Unsent messages to IAN

When you held me in your arms on your birthday and we watched the clouds, that was the happiest day of my life.

i hate the way u used and manipulated me. but i still wish you will come back. we can get through this. i know it

I heard our song come on today and it took everything in me not to cry. I miss you so much but I know we are broken up for a reason. I love you so much.

I cry to myself after I have a good time, I feel guilty for being happy when I know I hurt you. I love you so much, and I appreciate you for everything you did. You turned me into a better person.

i don't think we're right for eachother anymore.. i can't stand you and i know i don't make you happy anymore. what are we waiting for?

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it’s getting so hard being here without you. i want to know what made you leave, what made you leave me here all alone. i hope you’re looking down on me, and i hope you’re proud. you made me feel a love indescribable, unable to be contained. you brought me out of the darkness, you made me smile, you made me want to live. and in your death, you brought me some pretty great people who’ve taught me how to grieve and find joy again. thank you for being the beautiful soul that you are, and eternally will be. i love you to no end, sweet boy.

I LIKED YOU FOR THE LONGEST TIME BUT I DIDNT WANT TO RUIN THE FRIENDSHIP WE HAVE ON A RELATIONSHIP THAT WOULD MOST LIKELY END.

miss u more n more with each passing day. please just show me ur still here, somewhere, from heaven. thanku for showing me how to be me.

i fell in love with you last saturday. i felt it throughout my whole body. please let this last a lifetime.

I'm sorry that I treated you badly. You didn't deserve that, and I used you as a scapegoat for my other family issues. I regret being neglectful, and I just want you to be happy even though it isn't with me.

the fact u go after everyone says a lot about u but i just cant bring myself to hate you, i wish i were enough for you

¿Que fue lo que no funciono conmigo?, dijiste que no estabas listo pero ahora con una chica nueva lo estas más que nunca ):

I'm so fucking glad you're happy because it looks so damn good on you but what keeps on hurting is that you will never admit what we kinda had and that you actually led me on and couldn't stop me because you liked having that attention I was giving you, but it's ok, I'l be ok

You are my best friend (in a completely platonic way) but now that I've moved far away, I just know you'll get over our friendship. I've said it before already, but just incase you didn't get the message, thank you for your friendship. I will miss you and will hate to see you replace me, but it's life and that's just the way it is sometimes. Anyways, happy thanksgiving to you and your family!

I’m sorry for how we ended, you’re so smart and amazing at everything you do. I know you’ll make it big.

I could see you falling out of love with me, but I still pursued it and I hoped I could change your mind. I guess I’m the idiot now.

I hate myself for getting close to you when I know you weren’t over her. I hate that I care about you so much but you can’t be bothered to even reply to me. I hate that all I can do is wait and hope that you will come back to me.

Mierda, diría que quiero que mueras después de todo lo que me hiciste, pero no, te deseo algo peor, ojalá y te vuelvas inmoral, para que sufras viendo como cada persona que te importa muere, mientras que tú sigues solo.

it can say we've managed to have the smoothest end to our relationship. there's not a thing i regret from start to end. what scares me now is that although i don't love you that way anymore, this numbness disables me to love anymore.

You left me because you thought I didn’t love you but I loved more than I ever loved anyone and that scared me .

i liked you, you liked the girl i looked up to. Sorry i accidentally called you i was removing your contact from my favorites

i don’t think i’ve had one yet...i have a bf. we’ve been together for almost a year and i can never say...i’ve been in love

I don’t know what we are but when I catch your gaze across the room I automatically smile and I don’t know what we can or are or will be but I wanted to be something, anything

i know what keeps you up at night. i know what your insecurities are. about your childhood trauma. what makes you feel comforted. how you cant eat without being high. you cant sleep without it being 70 degrees, your fan on low and without 4 pillows. how sensitive your skin is and what materials of clothing you prefer. i know why you'd rather stay home than go out. i know every single freckle and every scar you have. all this and so much more. within 2 months. you cant even tell me my birthday or my middle name. id be so surprised if you remembered my favorite color. maybe this is why i fell harder than you. i invested myself more. maybe thats why it was so easy to walk away from me. every single day it breaks me more not to be with you. just please come back when you're ready. ill be waiting bb.

Im happy you came into my life. you made me so happy and i cant thank you so much for that.Thank you for all the times you made me laugh when i wasn't feeling well, and thank you for the little comments you would tell me, like "You always look good" or "your so cute" and many other things. I loved the way you always told everyone that i was yours. I Love the Good Morning and Goodnight messages, you never failed to make me happy. I love the way you would plan the future with me, the house by the beach..the wedding. When you said "I Love you" first i was scared, and yet, you weren't mad, you understood, you told me to take my time. thats when i knew it was you. "I love you" the words i dreaded to say to anyone incase it was a mistake. but now i know, it wasint a mistake, you made me happy, and thats all i needed. Im sorry if i broke your heart, but i didint have a choice. I was forced to. I know you dont know that but. i hope you dont blame me. Thank you for everything.

If I would send them a text message I would say that they have made me very happy and thanks for everything.

did you like me even a little and do you still think of me sometimes or i did i really mean nothing to you?

i hope you're doing really well and are as happy as ever, i'm so glad things are going well for you. all you deserve is everything to go well.

I'm sorry I lied, I was stupid for doing that. I was too scared to tell you the truth because I don't wanna hurt you but what I was doing is hurting you. You are my best friend, I've never had a person like you before. You're different and important to me. I love you with all of my heart and I want you to be happy. When you were sad, I wanna be the one that always be right there for you. I think this is the time. I need to leave and I'm ready for that. Nothing lasts forever, remember that? You told me that when our group friendship drifted away. At the end of the day, you were still the one for me and stay by my side. You are gonna be alone now, all the memories we had will still stay in my body forever but the memories that we planned and wanted is gone. I'm sorry i broke our promises. I can't stay forever and it's time. I love you ian. I will always remember you. I'm sorry.

If only you could understand why I'm so angry with you, then you'd see what you've lost. I would have done everything for you, and yet you decided to stop loving and giving just for inconvenience of having to acknowledge my existence once a day. I've realized my self worth, so I was able to get over the heartbreak you caused so easily. I realized I stopped loving you when you stopped putting in; five months into our almost one year relationship. Breaking up with me by text hurts, yeah, but you were so secretive that I still can't believe you when you said you never cheated on me with your co worker. I hope you're happy with yourself. Even with all the shit you've done to me, I hope you grow into a man instead of a boy who hides behind his screen; and whoever you end up with, I hope you treat them better than you ever treated me.

today i was driving with my mom and i told her how i was jealous of you because you guys don’t use cars very often over there, usually trains and buses so you won’t HAVE to learn how to drive anytime soon. she smiled at me and said, “why not go live with him then?” if only she knew all our plans, id give anything to go back and listen to you talk about that big house by the beach with the dogs and that calm room you wanted for when my anxiety was so bad i couldn’t breathe. you really always thought about me first. but anyways, i just wish i could tell you that without it being awkward. my grandmother knew it far before us. also you never told me your favorite color but when i asked if it was dark blue, you always said it was dark blue after that so, i’ll make it the color of this and hope you don’t find it until life is easier between us.

I’m moving on now. I’m not sure if it’s really you sending these to me. Im sorry it has to be sam, he makes me feel whole again. I’ll always be sorry and my memories of you will always rest easy in my heart. Thank you for the best summer of my life.

I still have the peace of your locker mirror that i broke three years ago. I don't think you know how a relationship works.

i think my biggest fear in all of this is that you never really loved me for me, but i was mostly just convenient, or that i was the one who showed up at the right time.

and im scared that you're now realizing that im not wrong on this one.

p.s. it’s okay if youve fallen out of love with me. i wouldn’t blame you. everyone does.

idk. you still have my heart even if I don’t get the privilege of having yours anymore.

i really loved you, and ik its stupid because im young but I did. you on the other hand?you were bored and didn't have anything better to do so you messed with my feelings until you found someone better, made up an excuse, and left. but why? why? I was always there for you. always. through the fights with your dad, your brother being a dick, toxic girls, injuries, depression, anxiety, ed, everything and you still left me for a girl who has many hoes. little do you know, that I dropped so many guys for you and im still rejecting so many amazing guys because im caught up on you even though you're over me. why am I doing this you may ask? well idk either tbh. not like you're ever gonna see this. not like you're ever gonna apologize. not like you're ever gonna come back. not like things are ever gonna be the same. but I wish. so as I sit here at 3am crying over you once again and questioning everything, I hope you know that I will always love and care for you no matter what.

you were my first love and you knew it. you didn’t do anything wrong. i wish i listened to my friends.

i still miss you, i miss the connection we had. words can't explain how in love with you i was. hope you're doing well.

I couldn’t be happier that you’ve grown into the new chapter in your life, but it’s heartbreaking that I was left in the last.

it's been three days since i last cut. you would be proud of me.

i never even told you it was happening. but you'd be proud of me i think.

i'm trying really hard to stay out of your life.

I wish so bad that you’d grown more over the years we haven’t seen each other, I miss our love so much it still aches sometimes, but you’re still that 18 year old boy I met 15 years ago & I know it would never be like it was.

I wish so bad that you’d grown more over the years we haven’t seen each other, I miss our love so much it still aches sometimes, but you’re still that 18 year old boy I met 15 years ago & I know it would never be like it was.

I feel like I saw one of these that were from you , it had my name, and it wasn’t long after I left one of these for you. If it’s you send me a sign , I would love to say sorry and forgive and forget. If it wasn’t you I’ll be okay in knowing that my memories of you and the time we had with our friends was the best of my whole life.

today felt more like a break up than our actual breakup did.

I’ll stay out of your way from here on out, but I still want butcher block counters and tiny versions of us.

today felt more like a break up than our actual breakup did.

I’ll stay out of your way from here on out, but I still want butcher block counters and tiny versions of us.

today felt more like a break up than our actual breakup did.

I’ll stay out of your way from here on out, but I still want butcher block counters and tiny versions of us.

today felt more like a break up than our actual breakup did.

I’ll stay out of your way from here on out, but I still want butcher block counters and tiny versions of us.

i was surprised when you did that to me, to say the least. i knew you were that type of person. may you rest in hell.

you were the first person to make me feel the colors, i love you and you'll always be my favorite song. i miss you.