Unsent Messages

please just get out of my mind. i tried to love you, i tried to hate you, i tried to let you go, and i still can't forget. i just wanna feel free. i don't even know what freedom feels like, i've been controlled for nearly two decades and i'm not gonna let you control my thoughts as well. did you forget about me? did you break the one promise you made? i don't really care anymore, but if you did then i should be able to forget about you too. it's not fucking fair. i would've given you everything but all you did was take, so i walked away before you could take too much, praying you'd heal the broken pieces of your emotions eventually and come back someday. maybe i was wrong. i waited for months until i couldn't care about you anymore without hurting myself. it's funny, i know you'll be back eventually, i just don't know if it'll be too late by the time you wake up. sometimes, i wish i could heal you, but i'm afraid of you now. you once said you understood my value, but made it clear that you couldn't match it. if you truly understood it, you wouldn't have done what you did. i can't change the past, though. you made your choice, so i made mine. now i'm just lost. i don't know if i ever meant anything to you, but it doesn't matter anymore. i can't decide whether to move on or fix this, but it's not my mess to fix so there's nothing i can do. i healed the parts within myself that lead up to what happened between us, the jealousy and insecurity. i realized my worth. but if you can't see it, we're never going to be more than acquaintances, just like we were last year.