Unsent messages to NIKO

mislila sam stvarno da ce nesto bit izmedu nas no nije. Imala sam nade i ti si me drzo ko krpu na stolu. davao si mi laznu nadu i slomio mi srce, ali boli me kurac. nasla sam si puno boljeg decka s kojim zapravo imam nade velike. goni se ;)

normally this is the color i feel when i think about you but you lead me on all the time you make me think i'm special you make me think i'm something i never want to hurt you i would never say this to you because it would break you and that would break me but you hurt me so much. i want to grow. i want to get into things. you hold me back but you act like i'm growing. i'm tired. i'm exhausted. i'm something to you but also nothing. i've invested my everything into you. i hurt so much. i want to grow away but it would break me. i'm so lost.

i wish everything wasn't about u all the time. i want to grow and find comfort in things too. i can't help you anymore.

I felt so safe when I looked at you. I really wish you were still around. I'm going through some really painful stuff, and I know that you would make everything feel okay even just for a moment

You're the first person who made me feel whole, and I'll never understand why you changed your mind about me. I wish you gave me a reason to be angry, cuz maybe that would make moving on easier. I can't stop thinking about you even after all these months. Thank you for making me feel like the most important girl in the world

Sabes quien sos. Mientras más pasa el tiempo más me doy cuenta que te sigo queriendo, extraño lo que pudimos haber sido hace años, pero eramos muy pequeños. Si lees esto, demonos otra oportunidad, por favor.

I hate how much I still think about us I haven't felt any affection ever since we broke up and it pisses me off because I would love to feel affection again but life hasn't given that to me yet but I think we broke up for the better because it really showed the real us and how toxic we can be but its weird because when we were together we weren't toxic at all and that why I miss what we had I just miss what we had because you actually showed me what it's like to be in a good loving relationship even tho we don't talk and you probably hate me right now but I still hope you receive the best in life

I don´t know when I realized you were my soulmate, I love every conversation even though we are miles apart. I know we will never have a chance I wouldn´t dare to ruin our friendship. I don´t know when I found out you were my soulmate, but I already made peace with that thought. You are my best friend and I wouldn´t change a thing.

Recuerdas como era antes? Ya no soy esa niña, ya no soy asi, ahora entiendo las cosas, porfavor, cuidame.

i still think about you. god. this sucks. honestly, i hate you, but i cant help but feel. flustered whenever you're around.

i really miss you, like more than i care to admit. i’m so sorry for being a pain in the ass just come back to me

Fuck you. Fuck you for lying to me. Fuck you for leading me on. Fuck you for wasting my time. And fuck you for making me like you. I hope we never talk again

My feelings for you are so strong but I will never have the courage to admit that to you. Sometimes our eyes meet and all the feelings rush back to me. You come to me in my dreams, and it feels too real. I cry sometimes when I realize you'll probably never feel the same. We've been friends for 11 years. You mean everything to me.
I wish I could just lean over the front seat and kiss you on those drives home at night.

I’m sorry I was bad at showing my feelings. I was trying but I kept pushing you away. I’ll always remember you singing to me while you were driving on the phone with me.

please just get out of my mind. i tried to love you, i tried to hate you, i tried to let you go, and i still can't forget. i just wanna feel free. i don't even know what freedom feels like, i've been controlled for nearly two decades and i'm not gonna let you control my thoughts as well. did you forget about me? did you break the one promise you made? i don't really care anymore, but if you did then i should be able to forget about you too. it's not fucking fair. i would've given you everything but all you did was take, so i walked away before you could take too much, praying you'd heal the broken pieces of your emotions eventually and come back someday. maybe i was wrong. i waited for months until i couldn't care about you anymore without hurting myself. it's funny, i know you'll be back eventually, i just don't know if it'll be too late by the time you wake up. sometimes, i wish i could heal you, but i'm afraid of you now. you once said you understood my value, but made it clear that you couldn't match it. if you truly understood it, you wouldn't have done what you did. i can't change the past, though. you made your choice, so i made mine. now i'm just lost. i don't know if i ever meant anything to you, but it doesn't matter anymore. i can't decide whether to move on or fix this, but it's not my mess to fix so there's nothing i can do. i healed the parts within myself that lead up to what happened between us, the jealousy and insecurity. i realized my worth. but if you can't see it, we're never going to be more than acquaintances, just like we were last year.

I think in a another life or maybe in the future, we would be really good together. But right now you have other priorities and I respect that. I'm really glad we met just bad timing I guess. I would literally give you the whole world but I will not give my all to someone who won't reciprocate the feelings. I may want you but I don't need you and I will you chase.

I was shattered when Aidan was mad at me. thank you so much for coming online and telling me to calm down and that everything is ok. I forgot to write a letter to you yesterday since I was so caught up in Aidan but anyways yesterdays song is somebody else by The 1975. I love you so much and I don't know what I would do without you. L