Unsent messages to SOPHIE

Hola, como estás? Se que es muy de la nada esto... pero de todas maneras quería hablar contigo. como has estado? como va tu fin de semestre? me imagino que super copado ya que estamos a finales del año. Como está Misa? extraño mucho sus maullidos y su compañía, como ha crecido Atenea? ya es tan grande que no te deja respirar cuando se sienta encima tuyo? jajsja. Es raro esto, porque sé que no se enviará el mensaje en realidad, pero igual quería al menos imaginarme que es lo que sería que te diría si pudiera. La verdad son puras preguntas de cómo has estado tú y tus cercanes con la cuarentena y el año en general. Hay tantas cosas que me gustaría decirte, son tantas que si empiezo por una me arrepentiré de no haber empezado por otra. Es raro no? el cómo de alguna forma puedes tener tantas cosas para decir, pero sabes que si empiezas con una no sabes si saldrá como lo esperas. He aprendido mucho este año, la verdad (funny enough) la funa me hizo bien en un sentido, espero que hayas perdido el peso de tantos episodios de mierda que te hice pasar. O al menos, la capacidad de manejarlos más sanamente. Incluso después de tanto tiempo de que no nos hablamos, el más extenso desde que nos conocemos, tengo las mismas ganas de estar ahí para ti que he tenido siempre. Pero no quiero causarte ningún daño nunca más, y si eso implica que nos veamos nunca más, pues eso pasará. Tengo unas ganas inmensas de volver a ser tu amigo, pero no lo quiero ser sabiendo que aún está la posibilidad que te pase a llevar o te trigeree un mal recuerdo. Ese de hecho es mi mayor dilema. Porque me encantaría volver a hablar contigo, que nos juntemos y tomemos café y fumemos juntes, pero no si es que aún cabe la mínima posibilidad de que te haga daño de cualquier forma. Quizás el daño hecho no puede redimirse de ninguna manera, me gustaría que sí. Pero cada vez que pienso en formas de acercarme me da miedo, porque ya no sé como eres ahora; quizás cambiaste a una personalidad donde no seamos más compatibles, donde ya no nos llevemos bien. No quiero eso, de verdad que no, pero la única manera que hay para comprobar eso es acercándonos nuevamente y volvemos al dilema de hacerte daño. Es una situación paradójica no? donde de alguna forma no puedo alejarme, pero tampoco puedo acercarme y entramos a un limbo de closeness que solo terminará cuando une de les dos rompa el ciclo. Pero hay que romperlo? vale la pena probar una vez más conciliar una amistad? Me gusta pensar que sí, pero no quiero invadir tú espacio, tus tiempos ni tus necesidades personales y psicológicas. Sería recaer en lo mismo. Por tanto, el elemento central de este mensaje es saber como estás, quiero volver a conocerte y espero que tú quieras reconectar conmigo, al menos como para putearme (muy bottom vibes). Al final todo este mensaje se reduce a una pregunta que hice al principio, ¿como estás? y quieres ir al puentecito otra vez?

I hate you. like really hate you. you just make everybody’s lives miserable for no reason. you gain nothing. fuck you. you said you hate pink, so here it is.

I think about you a lot, i think about calling and asking how you are...but we all know that's a bad idea.

I’m talking to a girl with the same name as you. it’s not working for me. your name brings me nothing but pain.

i really love you soph you are my absolute world, you bring me nothing but happiness and i really appreciate that. you have saved me from myself and i can’t wait to see you again. even if this doesn’t last long i’m going to cherish every moment we have together. you’re so beautiful so never tell yourself different. i hope we have forever together

i don’t know how to tell you that i need you i really need you. you have brought me so much happiness and saved me from the world. i love you

Why you’re still here? why do you love me? youre free, your parents loves you, you have friends. I know in a momento you get bored on me

It hurts that you’ve outgrown me but I’m so happy I had the privilege to have known you. You brought me joy like no other, I had the time of my life with you. I know I can’t just pick up the phone and call you like I used to but that doesn’t mean I’m not thinking of you any less. I wish I had the strength to make it go back to old times but you deserve better and I’m not the person I was before and I think you’re better off. I’ll love you forever Sophie.

we were best friends and I still think about you even 4 years later and just want to check up and see if you're okay. I know you may not think about me but i will always care for you. Mx

sleeping with those guys was the biggest mistake of my life, I know it broke your heart. I was hurting because I only wanted you. now we’re both with other people and all it feels like a lifetime ago. but I hope you’re well.

I don’t miss you anymore. I’m glad we don’t speak, you were so bad for me. funny how I’m doing the best I ever have now that you’re gone. my friends were right

i’m too much of a chicken to tell you, because i’m scared of being judged. ive sent you so many signals, so now the balls in your court.

my number one. you always have my back and i can proudly call you my best friend. i seriously think we are best friend soulmates.

Sophie, bae I hope that one day we can meet and tak once if it is wue I go to exchange we can do it, thanks for everything, greetings to your next frog ???

so much love to you. i hope you're good. every time i listen to home i think of us. it isn't sad for me, i smile

You know I still find it weird. I got hit by the feels the fastest I ever had, you were the first person to catch my attention in a long time. Why did you give up so quick? You know I would’ve done anything for you right?

you are beautiful. effortlessly beautiful. we will laugh forever together. you are my best friend, although i think about how it could be more, I'm happy i still have you.

I don't know what I did wrong & I most likely will never. But to let you know, I'm so much happier now than I was when I spent time with you. Maybe you should focus on YOU.

I know I love you, but I don't think I ever loved you. And I also can't stand your Hamilton obsession.

Do you still rearrange your room at least once a month? Do you still play Mario Bros and listen to Hamilton in your basement without me?

for years i convinced myself that we were just friends. that whenever i looked at you my love was platonic. i think i’m wrong.

i want the tears, the arguments, the laughs, the smiles, the rainy days, and the really sunny ones too all i care is that all of it is with you

im worried that i am pulling away from you unintentionally because of what happened in august, i just don't want you to get the wrong idea but i just want to be close to you and not feel like i always have to account for something

Perdón, encerio lo siento, pero igualmente que bueno que te alejaste de mi, solo te iba a hacer daño, perdón

Hey bitch. I know we are siblings or whatever, but I feel like I never tell you I love you. I hope you know I love your stupid ass & you can always talk to me if you need to

Hey, I just wanted to say im sorry for everything. i know we don't talk now but im really sorry. you still come into my dreams and sometimes we're friends and everything is normal and other times you shout at me and tell me how shitty i am. i fucked up and i miss you everyday. i loved you and sometimes think a little part of me still might

you were my life untill..... you f up you made the biggest mistake of your life leaving me i had a huge glow up and you had a huge glow down b****

You are poop you make me mad I think you poopie but hole you bicth I also how is the colour of them because that’s the colour of shit and that’s how you smell

hey soph. I know the color yellow reminds you of the sun. I love you very much and I hope in the least cliche way possible that we stay friends forever

hi :) i love you, i think i’m in love with you but i think you flirt with me as a joke and you’re not as attached as i am.

i wish i knew why you were so mean to me and only me. i love you so so much, but yet here i sit feeling hated.

sophie,
you are road ready thanks to mr zimanadalalal (however you spell his name lmao)
ur a QUEEN and so gorgeous i’m in awe of you all the time kinda jealous of u can’t lie. i hope we get closer bc you’re actually so cool and i really enjoy spending time w you

i love you. i love you one. and i love you three thousand. ur my girl. and we fucking fell in love in october.

I wish I took the chance to know you better, but now you're in a different country and I have no way of contacting you. That will be my forever regret.

You're the first friend I've had in a long time that I look at and feel like I want to stay friends with you forever. I guess I just want to say thank you for coming into my life. You don't know about what happened a few years ago that changed the way I view friends. I just want to say thank you for coming into my life and I love you and I hope that we can be friends forever. I cried so hard writing this lol.

hi sophie, i just want to say that your the best person iv ever met (even though we met online) you saved me from myself and to be honest i think i have feelings for you but i know i can never tell you

I miss being friends and I still wish I could be with you. Everyday I think about you more and more :(

I know your happy with J and well never be more than friends but I will always wonder what could’ve been

I miss you so much already, it’s so hard knowing that you aren’t there anymore to ask me about my dreams or how my days been but I know I’ll be okay in time

i finally learned what you mean to me. nothing. i learned it the hard way but now I'm over it you dumb bitch

you make me so happy, but i just don’t know how to tell you that ur more than my best friend,, ur my everhthing

I loved you with everything I had to give, and now I'm left trying to fill myself back in. I haven't wanted to let go of the pain - that way I'm still feeling something, rather than committing myself to a possible (and likely?) life alone. But it's enough now. I can't go on like this, it's killing me. I don't think you'd want me to be miserable like this.
We were in love but now it's time to unlearn you and move on. I pray you find the right person for you, because he isn't me.
Have the best life x

I still love you. I’d do anything to be yours again and cherish you, I miss you so much. wish you both all the best.

all the things I've said before was because I was mad. I still am. But I want you in my life soph. I want you to meet my people. I'm just too scared to tell you because I feel you've moved on.

I've stopped eating. I need help. I need you. You're the only one I could tell everything and anything to.

I keep checking under my name like you care about me and when I find one that could be you I remind myself that if you did care you'd be saying it to my face

fuck you. All you ever did was mess me up. I'm now happy on the days that I don't see you and I've stopped looking for your face in the crowd because all you bring is sadness into my life and I don't need that energy anymore. I hope you're happy

you look so happy together. i'm so sorry for wishing you were apart. we're the literal definition of right person wrong time

its hard when you expect a long text of support when you wake up but instead, people just walk out of your life just like that. I guess that's what happens when I open up

I will always keep that box wherever I go because in there are the good memories and the times that I didn't feel like this and you were still with me. I should've wrote to you more. My only regret