Unsent Messages

I know you better than you think. I know you have a pure heart and I understand that you don't intentionally mean to hurt anyone. Sometimes, I think all your thoughts get wrapped up in your head, all your feelings get tangled in your heart, and your only way to deal with that is by shutting people out. Kaitlyn, you are hurting. I think you know that but you have to come to terms with it, so you can help yourself. I literally love you and it is so hard for me to watch you go day by day with a smile on your face when your heart and mind are always in pain. Families can be crazy and I know especially yours has put a lot of pressure on you, you drop friends because you do not like the closeness because people always leave, the boy you loved prefered friendship, and you feel like everyone around you knows what they are doing with their lives except you. You are such a beautiful person and I wish I could show you the version of you that I have learned to love. I think highly of you like most people do when they meet you. You're the girl with the smile, the girl who laughs at any joke, the girl who can talk her way through anything, the girl who never seems upset, the girl who is always there for her friends (even if you have had enough of them), the girl who no one really understands but everyone knows, and the girl who can light up a room as soon as she walks in. Kaitlyn, leaving situations the way they are when you are unhappy is not the way to go, you can't just let go of everything because what will you have left? Some people are worth the risk, worth the wait, worth the sacrifice, but you are worth it all and never change to satisfy someone who isn't worth your love. We have an amazing group of friends and if everyone could name their favorite it would be you. I know you would hate that and sometimes you do not like the truth, but we see you in a way you should see yourself because inside and outside you are incredible. I know you hate the compliments and being corny but that's affection and you have to learn to love yourself, please. You can't always fix people, you can't always be there, and you won't always be there so do not beat yourself up, it's just the way life works. It's okay to be sad, it's okay to grieve, it's okay to be in pain, and I understand that you would rather spend some days alone but know you are never alone. Some people have a hard time trying to understand you but it is simply because sometimes you do not understand and you would rather deal with it by yourself than look "stupid" trying to explain something you can't put into words.
You will find your happiness, maybe you already have and you just dont know how to embrace it yet. You will begin to see the heartfelt version of yourself that everyone else sees. You will reconnect with people you have "lost". You will find a boy who is ready to return the love. You will begin crazy chapters of your life where it can get hard but you will see the true family/friends who will be there for you. Thank you for making my 2020 memorable. Its 3 in the morning, you are probably high so I wanted you to see this because you do not answer a text when you are high. I wrote this because this is what I truly believe and because of our last long conversation about life and you really seemed hurt. ily.