Unsent messages to JASON

i felt our stars collide when your hands locked with mine, but it’s time to find a new constellation.

i love you, every little thing about you. i love your smile, your laugh, the names you call me, the songs you'd tell me to listen to. god, i'm so in love

I’ve learned that I don’t love you anymore, I’m in love with the old you. I hope you hold onto a part of the person you used to be.

jason i love you so much. you make me the happiest girl in the world. the love i have for you is out of this world. you mean so much to me. i love you baby

Fuck you, fuck you. You ruined two years of my life all because you thought I had a nice enough body to fuck. You never loved me, but I ruined a huge chunk of me just to not even be good enough for you.

we’ve come so far yet it’s hasn’t been far enough, i don’t want to let you go but i am.. you hurt me in ways i can’t even describe so it’s time to let go...

I hate you. I hate you so much. I hate how you left me and mom, I hate how you'd always argue with me about whether or not someone race matters or not. (it doesn't)

hi , i really want u to know i love u so much . nothing nor no one will ever replace the love i had for u . but i wish i never met u , thinking about u hurts i wish u could’ve never been so horrible i guess it’s because you were probably going thru things but i hope your new girl treats u good and cares because u deserve the world . fuck u tho , enjoy your fuckboy like always remember “one good girl is worth a thousand bitches” ?‍❤️‍?‍? -your ex vampire wifey

i loved you. i forever will. but i’ll wait for however long it takes for you to realize how amazing i would treat you.

You are a scum between my toes. That’s why your nudes magically appeared in front of my face. Hope that gay guy follows you to this day and also hope you dream about clowns. Skinny White Boy, that’s why you’re insecure. I’m gonna steal your dog and eat it. How You Like That! All those times I said you were cute were a lie hoe.

I love you and i still do i just wish you felt the same way, sometimes things happen for a reason and well maybe we will see each other in another life time :)

hii! if anyone is reading this i hope u know that u are beautiful, loved and i am so proud that ur here! keep fighting through everyday, this note has reached u for a reason, love urself or no one else will and have a lovely day

though i don’t long for you anymore, it hurts to know that you are happy with someone else while i’m sad with no one.

sweetie stop embarrassing yourself that girl don't love you she left you for a REASON. You had the world in your hands the best girl ever and you fucked that up. How stupid can one be, god gave you the best and you said no lol

its weird how i find myself writing another one. but this one I'm focusing on the good things. even tho i don't recognize you and i don't respect you anymore, i hope you will find happiness. i truly put my feelings aside when we broke up so that you could move on like you said and find happiness by yourself. I know you felt very guilty, but your actions showed different than your words. texting her right after? what the actual fuck. i know you want to be with her more than anything but its been 9 months. jason the girl does not want you. you need to leave her on read and actually move on. its honestly makes you look so beyond pathetic and i wish you could see that. i want to talk to you about it more than anything but i know it's not my place to say something. I've never been through heartbreak so I don't know what it feels like but you're just fucking yourself at this point. anyways i said that this one would be positive oops. thank you for bringing happiness in my life and being my first boyfriend. i got to experience all the first times of relationships so thanks. oh and you made me realize my self worth. i deserve so much better than you(physically and mentally).

I miss you. I miss us but as time goes on and the less you talk to me, I start to move on a little bit more everyday. Memories will stay but time will fade. I misses you a lot..

I liked you for so long and I think we just missed. You never told me how you felt if you felt anything. I think maybe there was a reason she hated when we talked. We never said anything but I hope we can still stay friends

If I knew how to fix everything I really would’ve. I’m so sorry things have come to this. I just want us to be okay again

FUCK YOU! you were meant to teach me how to live but you just broke me down and cared more about my brother then me. you left me out in the rain and took him in. you said you’d never hurt me. thankfully you’re no longer in my life but the scars physically and mentally will always be there.
if you ever see this just know. i’m doing better then ever with out you so is mum and nug and olly. i still want to talk to you and ask you why you did what you did but you don’t take responsibility you’re just a lying manipulative dick.

You weren't my first love but I really thought you would be the one for me. I turned out to be wrong, like always. Although, deep down inside, I will always love you and I will never forget you. You will forever be treasured in my heart.

I wish I was waking up to you, I miss rolling over and seeing your bright blue eyes. That was my favorite part of my day. I miss you JM

Why do I still think about you after all these years? Even after everything that happened? Even though I know you never think of me...

It’s been a while since we talked. And it was only an online relationship. But I still can’t stop thinking about the biggest lie I told you. And that you deserve to know. But we both have moved on in life, and I feel like you don’t think about me. But I sometimes think about you, even if it has been 2 years. I’m sorry.

i wish things were different and we could go back to how things were...
i still love you, but you don't love me

You make me imagine a future with you. I distract myself from the thought of you but all it takes is one message for my mind to go wondering into the bliss again. Then it takes one message to be left on read for my mind to wish I never got your message to begin with. You confuse me more than anyone, I love but hate it. I just want to talk to you more, I feel like I’m missing a part of myself but you’re as never apart of me to begin with. I can never tell if you feel the same, I love but hate it

I hate you. But I can't let go of you because I've depend on you now. I wish I could just tell you to just leave but I know I'd fall into a depressive episode just like the one from a few months ago.

I saw your profile pop up on Hinge... it broke my heart seeing you move on, but I know its for the best. I hope you're happy, you deserve it.

I don't know why I love you, yet I do. Why do I think about you every night? It's so stupid as you have a girlfriend, yet I can't stop thinking about you.

i liked u from the first time i saw u looking at me with those piercing blue eyes. i never seen anything quite like them. they are the most beautiful eyes i've seen. u had longer hair back then. it looked like an ocean full of brunette waves. it seemed so fluffy. and then later when u stood up to get a glue stick, i saw how tall u were. i know everyone made fun of u because u had the size of a baby giraffe or even taller than that but i liked that about u. oh god, i liked all of u. ur smile. ur humour. ur charm. ur touch. ur laugh. ur height. ur insecurities. every time u played with my hair. every time u hugged me. i felt so protected in ur arms. like nothing bad could happen. ur goofy personality. ur smell. ur intelligence. u. only u. i felt loved for the first time in my life. everybody said it was only butterflies but i knew that is was more than that. love. until i found out ur weren't mr. perfect anymore. u became someone else. cold. cheater. manipulator. liar. different. substance user. anger issues. u became full of darkness and anger. i know u had ur demons but i wished u loved me the way i did with u. i miss u more and more everyday. urs truly, a.

you'll always have a special place in my heart. you're like a brother to me my boy bestie who can be a pain in the ass but also the person who's always been there. you've saved my life a few times did you know that? idk if i've ever told you this but ily and i care abt you. I know u don't talk abt ur feelings much and u r always there for others but sometime u should really open up. i can tell you hold in a lot of ur emotions and i hope u care abt me and trust me too yk. ly jason.

you should never have answered my call. the call that started everything. the call i made at 11:30 just because i was bored and i wanted to get to know you and we talked until 3:30 and we didn't know anything. we didn't know what would happen and we were happy then. maybe you're happy now, but i'm sure not. i can't bear to read our texts anymore. they give me a stomachache. actually, everything that has to do with you gives me a stomachache.
please don't be worried about me and my mental health. to be honest, you were the cause of most of my anxiety and depression the last two weeks we were together. it wouldn't be so hard if you were just mad at me, if you hated me, hated everything about me. sure, it would still be painful, but it would distract me from the fact that you just stopped caring. i knew you did and i kept telling myself i was going to break up with you and i never did and you beat me to the punch in a TEXT. and in that TEXT conversation i asked if we could meet after school so i could break up with you.
it's unfair that i had to leave my spanish class because your stupid text came through. it's unfair that i took the hall pass to the bathroom and cried. it' s unfair that i needed someone so badly in that moment that i met up with my friend in the bathrooms and she hugged me and treated me better than you ever did in that single moment. it's SO COMPLETELY UNFAIR that you think guys lose feelings for their s/o in every relationship and it's unfair that you expected it to happen! it's unfair that you even asked me out knowing that, and it's so completely unfair that you broke up with me like that and blamed it on me when i know for a fact that i did nothing to cause it. but that's exactly what YOU did- nothing. you stopped texting, stopped calling, stopped telling me you missed me, stopped sending hearts, stopped making plans, stopped meeting up with me.
i don't think you'll ever know how bad it hurt me. it felt like a punch to the gut. and i couldn't fully process it when it happened, and i still can't. i can't fully realize that i don't have anyone to text anymore just for fun, i don't have anyone to talk to when i'm bored, i don't have anyone to sit and watch ride their stupid scooter at the skatepark, i don't have anyone to dress up for or put any effort into life anymore. oh and by the way, i think it's hilarious that you said i told you that you were the only reason i'm still alive. YOU DID NOTHING FOR ME.
and everyone else but me could see that.
i have so much to say to you, but no way to say it. i guess i'll just leave a note in your sweatshirt when i give it back. but a couple things before i go- I AM NOT YOUR EX. i am not clingy, attached, and i do not give you any negative attention unless it's absolutely necessary. i know i wasn't good enough, and i'm not sorry for that. because i am good enough, just not in your eyes. and the last thing i'm gonna say- i never should have told you i thought i loved you because i didn't. and you never should have said it back.
sincerely,
anisten

I love you so much baby but you're hurting me so bad. Treat me better please, I do not want to leave.

You made me feel special. But then you left me for her. Why..? And why do I still adore you so much?

I still love you. You told me everything. You said you wanted to run away and have a life with me... what happened to that. I miss you so much and I hate that you dont feel the same way back when after all we did you said it was done in "love". Please. I love you..

i remember when i thought i couldn't bare being without you, but i'm so much happier without you. i don't miss you at all lol ur an asshole :)

I liked you for so long but turns out you were just a big jerk and someone who just wants a girl for her body :)

I hate how much I like you because it is so much more than you know. In another life, I know it would be you.

i love you so much it scares me
which sounds like such a cliche thing to say but sometimes i doubt that someone as amazing as you loves me
youre my soulmate

te quiero mucho
te amo tanto tanto! thank u for always taking care of me and being so kind and patient with me. i'll always love you!! even when we start to get old, wrinkly, and smelly !!

i was never okay and you made it worse by telling me that it wasn’t a big deal, i wish you understood

I know I wasn't your first love, but you were mine. I don't know why you lie to me these days because I thought we had a deal that we still be friends after our breakup...

Ti amo mi grande amor... thats what you always said to me. Ti amo Mia Bella ragazza... these words meant the world to me. Now, I say them in my head and pretend you saying that and you sitting in front of me... but the fact is, you left me because you said you hadn't enough time for me but actually you just needed time to hang more with your friends.

i still have the biggest crush on you i don’t even know why it’s been 5 years but i can’t seem to get over you and you barely even know who i am ha

the phone call when you drunkenly ended things lasted 53 seconds. after 5 months i got 53 seconds where you said you didn’t feel anything for me anymore and you were done. it was over. this is the last time i will ever write anything for you.

the phone call when you drunkenly ended things lasted 53 seconds. after 5 months i got 53 seconds where you said you didn’t feel anything for me anymore and you were done. it was over. this is the last time i will ever write anything for you.

remember me? probably not. i miss you. and i always will. i regret cutting you off so quickly. i loved you so much but you never loved me back. it'll be one year without being friends with you soon. you'll always be special to me.

i hate ur existence. but i cant seem to get over it. its not love. it cant be. u'll always be my yellow.

u were supposed to be my medicine. the hero in this fairytale. someone that brings me back to reality. kinda the opposite effect. u brought dread with u, the purple goop that seeped thru my phone. it was heavy and seemed to swallow me. u were a push and pull. u got bored with people easily. but i kept coming back for more. u were a sweet bitter taste. kicks u in the stomach, but addicting. i miss the old you. i tried so hard but u just drifted away from my grasp so quickly. we met on the eighth, and walked away on the twenty fifth. i love you. i always will.

you were a terrible friend, and left me with so much emotional trauma that i failed my first relationship. i haven’t had feelings for you for a while, and i’m glad that i was able to get past you.

Why? You were the only one i could count on and you supported me so much. I just want my friend back man