Unsent messages to JAMIE

looking for a sign? here it is, its been 4 months. I made my own closure since u left. My explanation? that you died.

You’re doing my fucking head in. I would break up with you now but no way am I seeing you with someone else. Just fuck off

You are more important to me than anything in this world. I hope I never have to see the day where you let me go.

what scares me is that i don't even care about how much you hurt me anymore. i just want to be with you. i know that you'll never ever love me as much as i love you, just if you love me a little...

i don’t remember much of that day but i hope you do i hope it keeps you up at night i hope you never forgive yourself for what you did to me.

You let me fall, then u snatched the ground from underneath my feet and never returned it. Even after u left.

I’m sorry for how I treated you. I was toxic as hell, and you deserve someone so much better. I’m sorry I couldn’t give you that but it wasn’t right...

With every passing day I realize more and more that I only ever liked the version of you that I created in my mind. It’s been ages but I just wanted to thank you, you taught me a lot of important lessons. There are some days I wish we could be friends again, but I know that will never work out.

you live in my head rent free but i’m kicking you out now,
text me, jks don’t cos i’ll reply
miss u, comeback

sorry that we had to meet in such a fucked up part of my life. i still think about you all day everyday.

you let me down. i loved you. a lot. and you let me down. i can’t believe you. it hurts that i might have to see you again

we never really had a thing but you were my first love. just wanted to know if it was mutual bc I had really deep feeling for you even though we were only 12.

youre just so perfect to me in my eyes. the first day i started talking i had a connection with you and i got attached pretty much straight away. ive tried to get over you, but its hard knowing that youre just everything ive ever wanted

It’s been 5 years and I’m still trying to leave you. I don’t know how. I hate that I love you even though you hurt me.

I miss you. So much. I miss our conversations and I miss how you just got me. I miss listening to you talk about films and ideas and everything else in your head. I hope she appreciates it all.

i chose this color for u because it reminded me of the last few days of school that we spent together before we went our seperate ways. they were cloudy and cold and grey, and i usually don't remember those days, because as you know from the way i used to complain and complain about them, i hate when it's cloudy. anyways, i remember them because of you. thank you for everything you did for me. i'm sitting here trying to list them but there's so many that i'd be here forever. you were my first friend of freshman year, and you were always there for me, even when i didn't realize i needed someone to begin with. i don't know what i would've done without you. i will never forgive myself for letting us drift apart. i know there's different friends for different seasons, but i'll always wish our season lasted a little longer :,) love you endlessly. i'll never forget you. ever. i hope life gets better for you, because the universe has really given you the short end of the stick. you deserve better and i hope one day you find it. all my love, and because i don't think i ever said it, i'm sorry.

I miss being your best friend, i'm sorry for the way I've treated you in the past. i truly wish the best for you though.

I wish I could have helped you. I think about you everyday. I miss you so much. I still text your phone waiting for a response.

you really dont understand how much you mean to me yet you dont care and i really wish you did i love you with all of my heart but you want it from somebody else your eyes your laugh your everything i just love you to much and i need to let go of you for the best im sorry i ever tried to come into your life

didn’t deserve me. don’t deserve me. never will deserve me. i feel something so pure for you and we both know you deserve better than her. she’s just the comfortable option... i hate you for loving me in secret, i deserve better. i wish we could just talk one more time.

Why just why did you have to make me fall deeply in love with you. I can’t stop thinking about you at all. It hurts to see you with someone else because you left me when I was so in love with you. You broke me a lot. It hurt me so much. You act like you weren’t dating someone but you were it was me ? but all you wanted to do is break up with me and try to get nudes from me. You wanted me to do it and would even call me just so I could do it. I told you so many times that I want to get back and you said you wanted to do that too but you kept on asking me for it. I feel so disappointed because I would cry about you everyday I even stopped eating and everything. I felt so helpless. I can’t be happy anymore I try but I can’t. I started a eating disorder and it’s so hard to maintain. If I even try to eat I get horrible pain in my stomach. You hurt me so much more than you could ever imagine. Thanks for leaving me like if I were a toy. Now I have trust issue because of you. You lied to me about you loving me but you never even actually loved me.

i wish i could’ve been your first girlfriend, but i don’t know if that would’ve made you love me enough to stay anyway

Jamie, you are such an amazing person who loves and cares so much! You have brought so much happiness and sadness into my life. I just wish you wouldn't always ignore me when you're around your other friends.

you're such an idiot but i'm so in love with you. sometimes it scares me how much i love you. you can literally do anything to me at this point and i'll still love you.
no one sees you the way i do, no one understands.

I wish you could have been in the car on the drive home from Crestone. You could have heard my heart shatter.

I know I wasn’t good enough for you, but you were everything I ever wanted. My heart still hurts when I think about you

I don't want to lead you on. I love you. I love every bit of you. You are my soulmate. But we met at the wrong time.

I kept pushing you away and you kept fighting for me so how come when I finally let you in you stopped caring

I felt like you only wanted to be with me because you could tell people you had a girlfriend... Not because you wanted to be with me

i really hope we’ll be together again. this can’t be the end of us, it just can’t. i’m so in love with you. i can’t let you go.

Do you think about me as much as I think about you ?
I spend everyday wondering where I went wrong and how I could’ve done it differently all so you would stay.
I can’t wait for the day I no longer want you.

You know why I chose this color other than blue is my favorite. I will always love you and you hold a special place in my heart. I often wonder if you are right, and if we are meant for each other and the universe is throwing obstacles in our way. I wonder if we did give it a try if it would even work out. I'm scared to leave John after spending so long with him, and learning to love him. I don't want to hurt him. I'm scared we won't work. I'm scared of doing what I want and losing everything.

I hope these next few months tell me how this is supposed to work out. I hope we end up with the right people and not just comfortable with who we are with. It took forever for me to warm up to him, and I still don't feel as close to him as I did you only seeing you one day. If love at first sight is a thing, you and I had it. I want to make the right choice and for us to be happy.

i started taking different hallways because every time i passed by you all i could do was wish you were mine again. i miss you

I know you love brian and no longer love me. It hurts but i will always have a place in my heart for you

I will never get over what you did to me...but i will forever miss the friendship we had in the beginning, I always said it would ruin it.

We talked all the time, we were so happy. But then I got scared and stopped talking to you. It hasn’t been the same since.

You are the only thing that made my life worth living and I never told you that because i know it didn’t go both ways

I’m honestly the happiest I have ever been with you and I wish we will be forever I believe I found my person?

I'm so sorry that I didn't tell you earlier that I lost feelings. I honestly didn't know how to, and I really liked you. I liked you so much it was literally up to the point where I'd get excited if you snapped me, or if you would even just tell me good morning. maybe it was the fact that you didn't ask me out sooner. maybe then we would've been together.

I guess I realized you don't really care about me because once I stopped initiating conversations over text, you never said anything, and now it's been over a week since we last talked.

If I could go back in time I'd find the courage to tell you I loved you, but I couldn't say it when I didn't love myself.

I liked for ages now and we even became friends but now we're strangers and i hate it. I wish we could get to know eachother atleast

its the way we danced in year one. the way you held my hand and never let go. you made me feel loved and safe.

hey, you'll probably never see this but i love you. I've loved you for two years now , I never told you because I've always been so afraid that you just don't feel the same way. I know there have been times where I told you I liked you and you told me you kinda liked me but in the end we always agreed to stay friends. I don't know why. Maybe we're both scared of committing or just being together but I think the main issue was the fact we were both afraid what other people might think of us if we were together.

Anyway, to this day I still love you. I don't know if I will ever be able to stop. I've tried to stop before but I just couldn't. I love the way we have our small talks and just I love being around. You actually make me not feel numb. I love the way your blue eyes connect with mine when we're in the same class or the way my friend always says you are attracted to me just because for some reason you're feet are always pointing towards when we're in cooking class but I don't really get it how that would make you attracted to me. I mean I wish there was something between us , more than just a friendship but I'm not sure if you ever will feel the same as me.

I love you

you played both of us dude, and we both have the same first name, thats low mate, i hope she finds out xx

You were the first I was scared and only did it so you would stay with me just to find out there was another girl you were with when you were too tired to meet me

What would have happened if you never cheated on me with my friend? I wonder if we’d still be together..

i love you. i really do. i know you have a boyfriend and i’m just your little brothers friend but i feel something special when i see you.