Unsent messages to EVIE

do you miss me like i miss you?

please dont replace me i need u

the things you post on your story really hurt me.

i want nothing more than for you to love me

i miss u in more ways than one

why did you move on so fast? what did they do that i couldn’t? what did i do wrong?

i miss you. i don't know where you went. it's been four years now. i hope you think of me too.

i'm still in love with you despite how awfully you treated me. isn't that pathetic? i miss you.

i always wonder what we could have been. i miss ur beautiful smile hope ur doing well

you’re my bsf i hope i don’t lose u again ily

i miss you

I don't care

i don’t think i can stop loving you, even when i try too.

i would have stayed if you cared

Looking back I question if I actually meant anything to you...

Thinking about you gives me anxiety.

i wish i couldnt miss talking to you

I really regret and blame myself for giving you that contact.

i have never felt this way about anyone else

I love you so much. I hope our hearts meet again.

you were probably the most perfect girl i'd ever met

I ACTUALLY DO HAVE A CRUSH ON YOU AND IM FREAKED OUT AND SO EMBARRASSED AND I DONT FEEL LIKE I CAN TELL ANYONE

I still love you more than anything, I wish I could turn time back to our summer walks and show you how my heart is yours. I wish you were my wife and best friend. forever by my side, One day I hope it becomes true

I always imagined spending the rest of my life with you, it’s all I ever wanted, but your gone and I don’t know how to accept that it might not come true

I love you so much. I really don’t know what happened. I just know it wasn’t the same anymore and that’s what hurt the most. Every little thing reminds me of you. I think of you every day. I wish we could go back to how we used to be.

Today is the first day I have seen the sun in 3 days. Thank you for reminding me everything you taught me about my worth.

I stopped smoking finally. Partly because I can’t get myself out of bed half the days but it’s a plus. Whenever I do anything I want to tell you first, accomplishments just aren’t as good now I can’t. My meds aren’t great tho, it’s been hard and depressing lately but that’s just turned into numbness so I just feel like a ghost. Mum has been at my throat lately it’s been shit. All I do is work out, turn all the pain in my Head into physical pain. It all just hurts my heart. I wish I could sit with you having a blem and just talk about everything that’s happened lately so badly. They always made my days so much better

I’m glad you’ve found a way that helps you to express how you feel on here, I hope it helps. Just let it all out on here. it’s better than you bottling it up, stay safe for me x

I thought right person wrong time didn’t exist, but I can’t stop the feelings for you, they are as strong as ever and I think more than anyone else will ever be to me. I miss your bites so much. Be strong for me, just like your fav sunflower always look for the sunny side yeh, it’s always there, I love you Goodluck

Thank you for checking, it’s not been easy. All I wanted was anything just any news how you were but I never wanted to pressure and make you feel worse and had no one to ask to check for me, ngl I have pushed everyone away because I feel so numb, I workout and work and have blisters over my hands and knuckles, I haven’t slept in days, i will try for you, I just need to hate myself to push to be more. I can’t get you off my mind, I always worry about you and if your okay and how everything is going and if it isn’t good I will keep my eye on here just incase x I will always do whatever I can to protect you Evie, whatever and wherever please remember, I’m a call away x

I miss your smile, I always loved it so much, a beautiful full teeth smile which you hate because of your teeth but it always made me happy because I knew they were genuine, cold hard and just pure you. I know that you can’t text me or see me because you need to help yourself, I would do anything to see you but I need you to be happy, i wish I could watch you grow, but I can’t I just hope I’ll see the amazing woman you’ll become later in life, come find me in the future, whenever or wherever, please. I love you and I know I have to let you go to let you heal but my heart hurts because every part of me doesn’t want to. Please take care of yourself and focus on you, i believe in you, I always have ! I want you to be as proud as you were when you got your results in that exam hall at Aylsham. I will always be proud of you whatever you do Evie, you were my first love, and you gave me the truest and happiest moments of my life and I’ll keep them close to my heart till death do us part, I’ll be okay Evie, I’m a trouper remember and so are you.x
Beautiful blue for your eyes too, plus the slight hazel tint, they always gave me such a warm glow, would make me smile just looking at you, make me feel at home. I love you forever Evie, I really do I hope you know that x

I’m so proud of you Evie. You’ve made so much of yourself and you do so much, real super hero if I’ve ever seen one ;). I want you to remember to trust yourself ! You doubt yourself sometimes because of others, I know it’s easier said than done but own it, your an amazing bad bitch and your gonna be jetting around the world doing your designer marketing in your private jets in no time I bet! I hope you are talking to people too, don’t cut yourself off, I know it’s shit and another quarantine and you don’t have your taxi but try get out and see the girls as much as possible (fuck the feds). I’ll always be your biggest fan Evie even if I’m not out infront of you, I know your going to keep growing and become the most amazing person and I’m so glad I got to see you grow and breaks my heart I can’t keep being there but maybe one day. I will always be here for you. I’d drive to you right now and just hug and kiss you and just hold you tight once again but I know i can’t. I love you Evie to the moon and back. Thank you and be you Evie, your a million times more amazing than you think sometimes x

I feel so numb right now, I want to talk to you and I try to text lately hoping for the slightest chance that you’d reply. It’s been such a dark time, I don’t sleep I can’t work, I’ve been in hospital in and out for a few days and it’s just so much. I didn’t want to be here anymore and was pretty set on it until I remembered our will pact about the spliff ashes and just properly smiled for once in a long time, thank you for being my guardian angle at my worst times even tho you aren’t here anymore.

I miss you more than anything Evie, I never stop thinking of you and how much I miss every part of you. And being your dickhead, ride or die I always thought. I know I fucked up and I lost you and it hurts because I just want to be by your side through it all. My heart still lies with you, I hate hearing about you because it makes my heart ache but I wish that people will tell me how you are just so I know your okay and safe. I just want to hold you in my arms and tell you how my day was and listen to you and make you smile when your down. I don’t know if the future holds anything for us but I hope it does, I hope you know that you changed my life, you showed me how to believe in myself and be confident and proud of who I am whatever people have said in the past, you made me the happiest person ever, genuinely were the light that saved me from such a dark part of my life and I am forever thankful for that. You are so so strong Evie, never forget that because you doubt yourself and get stubborn but you can do it I’ve always believed you can and you can, please take care of yourself, make sure to take time to self care, because I know you try to distract yourself but just give it a go a bit more and see how it goes. I fell head over heals in love with every part of you since I met you in that crappy art room, and you will always have a special part in my heart till the end.

hey evie, you better get those fucking stamps today or else i will kill you i stg >:)
love lily lol

I hate myself for the way I treat you sometimes and I know it’s my fault but I feel out of control and don’t realise before it is too late. I know that a shit apology and excuse but really I haved loved you my whole life and wish we could be close like a couple years ago.

Evie you ruined my life I spent so long trying so hard for u and you kept leaving me over and over choosing that dumb slut over me fuck.you.

God I'm so in love with you, I just wish you'd stop talking about how much you like them and how you have playlists for them and how much they fluster you. I wish that were me. I wish i could have you. You're so fucking lovely

it sucks because i keep reloading my notifications to see if you care please just say you don't this way hurts so much more

please will you be the princess bubblegum to my marceline the daphne to my VeIma I've loved you since 7th grade

I'm sorry I was so annoying, I guess I was just so blinded by loving you that I didn't seem to notice that you hated me :')

I'm sorry for leaving you without an explanation. 

The truth is I was scared. I am scared. I'm the kind of person who is never really there, I'm like a ghost. I come and go. I join schools and then I suddenly leave. I make friends and then I suddenly lose them. I disappear, it's in my nature. 

But my feelings for you are different and new to me - I want to stay put with you, I don't want to disappear from you. 

But then the first quarantine happened and I started to feel like I was disappearing, I was paranoid. I was hurting and overthinking. 

I'd see you talking with your friends online, who I felt were better for you than me and you'd eventually replace me with one of them and forget about me. 

Your messages to me then seemed blunter and blunter and then we stopped talking for a while, I thought you didn't want me anymore but I wanted you. 

I felt I was disappearing again. I felt I was disappearing and I still had all this love for you and didn’t know where to put it so I turned it into poison.

I didn't mean to hurt you and I know you didn't mean to hurt me. But I was also hurting myself, so I had to leave you.

I'm a stronger person now, I know who I am.

But I'm still a ghost and I don't think I can be with you 

but I do think that I love you, and I think I'll love you forever.

im sick and tired of being your friend because you are one of the most selfish people i have ever met. and no i do not care ur and coles relationship. im also sick of ur family drama keep me out of it. idk how to tell you that i never want to see u again so here im saying it right now. i have built a strong hatrid towards you (dont know if i spelt that right) but please leave me alone and never talk to me again ty.

i feel like you don’t realize your not the only person in the world and i’m sick about all your drama and wining, and i never want to hangout with you or be friends

you lying, manipulative, two faced toxic bitch. i considered you a sister even though we could never keep our friendship going. i've told you things i've never even told my best friends and family and i hate myself for it because i should have known that trusting you was the easiest way to get hurt. i wish i could turn back time to the day we met and sat in a different seat so we wouldn't be at this point. god i just hate you so much. after everything you still laugh in my face and talk shit about me and my friends behind our backs. you were literally sucking up to us and pretending to be my friend not even two months ago. if that doesn't show how two faced you are. hate to break it to you bitch but no one likes you and deserve it you wrinkly old cow. and you know what, because you can never stop talking about how 'fat' and ugly you are - yes you're a FAT, UGLY, UNLIKEABLE cow. f u c k y o u

why r u forgetting about me. I feel myself being pushed out of our 4. i try to involve myself, but u guys dont try with me as much as i do with u.

sometimes i think about us. i don't think i'm over you yet. i don't think i'll ever be over you. is that okay?

I love you so much and you don't even know it, you're the only one who makes me smile and I wish I could just hug you constantly and tell everyone how much I love you but my dad would hate me and I'm too scared to say I love you

youre not my first love but my best friend, i love u so much thank you for coming into my life and making it 100000 times better. I appreciate it ebie little

i love u always. i wish u best because that’s what u always deserved and i’m sorry i couldn’t give it to u