Unsent Messages

Hey, I know that you probably hate me, and I don't blame you. I just wanted to tell you that I really miss you. I always think about you 24/7. You're always the first thing that I think about when I wake un in the morning. I know that you probably don't believe me but I still love you will all my heart. And I know that my actions didn't prove that to you but I was just confused at the time. I wasn't sure what I was doing. I wasn't in a good mind set. I had a lot of things going on and it was so unexpected. I would go back to the day and redo it. I'm so sorry for hurting you. I hate myself for that and I don't think I could ever forgive myself for that. I really miss our conversations and the way that you would always joke about stupid things. I keep looking back at our messages, pictures, and videos. I really miss what we had even when we were friends. And it's going to suck when I see you again because I'll probably cry right in front of you since we have the same friend group. Ones again I really miss you and I feel so stupid for hutting you. You were everything that I wanted, but I messed it up. Even though we had our ups and downs I'm glad that we fixed things and made the most of our relationship. You know I don't regret anything the night at formal. That was the best decision I ever made if I'm being honest with you. You probably regret telling me that you liked me because you told me that you thought I was gong to to hurt you and I did. I am soooo sorry Jason. I'm sorry that I wasn't the best girlfriend ever. Even though at times you made me feel like complete shit and so insecure I still love you. I can't believe it took me so long to tell you those three words. I really did mean it when I told you the last time I saw you. I saw the big smile that you had on your face. You looked so happy when I told you that I still remember how happy you look. I always smile like an idiot. I hate you for leading me on that whole week when we started to talk again. You bright my hopes up wayyyy to much and I hate you for it. I really just wanted to earn your trust again. But if you really did truly "love" me then wouldn't you have fixed things with me? I don't understand how you seemed to not care at all. You seemed so fine with leaving me. I'm scared to get back into a relationship now. And I know ones that day comes of you dating someone else it will crush me. And I also know that if I move on you still still be my first love. I wish you the best and I hope that later on we can fix things and talk ones again. I love you and forever and always will.