Unsent messages to CAMERON

I don't know what's wrong with you. but if you were pretending the whole time maybe you should be an actor.

I hate you. I wish I never loved you. You were looking for traces of her in me and I hate you even more for making me believe you loved me. I hope you never get love.

I saw a future with you but I didn't realize how important you had become to me until it was too late. I hope your new place treats you better than here

as much as i agree with you about how we will end seeing eachother again and maybe being friends i dont think i should talk to you until i'm ready to, its better for me

i think i'm starting to forget what you look like now, i'm scared for the next time i'm gonna see you because idk how i'll feel after not talking to you for so long

i can’t believe i was just nothing to you. nothing special. nothing you liked. passing the time until the next one.

I wish I hadn’t given you so much of my love. I will never feel truly seperate from you. I need to let go. Fuck you.

i’m still waiting for you to come back , you’re the first boy i’ve ever been able to be myself around. you were my bestfriend. i hope life is treating you well and your doing ok. love you.

why couldn’t you have been normal and sweet. or at least have told me you didn’t really like me. why’d we have to play those stupid mind games of me vying for every ounce of your affection and you lying to me. why was i such a pain to you. just another fucking placeholder. well here is the simple truth— someday it will hurt you too. no one will be perfect for you. so stop dating if you just want to keep ruining people’s fucking time. i didn’t expect you to be perfect. i just expected human decency. so fuck you for making me think i didn’t deserve that.

why couldn’t you have been normal and sweet. or at least have told me you didn’t really like me. why’d we have to play those stupid mind games of me vying for every ounce of your affection and you lying to me. why was i such a pain to you. just another fucking placeholder. well here is the simple truth— someday it will hurt you too. no one will be perfect for you. so stop dating if you just want to keep ruining people’s fucking time. i didn’t expect you to be perfect. i just expected human decency. so fuck you for making me think i didn’t deserve that.

i just don’t know why you’d fuck with me like that. saying all those things like you actually cared about me. i actually cared about you but you made it seem dumb to be vulnerable. i regret meeting you. i really don’t know why i overlooked all your flaws. yeah it fucking hurts. that’s what you wanted me to feel, right?

gingey, why cant u see that i like u , ik u dont like me but things would be so much easier if u say that to me, i spend time crying over you, and for what

i haven't wrote here to you in a while. I saw the one you sent in green.I think that was you idk. I'm doing ok though. I am. Sometimes I still get sad from time to time but that's normal. I made it to four months on January second, I reach 135 days in 6 days.I think I can do it. I've been feeling happier and less anxious. I'm doing alright.

I know we were toxic throughout our relationship, but you were so good to me. I loved you, and I still do.

i have decided this will be my last submission. i won't come back to this website and search my name in hopes that you left me something and i am no longer going to check your social media. i deserve better, thank you for helping my realize that. it isn't fair that i have been nothing but kind to you never reciprocate it. two whole years of trying to get you to love me, two whole years of wondering what was wrong with me. i listen to your relationship problems and give you advice no matter how much it hurts me. i feel like deep down you know that it hurts me, but you have me wrapped around your finger. i know you better than anyone, but you haven't taken the time to know me. no one else will ever put up with your bullshit like i do. you are constantly moving from one relationship to the next and you don't realize how bad these people are for you but i do. how do i tell you that your relationships are destined to fail because you're seeking to fill a void that you can only fill by yourself? don't you know that too? you are wasting your time. you have always prioritized your relationships over your friends. you can never make time to hang out with me, not even on my birthday but of course you can be with her every single day. it hurts. you only speak to me when she's not here and i can't cope with that. i can't just be a place filler anymore. you may be my only friend but you really fucking suck. i would rather be alone than to keep pretending like you are a good person. you have changed so much. i don't like how things change. i can't even stand to talk to you anymore so i won't. i'll stop answering my phone and slowly but surely i'll stop thinking about you . i hope she's worth it.

I thought I was in love before you, but I wasn’t. This is true love. You don’t feel the same way though, and that’s why I can never tell you.

sometimes I feel okay again, but once I remember what you did the pain comes back just as bitter as the day you did it.

You always saved me a spot on the couch next to you. Now I don’t even know how to be in the same room as you.

you're the biggest hypocrite ever. you're a terrible person and i mean it. think about someone besides yourself for once. stop blaming all of your issues on other people when you're the issue. i can't even stand talking to you anymore, you're a completely different person than you were when we first met. i wish you would grow up.

I’ll never forgive you for leaving me when I needed you, I’ll never forgive you for selling your mustang but most of all I’ll never forgive you for letting me love you. It’s been so long and I feel like the love with never go away.

i can’t even believe you’re still on my mind. i wish you weren’t. so much time has passed and i’ve met other guys but no one has ever compared to you so here i am alone. you really fucked me up. and looking back i find it hard to find any truth in any of the words you ever told me. some days i’ll write messages to you in my notes of all the things i would say to you if i got the chance. but i know that it’s unlikely that day will ever come. i’m trying to get rid of the perfect fixated image of you in my head because you’ve shown me over and over that it’s not the person you are at all. you’re slowly entering my life again and i have to remind myself that i’m in love with you from a year ago, but i’m not in love with you anymore. you would’ve been lucky to have me in your life. i settled for you over and over because of the person i thought you were. so thank you for teaching me not to settle and to know my worth. i love you, and i always will. you will be the person i tell my kids about when i tell them the story of my first love, of the first guy i ever envisioned having kids with. but you will also be the type of guy i’ll know i need to protect my daughters from. we weren’t good for each other. i was very happy because of you, but i was also happy before you and soon i will find happiness after you. here’s to finally letting your control of me go. goodbye cam.

despite all the horrible things you did to me my heart still hurts and i still love you a lot that’s so dumb and toxic of me to say. why couldn’t i have been the one you wanted. i was ready for the type of love again

I thought I was blushing because I still loved you. It was actually anxiety. I was just nervous. I should have trusted my gut.

You made me scared of you. Afraid to exist. Like I was back in 7th grade again getting picked apart. Like everything I’d achieved or gotten through was just for nothing. If you were willing to do that to me, then I guess I never really knew you at all. That realization hurts more than anything else really. I meant everything I ever said to you besides a few texts. You made me tired of living so openly. Thanks for making me think human connection is shameful and horrible again.

i see your face when im just about to go to bed. ive spent countless nights fixated on an image of someone who wants nothing to do with me. i love you for reasons i couldnt say and i cant escape the very thought of you. i love you regardless of the torture that youve put me through because id expirience it all again to be everything youve ever wanted. if someone were to mention the prospect of soulmates, in my head youd be mine and id be yours. despite everything youve done to me and everything i endured, we'd be together. that's love right?

its getting harder and harder to remember your laugh as the days pass without talking to you. i think about you less and less everyday, and im really trying to find my purpose in life without you. ive learned to accept the fact that you never really cared the way i did, even though you promised that you did. and im trying to be okay with that.

i want to stop thinking about what we could have been and act on my feelings but i can't. i'm a coward. i hope in the future you can find enough room in your heart to forgive me.

it’s been almost 5 months. i still think about you every day and how your hands felt on my skin. i miss you so much, i wish we could go back to the good times and i can fall asleep in your arms again. i love you cammy, always will.

I think of life if you were still here. I don't know why you left but you did. I don't want you to be here we had a terrible life and i'm happy you didn't. I need you though, its getting harder to live with you gone. I need a sign to know you're here. I love you Cameron..

You fucked up my life. You're the reason I can't trust the people I love the most. I still hurt to this day, years later, and I hope someone fucks with your heart the way you fucked with mine. I try to move forward but it's so goddamn hard. I hate you and I don't think I'll ever forgive you.

it hurts to watch you constantly choose her over me. i swear im not jealous im just sad...ive tried for years to make you love me but you can love her so easily.

you absolutely destroyed me and FUCK YOU. you cheated on me acting like i wouldn’t know but guess what, i did know, i knew the whole time and you still tried lying about it. you heartless bitch

You're my best friend and I treasure our friendship more than anything... but I'd be lying if I said I didn't STILL have feelings for you so strong to the point where I've fallen deeply in love with you. I'll never tell you though, I know you probably assume my feelings for you went away.

i hope you have a good 2021, i'm gonna do my best to leave you in 2020.i think we're much better off without each other anyway.hope you're doing good.

You've fucked up my mental state for months and even after that you're still leading me on to think I have a chance of reconcilliation. Fuck you I don't even want to be your friend anymore all the good days and memories dating or not don't count against all the shit you did to me.

If you loved me so much then why did you not tell me sooner you lost interest instead of treating me like a burden.

You are the reason I keep living. I love you so much I wish I could tell you how I feel but if you don’t feel the same and I make it awkward, I’d just rather have a friendship.

Time has passed now, and I no longer feel the same way that I did last year, I still miss you. If I could take everything back I would. You meant literally everything to me and I'm so sorry I let you go.

I liked you back. Your goofy smile and black glasses. I know that we were too young to know what love was but I would’ve tried it out still.

I loved you, but you hurt me. I didn't realize it till i completely broke up with you. Even though i despise what you did to me, i will always love you.

i wish youd understand that i will always want you but if u take 5 hours to reply to me then i'm done. the heart war we have going on and everything else i could never stop but please for he love of god reply before 5 hours ilyyyyyyyy!!!!

I dont know what to say but i loved you and then you dropped me over something I didnt even do. Im iver it now but thank you :)

sometimes i try to tell myself that ive never loved anyone or that im not capable of loving anyone...but you’re always in the back of my mind so that’s a lie. i really do love you and thats why i don’t expect anything back, you could be with anyone and id still feel the same. everyday i love you more than the last. everything comes back to you. youre in the back of all my daydreams and sleepless nights and even nightmares. you give me a reason even if we’ll never have a future together. i want you more than anything. i love you so much and ill love you even more tomorrow even though i didn’t know it was possible to love so hard and unconditionally. ill wait for you but if you never come i won’t regret waiting.

I honestly really wasn’t expecting you to be what you were but I loved you anyway. Even when you lied about so many things. I still loved you. I was willing to accept those things still. But you asked for too much. You couldn’t be satisfied with just acceptance. You wanted all of me. And I couldn’t give that to you. Honestly you’re so selfish even now it breaks my heart. I don’t know if it’s because you were scared I would leave you for someone better is what made you corner me like that but you drove me away. It’s your own fault. I saw a life for us, I really did. But you didn’t believe I did. I feel like though out everything, you never actually believe anything I said. I hope you someday realize that. I hope you realize that I wasn’t the issue. I wasn’t the one that made us go to shit. I do still love you. I don’t miss you though. And I want to get over you. I can’t say these things to your face, I’m not strong enough to. If you somehow stumble upon this then well atleast you heard it even if you don’t know it’s me.

I wish it wasn't so easy for you to leave me. I miss you and I miss your family, also your dog. im always going to love you

I miss you. I still think about you but im getting over it. i still think about the last time I saw you. I wish you didnt forget about me

the fact that when we ended our conversation last night and i didn't feel anything at all makes me feel amazing

it is almost embarrasing to admit i am still so in love with you. i dont know if it is because i never had someone else in my life like you but i feel like no one will love me the way you did, and i wont love someone as much as i love you. i think of you in every song i listen to, in every poem i read and in every painting i see. i wish there was a way to tell you about how i feel without seeming like a pathetic ex who just cant let go.

I don’t think I’ll see you again but I think that’s okay. You’ll stay as perfect image in my mind forever. And honestly I think it’s more beautiful that way.

hmmmm how do i start. you just seemed like the perfect guy. your opinions on the world. the way you thought everyone is equal. your the type of guy that every girl wanted. well at least the one i wanted. you made me so fuckin happy everytime i would get a message. until i found out you had a girlfriend. thanks for playing with my heart xx :)