Unsent messages to KAITLYN

i think im falling in love w you

you know i’m down

I've never stopped loving you. There hasn't been a day that I don't miss you

Yeah but you can’t seem to be there when I need you or when I try to reach out for help properly

You’re the problem. You’re vain, deceitful, boring.

Why wasn’t I good enough for you, but she was. 3 yrs gone cause u wanted her…

I’m starting to remember everything from ‘09. Do you?

That summer is something I will tell my kids about. How could I ever forget you. I'm sorry.

i miss you.

youll know its me when you see this. you just will. youve ruined me but i cant let you go.

you hurt me but I'm a better person now.

You bring joy to everyone you meet. Thank you for bringing warmth to the world. You're beautiful

Everything reminds me of you. I miss you so much it hurts, why do we have to be bad for each other ?

I didn’t mean every word I said

i dont wanna miss you. i dont wanna miss you or anyone there, but i do.

Ghosts are just that, ghosts.

A thousand years could go by without a word said to each other and I’d still remember your voice…

I love you so so so much and I’m scared to lose you

I'm afraid I'll always love you too much.

You ruined my life. But I miss you so much. Like a moth to a flame i can’t stop thinking about you

i love you so much i’m so glad we met eachother

i love you. i tell my best friends about us all the time. in another universe you love me too.

the door’s open. come on home.

i love you so much but i just cant anymore

I wish you would apologize

i think i’ll love you forever. in every lifetime kait.

You’re a great person. I’m glad you’re in my life again. :)

you deserve so much more credit than you give yourself, you are truly amazing

I’m still in love with you even after all this time.

You were my best friend. I miss you and I'm sorry we will never be close again.

i love you and yet i will never understand you

i still hope we end up together. i miss you so much.

when you know you know

You are so much more than you give yourself credit for. You are such a beautiful person all around.

I can't get you out of my mind. If only you were single.

ur a terrible friend

You hurt me so much. I hope you never forgive yourself.

Why did you leave? I'm not mad anymore. Not even hurt

You left me alone when i needed you the most

i hate that i loved f you for so long

i don’t even look for you anymore. i wish you well.

I'm sorry for what I did I still and will always love you

you’re #3 on my “reasons to live” list.

You offered me more than I could possibly accept at the time. You taught me that there are girls who aren’t the same. You are the most genuine person I have actually had a legit conversation with so thank you for that. I’m sorry I was never able to return what you have me, I messed up.

Cool. So catch me jumping out a window from EMBARRASSMENT!!!!!
I STILL STAND BY WHAT I SAID SDJDJDJDJDJD

Thank you. All I’ve ever wanted was reassurance and that’s what you’ve just given me. Acknowledging our own mistakes is what I feel like is pushing us to grow as better people. I too believe it grew to be toxic between us. The time apart had caused a lot of reflection, I hope you have as well. Sometimes people need time apart so that they can come back together stronger and better. That is my hope for us. I’ve learned topics of boundaries and what codependency means and I’m continuing to learn such things to become a better person not only to others but to myself. I truly thank you for such a lovely friendship in the beginning before it went uhh downhill haha. I can’t lie and say it wasn’t absolute shit the end of 2020 without you. But things happen for a reason, and this needed to happen. You were strong for making such a decision, I’m proud of you. I don’t think I could’ve done it. I’m glad you took initiative to ensure you’d be okay mentally. Granted I do wish it was done slightly different. But I forgive you. Looking back I don’t think I’d be where I am without the experience. It’s my dearest wish that you smiled and laughed more than frowned and cried in the end. And continue to have brighter days this coming year. Maybe one day we can start over, slowly, and carefully. When we’re both ready. People come into your life to teach you many things. And you’ve taught me a lot. But maybe.. it wasn’t our time. I look forward to a future where we both are proud and happy with who we are and how far we’ve come and I can awkwardly high five you cuz hugs are still weird lmao. Also... there’s this song that recently came out that I’ve nonstop listened to. Idk it makes me think of you, it’s really beautiful sounding. But these lyrics
“And all my friends are tired
Of hearing how much I miss you, but
I kinda feel sorry for them
'Cause they'll never know you the way that I do, yeah”. HIT. Because I feel that no matter what I say, they’ll never come close to understanding our bond and what we shared. Again, thank you for letting me experience something so wonderful even if it was short and became something we both wish to forget. (The bad not the good :o) i don’t ever want you to feel alone but if you ever do, just know I’m here. You’re never alone okay? I’ll always love you Alien.

I know you better than you think. I know you have a pure heart and I understand that you don't intentionally mean to hurt anyone. Sometimes, I think all your thoughts get wrapped up in your head, all your feelings get tangled in your heart, and your only way to deal with that is by shutting people out. Kaitlyn, you are hurting. I think you know that but you have to come to terms with it, so you can help yourself. I literally love you and it is so hard for me to watch you go day by day with a smile on your face when your heart and mind are always in pain. Families can be crazy and I know especially yours has put a lot of pressure on you, you drop friends because you do not like the closeness because people always leave, the boy you loved prefered friendship, and you feel like everyone around you knows what they are doing with their lives except you. You are such a beautiful person and I wish I could show you the version of you that I have learned to love. I think highly of you like most people do when they meet you. You're the girl with the smile, the girl who laughs at any joke, the girl who can talk her way through anything, the girl who never seems upset, the girl who is always there for her friends (even if you have had enough of them), the girl who no one really understands but everyone knows, and the girl who can light up a room as soon as she walks in. Kaitlyn, leaving situations the way they are when you are unhappy is not the way to go, you can't just let go of everything because what will you have left? Some people are worth the risk, worth the wait, worth the sacrifice, but you are worth it all and never change to satisfy someone who isn't worth your love. We have an amazing group of friends and if everyone could name their favorite it would be you. I know you would hate that and sometimes you do not like the truth, but we see you in a way you should see yourself because inside and outside you are incredible. I know you hate the compliments and being corny but that's affection and you have to learn to love yourself, please. You can't always fix people, you can't always be there, and you won't always be there so do not beat yourself up, it's just the way life works. It's okay to be sad, it's okay to grieve, it's okay to be in pain, and I understand that you would rather spend some days alone but know you are never alone. Some people have a hard time trying to understand you but it is simply because sometimes you do not understand and you would rather deal with it by yourself than look "stupid" trying to explain something you can't put into words.
You will find your happiness, maybe you already have and you just dont know how to embrace it yet. You will begin to see the heartfelt version of yourself that everyone else sees. You will reconnect with people you have "lost". You will find a boy who is ready to return the love. You will begin crazy chapters of your life where it can get hard but you will see the true family/friends who will be there for you. Thank you for making my 2020 memorable. Its 3 in the morning, you are probably high so I wanted you to see this because you do not answer a text when you are high. I wrote this because this is what I truly believe and because of our last long conversation about life and you really seemed hurt. ily.

I’ll text you. I miss the sound of your voice, the facial expressions you would make over almost anything, and the way you cared so much about me. I think I let you down and I realized that now.

I never intended to hurt you either. I always wanted to be someone you could rely on. Someone you could be yourself around without worry. I’m sorry

Bro you'll always be my best friend. The first person I want to tell good/bad news. The only one who actually gets me and makes me laugh. I love that we can really be ourselves around each other and not pretend to be who we are around everybody else. Im so thankful to have you in my life. Ik we're distant rn, but that's just bc you're dealing w a lot of school. Obviously, Im not phased by it since we can go months without talking and still pick up right where we left off. I'm so proud of you. Sharing emotions cringe. But I love you so much. Thank you for being my sister and always having my back. Us against the world always.