Unsent messages to ASHTON

Neither of us is happy anymore. But neither of us want to leave. So we keep breaking eachother calling it love.

i know we have only met once. but it just felt different. i can't stop thinking about it. Just something about the way you looked at me and the eye contact we made. it was the first time we met, yet it felt like i've known you forever.

I fall more in love with you each day and although you will never feel the same, I'll be waiting here for you, always.

hey i know what i did was bad and i hurt you, but you were honestly one of the best people i could easily talk to and i miss you :/

I should not have let you leave and I will forever regret it and hate myself for it. This was not how our story was supposed to end.

i miss you sometimes you treated me so well but i know we ended things for the better i hope your doing ok..

You most likely will never see this. And if you do. Great that’s fun. I want you to know what you did to me hurts like hell. You betrayed me. You cheated on me. And I’m staying with you and I shouldn’t. But I can’t help it because I’ve became completely dependent on you. It’s like I can’t fucking breathe air without you or wake up in the fucking morning. I wish I could say fuck you and leave you. But I love you and I wish I didn’t. Out of all people I never would have thought you would hurt me. Throughout our whole relationship it was always you worried about me cheating. And I would never and I thought you would never. And I wish I could leave but I can’t. I love you. And I’m staying because I need you and what you did is unforgivable but I can’t lose you. Even tho you hurt me. I still want you to hold me. I still wish I could see you and just sit together in each others arms. I wish I didn’t. But I do. And I love you. And I don’t want to but I can’t not love you. You are still perfect to me and i don’t know how either ashton. But I just believe that. And I’m sorry. That I still love you. I know you want me to. But I don’t. And I’m sorry. But I still love you and I’m not leaving. Even though I should.

I loved you so much but I never realized that the love for you, while it was real, was toxic and now I don’t know what love is supposed to feel like and now it’s like I can’t feel the same about anyone else...

I love you so much. You have no idea how much you mean to me. I’m so happy I get to call you mine. And I’m so in love with you, and I want to tell you why. The moment we met, I thought you were just adorable and shy. And that’s one thing I fell in love with. But there’s so many more. I fell in love with your voice and the way you talk. I fell in love with how much you cared for me from the start. How I can trust you, how I can talk to you. I fell in love with your cute ass face, with your cute nose, lips, pretty deep browns eyes, perfect teeth, and holy shit your fucking smile drives me insane. I fell in love with the way you look at me and caress my face while calling me beautiful. I fell in love with the way you can be completely yourself around me. I remember one time we hung out when we were only one month in our relationship, you bought me a redbull and I know it may not seem like a lot, but it’s the fact you knew it was my favorite drink and you remembered my favorite flavor. I also just fell in love with the way that you walk and the way your lanky and skinny, the way you lay on me and let me baby you, (that’s my favorite!!)and the way you make me feel safe and comforted around you always, but I fell in love with just you in general, Ashton. And I love you so much and I want to say that I’m sorry for what other girls have done to you in your past relationships and fucked up your way of trust etcetera. And those girls lost a lot. They lost the most considerate, perfect, loving human being ever. But I’m glad they lost you, so I can treat you so fucking good, and make you feel loved like never before how you make me feel loved. You mean the world to me. And although things may be hard right now, I’m never going to leave your side. I’m here with you forever and always like we both say. I’m so excited to spend my life with you, and the day we start our own little family. I love you. And I can’t wait to wrap myself in your arms again and tell you I love you. You’re my perfect person and I’m so glad you’re in my life. I wanted to thank you. For caring and loving me and just for being you, but also for saving me. And making me happy. I couldn’t live without you and before I barely was, and you saved me. And I will always be great full of you and that. I love you and I miss you. Please though, don’t leave me when I’m most vulnerable like all the rest. I cant afford to lose you. And I promise I’m never going to hurt you. I love you. So much.

I loved you, and bits of me still do. And for the months we talked, I never told you I loved you. And I didn’t because there was no chance of us actually being together. And I’m sorry, that it was like I lead you on. But we couldn’t be together and i found something to fill in the voids I wish you filled. We went so well together, and the way you talked to me and the way you’d tell me I’m perfect, and the way we blended just perfectly was insane, how we could be loving and joking all at once. I was happy. I was the happiest I ever was, and I wish we could have been together and you didn’t live so far. Because who I’m with now, I’m happy but he isn’t the same as you and I. When I was with you I didn’t cry I wasn’t worried I wasn’t anything negative and i all I felt was positivity. With my new person, I love him, but like I said he’s not you. He’s not completely perfect and compassionate like you. And I miss you and I miss what I once called us. And I hated the fact I couldn’t say I love you because I feared you felt the same, and I knew you did but you never told me either. But I fell in love with who you were and your personality, your cute face, your voice, and just you for being you and caring for me. And I’m sorry, for leaving you so unexpected for him. With no warning. Just a text. Saying I found someone else. It hurt you. And I can never forgive myself. But victor, I really did love you. And I still love the thought of you. And I’m sorry. For this all. (Also I made this red because it’s your favorite color, same as mine:). )

Please don’t ever leave me, I can’t live without you and I barely did before you. I love you. Don’t hurt me like the rest.

I hate you so fucking much. You hurt me so badly and you don't even realize. I trusted you and you wouldn't take no for an answer. I wish you were dead.

your fav color is green so obviously i did that. i miss how we used to be. i know you only see me as someone you feel like you need to watch over and protect, i’m sorry if i burden you with that. you’ve said you found the one. i hope you tell her before she gets hurt or confused. don’t let her go, i want u to be happy even if it’s w someone else. i miss u, but i think it’s time to let u go. tell her how u feel, life is too short. i love you, loser.

with love,
s.l.

Thank you for holding me when I was in a dark place. You’ve grown up to be the man you knew you could be.

I believe our story isn't over yet. We will find each other again soon my love. I hope we can learn to forgive, forget and trust.

my heart still beats quick when i hear your name in the halls. even tho u moved, everyone still remembers

I still have your socks because I'm hoping I can give them back someday. I'm sorry I wasn't as good to you as I could've been.

I’m in such a sooky mood for you as I am every other day but I’d never say that

Okay I’m going for a shower enough of talking to perhaps strangers

Honestly, it gets that bad I feel as if I’ll have a stroke

I guess you make me anxious or excited, you make me feel something ether way

My heart always beats a million miles per hour whenever I seemly think about you, when I think about us

you made me sad for awhile & it felt as if i’d literally never get over you. it sucked. thinking about you 24/7 knowing you did not think twice. i miss u sometimes but it’s okay bc im getting over you :) haha loser :p

I'm sincerely sorry it ended the way it did. I was awful and this time around was only holding onto you bc you were the only thing familiar. when you left though, everything felt so much more familiar, even the idea of being with you feels so alien. thank you for the two terribly confusing years, I know who I am and I know my worth thanks to you. although I no longer love you, I loved you dearly.

I’m so sorry for not being able to help you. I tried I did and I’m still trying. I hope in the end I’m able to save you when you couldn’t save yourself. It sounds selfish but you can’t leave this earth not yet it’s not your time and if it’s your time that means it’s my time too because I can’t walk this earth without you.

I am finally okay with us just being friends, but deep down inside I wish that we will end up together in the future

you will always be the person who brought me genuine happiness and made me pain go away instantly when i saw you and even though you broke up with me you are still the best guy ive ever had and id take you back in a second even though you dont want me anymore

i miss you..more than you could ever imagine. i wish i could tell you how i feel without messing it up. i wish you could feel the same way. but since this isn’t getting sent directly to you i can try to describe it. it’s like a warm feeling, safe. it makes me look forward to waking up in the morning. it makes me want to live. you saved me. and when i was going back into that dark place you came back into my life an helped me. even tho you don’t realize it. you’ve helped me through almost everything. i think about you. constantly. sometimes i think about what it would be like if i had fought for you to stay but i didn’t know if that’s what you wanted. i hope you know that if we ever do end up together again i don’t want to be your first priority and i swear i’ll never hurt you or cheat. i’m not like the others. and your first priority should always be yourself. then whatever you want to be. you hurt me. more than anyone ever has. an you know the pains i’ve been through. but out of all them that one simple sentence hurt me the most. but that’s ok. as long as it made you happy. i understand you said you aren’t ready for a relationship and i respect that. i’m not tryna change your mind. i’m just tryna speak mind. i don’t know why but i feel this strong connection with you. i can’t leave you alone. i can’t imagine a life without you. thank you so much. for everything. and this prolly water hella your time so i’m sorry i just hope you are interested enough to listen now bc this isn’t all i have
to say

I know people tell me we wouldn't work together. But something keeps telling me its going to be us in the end. I want it to be us.

i still love you but your hurt me in an unforgivable way but i’ll always forgive you. just please come back

you broke me in ways i didn’t even know were possible. you were my first love and i loved you with all of me. i ran back to you no matter how bad you hurt me because you owned my heart. when i finally was getting over you and all you did to me, you took advantage of my soft spot for you. but that was the last time. i will never let you in and let you hurt me again. i’m healing and i’m learning to love again. i don’t miss you anymore and it feels good. even though you are the cause of all my problems i’m still thankful for all of it. without you i would’ve never gotten where am i now.

I hate how bad you destroyed me, but what i hate more is that I'm still waiting for a text years later.

I've really liked you for a long, long time. If I ever ask you to be my boyfriend, I'll show you this.

I know I’ll never be good enough for you . The distance will forever fucking hurt me. I’m sorry I couldn’t change for you

fuck you. fuck you for manipulating me, fuck you for sexualizing everything i did, fuck you for making me feel like i had to fucking lie just to feel important to you. fuck you.
i lost the love of my life because of you. i was willing to drop everything for you and all i am is a fuck to you
i fucking hate you. you're a low life piece of shit and you deserve nothing but pain and suffering. i fucking loathe you

i wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for you. thank you so much i don't think you know how much u mean to me. i'm scared that you would think i was weird if i said this to u but i love you and i am so glad you're still here.

I miss you everyday, and everyday it gets harder and harder to remember what it was like to hold you and love you. I only wish you the best in life and I hope you never have to feel as broken as I felt when you were ripped away from me. Maybe one day you and I will meet again and I can love you all the same...

I really hope you never see this but I really like you and don’t know why but you live so far away and you’re talking to some girl so it doesn’t matter how I feel anyways

Hi Ashton! Imishusm, Thank you for always supporting me. I promise, when I become a famous singer-writter someday, you'll always be one of the VIPs. ily