Unsent messages to HAYDEN

God gave me you for a reason, I miss you man. People come and go but you can never replace a brother, rest in paradise. I am sorry you had to suffer ways you didn’t deserve.

maybe one day i’ll tell you how i feel about you, how you make my day brighter when i talk to you but for now i won’t, i will always be here for you; you’re not alone

once you said to me ‘it isn’t falling that kills us, it’s the crash landing’. Thank you for protecting me from ever having to land. If you had loved me the way I loved you, I know it would have killed me. Instead of crashing to the ground, you let me float back down to earth.

leave me tf alone. you know that i want nothing to do with you anymore. you treated me like shit so stop acting like we're friends. we're not. fuck off.

You were once my everything, but I finally found a way to think about you and not hurt. I found someone better. And I'm happier with you 100% out of my life. I thought we were right people wrong time, until I realized my own worth.

does she make you happier than i did ? how did you forget about us so easily. it was always me and you :/

i thought you had moved on by now and gotten everything out over these last few months, but i guess i thought wrong considering you're still subtweeting about me

yes i really did fall in love. i fell in love with you, no one else, just you. i’ve never loved someone as much as i’ve loved you. you made me feel something i’ve never felt before. when i was with you all my problems disappeared. when i was with you i felt special for once. i really did experience something, that something was love. even if you hate me i want to spend more time with you, that might sound weird but it’s true. it’s you it’s always been you. i love you...

Its been months since we've even spoken. But everyday im still waiting for your name to pop up on my phone. The little things are starting to hurt more and more. I dont understand why these thought are still here. Its felt like years. I want to hate you. I want to to talk to you and build up a new friendship, but i know i will fall head over heels again. It still hurts when i here your name. it still hurts when i see you like another girls post or post anything of another girl. but i know that girl will never be me. These feelings should be gone. i should never want to talk to you again. but you've got a hold of my heart that no one has ever had. not that you would care but you've hurt me so bad but i dont want that to hurt you. i want you to grow up and find out what you want in life. i need to let you go. its sad but it just hurts bro.

there's so much i want to say to you but i dont know where to start. you saved me from myself and now that you're not here i dont think i can save myself. i cant keep fighting

i’m sorry for hurting you. even though i ended it i miss you so much and i miss our memories. it’s so hard to get over you but i know it’s for the best. the relationship was toxic and manipulative you continuously broke me everyday yet i still loved you haydo. you broke my heart when i needed you most. now i need to let g, look after yourself

i hope you never forget this. you mean the absolute world to me. just please don't do anything stupid

sometimes i think about how much better off i would have been if you didn’t just leave me in the cold

i love you so much, but when you fake you don't love me i just wanna die. it hurts but i don’t wanna say anything cause you’re in a bad mood

I always think I'm over u till I see u at school and wonder why u can be happy without me. when I have to try everyday to even get out of bed

bro. what happened. one minute we were thriving and then within a second it all changed. i don’t want to pretend i’m okay with this anymore. i’m hurt. you hurt me. and you know it, but don’t even try to see the obvious problem. how can you forget about me. how? i genuinely was in love with you. everything about you was so perfect. your eyes.. i could look into them forever. a clear blue. reminded me of the sky, and how lovely it was. your smile, it made me have hope for happiness. from the way you walk, to the way talk.. it’s perfect. i wanted to be with you every second of the day. i never got tired of you. i never forgot about you, no matter what situation i was in. i still think you’re perfect. i still love you, might not be IN love, but i love you. and i thought the feeling was mutual. but i guess not. you fell for her, the second you saw her. it broke me, but at least you’re happy. that’s all i want. you asked her out, how sweet. something i wish you would’ve done for me. she was your world. still is i see. i hate that she hurt you. i hate her for playing with your feelings. i’m sorry she cheated. i’m sorry she manipulates you. i hate you won’t take my advice. it’s not for me, it’s for you. i want you to be happy, even if it isn’t with me. i texted you everyday, no response. i’d say hi in the halls, no response. for a whole month i wondered why you wouldn’t speak to me. and then you did. you finally said hello back. i haven’t been as happy as i was in that moment. then we talked for a few days, telling each other everything. and stupid me, popped the question. “why didn’t you speak to me earlier?”. i’m so fucking stupid for asking. i wish i never had. i expected to hear its because your ex didn’t want you to, but no. it’s because you forgot about me. you didn’t think about speaking to me, forgot my person. i’ve never felt more pain. ever. how could you forget about me? after all we’ve been through? what the actual fuck. you weren’t just my person okay? you were my best friend. but i guess i wasn’t yours, was i? or you lied to my face. thanks, appreciate it. i hope you have fun with life though. i don’t wanna talk to you for awhile. love, m.

i am worried that i will mess it up this time, that i wont be good enough for you, that you won't wait, that you will eventually give up on me

u were the first person that i said i love u to u made me feel so much sadness happiness anger frustration u left me in the dark all i did was wait for u hoping u would say hi but i got nothing at one point i thought i lost u that changed me u told me u were going to kill yourself and stopped replying i thought u died i panicked i spent all night thinking crying a couple hours later u told me u were okay that changed me i will never be the same i wish u the best in life

Dear Hayden, I miss you you’re always on my mind. I miss our memories. I love you. I hope you’re happy even if it’s not with me

You hurt me so badly but for some reason i still want you back. I know you’ve moved on, but I still haven’t and it’s killing me. Why can’t i just let go?

I remember the first time you telling me about this and we were both sad how many people were in pain, I never imagined myself here writing about you. I'm sorry I didn't notice how much pain you were in, you light up my day when nobody else did. Thank you for everything moment you spent with me, the late night calls we had and the crazy ideas we had. I'm hoping for the best for you and I hope someone else will treat you the best. You deserve it really, I love you.

I'm embarrassed at how quickly I developed a crush on you. I know you were just being polite but I can't help but wish we could be something

even though we aren't on speaking terms anymore, I just want you to know that I still think about you. I think about you at night, in the morning, during the day. I miss hugging you, I miss laughing with you. I miss being in your arms. I miss holding your hand. but we both have to move on, right?

The second I saw you, I immediately fell in love with you. You made me feel as though I was special and loved in a way I had never felt.

You may not have been a romantic love but you were the first friend who ever genuinely loved me, I miss you, and I want to hate you so much for being so stupid and I wish more than anything youd get sober and come back, I still love you

part of me misses you so much but the other part of me knows you shouldn’t be in my life anymore bc you don’t deserve me.

Imagine what we could've been. After every guy I'll always go back to you. It's impossible to get over you.

hey, i know we aren't on the best terms. i wish u couldve been honest with me, and didnt take advantage of my kindness like everyone else. you said things would be different, but your behavior never changed. it was always a

i've loved you since we first met and i still love you 26 months after even though we haven't talked at all this year except for when i said happy bday to you but you left me on delivered which hurts me but im used to it by now. i really just hope you find someone who you really love and are happy with :))

I really loved you. I would’ve never thought you would do this. I still love you and hope you come back to me.

you were the first person i felt strongly for but know i’ve grown to know what we were missing in our relationship p.s. i hope ur a having a good time in portland:)

when we first met i knew you were the one. the one that would always be there for me. but the one that i couldn't have.

Adults always tell us that falling in love at young age is impossible. Or that I will never last. No I am not agreeing or disagreeing with them, they shouldn’t make it seem like it’s the worst thing on earth. Falling in love multiple times can slowly deteriorate your hope. All I wanted in life is to have someone. I don’t care if it’s one person or two people. I just want someone. No matter how many times you hurt me you broke me I still came back. I’m not saying I regret what we had, I regret what I didn’t say or do. I had no voice when it came to you. It hurt like hell seeing you with any other girl. it’s been months since we’ve even seen each other or talked. I wish you would talk to me. But I know shouldn’t. I know you will take it advantage of me again. I’m slowly trying to move on and see other people. As a matter of fact I found someone I know will treat me better, but there’s something holding me back. That something was you. No matter how much you hurt me or made me feel like crap, I will never tell you how awful you made me feel about myself. And I can’t ever hate you. But for now there is nothing I can do or say. I’m scared I will run out of time soon. I know you don’t miss me. You missed the thought of having a girlfriend. You knew damn well you had me wrapped around your finger. And I wouldn’t ever speak up. To think I even gave you another chance let alone five. I will never hate you. I will never make you feel the way I did. I hope you find a girl I never was. I wished you would have just told me how you truly felt. I hope when you find the girl of your dreams, I hope to God she treats you well and passes your needs and wants in a girl. I really wish I was good enough for you. I’ve always grown up to see people never last. I’ve never seen anyone in my family that’s together and truly happy. I just wanted to be enough for someone. Thank you for opening my eyes and teaching me not to fall in love with someone that doesn’t know what they want. I just hope I wasn’t a lesson. I love you. Goodbye

Adults always tell us that falling in love at a young age is impossible. Or that it will never last.Though I am not agreeing nor disagreeing with them, they shouldnt make it seem like the worst thing on Earth. Falling in love multiple times slowly deteriorates your hope. All I wanted in life is to have someone. I dont care if its one person or two people. I just want someone. No matter how many times you hurt me or broke me I still came back. Im not saying i regret what we had, I regret what i didnt do or didnt say. I have no voice when it came to you. It hurts like hell seeing you with any girl. Though its been months since weve even seen eachother or talked. I wish you would talk to me. But I know i shouldnt. i know you will take advantage of me again. im slowy trying to move on and see other people. As a matter of fact I found someone I know will treat me better, but there's something holding me back. And that something is you. No matter how much you hurt me and make me feel like crap, I will never tell you how awful you made me feel about myself. And I cant ever hate you. But for now there is nothing I can do or say. Im scared i will soon run out of time. I know you dont miss me. You miss the thought of having a girlfriend. You miss the thought of having someone that you know damn well you had me wrapped around your finger and i wouldnt ever speak up. To think I even gave you another chance let alone 5. I will never hate you. I will never make you feel the way I did. I hope you find the girl I never was. I just wished you would have told me how you truly felt. I hope when you find the girl of your dreams, i hope to god she treats you well and passes your needs and wants in a girl. I really wish I was good enough for you. Ive always grown up to seeing people never last. Ive never even seen anyone in my family thats together and happy. I just wanted to be enough for someone. Thank you for opening my eyes and teaching me not to fall in love with someone that doesnt know what they want. I just hope i wasnt just a lesson. I love you. Goodbye.

i know i fucked up, and i’m sorry i just wish you could at least text me something so i know you’re safe even though you were toxic and i know i shouldn’t miss you.

It’s your fault we didn’t work out. I waited for years for you. We would have celebrated 5 years together if you had gotten your life together

my mom said today that we were really in love. i just want to get back together please that's all i want. i just want you back i hate doing life without you. please come back, reach out to me. text me, say hi to me. i want to tell you how i feel but i don't want to get rejected again. how did i get so lucky to have you as my first love. i love you more than when we were together. someone said you moved on they told me to forget about you. but how can i? you were my life. do you not miss me? i wonder if you think about me as much as i think about you. i just want you to show up at my house and tell me that you're sorry and you want to get back together. but you never do, no matter how much i want you to. i love you hayden.

i loved u. u said i was too innocent. it’s ok tho, i understand. i hope you find someone good for you, you were the sweetest guy i have ever talked to.

I don’t know why im having such a hard time with this recently. I’ve been fine for a long time, and now it’s all coming back.

I just feel like we never got closure. You told me not to call you again and that was it. I want closure, but at the same time I never want to see you or talk to you ever again. I still have a weird attachment to you and I don’t know how to let go. I know you’re not who you used to be and that’s who I want. What happened ?

I don’t love you anymore, but at the same time I do if that makes sense. I want to be with you, but I know it would never be as good as it used to be. It’s been almost a year, why can’t I just let go?

I had a dream about you the other night and now I can’t stop thinking about you. I feel like I miss you, but I know I just miss my idea of you. You’re not the same and I guess I just have to accept that.

For some reason I still feel like we’re just having a really long break and we’re gonna get back together. But we aren’t. I wish I could move on, I don’t know what’s stopping me. I miss us.

i'm sorry for everything. you really were the best. i loved you then, i love you now, and i'll love you forever.

hi hayden. i saw your posts with her today. i hope you two are doing well. i miss you. so much. i miss waking up and being happy because i was able to talk to you, i miss listening to our favorite joji song. i miss thinking about and planning our future together. it’s been almost 6 months since we last talked, since i found out about you and her. that day was terrible, i couldn’t stop crying. you broke me, hayden. i chose this color because it was your favorite color, and mine too. if you see this hayden, please talk to me. i miss you

i am a two quietly wishing after a ten. you are the most beautiful person on this planet. you're messages make me feel like i'm flying.

I love you with all my heart, forever. Even though we're not meant to be, I'll always have your back. Always.

You wasn't my first love, but u were my dear friend. I'm very worried about where u are right now. You don't unswer my texts nor calls. I hope you are safe and living your best life.

You were definitely my first love, you were the first person who made me feel loved even though you never told me, you still showed me. I miss you and I’m glad you’re happy

I knew your parents would never let us be together but I wished we could have tried. I miss you even though we were never together.