Unsent Messages

i dont even know where to start with you. you make me so confused on how i feel and i don’t think i’ll ever be able to understand how i really feel or how you really feel. you’re so hard to understand, always sending mixed signals to me. i’ve tried so hard to give you up and move on but i just cant. i keep going back to you and i don’t wanna leave. you’re so familiar and i don’t wanna leave that familiarity behind. but all you do is hurt me and i just want the pain to stop. when i first met you it felt amazing. things clicked right away and we both knew what we wanted from each other , as soon as we were together things were on and off, there was always something going on between us and that was a known thing with a lot of people. eventually we finally broke off what we had completely and yet we still came back together but not officially. then you got a girlfriend even after leading me on. i finally thought we were gonna be able to rekindle the relationship we had. it hurt me so badly and you never knew that. i hid the hurt and the despair bc i just wanted you to be happy.but you didn’t care about how i felt or my happiness when you got with her, you just wanted a new toy. if only i had knew i wouldn’t have but in the effort to make you happy. it hurt me seeing you with someone else. then you guys broke up and you immediately came to me for comfort. of course i was gonna be there for you, but comfort soon turned into something else and we began where we had left off. i still was hurt from the previous times. when you had cheated on me, when you had lied to me, when you had manipulated me, the gaslighting. i left that all in the past and said i would forget about it. then you did it all over again. we weren’t dating but we had something and you said we had something yourself. and yet you still played with me like i didn’t have feelings. do you know how much that hurt me? you’ve absolutely ruined me completely and made me regret meeting you. but i still can’t seem to let you go. i want the pain to go away. why cant you just be better? why did you have to hurt me so much? why did you lie to me. i want you even though i know you’re not good for me. i know you probably don’t feel the same and you probably could care less about how i feel but why am i still here dwelling over you and wanting you to just care. why did i become like this. why cant you just tell me how you feel and change.