Unsent messages to SOPHIE

why was it always about you, if i was sad you had to be sadder and because i didn’t like to talk about it i’d say i’m fine, even tho people knew i wasn’t they would focus on you. everything was about you constantly and i never got a chance

Te ame, como nunca amé a nadie, por qué? Por qué me dejaste? Estar sin ti me rompió el alma, me ahogué en mi miseria y morí un poco cada noche, te amaba, por qué me dejaste?

Please text me, because I miss u like crazy and I should probably move on but I just can’t. So text me

what goes around comes around. you can’t have a healthy consistent relationship, you’re just incapable. all you do is poison those you love and destroy them. you hurt people. you break people’s hearts, it’s just what you do. i don’t feel sorry for you anymore.

There isn't a day that goes by where I don't think about how dark my life would be without you. Thanks for helping me soph

hey sophie, idk if you still read these but i miss you if you see this please text me it can be about anything you can ask about school work

i let my guard down for you, hoping to get your love and attention. but i notice i just keep crying over you. i don't think this is right but i don't want to back away.

i wish you thought about me as much as i do with you. am i asking for too much? or is this just not meant to be?

I'm scared I'm too into you and you don't feel the same. Please tell me you want me or show me. That's all I want.

I wish you were unbreakable and that people truly knew how upset you are. Maybe you should get some better friends

I don’t know how to phrase this in honesty. We get on fine then I mess up and piss her you and were at each other’s necks again. Sometimes it gets really tiring and doesn’t help the state I’m already stuck in. But you have helped me a lot through lockdown. I may not mean as much to you as you mean to me but I have to respect that and I’m learning how. You makes me feel so happy yet has the power to ruin my day with a single word.
I’ve never felt so much emotion towards a person before; happiness, anger, jealousy and so many others that I don’t know how to express. At first, we didn’t understand each other at all. We still don’t and we are learning each other boundaries but as we learn we also argue. But then we discover something new about each other. I don’t mean a lot to you because I know you have other people. I thought I meant a little more to you and kinda looked stupid for thinking it. I may not have an impact on your life but she has a huge on one mine. I don’t let many people in yet somehow you asshat wriggled your way through and now you are stuck. I have discovered a lot about myself and now I see the person i am I don’t think we should be friends because either way we’re gonna end up hurting on another. I’ve cried and laughed over you. Girl you mean a lot to me and, my ways of expressing my appreciation is very confusing. You don’t know it but even if we hate each other like our life’s depend on it I’m still gonna be there for you. You can hurt me over and over and make me chase yourself further and I won’t stop because I need you even though i know it’s just gonna end up with me in mental breakdowns every night again. I need you. Or I need the happiness you bring me.

nobody ever hurt me like you did. nobody ever made me feel as happy as you did. you were always both sides of the coin. loving you cut me so deep.

no clue if that message you left was for me. i hope it was. i thought i did give you a sign, but maybe it wasn't clear enough. i'd go back in a heartbeat too

it's been about half a year since we last talked. i miss you so much and i'm so sorry for how i made you feel. i still love you and i will never stop loving you with all i have. i really want to talk to you again but i just can't. i hope you find all the happiness you deserve and i'm sorry i couldn't give you what you needed. i still need you.

i hate you. funny
how bitches you talk shit about are now ur best friends. are you really that desperate? i hate you. you’re exactly the type of person you claim to hate. you’re everything wrong with a person.
fuck you. and before u go crying to daddy remember who tf i am. you wanna be me and you know it. i hate you, and so does the majority of people you’ve met. no wonder your friends won’t stop talking abt other people. it’s kinda hard not too when being around your existence is so shitty all you wanna do is be by other people. go die :)

Eu sei q posso ter quebrado o teu coração, mais eu te amo muito q me arrependo de tudo q eu fiz, se eu pudesse eu estaria te beijando com muito amor, mas vc já tem outra então eu vou apenas olhar e aceitar, pq eu só quero te ver feliz. Sua irmã tbm me odeia né kk

hi, soph. i’m falling for you. i think i started falling for you the second i met you- being in love with you feels inevitable. when we met, i was a little nervous, but when we talked i felt safe. i felt unjudged. we just fit. we matched. we laughed, we shared. we text every day. about big things, small things, unimportant things. i love you so much. to say that i love you is an understatement though. i love you. your laugh, your smile, the way you talk, the way you feel, the way you care, the way you act, the way you act around me, the way you act around everyone else, the way i could come to you with anything and have your full support. i also love the bad things. the way you find it hard to commit to things, the way you find it hard to talk to people, the way you find it hard to trust people. if you know me like i know you, why dont you love me? you know me better than anyone- better than i know myself and you dont love me. you come to me about your crush that doesnt like you back and i’m sitting here, head over heels for you, smiling at you and telling you to shoot your shot. if me loving you is inevitable, why isnt you loving me the same? you called me “my love” and yet, when asked, you said you dont love me. it’s okay though. i cant force you. i want you to be happy, so im not gonna try to force you. if you come to me with a crush, i’ll tell you to go for it. because if that person can make you happy in a way that i cant, i want you to go for it and be as happy as possible. be happy, my love. please.

I wanna fill that thight pussy with hot cum and fuck you so hard you’ll be paralized from the neck down
Sincerely big cock man

I hope you’re doing better now mentally and I’m sorry for hurting you back then, when i typed my name i saw a message which made me think it could be you, if you’re out there then please get in touch it would be wonderful to hear from you

you've become a stranger who's laugh i could recognize anywhere :( the one thing i hoped you'd never be

i have always wanted you. there is truly nobody else for me but you. it’s you i'm always thinking of.

hey idk if you still look at these, but i miss you, i miss your hugs i miss your everything
please just text me

I wish I could take every bad thing that anyone has done to you away and make you happy. you dont deserve to be treated the way you get treated. your an amazing girl. I'm glad we're bestfriends. I dont wanna live in a world without you. dont give up and I love you lots

sophie, I never loved you as more than a friend. but your lies still hurt. hiding the truth hurt us all, forced us to rethink every time we hung out. shit hurt.

You couldn't understand that I wasn't loud and confident like you; couldn't understand why it hurt when you got so annoyed whenever I did something you didn't like; why I can't trust you with my secrets.

hey babes this is for all my sophies. i don't even know you, but i just know you are very cool. if you are looking for a specific person to send you a note on here, i feel you. i look on here every night and pretend like they're all about me to help myself feel less lonely. you are not alone you are amazing and you will find your person. keep your head up beautiful

this is to my old self-soph where are you? i lost sight of myself and i just know you would give me the best advice while you twirl around in your skirt. where did our innocence go? i wanna go back to when i thought mom and dad were soulmates and i spent all day singing songs to practice for when i thought i would become a pop star. it's funny how my old self is my own idol.

you complain no one loves you how you love them yet you won’t leave her because of your abandonment issues. when in reality she doesn’t give you what you truly need and want. you’re just hopelessly holding onto something that wasn’t built to last.

hey Soph, I’m pretty sure you typed me something on here. I’ve spent the last few weeks thinking of you, I am not exactly sure why considering it’s been years at this point. I find myself comparing all my friendships to how ours used to be. We were inseparable, you were my best friend. I get so caught up in how much i loved You and how much I wish things were the same that I forget about all the times things weren’t so good. Anyways, despite that, i think I’ll always wish you were still my best friend, if you see this, please reach out, I’m sorry for what I did, i wouldn’t take it back, but i wish I wouldve handled it different.

I hope I can look back at this and laugh at how I’m feeling right now. I like you a lot as a person. None of these colors feel right. I’d be so embarrassed if you saw this bc I think you’d know it’s me. I feel like if I post it here, it’s less real than me writing it in a diary. I don’t want to say how I feel out loud so I keep it to myself. I need somewhere to leave my thoughts and shelf them. I like you a lot and idk what way. Maybe both as a friend and something else. I think you’re really cool either way. Love you lots. I don’t write or talk this formally with you so hopefully you don’t know it’s me. But also, what are you doing looking at your name? Did you post on the 18th here? Do I even want to know.

I don’t think i could ever get over you but i’ll give it a good shot cos ur happy and i may not be but you deserve the world and i don’t want to lose you so i just hope you can still be friends with me. I love you so much but you don’t feel the same.

sophie, i love you in a way that a best friend shouldn't. you can never know, and i'm sorry. you are everything to me. i am happy just to have you in my life, even with this achy weight in my chest. you taught me how to be a person. i love you more than you will ever know.

I didn't know you were going to mean this much to me, I didn't know that one day I would go through hell and back to be with you. You make me happier than I have ever been; I am so scared for the day I possibly lose you. You give me the life I need, all the happiness I lost from the years and years of hurt. I don't know how I would survive without you. I will always go through hell and back if it means you're happy.

I wish there was a guy who cared about me enough to write to me on here. But there isn’t and you’ve gotta love yourself first so here I am writing to myself. I know you’re going through a lot right now but one day it’s all going to be worth it. You’re gonna get a family who really cares about you and wants the best for you. Keep going

you’d be so proud of me if you hadn’t of left me. it doesn’t hurt anymore I just wish you could see me now.

This is to myself because I need you to know even if they boy told you your ugly get your shit together you are beautiful no matter what he’s the ugly one

I’ve liked you for 6 months but i feel like it’s been years. I’ll never forget you cos i will always love you and nothing will change that. I fucking love you

you were my first best friend. you’ll always mean everything to me and i’m sorry things ended the way they did but never give up on yourself because you’re the person who never let me give up on me.

I miss you everyday, you don’t even acknowledge me anymore, but I’ll always care about you and love you.

i don't know if what we had was love, or friendship, but something about us felt different. i could be myself with you and the summer we had was one of the best things i ever experienced.

i’ll never forget how you couldn’t stop looking at me that night. i want to bottle that feeling up. even if it isn’t with you again, i want that.

i don’t know if what we had was love, but you were my first and i’ll always care for you and be there if you need me

you destroyed me but I can’t stop thinking about you. I don’t want you in my life but I still worry about you. I can’t give myself to you if you need me, it would hurt too much, but I do still care more than you’ll ever know. I’ll never let you back in because I’ve worked too hard for the level of happiness and contentment I have right now. I can’t have you disturbing my peace again. you ruin me soph, I don’t know why. I guess I loved you too much for me to handle, and I’m okay with that fact now. I’m at peace with everything and every aspect of myself, scorpios can evolve too. I don’t love you anymore but if I saw you I’d probably spontaneously combust, you’ve always had a weird effect on me. I hope you’re doing well chicken.

you're a great friend even tho I make fun of you all time, you've always cared and I appreciate it so much:)

I could never tell you anything, I wish I did. You were so judgemental but I still loved you. I was never mad, just less interested.

You always know how to make me smile and never ever ever make me overthink about anything I just want you to be happy and if it’s not with me I understand I just wish I would just say

You think you don’t deserve me but you do more than anything I’ve never loved someone as much as you but your happy without me

i was bad at move and expressing affection at the time, and now that i think of it. both of us could never come back to talking. we’re both too hurt.

we were unstoppable, then u just left and i will never be the same, i still cry myself to sleep and everything’s gotten worse thanks to ur absence

Hola, como estás? Se que es muy de la nada esto... pero de todas maneras quería hablar contigo. como has estado? como va tu fin de semestre? me imagino que super copado ya que estamos a finales del año. Como está Misa? extraño mucho sus maullidos y su compañía, como ha crecido Atenea? ya es tan grande que no te deja respirar cuando se sienta encima tuyo? jajsja. Es raro esto, porque sé que no se enviará el mensaje en realidad, pero igual quería al menos imaginarme que es lo que sería que te diría si pudiera. La verdad son puras preguntas de cómo has estado tú y tus cercanes con la cuarentena y el año en general. Hay tantas cosas que me gustaría decirte, son tantas que si empiezo por una me arrepentiré de no haber empezado por otra. Es raro no? el cómo de alguna forma puedes tener tantas cosas para decir, pero sabes que si empiezas con una no sabes si saldrá como lo esperas. He aprendido mucho este año, la verdad (funny enough) la funa me hizo bien en un sentido, espero que hayas perdido el peso de tantos episodios de mierda que te hice pasar. O al menos, la capacidad de manejarlos más sanamente. Incluso después de tanto tiempo de que no nos hablamos, el más extenso desde que nos conocemos, tengo las mismas ganas de estar ahí para ti que he tenido siempre. Pero no quiero causarte ningún daño nunca más, y si eso implica que nos veamos nunca más, pues eso pasará. Tengo unas ganas inmensas de volver a ser tu amigo, pero no lo quiero ser sabiendo que aún está la posibilidad que te pase a llevar o te trigeree un mal recuerdo. Ese de hecho es mi mayor dilema. Porque me encantaría volver a hablar contigo, que nos juntemos y tomemos café y fumemos juntes, pero no si es que aún cabe la mínima posibilidad de que te haga daño de cualquier forma. Quizás el daño hecho no puede redimirse de ninguna manera, me gustaría que sí. Pero cada vez que pienso en formas de acercarme me da miedo, porque ya no sé como eres ahora; quizás cambiaste a una personalidad donde no seamos más compatibles, donde ya no nos llevemos bien. No quiero eso, de verdad que no, pero la única manera que hay para comprobar eso es acercándonos nuevamente y volvemos al dilema de hacerte daño. Es una situación paradójica no? donde de alguna forma no puedo alejarme, pero tampoco puedo acercarme y entramos a un limbo de closeness que solo terminará cuando une de les dos rompa el ciclo. Pero hay que romperlo? vale la pena probar una vez más conciliar una amistad? Me gusta pensar que sí, pero no quiero invadir tú espacio, tus tiempos ni tus necesidades personales y psicológicas. Sería recaer en lo mismo. Por tanto, el elemento central de este mensaje es saber como estás, quiero volver a conocerte y espero que tú quieras reconectar conmigo, al menos como para putearme (muy bottom vibes). Al final todo este mensaje se reduce a una pregunta que hice al principio, ¿como estás? y quieres ir al puentecito otra vez?