Unsent Messages

I don’t know how to phrase this in honesty. We get on fine then I mess up and piss her you and were at each other’s necks again. Sometimes it gets really tiring and doesn’t help the state I’m already stuck in. But you have helped me a lot through lockdown. I may not mean as much to you as you mean to me but I have to respect that and I’m learning how. You makes me feel so happy yet has the power to ruin my day with a single word.
I’ve never felt so much emotion towards a person before; happiness, anger, jealousy and so many others that I don’t know how to express. At first, we didn’t understand each other at all. We still don’t and we are learning each other boundaries but as we learn we also argue. But then we discover something new about each other. I don’t mean a lot to you because I know you have other people. I thought I meant a little more to you and kinda looked stupid for thinking it. I may not have an impact on your life but she has a huge on one mine. I don’t let many people in yet somehow you asshat wriggled your way through and now you are stuck. I have discovered a lot about myself and now I see the person i am I don’t think we should be friends because either way we’re gonna end up hurting on another. I’ve cried and laughed over you. Girl you mean a lot to me and, my ways of expressing my appreciation is very confusing. You don’t know it but even if we hate each other like our life’s depend on it I’m still gonna be there for you. You can hurt me over and over and make me chase yourself further and I won’t stop because I need you even though i know it’s just gonna end up with me in mental breakdowns every night again. I need you. Or I need the happiness you bring me.