Unsent Messages

I have wasted the past four months I think (it’s probably been longer than that, feels like forever) spending my time in confusion and utter sadness wondering what I did wrong. There is not a day that goes by where I don’t think about you. I don’t think there’s an hour that goes by where I don’t think about you. I think about you so much more than I should and I know that but I can’t help it. I can’t help but think if I was different things would be different. I have spent way too much of my life hoping you would change hoping you would see how you made me feel and if you actually cared about me you would try and fix it you know. But I’m done. And I never thought I would be. It hurts so much and I can’t pretend like it doesn’t. But, I just need to get over you. And I don’t really know why I can’t I don’t know why it’s so hard for me because you’re obviously not what I need. You came into my life when I wasn’t looking for anything and I was so so so happy. I was doing so well during the time that we first met and then you basically just came to my life ruined everything and then left. I can honestly say you put me in one of the lowest points of my life. I haven’t been this sad in years. You ruined me. I just hope you’re happy because I know damn well I’m not. I hope you don’t do this to another girl because you’re lucky I didn’t do anything. Someone else probably would. So be fucking careful. What you did is not okay in the slightest and even though I really wish you the best, I hope you regret this. As much as you might like to think youre so sad and lonely and depressed and no one likes you, I literally was about to give you everything. But it’s whatever right. Clearly I don’t matter to you. I deserve someone who actually cares about me and doesn’t just want the idea of me. I can pretend like it doesn’t hurt but I’d be lying. I’ve come to the conclusion that there is literally nothing I can do at this point. You hurt me a lot. you broke me in all complete seriousness. And I still wish nothing but the best for you I mean I don’t think you’re a bad person I just think you’re not over your ex and I think you like being sad because if you didn’t this wouldn’t be happening. Maybe it’s because I didn’t hurt you? Maybe it’s because you were waiting for me to mess up and hurt you like all the girls in your past so then you can hate me and just drop me or whatever, but I didn’t hurt you. I didn’t do anything wrong. You know you love to say how much you just want a girl with a fun personality to like you blah blah blah and that you don’t care about looks and that it could be anyone, but what about me? So do I not count? Like literally what am I to you? You can’t complain about all girls being the same and not getting a girlfriend and then being picky and dropping someone that would’ve cared about you more than anything. I don’t understand. I deserve someone that knows what they fucking want. I deserve someone who actually fucking wants me for me and not just someone to play the part. Fuck you. You shouldn’t have promised me everything. I deserve better than you.