Unsent messages to JAY

a part of me aches every time i think of you. we ended on an open page and we could’ve gone further, but timing wasn’t right for us. i say i’ve moved on, but i can’t help but think about what could’ve been.

i hate u for everything u did to me. u literally broke me and saw me at my lowest and continued to fuck with me. i cant do anything that reminds me of u without feeling a stinging in my chest

how dare you treat me as an option when i am nothing less but a priority. be a better friend to the next one

we could have had such a wonderful life together....why did you have to ruin it? why did you have to ruin me?

you still mean everything to me and i wish you were still in my life, everything would be perfect if you were here again

please stop being on my mind. stop. you're all i think about. you and these imaginary scenarios of us.

god you arent respinding to my texts rn which is really concerning and i really hope that you are ok. i love you so much and youre the best thing to happen to me and help me through so much every single day. i love you so much and never want to lose you.

i didnt mean to break your heart but the harsh way was the only way for me to make sure i didnt go back. the only part that was the worst is when my best friend betrayed me to be friends with you.

its flora, thnx for showing me what its like 2 love and be loved. u were my 1st everything. i wouldn't be who i am today w/o u

i just want to let you know that i still truly love you, you made me feel things i've never felt before in my life. You pop into my head from time to time, and i remember the days when we used to go over plans for dates and cute couple ideas. it hurts knowing you probably moved on already because i havent, but i still have hope that we can resolve our problems and reunie again, going back to what we once were: a couple with no care in the world whose only matter was making the other happy and smile.

i like your laugh. it's... tinkly. you wouldn't expect that type of laugh to come out of you, but it does. i think that makes me like you more, you are not expected.

bitch. fuck you for pulling me into nsfw situations when I WAS UNCOMFY AND A FUCKING MINOR. fuck you for ruining comforts for me. fuck you for continuing to manipulate me, fuck you for vague posting about me, fuck you for everything, i fucking hate you.

you broke me more than anyone, you manipulated me, you took advantage of me, you used me and you fucked me up so bad n ill never forgive

You have left me so many times. Given me such false hope. Now you have left me on 25thDec2020. You hurt me to much I relapsed on my cutting.

Is chivalry dead Jay?? You should have asked if I wanted my shoes so I didn’t have to walk in the rain

i can't stop replaying that one morning in my head, when it was just us and nothing else mattered. i think im in love with you, but it hurts so much knowing you love her more.

you hurt me
and i still had feelings for you
even when we ended
but i know it’s over now
and this is my goodbye

this is my way of letting go and getting closure i just wanted to say that i loved you even though you may of not felt the same way back i really thought we could make it work i really did you were as you said "the man of my dreams" although your no longer here i just wanted to give the biggest thank you for being the reason my showers didnt sting and how i could wear sort sleeves without being insecure. i love you

I miss you so much. It's been 5 years already, but I'll forever carry this heavy feeling. I just want to go back in time and see you and hug you even just for a minute, I'd give everything to see you again.

it still hurts when you compliment me.. i think back to that night. i was too scared to say no, i pretended to be asleep. but somehow...we’re friends again. and it hurts when you talk about me in a sexual way...it’s triggering

I didn't fall in love with your face or your appearance. I fell in love with your personality, your kindness, your respectiveness. Your good looks was just a bonus

I loved you platonically as a friend. But in return, you turned into a toxic manipulative bitch. For months I wish you had changed. When I confronted you, you turned your back and told me I was the problem. Hope you find happiness i guess

I don’t know what it is about you but I can’t let you go. You hurt me but I know that you were just protecting yourself. I hope you realize one day that I was the right one for you.

i still think you are my soulmate, but I’d rather die alone than go back to how you used to treat me :(

Thank you.
Really.
For everything, for every moment, the good and the hard ones. We've truly grown together as a whole and I wish we'd figure out a way to continue this complicity. I've discovered more about myself through you and I'm really grateful that our paths crossed. At some point I truly thought we were soulmates. I still do.
Although why aren't you keeping that promise ? "To always be there if I needed anything". I need you now and where are you?

I almost called you tonight. I'm glad I didn't but would you have picked up? Stop infiltrating my mind, I don't want your name stuck on the tip of my tongue every time I ask myself who I love. Just leave me alone.

I can't believe I actually like you. How did you enamor me so? you're not even attractive. You just understand me and I don't like it at all. Stop making me laugh. Stop casually flirting with me because I can't stop myself from doing it back. I know we can't have a relationship but that won't stop my feelings. But I beg of you, don't make it too real. I'll end up hurting you in the end. We're better as friends. Not that you feel the same anyway.

please dont get bored of me, i love you. please dont hate me, i love you. please dont leave me, i love you.

I look back and always wonder what I could’ve done to make you like me. I know you’re a great guy and I don’t blame you for anything. It was my fault for realizing too late. Here we are years later to only being strangers. I miss you but I know you aren’t coming back. Thank you for this lovely chapter my friend. I’ll always be here for you no matter what. I made a promise back then and I’m gonna keep it, friends or strangers I’m here.

i keep seeing things that make me think of you and it hurts that i can’t show you them because you’re mean to me. you’re mean and you don’t even realize it and i’m too scared to tell you that it hurts because i honestly don’t think you see it.

i only miss you when i start feeling lonely. its a good sign. it reminds me that it just wasn't meant to be

i used to read our messages every night wondering what i did wrong. you told me you loved me. you told me so many things... so many empty promises. you made me feel so small and stupid. you ruined my favorite movies for me. and your name is stupid. i hope u never get into ucla or usc u fucking dick hole.

I wanted it to be you so bad. I wanted us in the end. I’ve let you go and now I don’t even want to love or try again. I’m so scared and every time I start or see potential in someone I freak out and leave because they’re not you. You’re my comfort. You’re my home. Why couldn’t you see that? You still are my home. You will always be my home. I guess we’ll just always have this unfinished story.

I liked you for a long time and even though i dont act like it I am in love with everything you do...mean kid

i really hate you for making me hate myself. you made me feel like i was the worst person when it was you all along

although you hurt me. and gave me trauma. i'm healing, i no longer hurt. thank you for helping me become who i am today, you cunt.

I know that you may my future husband, you’ll always have a special place in my heart. A special place for my first love, that I will never forget.

I don’t know what i’m doing at all. i love you so much though and i wish you the best always, i just hope we can work it out and try again one day when i’m ready❤️

you were the first boy i ever fell in love with, yet the one i took for granted. you are amazing, and i’ll always love you. i’m sorry.

I know we met online but for that 6mths we spent together were the best too me, I knew that if I opened up u would leave but I didn't think it would be so soon...u begged me.. I thought u promised forever

I did love u but u blocked me for no reason then promised me something u couldn’t keep. I don’t like at all. Then u told me u loved me and I believed it I was so happy to feel loved and I liked coming home to your texts but I’m glade your gone I hope u never come back. Enjoy your new girl you won’t get better than me?

hey, i know we have a drifted apart a lot. i just want you to know that whenever i see you, i think about all the times we have spent together. whether it was talking about basketball or in the car to your granparents house, falling asleep together in the car. it makes me happy. i know you probably don't think about me but i want you to know that i still care about you a lot and hope you are happy.
even though we never actually dated it always felt like we did. staying up until 3:00am texting or having the best conversations while babysitting together. it also felt like we had a good connection. i miss you :)

i still listen to the album you told me to listen to. and lately i’ve realized that, oddly enough, i miss you more than anyone. isn’t that weird, and kind of stupid? anyway — i hope you see this, although i know you won’t.

I really like you but idk how to tell you how I really feel. You make me happy and smile whenever you text me like an idiot. I know you probably don’t like me but it’s fine. I just want you to be happy even if it hurts me...

i still listen to that album all the time - the one you told me to listen to. oddly enough, i miss you a lot. maybe even the most out of anyone. isn’t that weird

I never told you this but after we stopped talking for a few months I met someone new but as soon as you came back, I made the biggest mistake ever and chose you. I chose you just for you to choose her over me. I don't know why we wasted so much time with each other just for us to end up strangers.

if we were gonna end up being strangers, we should've just risked our friendship because in the end everything was just a waste. I didn't need to know someone like you just for you to end up a stranger again

i know what's done is done but i'd be lying if i said i didn't miss you from time to time. i hope you're living your best life. if one day we ever connect again just know i never hated you and you're not a shitty person and all i ever wanted was for you to be happy. i'm still cheering you on from the side lines.

im sorry. im sorry i keep walking away i dont mean to hurt you but i love you so much it scares me it scares me in a way i cant explain i wish everyday i could just text you but i feel its better i keep my distance for my sake and you heart. i love you more than ive ever loved anyone i dont belive in soulmates in fact i think thats a bunch of bs but i think you're mine and that terrifies me. so im sorry, sorry i cant be what you need, want, and deserve. but maybe one day we'll find each other. i miss my doorkman:)

Hi! Just wanted to check up on you my friend. How's life? Did you finally graduate? Did you finally get that job? Did you finally accomplish all those things you told me? Your mom must be proud. Like I've said since the beginning I'll always give you that support physically, mentally, and emotionally. I'm so proud of how far you've come. Continue doing great things in life!