Unsent messages to JESSE

the more time that passes the more i realize how much i love u. not only are u my best friend but ur my biggest supporter. i would do anything and everything for u. if i could give u the world and everything in between i would. u deserve so much more than u think u do. i wish i could hold u and never let u go. i’ll love u forever

i love you so much. i love everything about you. youre perfect and i cant wait to spend my life with you

Hey jesse Q its me lily R i just wanted to say i miss u and we are from jmms so yee sorry for making things weird for us but i still love you i found someone new and i hope u did to but ill still be here for u in a heart beat if u see this jesse from homeroom or soft hair as we use to say dont be afraid to text me but I LOVE YOUUUUU SO MUCHHHH

whenever someone asks about you, i act as if I hate you. reality is i don't and I still think about you. our friendship was short, but I wish we were still friends.

jesse-
maybe you weren't the one for me, but i want you to know that deep down i really wanted you to be.

i want everything to do with you. i miss you. i know you’re mad at me right now and i completely understand. it’s my fault. but even tho you’re mad at me right now, deep down i’m hoping i get to wake up to one of your late night phone calls in a couple hours. i just wanna talk but i’ll give you space. i’m so sorry. i miss you.

look i get we werent good for eachother and ik we arent ever going to be friends, but i hop you realize that i wanted to give you the whole world but you didnt give me the chance. i hope the next girl does more than what i could, but just know you lost someone who would've walked through hell and back for you. i hope you have an amazing life without me. i loved you.

you say you are not ready for a relationship because of her and that you don't see yourself dating me but you have no idea what you're missing out on. I wanna make you feel alive, let me do that for you.

I know I asked for the truth but that was not what I expected. it really fucking hurt and now you wanna text less. you're supposed to be my friend, I need a friend right now

You said you never liked me. You knew i liked you. You knew how my heart would break when you told me you didn't like me. So you just took off.

I love you. I have everything for you just for you to play me. I miss you tho and it’s sucks. Everyday I wake up and hope to get a text from you but I never do. I’m really mad you started talking to me again for a few months and then just stopped. It broke me horribly

I keep letting you back in, in hope that things have changed and we will be better together. Then you leave again.

damn bro... u got me fucked up? lets just stay friends, ok? bc i still cant bare the thought of not having u in my life anymore.

i wish you understood how much you meant to me. i wish you didn't leave. i wish you loved me back half as much as i loved you.

bro ur laugh is so cute u dont even understand. when u ft me all i want to hear is ur laugh and ur voice and see u smile

i honestly don't know how you view me. but i just want to say thank you for saving my life. if you hadn't called housing servicing to check on me, i don't think i'd be here today. you have talked with me on the phone when i had given up on the world and i appreciate more than you know.

in your bed was the last time i had a good nights sleep. in your bed was the last place i felt like i could be comfortable with myself and trust someone else. i miss that. i miss you

bitch where do i even begin i totally wish i could send this to u but im just a fucking pussy but holy shit bro last night i DID want to talk to u. i really did but i was falling asleep bro and u said it was an excuse??uhhsdhhshshs? but whatever bc i did fall asleep an hour later but omfg i- at least i didnt keep u waiting and i actually told u that i was gonna gts but fuck bro u just- ughudewuhf no im not mad idek idk. whatever ur never gonna see this but i hope u have a good day?? and if u ever see this dont think ab texting me this bc imma be embarrassed af n i just cant rn lmao but anyways bye?

i thought i had a first love before you but loving you made those exes irrelevant. i’m completely insanely in love w you. my first real love

Your ruined me, I hate you, I was amazing without you. but without a doubt I love you
- Erik
I want you to see this so you fucking know the pain. the pain of falling for you no matter what

bro ur personality is immaculate lmaoo not to be cheesy or anything but i dont think ive met someone that i can actually relate to yk? and its nice. so thanks for that ig:,)

I hate how tight my tummy feels whenever I pass by your house, see a car like yours or even hear a song I know you loved

I’ve loved you since first grade I know all of youre favorite things.I tricked myself into thinking we were soulmates, I guess I was wrong..

bye asf i think i gotta crush on u LMFAOO imagine bro imagineee wtf is up wid me. theres nun wrong wid u its j funny how i think i might even have a chance w u. but goddamn u gimme butterflies lollll. idfk.

I am so sorry that I hurt you. Being with a man would be denying who I truly am. I love you but I don’t love men.

ur cute iggg lmao my fav thing ab u is the lil mole on ur cheek? idk... u give me butterflies lmfaoo i hope ur day has been amazing so far?

I have wasted the past four months I think (it’s probably been longer than that, feels like forever) spending my time in confusion and utter sadness wondering what I did wrong. There is not a day that goes by where I don’t think about you. I don’t think there’s an hour that goes by where I don’t think about you. I think about you so much more than I should and I know that but I can’t help it. I can’t help but think if I was different things would be different. I have spent way too much of my life hoping you would change hoping you would see how you made me feel and if you actually cared about me you would try and fix it you know. But I’m done. And I never thought I would be. It hurts so much and I can’t pretend like it doesn’t. But, I just need to get over you. And I don’t really know why I can’t I don’t know why it’s so hard for me because you’re obviously not what I need. You came into my life when I wasn’t looking for anything and I was so so so happy. I was doing so well during the time that we first met and then you basically just came to my life ruined everything and then left. I can honestly say you put me in one of the lowest points of my life. I haven’t been this sad in years. You ruined me. I just hope you’re happy because I know damn well I’m not. I hope you don’t do this to another girl because you’re lucky I didn’t do anything. Someone else probably would. So be fucking careful. What you did is not okay in the slightest and even though I really wish you the best, I hope you regret this. As much as you might like to think youre so sad and lonely and depressed and no one likes you, I literally was about to give you everything. But it’s whatever right. Clearly I don’t matter to you. I deserve someone who actually cares about me and doesn’t just want the idea of me. I can pretend like it doesn’t hurt but I’d be lying. I’ve come to the conclusion that there is literally nothing I can do at this point. You hurt me a lot. you broke me in all complete seriousness. And I still wish nothing but the best for you I mean I don’t think you’re a bad person I just think you’re not over your ex and I think you like being sad because if you didn’t this wouldn’t be happening. Maybe it’s because I didn’t hurt you? Maybe it’s because you were waiting for me to mess up and hurt you like all the girls in your past so then you can hate me and just drop me or whatever, but I didn’t hurt you. I didn’t do anything wrong. You know you love to say how much you just want a girl with a fun personality to like you blah blah blah and that you don’t care about looks and that it could be anyone, but what about me? So do I not count? Like literally what am I to you? You can’t complain about all girls being the same and not getting a girlfriend and then being picky and dropping someone that would’ve cared about you more than anything. I don’t understand. I deserve someone that knows what they fucking want. I deserve someone who actually fucking wants me for me and not just someone to play the part. Fuck you. You shouldn’t have promised me everything. I deserve better than you.

I love your humour. Your laughter. Your smile.
Even though I can't have it, even though we are miles apart, I still adore you every single day.

you and your new gf can rot. thank you for blocking me two days ago. you bought all your followers weirdo.

you pretended you wanted me and then left the next week, you broke me into pieces, you knew what you were doing i loved you but all of it was a game to you

You made me feel pretty again for the first time in awhile. What we did was wrong, but I grew to really like you. You were my blue. When I shouldn’t have had one. I have a yellow. You made me feel something after a period of feeling numb, and I’ll forever be grateful but I can’t say I don’t regret what we did because I do. I still think about you sometimes though. Hope you’re doing well. Sincerely someone you should’ve never said you liked.

You taught me what I wanted but yet you were my hardest breakup. You hurt me by saying all these awful things just because you wanted me to date someone else so I could be happy. I was happy with you and that’s all I ever wanted but you threw away our friendship and our relationship and for that I can’t forgive you but maybe one day you’ll come back and be a better person. I love you take care.

I don’t get why you wanted to push me away so badly but loving you hurt each time you left. I’m sorry if I had something to do with pushing you away. You truly taught me what love was and what I wanted and then you left now we no longer talk the heartbreak and tears I will always remember.I will always love you. Goodbye.

You once asked me what my favorite color was and I said green Bc it’s the color of life, and u said blue Bc it’s the color of my eyes. Is ur favorite color still blue?

Seems like you moved on fast. I can’t compete with her. I have what she doesn’t and she has what I don’t. Just give me another chance yeah? I’ll do things right this time.

Bub if you care, ever again, just text me. I said I’d wait and I am. I said I’d pray to God and I have. It’s all up to you now.

i shouldn’t have listened to your friends. i didn’t want to hurt you. all i do is hurt people i love. but it’s good that you don’t care about me anymore because now i can hurt myself without you ever feeling anything.

why do i still think about u? i want to get over you. like i am done. ur a waste of time but u broke my heart.

damn it feels different without you . but what sucks is that you’re not affected by it , but i’m here . i’m so much pain .

i thought you were different. i loved you more than life itself. then you stopped loving me. now i have lost all ability to love , including myself and the people around me

Hey, I just thought you should know that I am in love with you, I know you don’t feel the same way and that’s okay but its been two years since I told you and I can’t seem to move on, we hang out everyday and we are just friends but the way you act and the things you want, you check ever single one of my boxes and I don’t know how I’m supposed to settle for a guy when I’ve found the very best... I want to cut you off and take the space to repair myself but I can’t bring myself to do that because at the end of the day you are my best friend and I could never let anything change that..even if I have to sit back and have my heart shatter more and more whenever you find a new girl who I know could never treat you even half as good as I could.

You will never fully understand how deeply my heart feels 4 U. I worry that we'll grow apart and I'll end up losing you. U R my heart in human form, a friend i could never replace

I've never loved someone as much as I love you. Thank you for coming into my life and making it 100x better. Every time I get a text from you, all my problems disappear and when we aren't talking, all I can think about is you. Your smile is so amazing and every time I look at your eyes, I get lost in them. It makes me so sad every time I see you down. I would give anything in the world for you to see yourself through my eyes so you can see how perfect you are. Every single day I fall for you more and there's not one single thing I would change about you.
Love, J.

and thank you , because although I have lived many lives, I’ve only felt happiness in the one you’re in.

The fact that ur dating a girl that i dislike i cant explain it but
Just know that ive always liked you

i wish i could go back in time and warn myself about you. you destroyed me, and i have to deal with the aftermath whilst you get to keep living your life unbothered and absolved of any guilt. you dont deserve what you have.

I loved you so much, and I know you loved me back. I wish things didn't end the way they did. I heard you don't smile much anymore since I moved. I'll be back for you, I swear. It was right people, wrong time. Maybe once we're older, more mature, we can try again. I'll always care for you

I love you so so so much. you are and will always be my first love. I hope we can get married someday and have a life of our own. we can grow our family and love. it’s been almost a year we’ve been together and i couldn’t be more proud of us.

thank you for everything. i’m so sorry i couldn’t do more for you. you deserve so much. wish we could’ve had more time. i meant it and still do when i said you meant a lot to me. you left me after you promised me countless times you wouldnt. and that’s what hurts the most. you kept assuring me you weren’t going to drop me. and then you did. i told you i was afraid of you leaving me because that’s what everyone else does. and you told me you wouldn’t. still hurts. so much. what’s super confusing is how you always say you just want a girl to cuddle & watch movies with. jesse. that’s literally all i wanted to do the entire time. i just want to see you again. i miss you a lot jesse. i still want to talk to you and be friends even if you don’t. i’m sorry i’m too much to deal with i guess. but i told you in the beginning and you said it wouldn’t change anything. you are such a beautiful person. genuinely. i miss you a lot. please reach out when you’re ready.

i miss you more than words can explain. the way you listened the way you made me feel like i was above everyone. i miss your love but I’m letting go. this is the best thing for me, I will always always love you more than anyone, just know that I’m slowly realizing my worth.