Unsent messages to JOSHUA

you took advantage of my vulnerability. you were my 1st time. i felt so dirty. i still do. i didn't want to and you knew that, but you made me anyway.

I keep on telling myself i’m gonna get over you. It’s like you don’t care about me anymore, and i’m investing so much time and thought into you. I swear i’ve probably filled up the whole blue section because of you. I should’ve known that it was too good to be true. That it was going too well. I’ll never get my happy ending. I hope you do, though. But for you, it seems as if it’s not with me. Hope you find the right person #notpog

You said we’d still be friends, so how come you don’t treat me like one? Friends know things about eachother. I know your favourite colour. Blue. I know your favourite number, even. You don’t even know my birthday.

There is so much i want to say, but i don't have the urge to text you because i know you don't care about me anymore and thats okay..
i just don't understand why you didn't tell me earlier about how you really felt because in that moment when you kissed me i felt so much, it made me feel a validation, i guess i was wrong. I hate thinking about you now it hurts, i hate how you said all these lovely things to me and now they are just empty words with no meaning, i think back to the first day i met you and now i wish i didn't. I wish i made an excuse to not meet you. i hope who likes you next that you do not treat them the same, have some decency to be honest before you make someone else disappointed....

i came to a realization last week. i've always thought you were just a fling, no strings. even though i knew i liked you then, it scared me thinking you didn't feel the same. i ruined what we had by being afraid. you really did like me. and now i look back and i just miss you. i realized that you could seriously be the ugliest person, you could do the worst thing ever, you could be at your lowest point, and i would still care and have love for you. ive never thought that about anyone, ive always been so superficial (i hate admitting that) but with you its not like that. i genuinely fell for you and had real feelings. i can't believe it took me this long to realize. i actually loved you.

i tried to stop loving you, but you.. you carved yourself into me, my heart, skin, veins.. whether or not you meant to, it’s you.

i know you’re bad for me, i know you’re toxic. but you made me so damn happy. happier than i’ve ever been. i just wish it was us in the end..

i wouldn’t say you were my first love considering we didn’t even reach the dating stage but you made me feel this way i can’t put into words. our dates were so perfect, you are so perfect. you told me you liked me, led me on, but then ended things and got with someone else less than a month after? yet i still see you as perfect. i wish you felt the same as i do. i’m so attached to you and i can’t let go. you were everything i could dream of and you threw us away. why am i not good enough for you? i’m in so much pain and you act like i’m a nobody after everything. we don’t even talk anymore. i just wanted to be loved by you. i was so naive to think you actually cared about me because you clearly didn’t. why did you waste both of our times just to move on almost immediately? i sometimes wish nothing had happened to save myself this pain. you’re a stranger now. what is the point in love if it turns out like this? i’m mentally drained from you. it hurts my heart writing this but feels better at the same time. i wish you were mine J, but i wish you the world always.

There was a time I thought we felt the same for one another. I was so certain. There is so much I want to tell you still. Please come back.

i want you to know that it doesn't matter where we take this road someones gotta go. And i want you to know you couldn't of loved me better but i want you to move on so i'm already gone.- i pushed you away not because i don't love you, because i love you too much

i'm positive us falling in love was fate. from first seeing you when i was 7 and you was the boy who lived across the road then going to the same secondary and having the same humour then our best friends dating bringing us closer. despite everything, you are my greeny and no one can change that. we are better without each over but you josh are my greeny.

you make me so happy, you almost make me forget my problems. i didn't want to loose you but i need to be better before i can be with you- i hope we can meet again in the furture.

I'm convinced we were each overs first love, i will always love you but the painful part was realising we was happier without each over. i love you forever and always.

Thank you for having approached the best of my life, I am eternally grateful. I hope you are always very happy, you deserve it ?

i love you so much and im sorry for ending things, i just havent found myself yet and i needed the freedom to do that. but i thank god every day that you are still here with me. you are truly a blessing. i love you.

i hate you but i still love you. i’m so mad at you for how you’ve made me feel. i hope you see it one day and get out of there.

You left me broken for the sake of another girls happiness. You didn’t care about me at all, you called me some mean stuff and said I was used for passing time. I will hate you forever. I was used as a source of entertainment for yourself.

not being with you for the past months hurts and ik I fucked up but I need you and love you if I could change the past I would I LOVE YOU

why did you let go of everything we had so easily? you did exactly what you said you wouldn’t to me. I still love you when i know i shouldn’t...

Why did it end. There was no real reason. Please can we try again. I still love you and cant see myself with anyone else. I believe we are soulmates. Even if we dont get back togetehr you will forever be my soulmate. I Love You!

Thank you for ruining my life. i thought you cared about me but you didn't. Because of you i have trust issues.

ehm im just to shy to tell you and ich weiss du hesh wahrshinlich kb uf mich but... i like u lol bye, have a nice day :)

I should have left after you hit me the first time. But I loved you. The highs were high and the lows were low. There were too many blows.

i wish you understood how much i cared about you. My actions were never enough but I guess her words were.

My guinea pig still smells like your foot fungus. I miss you so much. You never forget the smell of your 1st love.

yea u were ugly idfk why i liked you so much. i’m glad i grew from this and i’m glad to have you in my life. thanks i guess

I miss the way we were always getting into trouble and when you said my name I got tingles down my spine. I miss you a lot and even though we not have a connection anymore I still miss you. Like a lot.

First, I dont like you anymore but i spent most of my schools years liking you but i dont even know why. We never talked well i mean sometimes we did but i knew you didnt like me back cause you liked lola. I mean everyone did. But i still had hoped you liked me back its okay cause i got over you quickly when i realized i had no reason to like you

I'm sorry I never told you how I felt. We haven't spoken in years, and it still feels like you're still in my heart. We stood side by side for so long, until she came in between us, or was it that I missed my chance? So many people told me you felt the same, but I didn't listen because I was scared they were lying. If you did love me, why didn't you ever tell me? Why couldn't I tell you? When you were the only one I had left, you were gone. You left me in the dust, only to unknowingly break my heart. It hurts to love someone new because your presence is still inside me. I feel broken, I've hurt so many people, people that love and care for me, because of you. I hate you, but I also still can't stop loving you. I love you so much that I don't know if I'll ever stop loving you. Every time I think you've disappeared, you return to haunt me with what could have been in my dreams. I don't know what else to do. It's gotten so bad that I feel like ending it all to stop the burning fire of love inside. I can't move on, it's physically impossible, and the only way I can is if you answer one simple question for me: did you ever love me?

we didn't get to say goodbye the way i wanted. its been 2 years now. i still cry about you every night.

I rlly liked you i rlly did yes it was hard to get over you but i have now done so, i miss talking to you alot i miss hanging with u miss the laughs miss everything what you did to me was wrong and i hope you soon realize that i will always love you bc deep down i care about you a lot and i know u care about me too you used to be my home i felt so safe with you then everything turned around and it was like you didn’t care so you made assumptions about me just so you could leave. you promised me you wouldn’t leave even through the toughest bs we went through yet you still left. overall i miss you i dont miss the dating i just miss talking to you like we used too❤️

I really wish we could pick up where we left off, even though we don't feel the same about each other.

You have the most beautiful eyes, teeth and smile. I wish you'd look those eyes into mine and smile with those white teeth at me.

Someone is going to love you one day. I'm just not that someone. I really hope you heal and get through the things you're going through. I couldn't bare the burden that I felt whenever I talked to you and constantly feel like I'm obligated to fix every single problem you have.

I dislike you so much, everything about you. Please lower your ego. Not everything is about you. I’ll never understand what i used to see in you. You’re gross.

You were toxic asf but I literally loved you. Even though you made me think the worst of myself, I did my best to make you happy. My happiness didn't come first, yours did. I hope you're doing good.

I'll never forget the day our eyes met. I've regretted not making a move every day since and I now have to watch you love someone else because I was too late to make a move.

I want you to know that I only left because I was struggling. I didn’t feel good enough for you, but we were good enough for each other. I just didn’t realise it. I don’t know if you check this, but if you do - please call. Let’s talk. I won’t say who I am, but if you are the Josh I love you will be able to remember this - us, in the sea, I’m wrapped around you - cuddling. I can’t swim well so I clung to you, we saw a turtle! I miss that.

hi josh. imy. ik i cant text u anymore & im still trying to forget u exist but i cant. how'd u do it so easily.

Yknow you're hard to love... I still do but sometimes I wish I knew exactly how you felt, I sometimes feel like you keep me around for company but will never actually capitalize on a true irl relationship. I love you but damn be honest please, it'd be better that way.

You lead me on and broke me. You asked if I would stay forever and never leave, I said yes, forever, I should’ve been the one asking that question. Either way, no matter the answer, it would’ve been a no.

Hace nueve meses que te has ido, aún recuerdo el día exacto en que te fuiste, lo que hablamos, lo que me dijiste días antes de tu partida, y desde ese entonces no has salido de mi cabeza, me haces pensar que soy una molestia pero tengo la esperanza de que nos volvamos a volver a encontrar. Aún te quiero mucho y te extraño como no tienes idea, espero que me recuerdes.

i am so sorry for turning what should’ve stayed a friendship, a relationship. i understand why you would hate me but i will never hate you. thank you for being my best friend 4-6 grade

hi joshy. this is gonna be a long one haha. over the past year, you've become my favorite person. something good would happen, something would make me laugh, something would make me cry, and id immediately text you no matter what. you are always the first person I want to go to and the first person I think of when I need someone. you know everything about me, all the ugly and gross, and still loved me. you never fail to make me smile or giggle and since we joined the band together, I look forward to practice every week just so I can see you. you're the most importantthing in my life. im sorry I didn't realize I was in love with you until it was too late. now there's her and i can never compete. she has ur heart the way you have mine. i did the worst thing possible. i fell in love with my best friend.

The worst thing was not that you told me that you would stay when it was not like that, that it would be different, that you loved me when it was not like that. The worst? I BELIEVED YOU

I hope you know I only have eyes for you. Maybe someday you’ll see me, too. Until then, we’re friends.

You were the guy that gave my dark sky stars, and you were the asteroid that tore through the stillness of my nights. I never really knew if you liked me back, but you should know that every smile you’ve sent me, every glance, and every time you’d laugh...even if my jokes and I were just plain stupid...were the reasons behind my smiles. But, you were the star I couldn’t reach, and the asteroid that was too hot for my hands. You’re beautiful, but the earth and the stars were never meant to collide. Thanks for all the memories — I won’t ever forget you.

i was so stupid to think that we would be friends for ever. You still left me after everything we've been through

I cried when you left because I thought you'd feel different about me when you got back. I was right.

i have to be straight up with you. do u like me or not. yes or no. i don’t want a relationship. i just want to know because you did at the beginning of summer and we’ve been friends for a pretty long time now and i know how you act towards some things. i just don’t like ppl talking about you to me all the time just for me to feel awkward and i know ppl probably do it to you too.