Unsent messages to WILLIAM

sooo am i the girl you think about?

miss u

let's meet in another life.

ilysm ur so smart and funny

if u weren’t ready then u shouldntve asked me. I wanna be friends again but it hurts to think ab you

I pushed you away and treated you horribly. It haunts me. I miss you. My heart hurts

id choose you in a heartbeat

You look like yourself, but your someone I don’t know anymore. And its sad to say that.

i hate that you act like i was nothing to you, as if you never knew me.

it hurts seeing you do things for her that you couldn't do for me

it hurts seeing you doing things for her that you couldn't do for me

im sorry. you liked me in the wrong time. im not mentally ready for this relationship but you were.

why couldn’t you try for me but you could for her

I know we are just friends...but I really like you. Every time I see a notification from you I smile

I wanted it to be you.

i hope you find someone more confident

i know we will talk again but the waiting sucks.

today made me sad. i wanted to hold your hand so badly

i know you miss me

i miss you so much that the thought of you consumes me

I really liked you

i know u won last time but i still love you more

please let me forget you

let’s do our best for a better us!!

i love you but i’m scared of myself

I miss you. Everyday.

you still love me.. please come back.. I love you mr will

Wish I wasn’t the way I was I miss you lol

i miss reading you poems late at night till you fell asleep

thank you will, ur my favorite boy ever and i love you so much

“Who would I be if I had not loved you?”

I loved you, but she loved you first.

I will always love you no matter what happens <3

sometimes i wish we never met

I miss you more than you know.

I meant what I said. I’m not interested anymore. Don’t take it personal - I haven’t been interested in anyone in awhile, maybe for longer than I realized. I’ve never wanted to be your friend and now there’s too much hurt between us for anything else. Please let me go.

i don’t know what you did exactly, but man you ruined such a happy girl. it scares me, i’ve never seen her so broken. i miss when she was happy.

i was so happy back when you knew me. as soon as i got back home things started getting bad. now i’ve lost everything that used to make me happy. and you were one of them.

hi my love, i miss u. i hope ur happy w her, u deserve it. i’m sorry for everything, this is the only way i can tell you bc i’m afraid. i love u, stay safe

i remember I used to write “maybe If this were another life, you’d fall in love with me” and I remember when I started to write “maybe this is the other life, where we are in love and happy.” I’m glad I met you, I really am. I’m glad I could make you smile for a little while, and I made you feel loved... I had a dream about two nights ago and you were in it... I kept running past you, until you turned and locked eyes with me... then it all came rushing back... all the memories, the feelings, then I slowed down... turning around as you once again started to walk away from me. I gently grabbed onto the bottom of your shirt, and tugged at it, making you stop. You turned around and you smiled at me like only you can. But, while it was filled with love, there was an underlining sadness to this exchange. I couldn’t maintain eye contact, I looked down with my head against your chest as we just stood there. I asked you “why?” “why did you say we could stay friends then leave me completely?” “why’d you never come back after awhile?” And I started crying... you pulled me close, you hugged me tightly, and then you said “I guess you’re still my baby, huh?” And while in that moment I thought “not really” I just continued to cry like that in your arms, for the final time again. I woke up feeling really empty. I know I’m still holding on to your words, every little thing you said and did meant so much to me because I trusted you, and wanted to believe in you no matter what, because it was you. Loving people is so difficult, loving someone like me was really hard wasn’t it? I’m sorry darling. I relied on you too much, and I really do hate myself for that, because you got overwhelmed, and that was the one thing I was so scared of... I did the only thing I didn’t want to do... I love you, and you loved me, but I know it had to be hard... loving me... It’s hard for me too, so I understand. I’m sorry, I made you feel that way... I really can’t get the things you said out of my head. You know the only thing I could think to say to you at first was sorry.. sorry for loving you... sorry for making you love me, sorry for us, for everything. I really couldn’t process anything even though, it was something I already expected. But, I understood so I refused to be upset until I eventually collapsed and couldn’t get back up. Sometimes I still can’t get back up, but it’s not because I was in love with you and you broke up with me. No, it’s because you said you still wanted me to be in your life because you still loved me and cared about me, then stopped talking to me entirely. It hurts because you were my friend before anything else, and to me that will always be what matters the most to me.... You were so special to me, and then I unintentionally hurt you. That’ll always hurt me more than anything else... Knowing I hurt and made the person I loved with all my heart feel so overwhelmed. You deserve the world, and someone who you don’t have to constantly worry about. I’m sorry that we fell in love, and that we were so happy, and that I saw so much in you... I’m sorry that I held your hands, and that I kissed you goodbye.... I’m sorry I always told you how happy I was to know you... I’m sorry that you looked at me like I was everything and more... I’m sorry I wasn’t able to see myself how you or any of our friends saw me... But, thank you so much for staying as long as you did, and trying your best... Thank you for believing in me and wanting the best for us both... Everyone keeps telling me I’m so bright, and that I’m like the sun, and that I’m so warm and comforting... yet it’s so hard to except because I don’t think I’m anything like you... Because that’s how I view you. I hope that one day we can meet again, and when we do, I’ll be able to embrace the fact that I can am a gentle flame too. I could never ask you to wait for me... I could never ask you to stay until I got better... and that’s okay. I’ll still get better and grow without you by my side. so, I hope one day we can talk again like we used to, laugh together like we used to... be friends again. I’ve always told you that if you need to talk, if you need to be comforted, or just need someone there to sit in silence with, I’ll always be here, and I meant it. I’m a phone call away always... I love you, please be well...you deserve the world and much more...

yours truly,

d.w

I should have embraced you when I had the chance. I should have loved you more obviously.
Damn my self control.

I don't know why but I can't help but fall for you no matter every bone in my body telling me to stop

am i where im supposed to be? is this where we thought we'd end up five years ago? is this how you've imagined your life would be? tell me how you really feel. i know that the person i found love in is still within you, underneath the person the world, told you to be. you became the person that society told you to be instead of the person you really are. you are a person that is incredibly down to earth with a soul made out of gold. i just want you to know that, i pray for your safety wherever you go. i believe we were meant to be in this lifetime, but the universe had other plans for us. or maybe... at this point there are no maybes my love. you have everything you've ever wanted set in stone. i have everything i've ever wanted but my soul lingers for you almost everyday. tell me why i can never seem to get you out of my mind? i'm upset at how i can't even be your friend anymore, but i shouldn't count on you to be, right? i'm sorry i my happiness depended on your presence. you are my love, the person i found love in. i found love in the way you would say aluminum. i found love in the never ending facetime calls filled with laughter and smiles. i found love in the songs you found love in yourself, the lyrics of the music that you were able to relate to. now tell me, did you really love me? or was everything i've ever known is a lie? if we can't leave each other alone for a second, does that mean we are still in love. you say all the words i've never expected you to say to me. you were nothing but a safe space up until this point. i'm glad i met the person you used to be, because nobody else will know you like how i did. i know we'll meet again in another lifetime because we met in this lifetime for a reason. i am so thankful for all of the memories over the course of 5 years. i still remember each one as if it was yesterday. please don't forget me and the memories we had. it'll be of importance one day, i promise you. a part of me still knows you care, but a part of me knows you don't. you proved you don't anymore. who will i tell my accomplishments to now. who will i call when i need the presence of you. i love you william. why did it have to be this way. you promised, i waited. i hope we speak again soon thanos.

it ended tonight. i love you so much, more than ive ever loved anyone before. but after the first two month, you stopped doing the little things and it felt like you just stopped caring. i miss our long talks and how much you made me laugh. i wish things didnt change. i love you loser. i hope the best for you.

I wish we didn’t end it this way. Still so much love for you, but we needed to do our own thing. Take care❤️

i’ve grown so much from when we last talked, but there are still days when i think about us and what we could’ve been

I hope you fall in love with yourself the way I did. He’s incredible and I hope one day you see that too

I don’t think I ever loved you; but you’ve left a stain on my memory, a ghostly impression of your lips on mine, holding hands, running through the dark and the rain, your fingers digging in to the flesh of my thighs. Things like that aren’t made to last though, because you always would love her and so you could never love me - and so far, that’s alright.

thank you for being one of my bestfriends, i know it hasn’t been long since we’ve met and we haven’t talked about all the aspects of our lives but i’m happy to say that i’d like to see our friendship bloom in the future, you’re such a serious idiot but you’re untintentotally super funny and you make my day man. i love you bro :)

whenever i think of poppies, i think of you... same wiht the color red, all because during a workshop i looked at you and saw you smiling and wrote a poem about them.... It's been 4 months since you broke up with me, and since I started therapy. You know... i trusted your words more than anything, so when you said we should stay friends and that you still wanted me in your life... i believed you. I'm not upset at you, and I understand. I just wish you'd atleast let me say the things I needed to say to you instead of saying what you needed then disappearing. I wanted to say thank you... for helping me realize how lovable I am, and letting me love you wholeheartedly, and help you grow. I will never forget the love we shared or the way we looked at eachother. I finally understood what loving and being loved truly meant with you. I'm sorry that I couldn't be happier or atleast not have put so much of my weight on you. While I did set a boundarie and asked you to be honest with me, I know it probably wasn't that easy to be. I know you cared for me so much... too much. I wanted you to love me but more than anything to love me but put yourself first. and you didn't do that. I think about you so much, and when I do I can't breathe because I definitely hurt you, just as you hurt me. You said you knew that you were being cruel as you broke up with me over the phone, and I comforted you. You told me i didn't have to make you feel better when I was the one being hurt but your voice was breaking too... I loved you so much, and wanted nothing more but for the best for both of us, so as much as i wanted you to stay, as much as i wanted you to be there when i got better, I wanted you to be okay, and happy. so I stayed silent when you decided on your own to no longer talk at all, not even as friends... it hurt that you blocked me, and it hurt that i only wanted to check up on you because you said that you were stressed, and i know you don't talk about your feelings... I still hate myself for one thing admist all of this... I wish i could take back what i said... I don't want to forget you, and when i asked you if i could, i wanted you to say no, so badly... I don't hate you. I don't resent you either. But, some of the things you said while breaking up with me.. stil ring in my ears and make me suffocate.... I question whether you really loved me or if you just pitied me, and mistook it for love, but I know you loved me... I know you didn't mean it that way... I know, because of how you are, and how you think. I'm not in love with you anymore, but I still love you as my friend. And I miss you too. I still think about you and all the dumb things we did together while in school, and It's odd... I really saw a future with you, but I've come to terms with how things are now, and I hope you'll always remember that you have a place here with me, and I'll always be a call away if you need me...You were such a lovely person through and through... I'm happy we got to love eachother... and be apart of eachothers lives...

sincerely,

i.w