can think is how i want one with you

I wonder if you actually do like me or just pretend to seem nice either way I’ll be here answer you when you text

srry we couldn't skype tonight but... you know that I'm trying to make this work but with the merger and your affair... it's just so hard. Anyways, goodnight girl. I'll... see you soon.

You made me realize how dangerous it is to meet someone like myself because it made me believe that we were meant to be.

its been 5 days since you said you hated how you've been acting and wanted to make an effort, that you wanted to have what we had before. i haven't heard from you since that night. what do you want from me?

While you were falling asleep the other night, I thought I heard you say you loved me for the first time. Sorry I didn’t say it back. I’ve got you covered next time.

i loved you, i really did. and it really fucking hurt to see what you did. even if it was just a small promise, i trusted you. i hope you're happy though. i can never seem to hate you

my love for you was one i had never felt before. it was the kind of love the consumed my body every time i thought about you. the kind of love that even though we have had more bad days than good days all I can think about is the good days. the kind you see in poetry that makes you fall in love with that person too. but, you never could love me back and i blame myself for that. i might have never loved myself but i sure as hell love you.

I never left.. I am still your girl.
I will always love you and be by your side even if I am not physically there, I’ll be there for you.

I love you so much. That's all I've ever wanted to tell you. You have the most beautiful soul of anyone I have ever met. I love you with all my heart. I can't imagine life without you, you mean the world to me.

i never thought you would be the one to end things. but you still did and i will never understand why. at first i really wanted you to explain everything but now i'm glad you didn't. i want you to know that you hurted me the most and yes, my heart has cracks but you don't have the power to break it. everyday i think about you a little less and i can't wait for the day i forget you completely.
fuck you :)
(ps: i'm so happy we never had sex because i would regret it too much)

its been almost 2 years since i first saw you and i don't think i could ever stop loving you. i wish you could've give me a chance. i love you forever.

even tho you were fckin mean to me to me and playing with my feelings, i still love you even after almost 2 years. i don't think i could ever stop loving you. i wish you could've give me a chance. i love you forever.

You've never had stability in your life and you told me you wanted it to be me. Did you find it in her now?

I've come to the conclusion that I'll always love you, even if you don't love me. I hope you're happy, genuinely.

you touched something in me no one ever has. a part of me i didn't even know existed. i knew you weren't the right person but you meant the world to me. you were exciting and new but you broke my heart

Sometimes I wish you knew just how much I cared about you. I also wish you knew how badly it hurt me to hear to talk about the crushes you had on my friends or talk to me about other girls you liked. I don’t hate you bc I know you’d never realize bc I never spoke up. I hope you’re happy but I’ve finally let go of you.

jason yi. ill never stop loving you. thank you for being there for me. i wish things had gone different.

I miss you but I know you deserve better than what I can give you. I hope you find a girl that can be everything that you want.

i am so in love with you and i can’t make it stop and you knew and left anyway. when did it get so messed up