Unsent messages to ANGEL

I'm sorry, I pushed you away. I just couldn't keep talking to you. I didn't want to get too attached to you so I left before you could. I know that it was fucked up just leaving with no explanation. I should've told you from the beginning but I didn't. I'm sorry. I hope you're doing a lot better than I am. I hope you're happy. I just want the best for you. take care of yourself okay? much love -
a friend from the past

Angel is like my drug. I hate how he hurt me so much and I still am in love with him. He is so important to me because he was there for me when nobody else was. The truth is I fell in love with his smile, his laugh, his hair, his eyes, I fell in love with all the small details and I mostly fell in love with how he made me feel. He made me feel loved and he made me feel safe. He has always treated me like a queen and like I was his wife. What we had was so special because I have never and I don’t think I will ever find that kind of love with anyone else. He always asked how my mom was doing when I told him she’s not doing very well. And every time I was mean and moody to him he wouldn’t complain he would just remind me how much he loved me and when I overthink he would always make sure I knew that he would never leave my side. And now that he’s not by my side I feel so alone and I cry myself to sleep it sucks. I go through old photos and convos and I think to myself how much I’m in love with him. I even told my mom about him which is weird oh and I said I love you for the first time. I really don’t wanna loose him. I want him in my future and I want to see us grow happy together. I love him.-R.C.

Umm I came to update. I am no longer Inlove with him but I still love him. I found someone else there both different in there way and he’s not better or worse he’s the one I love and angel will always have a special place in my heart being honest I just think it’s right person wrong time yk.

A los dos nos gustaba el verde, ya han pasado 2 meses desde que dejamos de hablar, perdón por apegarme tanto a ti y asfixiarte con mis palabras entiendo si hoy no quieres saber de mi, de hecho desearía que no supieras de mi, faltan 2 meses para tu cumpleaños y yo ya tengo anotado lo que te voy a decir, hoy ya no me siento mal, mis pasatiempos me volvieron a gustar y ya no veo la vida tan gris, me siento bien sin y ya no te extraño, aunque fuiste alguien muy importante para mi.

You freaking saved my life. You helped me find my sexuality and made me smile every single day even when I felt dead. I hope you'll not be disappointed in me

After you said that we needed a break I cried instantly when I saw that message I cried for hours,days, i missed you and I know I acted like I didn’t love you but I try to hide the fact that I do still love you everyone hates the fact that you still love me and I love you, i love you but ángel you hurt me bad like so bad you know that you mean so much to me so why would you hurt me like that? I hate you at times but I really love you, you said I probably replaced you by now and I did I replaced you just so I can forget about the pain you put me through, but when you came back those feelings I have for you came out, You said “I love you” but you were scared I wasn’t gonna say it back and I did I said “I love you too” I’m not mad I’m just mad at the fact that I still love you after all this.. We will work things out Angel I promise but if we don’t I love you so much don’t forget that..

Hola, ¿Cómo estás? Espero que te encuentres muy bien, creo que fuiste mi primer amor, no creo que lo llegues a saber nunca, me rompiste en una manera que todavía no logro armar todo de nuevo, pensé que me querías como yo te quería a ti, pero llegó alguien a tu vida, alguien nuevo y creo que a ella si la quieres como yo te quiero a ti, la miras de la forma que yo te veo a ti, y ahí entendí que nunca fui una persona que quisieras, perdón por ser un estorbo en tu vida.
Nunca sabrás todo lo que yo te quiero, te lo dije muchas veces, yo te quiero muchísimo más y creo que lo acabamos de comprobar, espero que todos esos sueños, esas metas, esos viajes, lo llegues hacer por ti mismo, nadie ve el potencial que tú tienes, eres alguien maravilloso que no lo ve, eres alguien que rompes a las personas sin notarlo, creo pero a pesar de que no te encuentres conmigo en estos momentos, quiero verte triunfar, y ser feliz. Aunque yo esté aquí todavía pensando en que hice mal para que me hicieras eso.
Yo nunca lo habría hecho, ni me hubiera pasado por la cabeza, pero las cosas pasan por algo, así que te deseo que estés con quién estés seas el hombre más feliz del mundo, lo prometiste así que hazlo.
Fue un placer coincidir contigo en esta vida.
Te ama, chapis.

I remember how you whispered “you’re beautiful” as I sat next to you. and I think that was one of the few time I actually felt like it was the truth. you made me feel beautiful.

I wanna punch you, wife you, fuck you, kiss you, hold you, all at once you gorgeous annoying little cutie

You piss me off and i wanna punch you sometimes but i still love your annoying ass and cant wait for the future

Ese día deseé que me dijeras que no, que aún querías intentarlo. Pero solo aceptaste y no me buscaste más.

Uff, si supieras lo mucho que te amé y peor lo mucho que me hiciste sufrir cada vez que veía que alguien nuevo compartía contigo lo que yo tanto anhele que lograras, fuiste y eres a la única persona la cual he amado, pero también la que más me ha hecho daño, pero te amo y creo que eso nadie va a poder cambiar, pero gracias por haberte alejado de mí, creo que eso es lo mejor que nos pudo haber pasado, siempre serás el amor de mi vida pero no el amor que mi vida necesita, un abrazo y espero que todo lo que te propongas se te cumpla.

If you ever find this, Wednesday wasn’t supposed to end like that, I really wanted to see you just missed you, now it’s over, you’re gone, probably hate me to. I wish you would just come back, we can finally have our VD date, it would’ve been our first ya know? I miss you, and I’m sorry for what I said, I’m the one that broke this, I ruined it, but please, come back to me...

You were the person I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. Now I’m with someone else and it doesn’t feel the same w/ them it never will.

ok, mm bueno no se si lo leas, lo dudo, no se que harias en esta pagina xd pero bueno, la verdad es que pues lo siento, siento que no te valore cuando estabamos por lo menos en el mismo estado :v y siento que no fui la mejor amiga y persona,siento que ahora por alguna razon ya no hablamos y siento que me evitas asi que puedo deducir que hice algo malo, bueno no te lo mando por whats por que no quiero verme ridicula, pero por lo menos aqui me siento mas confiada, y bueno no solo te queria decir eso si no tambien que puessss si me gustabas xd,lo mas seguro es que ya lo sabias pero me sentia mal nunca haberte lo dicho, no se porque no lo dije pero x la verdad es que nunca me dejaste de gustar, hasta ahora me sigues gustando, pero que se le puede hacer, algo raro es que me caiste mal desde un inicio , tipo llegaste contando chiste a todos y yo con cara de ._. jajaja pero luego paso lo de la cachetada y te sere sincera, lo hice al proposito, pero fue por que queria de alguna manera aprovacion social , nunca habia tenido amigos y me sentia mal, se que no lo justifica y me senti horrible despues de eso,por eso quise ser tu amiga, pero cuando hicimos la obra pasamos mas tiempo juntos y cuando fue la obra , nos agarramos la mano y me di cuenta que me gustabas, despues paso todo lo demas y crei que seria algo temporal pero nada, nada cambio, y se que me arrepentire si lees esto, de hecho si me mandas mensaje preguntando si escribi esto, te dire que no,al chile si soy, pero si lo lees te pido no me escribas ni digas nada, solo ignoralo, la verdad es que tu marcaste mi vida,sabes mi situacion y sabes que no duro mucho con las personas,por eso me afectaste , siempre pienso en ti, pero se que no funcionara, asi de simple, creo que esa es la razon por laque nunca te dire que te amo, y es porque se que si tu llegases a sentir lo mismo no funcionaria, y lo hecharia a perder, y creeme que no me gustaria perder a alguien como tu, creeme, que nunca me lo perdonaria, siempre que me llega un mensaje tuyo me pongo nerviosa, me da un frio horrible, mis manos me tiemblan y si, siento algo llamado "mariposas", y odio eso, odio que me hagas sentir esas cosas, cosas que no quiero sentir, pero ahi estas tu, tan mmm como describirte, agh no se, he conocido muchas personas conozco muchas personalidades pero no se que tipo eres tu, he intentado hacer que respondas algo en especifico pero respondes con algo frio o bueno no frio pero agh no se, mira , se que cambiaste, yo igual lo hice, y mucho, supongo que tu igual, la verdad es que la que te escribe en los mensajes es una version mia que finje ser otra solo para que pienses que soy rara o algo asi, de una vez te digo, y si , no me pienso abrir contigo, como sea, siempre me pregunto que haces,como estas, que soñaste,que piensas, pero nunca responderas, inicio el 2021, y si no te respondo los mensajes es porque pues ya te lo dije xd se que me lastimo y que no sientes lo mismo, pero pues que se le va hacer, por ultimo, te dire que te quiero, y gracias por hacerme sentir bien cuando te dije que me cambiaban a Puebla, a las personas con las que intente abrirme me decian cosas que sabia que no entendian por lo que pasaba , pero tu, me hiciste sentir mejor, y gracias por resumirme nuestro chat, escogi el verde porque recuerdo que cuando estabamos chicos hice un dibujo de los 8 para pegarlo en el pizarron y les pregunte cual era su color favorito, tu me dijiste el verde , sip me acuerdo de eso y mas xd pero como sea, no te preocupes ni sientas lastima por mi, estoy bien, mejor tu no te sientas mal nunca, y cuando te sientas triste mmm has lo que te gusta,sal ve el cielo, y busca un arbol, luego hechale agua hacercate al arbol abrazalo, y recuerda la vez que vimos el video triste con Kris que en realidad nos dio risa, bueno no me recuerdes a mi, solo recuerda como lloraba kris xd bueno si quieres no recuerdes eso mejor solo abraza al arbol luego te sientas te hechas agua y vez el cielo buscas un buen meme y escuchas tu cancion favorita con un gorro raro, mm no se la verdad es lo que hago, jajajja pero olvidalo me sali del tema, creo que es todo lo que te tengo que decir y bueno ameno, jajajaj MUCHO TEXTO.merci for you atention people ;D

i miss staying up to talk to you all summer, we never met in real life but you were my best friend regardless. i hope one day we’ll speak again

you told me you were sick of him and that you needed happiness, i could’ve been the one to give that to you

you told me that you were sick of him and that you needed happiness, i could've been the one to give that to you.

everytime i think of your perfect smile, your cute nose, your hair, the adorable birthmark on your leg. i can’t help but fall deeper in love with you…

i really wish you gave me more time to build up the courage to tell you how much i loved you. i cared about you so much and i really did want to be with you but you didn’t wait for me and i understand that. i just wish i was the one you’re loving now. we regret the chances we don’t take and i learned that with you. i hope we can become friends again in the future. for now i’m going to let you go and i pray that we come back together later on. i love you so much angel, more than you’ll ever know.

i don’t love you romantically. i love you as in i care for you and i worry for you, but it’s more of sisterhood then lovers. i’m sorry.

u were my first love. and u were SO toxic but i loved it so much. no matter what, i will always have a special spot for u.

I hate what you did to me and I’ll never fully understand it. I know you’re trying your best to make up for it but I feel like I’ll never be good enough. No matter how many times I’ve been told that it’s just me I can’t ever fully believe it. “It’s just you now’ yeah now, I wish it had been that way the entire time. I feel that I’ll never be enough to keep you satisfied.

i dont even know where to start with you. you make me so confused on how i feel and i don’t think i’ll ever be able to understand how i really feel or how you really feel. you’re so hard to understand, always sending mixed signals to me. i’ve tried so hard to give you up and move on but i just cant. i keep going back to you and i don’t wanna leave. you’re so familiar and i don’t wanna leave that familiarity behind. but all you do is hurt me and i just want the pain to stop. when i first met you it felt amazing. things clicked right away and we both knew what we wanted from each other , as soon as we were together things were on and off, there was always something going on between us and that was a known thing with a lot of people. eventually we finally broke off what we had completely and yet we still came back together but not officially. then you got a girlfriend even after leading me on. i finally thought we were gonna be able to rekindle the relationship we had. it hurt me so badly and you never knew that. i hid the hurt and the despair bc i just wanted you to be happy.but you didn’t care about how i felt or my happiness when you got with her, you just wanted a new toy. if only i had knew i wouldn’t have but in the effort to make you happy. it hurt me seeing you with someone else. then you guys broke up and you immediately came to me for comfort. of course i was gonna be there for you, but comfort soon turned into something else and we began where we had left off. i still was hurt from the previous times. when you had cheated on me, when you had lied to me, when you had manipulated me, the gaslighting. i left that all in the past and said i would forget about it. then you did it all over again. we weren’t dating but we had something and you said we had something yourself. and yet you still played with me like i didn’t have feelings. do you know how much that hurt me? you’ve absolutely ruined me completely and made me regret meeting you. but i still can’t seem to let you go. i want the pain to go away. why cant you just be better? why did you have to hurt me so much? why did you lie to me. i want you even though i know you’re not good for me. i know you probably don’t feel the same and you probably could care less about how i feel but why am i still here dwelling over you and wanting you to just care. why did i become like this. why cant you just tell me how you feel and change.

I still listen to the playlists that you made just for me. Your writings stay in my heart, while you are gone.

i wish i never associated with you. you took and took and still left . i hate you but i hate myself for not being able to let you go.

you acted like i was just a person in your life. you lost the spark that made me fall in love. why did you leave?

you used me and i was stupid enough to let you come back into my life so many times, i lost friends, i lost some people i loved the most, and i even lost my parents’ trust just to keep you close. that didn’t seem to be enough for you, i did everything i could to make you happy but all you wanted was one thing. i’m pretty sure you know what i’m talking about. thanks to you, i know feel like i’m worthless and that i’m being used every time i try to talk to someone new. i was never good enough for you, and now i’m not even good enough for myself. thank you for ruining my self esteem and making me feel like a fucking object. i could never say i hate you, but i’m finally starting to get over you. i really hope you never feel the pain i felt for about more than a year. i love you, but not you, the old version of you. hopefully you never make another girl feel the way you made me feel, and i pray that she isn’t as stupid to keep you around after you fuck up once.

Cuando quieras algo serio con alguien aquí estaré esperándote por mientras permiteme ser tu mejor amiga :(

¿Por qué eres tan inseguro?
Eres la persona que me volvio a enseñar que puedo seguir amando a pesar que atras me hallan lastimado.
Pero porque eres así, eres mi persona indicada, pero siento que es el momento incorrecto y eso es lo que más me duele, porque sé que te tengo que dejar ir, para que conozcas otras personas y tengas otras experiencias...pero duele TANTO saber que no sé si te volvere a tener entre mis brazos de nuevo como en lo viejos tiempos o si la vida nos volverá a juntar de nuevo. Solo deseo que encuentres el amor de tu vida y que te ame de la misma intensidad que tu la amas. Hoy te dejo en libertad, mi dulce amor.
Te veo en la próxima vida, si así lo quiere el destino.

My freakin vibe sistaaa. My support system. My poo poo queen and my mf ggggg. Love uu now answer my calls chile-

Hola bueno quiero que sepas que te amo como no tienes idea y que te extraño mucho me haces mucha falta extraño todo de ti que me hacias feliz con tan solo un mensaje no se si volveremos tal ves no pero espero y el destino nos vuelva a juntar te amo mucho

i don’t feel sad when i think about you anymore so i think it’s time that i let you go. i hope that maybe you’ll come back into my life in the future but you don’t, i wish you nothing but love and happiness. thank you for everything.

I’m letting go though, i’m leaving you in my past. It’s been 10 months since we talked and in every single one of those days you’ve crossed my mind. It’s time for me to be happy, i thought i could never be happy since you weren’t in my life anymore but soon...i will. This is my last message to you, love u angel:(

I’m so glad we met this year, even though we stopped talking and probably will never speak again, i still have a few memories left of you, and i’ll always remember that voice of yours. I wish i could hear it again. I’ll never forget when you told me you loved me. I’m sorry i didn’t say it back.

No se en que momento todo se acabó, y realmente aun me duele, no se en que momento dejaste de amarme, a veces creo que te he superado y luego me doy cuenta que no, y creo que nunca podré superarte. Sigo esperando un mensaje tuyo pero se que nunca llegará, sigo esperando tu regreso, te sigo extrañando, y te sigo amando y eso no cambiará, no pronto.

Me dolió, ¿sabes? Yo sé que no lo demostré, pero tu amor me destruyó. Lo más doloroso fue enterarme de tu engaño y que en ese momento ni siquiera una disculpa recibí de tu parte, lo único que hiciste fue negarlo todo y luchar por el amor de ella. Jamás en mi vida me había sentido tan dolida. Me senti como una segunda opcion Y luego volviste, aceptando tus errores. Lo pensé demasiado pero ya estaba lista para darte otra oportunidad, y ahora dices que tienes problemas. Que eres una mala persona? Que mejor me vaya porque no quieres lastimarme? yo honestamente creo que mas que lo que ya me has lastimado ya no creo que pueda sufrir mas. Te quedaste con una parte de mi que no creo poder recuperar.

It's too pathetic to be at this point, I don't really love you but you were clear about that I always mentioned it to you, you were a great friend, but you know perfectly who I was going to believe, you have looked for me, I will always thank you for what you did for me But please continue with your life, I hope it goes well for you.

i think i actually loved you at one point in my life but i don't think that i was in love with you because if i were i would still care about you right? but i dont lmao so you should move on and forget about me ive been done with you for a while and im still in love with julie

when we were growing up, you were my favorite person. you taught me how to throw a baseball and a football. i always admired you. i still do. but then the thing happened. i forgive you but it still hurts. i wonder sometimes if you regret what you did. if you even remember. im not looking for a grand apology and im not expecting one. but it would be nice to know you feel some sort of guilt. i love you and im proud of you.

you said you loved me, wanted to be with me, would never let us fade away, yet I watched you fade from us day by day, watched you fall out of love with me, you lied to me js bc you were using again which had nothing to do with you lying when I've always said, to tell the truth, I really don't know what goes through your head and why I loved you more than anything but you still didn't care and didn't see how much you actually hurt me this time, I wish it didn't end like this, you told me you loved me but the next day you wanted me out of your life, you hurt me, I wish I could forgive you but you've caused me so much pain that I can't even bare, you never changed for us and got better and that's really all I wanted for us to be ok.

there were times where i wished i never met you bc of how we fell off, but as i digged deeper into my
memories and saw all the good ones i finally felt at peace with the fact that you’re gone. thank you.

It was nice dating you...I really care for you and ilyvm! I'm sorry for everything that happened but, I had to let you be back then. I saw you happy with her but it's okay no hurt feelings anymore..

every time i see the color blue i think of you because it looked best on you. blue was my favorite because of you.

i still remember the scent of your cologne and the sound of your laugh but most importantly i remember how i felt the morning after i realized there was no us anymore and that stuck with me more than the memories of you

Odio que me hagas sentir que no quiero a nadie mas que a ti incluso sin tu estar presente odio extrañarte tanto que tengas que aparecer en mis sueños para que pueda tener una sonrisa en mi cara odio amarte tanto que sienta que tu eres con quien quiero estar siempre y que tal vez no era el momento para ambos porque aun somos inmaduros y necesitamos cambiar mucho pero creeme cuando te digo que siento en mi corazón que eres tu y siempre haz sido tu y aun tengo la esperanza que tal vez en algún futuro podamos estar juntos porque se que solo contigo puedo ser realmente yo puedo decirte todo de mi tu y solo tu me conoces de pies a cabeza y estoy incluso segura que tu sabrás que soy yo si leyeras esto.

Hasta siempre mi always. ?

God I wish you knew how much I loved you. but u continued to place me as the second option. When u were always my first. I wish u could have loved me as much as I loved u. but I guess all good things have to come to a end. I loved you.

I lowkey missed talking to u my question is do u not feel the same? What have I done for u to stop having communication with me when I moved?

i hate what happened between us. the worst thing though is that i still miss u so fucking bad. it’s been months but i still think abt holding u , ur laugh, and how safe u made me feel- for the first time i had someone i thought genuinely cared for me, but you just... let me go. i don’t think i will ever stop loving u and i hate myself for that. i wish u knew how badly u hurt me and how much i need u right now- with all that has happened this year i just wish i had at least one person who could be here for me bc i’ve never felt more alone. i still check up on u and i still listen to our song.
you were the first person i have ever loved and the first person to break my heart and for that i can never forgive u but i some how still find myself pining over our memories, late nights, christmas lights, driving through our shitty town blasting the playlist i made for u. angel- you won’t ever see this but, thank u. thank you for those memories, they are all i have now and they keep me hanging on. i hope i can find someone to make new memories with, and i hope u can find someone who will love u as much as i do.

Quiero que sepas que en solo pocos dias te volviste una persona especial en mi vida y me dolería mucho si nos dejamos hablar...
O.E.B.M

I don’t know if you see this but i just want you to know that you really made me fall for you hard, i can’t think of anything else but you its just i am emotionally unable but i promise to give my best :)