Unsent Messages

i'm sorry i never said i loved you. i'm sorry i never showed you how much i truly cared. you were and are the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. i'm sorry i lost you. i miss you everyday, even though you have long forgotten about the moments we shared. the moment wear you did my makeup and as i stared deeply into your eyes. the moment where we were unapologetically singing lana del rey to eachother as we were surrounded by people. i regret not giving you everything i had to offer when you did. i'm sorry i wasn't ready for the love you gave me. you cross my mind everyday. it saddens me that i have only now realized how truly good i had it. the look in your eyes is what keeps me up at night. the sound of your voice is what comes to mind as i listen to music. your hands are what a picture everytime i look at the guitar sitting in the corner of my room. it has been too long and i'm still thinking of you. i thought i was over you and yet here i am, writing a letter that you will never receive. i truly loved and continue to love you even though i did not express it to you how i should have. the thought of running into you is the reason i get ready. the thought of getting the chance of hearing your voice only speak to me is why i put on earrings. the thought of you running your hands through my hair again is the reason i curl it how you like. i'm completely and utterly in love with you, and you will never know. i am certainly bewitched body in soul, and it's all because of the night we first spoke. when you spoke to me as if i was the only person in the room. you made me feel like the most important person in your life, and i am incredibly thankful for the small moments we shared together. we will most likely never have those again and the thought of that pains me. you are everything to me and i miss you, i long for your touch, i need to hear you say it once more. those words you once told me and i was incapable of saying because i was scared. i was terrified of the thought of losing myself in you. the irony of it all, because here i am completely lost in only the thought of you. christian, hearing your name causes my heart to drop, because i know i will never again here you say mine. love is awful isn't it. it makes you crave something you know you will never have again. i hated that four letter word and then even more when i met you, because you ultimately made me understand it. i just need you. please come back.