I feel so numb right now, I want to talk to you and I try to text lately hoping for the slightest chance that you’d reply. It’s been such a dark time, I don’t sleep I can’t work, I’ve been in hospital in and out for a few days and it’s just so much. I didn’t want to be here anymore and was pretty set on it until I remembered our will pact about the spliff ashes and just properly smiled for once in a long time, thank you for being my guardian angle at my worst times even tho you aren’t here anymore.

I’m so proud of you Evie. You’ve made so much of yourself and you do so much, real super hero if I’ve ever seen one ;). I want you to remember to trust yourself ! You doubt yourself sometimes because of others, I know it’s easier said than done but own it, your an amazing bad bitch and your gonna be jetting around the world doing your designer marketing in your private jets in no time I bet! I hope you are talking to people too, don’t cut yourself off, I know it’s shit and another quarantine and you don’t have your taxi but try get out and see the girls as much as possible (fuck the feds). I’ll always be your biggest fan Evie even if I’m not out infront of you, I know your going to keep growing and become the most amazing person and I’m so glad I got to see you grow and breaks my heart I can’t keep being there but maybe one day. I will always be here for you. I’d drive to you right now and just hug and kiss you and just hold you tight once again but I know i can’t. I love you Evie to the moon and back. Thank you and be you Evie, your a million times more amazing than you think sometimes x

I miss your smile, I always loved it so much, a beautiful full teeth smile which you hate because of your teeth but it always made me happy because I knew they were genuine, cold hard and just pure you. I know that you can’t text me or see me because you need to help yourself, I would do anything to see you but I need you to be happy, i wish I could watch you grow, but I can’t I just hope I’ll see the amazing woman you’ll become later in life, come find me in the future, whenever or wherever, please. I love you and I know I have to let you go to let you heal but my heart hurts because every part of me doesn’t want to. Please take care of yourself and focus on you, i believe in you, I always have ! I want you to be as proud as you were when you got your results in that exam hall at Aylsham. I will always be proud of you whatever you do Evie, you were my first love, and you gave me the truest and happiest moments of my life and I’ll keep them close to my heart till death do us part, I’ll be okay Evie, I’m a trouper remember and so are you.x
Beautiful blue for your eyes too, plus the slight hazel tint, they always gave me such a warm glow, would make me smile just looking at you, make me feel at home. I love you forever Evie, I really do I hope you know that x

Thank you for checking, it’s not been easy. All I wanted was anything just any news how you were but I never wanted to pressure and make you feel worse and had no one to ask to check for me, ngl I have pushed everyone away because I feel so numb, I workout and work and have blisters over my hands and knuckles, I haven’t slept in days, i will try for you, I just need to hate myself to push to be more. I can’t get you off my mind, I always worry about you and if your okay and how everything is going and if it isn’t good I will keep my eye on here just incase x I will always do whatever I can to protect you Evie, whatever and wherever please remember, I’m a call away x

I thought right person wrong time didn’t exist, but I can’t stop the feelings for you, they are as strong as ever and I think more than anyone else will ever be to me. I miss your bites so much. Be strong for me, just like your fav sunflower always look for the sunny side yeh, it’s always there, I love you Goodluck

I’m glad you’ve found a way that helps you to express how you feel on here, I hope it helps. Just let it all out on here. it’s better than you bottling it up, stay safe for me x

I stopped smoking finally. Partly because I can’t get myself out of bed half the days but it’s a plus. Whenever I do anything I want to tell you first, accomplishments just aren’t as good now I can’t. My meds aren’t great tho, it’s been hard and depressing lately but that’s just turned into numbness so I just feel like a ghost. Mum has been at my throat lately it’s been shit. All I do is work out, turn all the pain in my Head into physical pain. It all just hurts my heart. I wish I could sit with you having a blem and just talk about everything that’s happened lately so badly. They always made my days so much better

I love you so much and you don't even know it, you're the only one who makes me smile and I wish I could just hug you constantly and tell everyone how much I love you but my dad would hate me and I'm too scared to say I love you

youre not my first love but my best friend, i love u so much thank you for coming into my life and making it 100000 times better. I appreciate it ebie little

sometimes i think about us. i don't think i'm over you yet. i don't think i'll ever be over you. is that okay?

it sucks because i keep reloading my notifications to see if you care please just say you don't this way hurts so much more

i think i’ve finally found someone new after you ruining the idea of love for me. & it feels great.

you are so perfect from your looks to your music taste, i’ve only just met you but my point will still stand a million years from now

you gave me years worth of happiness in a matter of months. and even though you broke me at the end of it, i can’t thank u enough

i love you ev, sorry for hurting you like that, i didn't even know i was hurting you until you told me. i know i'm in a relationship but i still love you. i feel empty without you, and i'm afraid of getting used to being without you because i don't want that. i'm confused, you confuse me do you still like me? or did you even like me? i'm sorry, i want to hold your hand right now. i love you, we are infinite ...

God I'm so in love with you, I just wish you'd stop talking about how much you like them and how you have playlists for them and how much they fluster you. I wish that were me. I wish i could have you. You're so fucking lovely

i love you. u deserve so much better i hope you find someone who cares more than me and looks after you

Evie you ruined my life I spent so long trying so hard for u and you kept leaving me over and over choosing that dumb slut over me fuck.you.

I just wish I could tell you this directly but I think I'm in love with you.
I'm sorry I wasnt ready for you.

Today is the first day I have seen the sun in 3 days. Thank you for reminding me everything you taught me about my worth.

I'll take a fat cock up the ass
gotta give yourself more credit where its due hoe. u gotta own urself. peace out 8======D?

why r u forgetting about me. I feel myself being pushed out of our 4. i try to involve myself, but u guys dont try with me as much as i do with u.

you lying, manipulative, two faced toxic bitch. i considered you a sister even though we could never keep our friendship going. i've told you things i've never even told my best friends and family and i hate myself for it because i should have known that trusting you was the easiest way to get hurt. i wish i could turn back time to the day we met and sat in a different seat so we wouldn't be at this point. god i just hate you so much. after everything you still laugh in my face and talk shit about me and my friends behind our backs. you were literally sucking up to us and pretending to be my friend not even two months ago. if that doesn't show how two faced you are. hate to break it to you bitch but no one likes you and deserve it you wrinkly old cow. and you know what, because you can never stop talking about how 'fat' and ugly you are - yes you're a FAT, UGLY, UNLIKEABLE cow. f u c k y o u

I'm sorry I was so annoying, I guess I was just so blinded by loving you that I didn't seem to notice that you hated me :')

I love you so much. I really don’t know what happened. I just know it wasn’t the same anymore and that’s what hurt the most. Every little thing reminds me of you. I think of you every day. I wish we could go back to how we used to be.

hey, how are you ? i really miss you, & wish i never had to leave,,,you look really cool now haha ,,, is purple still your favorite color ? is everyone back there still friends ?

shawty E i hope u have a great IB year alone with caverito but dont get caught up with all those fake ppl

i feel like you don’t realize your not the only person in the world and i’m sick about all your drama and wining, and i never want to hangout with you or be friends

im sick and tired of being your friend because you are one of the most selfish people i have ever met. and no i do not care ur and coles relationship. im also sick of ur family drama keep me out of it. idk how to tell you that i never want to see u again so here im saying it right now. i have built a strong hatrid towards you (dont know if i spelt that right) but please leave me alone and never talk to me again ty.

I always imagined spending the rest of my life with you, it’s all I ever wanted, but your gone and I don’t know how to accept that it might not come true

I still love you more than anything, I wish I could turn time back to our summer walks and show you how my heart is yours. I wish you were my wife and best friend. forever by my side, One day I hope it becomes true

I'm sorry for leaving you without an explanation. 

The truth is I was scared. I am scared. I'm the kind of person who is never really there, I'm like a ghost. I come and go. I join schools and then I suddenly leave. I make friends and then I suddenly lose them. I disappear, it's in my nature. 

But my feelings for you are different and new to me - I want to stay put with you, I don't want to disappear from you. 

But then the first quarantine happened and I started to feel like I was disappearing, I was paranoid. I was hurting and overthinking. 

I'd see you talking with your friends online, who I felt were better for you than me and you'd eventually replace me with one of them and forget about me. 

Your messages to me then seemed blunter and blunter and then we stopped talking for a while, I thought you didn't want me anymore but I wanted you. 

I felt I was disappearing again. I felt I was disappearing and I still had all this love for you and didn’t know where to put it so I turned it into poison.

I didn't mean to hurt you and I know you didn't mean to hurt me. But I was also hurting myself, so I had to leave you.

I'm a stronger person now, I know who I am.

But I'm still a ghost and I don't think I can be with you 

but I do think that I love you, and I think I'll love you forever.

I ACTUALLY DO HAVE A CRUSH ON YOU AND IM FREAKED OUT AND SO EMBARRASSED AND I DONT FEEL LIKE I CAN TELL ANYONE

you made me feel like a different person--you've helped me grow. but i felt used at the end of our relationship. i can't be the same person, the same happy self i was one year ago. fuck you, but i love what you've done for me.

I miss you. Yes, this is from who u think it's from. I used ur fav color.

i still think about you sometimes and wonder what it would’ve been like if we stayed together

why did we fade out? looking back I think you meant more to me than I ever did to you

i always wonder what we could have been. i miss ur beautiful smile hope ur doing well

i'm still in love with you despite how awfully you treated me. isn't that pathetic? i miss you.

i miss you so much. i'm sorry for ruining things. i still love you and i wish i didn't

will you ever text me again? I saw you online by accident and it hurts not to be able to say sorry.

i miss you. i don't know where you went. it's been four years now. i hope you think of me too.

i think i miss you even tho i dont want to

I wish I was a boy so you would like me

why did you move on so fast? what did they do that i couldn’t? what did i do wrong?

you were probably the most perfect girl i'd ever met

I love you so much. I hope our hearts meet again.

I think I’m jealous of you. Why will he never want me as much as girls like you.

i don’t know why you did what you did but i had to forget you existed.

I don’t know how to stop missing u. Come back, Please. I’m sorry for hurting you. I’ll do anything.