Unsent messages to CHRISTIAN

Te extraño tanto,no quiero molestarte por eso no has recibido una llamada mía, quiero escuchar tu voz de nuevo y reír como en los viejos tiempos

Estoy aquí escribiendo en una estúpida página lo que no he dado para decirte en casi 4, que ironía creía que siempre decía lo que sentía pero contigo es difícil cuando me miras solo puedo pensar en cómo produces todas esas cosas sobre mi que nadie lo había logrado hacer, solo pienso en lo mucho que me va a doler si te veo con alguien más..... Ojala fueras más abierto, ojala me demostraras todo aquello que tus amigos juran que sientes por mi, ojala dejaras ese miedo y te acercaras... Solo quiero que lo nuestro funcione pero no esperar que funcione sino hacer que funcione, me gustan los ojala pero creo que ya no me amas y esta bien digo no me tienes que amar para siempre, me dijeron que estas hablando con una chica y si... es bonita pero de verdad la quieres? De verdad quieres pasar tu vida con esa persona que no te conoce tanto como yo?que no sabe cuanto te gustan las películas de miedo, que no sabe lo debil que eres aunque demuestres ser fuerte, que no sabe lo mucho que aprecias a tu familia aunque tengas problemas con ellos, solo mierdaaa aquí me tienes esperando por ti, esperando tu mensaje y esperando que me digas si me sigues queriendo o ya no.
Pero si de algo estoy segura es de que te amo con todo mi corazón y creo que tu también lo sientes, sabes que lo nuestro nunca se va a morir por más que busques en diferentes personas algo que solo ves en mi.
Solo te quiero a ti y ya..... Así que... Que estas esperando? Yo te estoy esperando a ti
PD: lo puse negro porque es mi color favorito


De"A"

i wish we stuck it out a bit more but sometimes things aren’t meant to be i guess. i still think about you but it’ll never work.

You reached out first and I couldn't have been happier. You're such a good friend that sometimes I want more, but I know I can get annoying with how much I talk so I started pushing you away, talking less... I'm sorry.

you aren't my first love, but it still hurts. we could've burned really bright. we already did. but i guess its easier for you to run than let it consume you. part of my life will always be defined by loving you, but never quite having you, not as you had me. have me.
I'll let you go, one day, but i suspect you will always haunt me... f.

No he podido sacarte de mi cabeza, y es triste pensar que tu tan facil me dejaste ir, como si en realidad lo nuestro no hubiera sido importante, como si todo hubiera sido solo un juego, aun sigo confundida. fueron tantas cosas que me dijiste y yo crei, pero de la nada todo eso cambio y nose porque!!!!
Regrese a terapia y estoy aprendiendo que en realidad nada fue mi culpa, que tu jugaste conmigo y que en realidad todo era mentira. Hoy soñe contigo y con nuestro momentos juntos, soñe que regresabas a mi y que me pedias perdon por todo y que todo estaba bien como antes, pero despues me di cuenta de que solo fue una ilusion, porqeu estabas borracho y solo te dejaste llevar por el momento, que fue exactamente como todo inicio, nos dejamos llevar por el momento. creo que tambien en algo yo me deje llevar y fue en creer todo lo que me decias, confie en ti, pero gracias a ti aprendi que ni de chiste vuelvo a confiar en una persona, y espero que ahora estes bien, que porfin vuelvas con tu ex como siempre lo qusiste, pero ten encuenta que ella no te quiere como yo lo hice y te va a volver a hacer daño, te lo aseguro!! No le vuelvas a hacer esto a ninguna otra porque de verdad que es algo de la chingada

Aún te quiero.
Pero solo a la versión que me hacía sentir bien.
Aún conservo esa hoja encapsulada.
Quisiera que al menos me recuerdes bien y en algún momento me quisieras.
Tal vez algún día el universo nos quiera juntos de nuevo, gracias por todo.

Hey. I haven’t talked to you since September. I hope this message finds you well. I miss you, but I know you don’t have time to deal with me and put in effort because you’re already dealing with so much other shit. I understand, because that’s one of the reasons I did this whole thing in the first place. I do still regret it. Also, I am over you. Because of my “deal” I haven’t texted you to let you know about it. I want to tell her I am, I want you to be happy. Really badly. And I’m going to do it soon, I’m just scared and I don’t know how to bring it up. I’m sorry if by the time I do it, it’s too late. I’m sorry she said no because of me. I told her not to. I know you won’t see this because I doubt you know about this website, but if you do, text me. Please, just one text and I’ll end this whole thing, I don’t want to lose you completely, if I haven’t already. I really care about you and I so miss everything. I wish none of this ever happened. I’m waiting anxiously for January. I have so many things I want to tell you about before we are done for good. Finally, I love you. And I’m not kidding.
I hope you figure out this is for you, and who it’s from.
Or maybe I don’t...
Yours truly,
“Francine”
ef

Oof they really need to get a teal option for these things

i never got to tell you that i loved you because i was too busy dealing with you being heart broken over a girl you got back with.

hey. it’s been awhile. i miss you. i know you said you loved her more. but i still love you. you don’t love me anymore and you feel better without me, but i do miss your company and i still love you. always.

I hurt myself so much doing things I know you would yell at me for. I did them because I thought if I hurt myself enough you would come back.

You hurt me more than I thought I could be hurt but you also cared for me when I was at one of my lowest points.

I tried not getting attached. i tried and tried again. but you were so perfect. too perfect tbh. i couldn't let go of you. you were like that one person that just understands. i loved you so much. and I always will.

everything i love is associated with you, and it makes it so incredibly hard to not long for you anymore. i miss you. i miss your touch. i miss you voice. most of all i miss the way you said my name, as if i was the only one who had it.

i'm sorry i never said i loved you. i'm sorry i never showed you how much i truly cared. you were and are the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. i'm sorry i lost you. i miss you everyday, even though you have long forgotten about the moments we shared. the moment wear you did my makeup and as i stared deeply into your eyes. the moment where we were unapologetically singing lana del rey to eachother as we were surrounded by people. i regret not giving you everything i had to offer when you did. i'm sorry i wasn't ready for the love you gave me. you cross my mind everyday. it saddens me that i have only now realized how truly good i had it. the look in your eyes is what keeps me up at night. the sound of your voice is what comes to mind as i listen to music. your hands are what a picture everytime i look at the guitar sitting in the corner of my room. it has been too long and i'm still thinking of you. i thought i was over you and yet here i am, writing a letter that you will never receive. i truly loved and continue to love you even though i did not express it to you how i should have. the thought of running into you is the reason i get ready. the thought of getting the chance of hearing your voice only speak to me is why i put on earrings. the thought of you running your hands through my hair again is the reason i curl it how you like. i'm completely and utterly in love with you, and you will never know. i am certainly bewitched body in soul, and it's all because of the night we first spoke. when you spoke to me as if i was the only person in the room. you made me feel like the most important person in your life, and i am incredibly thankful for the small moments we shared together. we will most likely never have those again and the thought of that pains me. you are everything to me and i miss you, i long for your touch, i need to hear you say it once more. those words you once told me and i was incapable of saying because i was scared. i was terrified of the thought of losing myself in you. the irony of it all, because here i am completely lost in only the thought of you. christian, hearing your name causes my heart to drop, because i know i will never again here you say mine. love is awful isn't it. it makes you crave something you know you will never have again. i hated that four letter word and then even more when i met you, because you ultimately made me understand it. i just need you. please come back.

Hey lol, I know your happy without me, but I always wonder why it had to be me. was I that worthless to u After all that I really meant nothing to you and whats really sad is that you were the one person I thought I would also have in my life you knew everything and now you nothing and what really hurts me is that whenever someone says the word love I think of u and its been months and Ive moved on but I cant bring myself to gave someone else the heart I gave you and I hate myself for letting you have this control over me.
love.....

Sorry you were threatened by me cuz once i found my worth you tried to bring me down every chance you got.

Hola, como decirtelo?, fui un estupido, lo se, debi de haberte correspondido desde el primer momento que me dijiste y la verdad me arrepiento de no haberte dado el tiempo que necesitabas, realmente te extraño, ya sabes quien soy? Suerte. S

you act like everything is fine between us and like you didn’t majorly mess with me. you impacted me in ways that nobody else has, and i will never forgive you for that. i’m incapable of trusting people now, because of you. and you never apologized.

This was the color of the shirt I wore that night. I will never forget how I told you I liked you, and you walked away. You will always have a place in my heart.

You genuinely ruined my life and you're the reason for my commitment issues, you were so toxic that I thought everyone else would be the same, and that I deserved to go through all that pain. I hope you stub your toe on every door fame that you come across, fuck you.

I wanted a life with you. I dreamed of us having a baby before everything ended. Her name was Athena, and she was beautiful.

u hurt me sm and i was always there for you. somehow i always find myself coming back to you tho. it sucks bc i know you're toxic and you aren't a good person but i associate being cared for and love with you

im sorry i wasnt there for you, im sorry you had to fight your battle alone. most importantly, im sorry you lost your battle. know i still think about you everyday, i cant see myself raisign a family without you. i love you. im sorry.

Hi, I've liked you for a while now. But, I feel like you don't take me seriously. Maybe one day you will.

How could you move on so quick? you didn't give me time to breathe and think about a life without you

not a day goes by when i do not think of you. I am glad she makes you happy though, but when i go to sleep i wish she was me

everytime you've take one look at me and hit me back with a peace sign or a smile, it makes me happy.

i wish u would know how much you meant to me even though we only dated for a short period. you treated me better than anyone else and now we just dont talk anymore. i wish you would've responded about the haunted house :(

despite only being together for such a short amount of time. i love you. thanks for caring for me. i could really use some love from you right now but you’re not mine anymore. i hope you’re happy and i hope that whoever is with you next would feel just as important as now you made me feel, maybe even more important :)

i know we never talked, and had nothing in common except both being the leaders of our groups in preschool, but i had a crush on you and i thought you should know

You have destroyed me but you’ve also made me realize I am strong. Thank you for that. Thank you for letting me be your “distraction”

i still remember your favorite color. was this a lie too? you went as far as lying to me everyday, as you claim. i loved you

i wish i know how in love with me you were. it pains me that i didnt understand your feelings. i hurt you and i never wanted to do that. i loved you, truly. and do think it would have happened in time. i guess you didnt have any more left for us.

Going back i realized you had a plan all along. i really thought you were special. turns out you weren't. you could've told me how you were feeling and how i could've helped. i wanted to know you better. you just wanted to know my body better.

I can't believe I felt sorry for you hurting me. I wanted the absolute best for you, but you were willing to throw me away. I'm not sorry anymore.

i know we’re new, but i really want things to work out with us. u make me so happy, even though you’ll never see this.

I miss you, I made a mistake by telling you. Can we just forget about it. Come back, be here, I love you.

I dream of you often.
I don’t think I have gone a day without thinking of you since we broke up.
I was so desperately in love with you and you took advantage of that.
I can’t explain why I still feel love for you but I do.
I hate myself for feeling this way even when I’m with someone new.
But I wonder every day if you feel the same way about me even though you are with her.
I just wish I knew why you reached out to me again.
I should’ve just fucking asked you.
I’m such a fucking coward for that.
You asked me how I had been doing and that text message after all the time we had gone without talking sent me spiraling back into everything that I felt for you in the beginning.
I have a reoccurring memory of us laying in my bed, I was in your arms and the sun was streaming in.
Your fingers were tracing my face.
I have never felt more loved than in that moment.
Why did we have to end.
Fuck.
I just miss you.
Why did we not end up together.
Just please reach out again.
I didn’t mean it when I told you I was happy with him.
I was lying.
I never stopped fucking loving you.
I can’t forget you.

i fucking miss you right now and all of a sudden you're back in my dreams. in my dreams i am speaking to you like if we never stopped in the first place. i just miss my friend and right now i really need one. im falling apart. i dont know whats happening anymore and i dont even want to be here anymore

I think i maybe in love with u but im too scared to tell u cuz if i do it would ruin our whole friendship so ya

i know i annoy you, but u know i have good intentions. just lmk and i'll stop, but i just wanna play guitar with you bitch

Your one of the best people I have ever met! You make extremely happy, we're so alike yet so different

the worst part is i really tried with you. i believed you wanted me. i told you things i’ve never told anyone i hate you now .

You turned me into such a weak and insecure coward. I will never be able to love myself or anyone else.

You were my best friend since we were kids, and when we grew older, I realized I loved you. You knew I loved you, but you never loved me back. We never dated,only friends,yet I remembered how much I wanted to hold your hand back in the day. Time has passed, and I never got to tell you how I felt those years ago,and i guess you will never know. And even though you caused me pain while I watched you date others,I forgive you. Thank you for being my friend and first love.

Wishing you would've sent the letters you wrote. Every day I wished you would just show up and kiss me but you never did. Now it's too late.

im sober. finally. im backing of the edge. i think ab you and it keeps me off the edge. but at the same time, the thought of you makes me want to go over the edge. i hope you stay happy with her. i do. i honestly wish i could hear your heartbeat one more time or at least, i wish you would have let me say goodbye. i remember when you used to call me cricket. i loved that. i miss us being us. i really do. keep working for that miata. im sorry.

you made me feel the best and worst at the same time, and maybe this is one of the reasons i‘ll never forget this boy

i wish you knew how i truly felt about you. we were so good together and now your with someone new i cant help but miss the way it felt when we spoke to when you hugged me tight everyday, i miss you. i miss us.