Unsent messages to ELI

Why do I always go back to you?No matter who i choose to distract myself with, I always go back to
you.

This is my closure. This is for you. Im sorry but time wasn't enough for me to stay. This isnt a sign for us to ever get back together. I found my soulmate. Its time you hopefully find yours. The assumptions are partially true. But you were just distant fig/lit. Wishing you the best, it did it all without me. Keep doing that. ty

You suck.you stole my friends from me. I was happy. You destroyed me. You destroyed who I am . But I don't hate you. I just wish I could've stayed with my friends.
It hurt when you and G tried to hide in the back of E's car the very last time I saw him. I was gonna say hi, and say I hope you two were doing okay. But you were so fucking mean about everything. Not everything in the fucking world is about you. I hope you learn. Be grateful for the things you have, even if you stole them from me. I hope you're happy and healthy.

Thank you for hugging me that day, you made me feel happy again. You always did and you made me feel safe. I wish you weren't so nice to me but thank you for that too, I hate how much I like you because I just can't stop.

i miss our facetimes and laughing at you for your baseball bed sheets. i still wonder what would have happened if things were different. you probably don’t still like me, which hurts but i’ll be ok. opening your snaps and seeing your face makes me smile like an idiot ! u are so pretty and handsome and i wonder what it would be like to hug you.

not a day goes by where i don’t think about you. i know how much you’ve sacrificed and how much you’ve lost, and i pray that you know that you’re stronger than all that, because i know you are. i love you and hope you come back

There’s been few days in the past 10 months where I haven’t stopped thinking of you at least once. I think I did a good job with what I was given but I just wished you matched what I gave. I loved you so much. Still do love you and the fact that you waited too long and now we can’t be together for a while is scary, I know your effort habits and I have faith you’ll give up. If you see this which you won’t I just manifest you don’t give up on me, we’ve been through so much.

the part that hurts the most is that it ended before it ever really began- i never had a chance at showing you how much you truly mean to me.

i wish i knew the pain you were going to put me through in the beginning. you put me through so much yet i still stayed.

You were a fucking rich spoiled brat who didn't care about no one but you. Sorry I didn't have money and sorry I didn't trust you enough fake ass. Hope you stop putting pressure on others to be your friends forever bc you feel lonely, you are only breaking them apart and they won't even complaint bc they are too afraid to hurt you.

hey dude,
i really miss you but i know you don’t care about me anymore. you’ve already moved on but i haven’t.

hey beb, I’m sorry religion got in the way. I’ll remember your smile and kind heart forever. I will always love you and will always be your girl. I wish you happiness and love, even if it’s not with me. Thank you for everything. Goodbye.

Wish I had of said it sooner. Sorry for ruining the only good relationship you had. Even though you were the one that stuck your dick in her while she was unconscious. Fuck me daddy I bet she said that while you undoubtedly touched her all over. Then came back to me because I’ll never leave my pretty boy. I like how you use the same method on relationships because of that I’ve been able to pick up on what you are reapplying to the list of not to forget when we’re on our break. I don’t love you but I won’t say that. I’ll just let you believe that while I stare with a broken look in my eyes. Don’t leave me though.

we kinda were best friends in a way, i thought you really were my soulmate but my soulmate would never hurt me as bad as you did. i didn’t deserve any of it. but yet i still and always will wish you the best with her. i’m proud of you for everything

It's been a year and not a day goes by that I don't think of you. I miss you with my whole heart, please come back.

we were such good friends u had to like me and ruin it. and then u ended it. i still think abt u all the time. i miss you, you were a really good friend. hope things are good with stella.

please don't leave me. i really do like you and i'm scared because i've never met someone as great as you. :(

This is the color of our blanket. I can't look at it without thinking about you and idk if thats a good or bad thing because ily. :/

I think I really did love you and it sucks now thinking about you not knowing what you're ever doing.

Sometimes I want to come back but I know you don't feel the same and I don't want to annoy you so I don't.

it hurt. watching you laugh and smile as you stared at someone who would inevitably break your heart. i couldn’t say anything though, nobody knew that they’d be as bitchy as they were. and yet, i told you how i felt. i’ve liked you since the start of june. i told you in october. it didn’t bother you. i sometimes wonder if you even remember what i told you. maybe not, i wouldn’t be that surprised.

I've heard about your boyfriend from you. The only thing I really want to hear from you is "I don't love you,". Say it... for both of us... please?

You were so dense, and that was one of the things I really loved about you. You think I’m over it, but that was a simple white lie. One to cope with the fact you never did and never will like me. I hope he makes you happy. I love you. You will always carry a piece of my heart with you. Take care of it, Eli.

never settle for anything less than you deserve. i’m
sorry i cant forget, i’ll get there. live free and live true

its crazy im typing this even though I know you want nothing to do with me and never did. I wish maybe you would've said something other than you hate your life but I suppose it doesn't really matter because it never would have worked in the first place. idk if you were my first love but you definitely were my biggest crush. it took me so long to get over you. i hate you so much but I still get butterflies when I look at you. why did you do this to me.

I am hopelessly in love with you and you see me as a friend. It is necessary that I get over you but how can I get over something that was never mine in the first place?

I don’t know how you could just leave me and remove me from your life the way you did. I’m still waiting for you even though I probably shouldn’t. Hopefully you come back to me one day.

Sometimes I still think of you. I don’t think you miss me and I don’t miss you but I do miss seeing you happy. You don’t look as happy recently:(

hey E,
I’ve been thinking about you a lot recently. The time we spent together meant the world to me and I would do anything to get it back. I hope you are doing well. You’ve probably moved on to another girl but just know that I’ll always love you no matter how you feel about me. We moved on, and maybe it was for the better but I’ll never forget you, I keep saying I’m over you but I know damn well on the inside that I will never ever be over you. I know we’ll probably never see each other again, and that breaks my heart but I just wish for the best. Missing you always.

tpwk
I seriously doubt you will ever see this because you are not the kind of person who would be on this website. I never really realized how truly clueless you were. I just always assumed that you payed as much attention to me as I did to you. But no. You didn’t even know I was in your fucking class. For some reason you are always on my mind, my dreams, and even now when you’ve made it so painfully obvious that you couldn’t care less- I still can’t move on. You never even liked me back. I hope one day you open your eyes to how much I really cared for you. I hope you’re happy.

I’m pretty sure I have already written one of these to you. You could care less about me but just so you know you will always be in my heart, whether I like it or not.

Necesito de vos cada momento, necesito que estemos bien..pero no puedo sacar el rencor que te tengo
Me lastimaste,me sacaste las ganas de seguir adelante.
Quiero volver el tiempo atrás y poder disfrutarte más,abrazarte más fuerte que la última vez,no se porque todo tuvo que ser así...se que a vos también te duele habernos perdido pero ya no te importa tanto,no te importa saber como estamos,si comemos bien,si necesitamos algo.
Me siento sola y necesito de tu cariño para seguir pero no te lo digo frente a frente porque no puedo,se me parte el alma no poder hacerlo.
Nos cambiaste y no te importó
Dijiste que no lo volverías a hacer,pero lo hiciste.
Te dí más de una oportunidad y me volviste a fallar en todas y como estupida que soy sé que voy a volver a tus brazos porque sin vos no soy nada
Pero me arrepiento cada momento de hacerlo porque termino mal, termino rota,llorando todas las malditas noches por vos
Me prometiste cosas que no vas a cumplir,cosas que ni siquiera te debes acordar..
Me hiciste elegir entre dos personas y te elegí, confíe en vos¿para que? Si lo único que hiciste fue usarme,perdí mi niñez haciendo cosas que vos tendrías que haber hecho,deje todo lo mío por vos y aún así nunca me lo agradeciste.
Perdi la confianza de la persona más importante de mi vida solo por vos,me aleje de todos,estoy sola completamente sola y vos allá, siendo feliz sin mí,sin querer hablarme,ignorandome
Tengo tantas cosas que decirte que las palabras no me alcanzan

toxic. one word to describe you, i’m always gonna have love for you though, and that’s what hurts, because your trying to win me back, and i come running back to you even though you hurt me

sometimes when it rains i imagine it in your hair and settling around your smile. it hurts to know that i’ll be thinking about you when it rains and you’ll be fast asleep dreaming of someone else

I'm happy for you and your new girl and I see how good you are to her, but why was it me you had to practice with?

Hey, um i miss you. I know you do also because you texted me how you wanted another chance. Its not that i don't want you back its just i'm scared that one of us is going to hurt the other and i wouldnt be able to go through the pain of being hurt again. I also wouldnt be able to forgive myself if i hurt you anymore than i fell like i have already done. Look im sorry that i just want to be friends but i cant loose you. Not permanently. I just cant. I love you from the bottom of my heart. I love a player, but one that cared for me so much to the point none of us noticed how toxic we were becoming. We were soulmates who just werent meant to be. I hope you do understand that i love you from the bottom of my heart but i just cant get hurt, or i cant hurt you. Either one would kill me mentally and physically. So please understand. Im sorry.

why was it that when I moved I found out I loved you, One day I'll see you and get to tell you how I feel, so wait for me.

i know that we are young, and i know that you don’t like me like i like you. and as much as that hurts, i get that. i’m not mad.

hey E, just wanted to say hi and i am almost done with my project for cali :) don't worry ill be in england soon with you and i hope you love the hoodie i gave you but it has a special gift in a small secret pocket inside :) i love you

why wont you treat me right, why dont you know my worth anymore i treat you with love and i care for you deeply, my heart is in the palm of your hand and you play with it like its nothing

Why did things suddenly change, I loved you and showed my appreciation for you but no matter how much I cried and told you how I felt you continued to say reckless stuff to me. You made me feel so special and irreplaceable now I feel the opposite. I tortured myself staying with you I degraded myself and begged you to stay with me knowing I wasn’t being treated right and I could leave you and you’d say “ok bye” and I’m mad at myself for letting you treat me like that. Hope your happy givin somebody something I cried for.

I loved you since 5th grade. It's sad but we don't text anymore. I wish we were still at least friends.

you broke my heart like no other. i’m still learning to live without you. you always disrespected me. and never cared for me, but on some days you were the sweetest boy i’ve ever met. why couldn’t i be good enough for you? i always put up with everything you put me thru. please come back i’m still waiting for you knowing you’re so bad for me.

i hate waking up everyday knowing we’re done forever. and knowing we’ll never speak again. i miss you so much it’s painful to even wake up everyday now. i can’t stop missing you no matter what i do you’re constantly on my mind. i wanna message you, but doing that will be my biggest mistake. you are so bad for me. you’re such a bad person. yet i still love you. i miss you.

Was it fun? Did you plan out how you would stop ghost me when you first saw me? How many people have you done that to? I hope you had fun because I sure didn't.

I told you I would love you for the rest of my life and 2 weeks later you broke my fucking heart. Fuck you I should’ve known to NEVER date a peice of shit trump supporter eventhough you said it didn’t matter WE PLANNED OUR FUCKING WEDDING I HATE YOU SO MUCH AND FUCK YOU ELI. YOURE THE REASON IM SO DEPRESSED AND WILL NEVER TRUST A GUY AGAIN I WANT TO FUCKING PUNCH YOU SO HARD

you broke me. I am the person I am today because of you. you wrecked my mental health. but you also gave me a love I have never had.

You don’t know it yet, but i have liked you for a while. You listen to my problems without ever judging me. But, i know you would never choose me over those other girls.

who would’ve thought things would happen like this? i just miss your presence, and smoking with you and laughing together. it’s whatever, i love you.

i still think about you. it’s been a few months since you left, but life changes and it was gonna happen anyways.