Unsent messages to DEVIN

i’m sorry i hurt you. i just got so sick of you hurting me. i love you and care about you so much but you’ll never know.

you left her for me but she still loves you the same way i love him. i never thought it was fair to her but now i dont think it's fair to you. i think you deserve better and i don't think i can be the person that you want me to be. because truthfully i'm still in love with him but i can't bring myself to break your heart the same way you did to her.

Thank you for all the good times but i really hate you for hurting me like that and you did it twice. i really loved you but you didnt love me and you are the reason i cant tell anyone else i love them.

i hope u dont see this which is why I put dev because I feel like not using ur name is cheating so I put dev so that there is a lower chance that you'll see this but its still possible. anyways, I kinda wish we met later on in life. not saying I regret dating you so young, I just wish we had more of a childhood and teenage experience ya know? then again its kinda fun because when were older we can be like "oh yeah we've been dating since we were 12" but if we do last that long I guess ill never be able to say if ur a bad kisser because ill never kiss anybody else cuz I'm not a #cheater. but this is sorta a fuck you for making me fall this hard for someone so young. if we do somehow manage to last it'll be the craziest thing to tell our kids. but oh man if we break up I'm done for like ill never be happy ever again. jk but like ill never be as happy as i was last September. when we hangout sometimes i get super bored because its just us watching movies for hours and hours because you wont let me go on my phone and u never wanna leave or do anything. and i just wish we could joke around more like how we did in the summer but all you do is be a baby and its so annoying. its cute every now and then but most of the time i just wanna joke around and laugh but all you wanna do is cuddle. i like listening to u talking to ur friends because it gives us a break from being attached at the hip. its also fun to hear what you guys talk about but if we broke up I'm terrified as to what you'd say about me cuz holy shit ur mean when ur talking about girls. like you have no filter. some times i wish you didn't touch my thigh or ass as much mainly because ur trying to tell me ur in a mood and I'm hardly ever in that type of mood to makeout and stuff. it still feels like that's all u wanna do but I'm not gonna tell you that because i don't want you to feel upset about it again so i just keep pushing it aside. i also wish that you asked me to hangout more instead of just on the weekends. i don't understand the difference. you didn't have practice so we would've been able to hangout for 5 hours, aka the same amount that we hang out on Friday but somehow friday is different? now that basketball starts i understand that we probs wont hangout on weekdays because that's only like 3 hours which i mean is like the same amount that we hungout on Saturday but whatever. you give me a lot of second hand embarrassment when you lie. its so obvious that ur lying. watching criminal minds 12 times is just stupidly false. i highly doubt you've even finished it once. you've also said you had 200 girls on snap which is also so true because every time we had each other on snap during the summer we would snap for like a day and i would be ur number one on snap. i hate how you just randomly get mad and then just expect me to know whats wrong. or when you force me to talk about my feelings when i obviously don't want to. i just want to crack jokes and try to make myself happier but you just keep asking whats wrong and sometimes i just don't really know whats wrong so i don't want to talk about it. its not rocket science. if i say i don't want to don't make me. i know ur trying to be the best you can and thank u sm for that

I can’t find anyone else, is it bc I want you back or is it bc of what you put me through? I love you, but i hate you

I look for you in everyone I meet. You set the standard I will never reach again. Instead I’m left holding the memories I have left of you.

i hope this girl treats you the same way i wanted to..you deserve all the happiness in the world..i love you:(

As much as I want to hate you for everything you did to me I can’t. I can’t seem to forget you even though you made me feel so worthless and unloveable. I guess I wasn’t even good enough to deserve a real goodbye. Or maybe you just aren’t as good of a person as I hoped you were. I hope it was worth it, because you’ll never find another like me.

you took me to see the stars. 9 months later i still think of you whenever i look up at the night sky

sorry that i was never enough for you. i just don't get how none of it mattered to u. i guess every single was just a lie.

I remember meeting you in middle school. We started off slow but our friendship blossomed into something I never could have imagined. Our friendship was honestly on and off. But when it was on, it was some of the happiest times of my whole life. And when it was off, I felt so lonely. I had a crush on you since middle school but I never really fell for you until high school. After I figured out my feelings for you, you were dating someone else. It was saddening for me since you and the your boyfriend were both my great friends. Ultimately I just accepted it because you were happy, and that's all that really mattered to me. After you two broke up, you went through some things and never really opened up to me about it. I thought I was extremely important to you, but I guess I was giving myself too much credit. My feelings never disappeared during that whole ordeal. It wasn't until the following year that I realized I was really in love with you. Everytime I saw you, I'd feel a burst of joy. I would sometimes think about you at night before I went to sleep. But then late into year, I had a realization. You would never see me in the same light I saw you. I went through a rather empty period of time in my life because of this. I did come to an acceptance though. Just when I thought I was over it and I could interact with you without thinking about any feelings, it came back. Once again, my love for you was reignited. I wanted to tell you so bad, and I just wanted a chance. Almost as quickly as the love came, it disappeared. We don't text on the regular anymore. The only time we interact is when it's part of our friend group. You have a boyfriend now and you seem very happy. As much as it hurts me, I'm happy for you. Maybe one day I can fully move on. Until that day comes, you were my only love. The only person I truly felt like I could spend the rest of my days with. I hope you live your best life. I love you.

You hurt me like no one else would. Yet what I would give to fix whatever the problem was to be good enough again.

ik we don’t talk much but devin i think about uu all the time think about me in ur arms soft kisses i get butterflies thinking bout uu and i smile when i say ur name

i think that i needed u. text me ! i dont wanna back out from what ive done but youve given me chances, give me another. luv u always.

I love you so much you dont even know. yknow I love you like that mitski song, strawberry blond. if you listen to it, you'd understand how I feel. everytime you walk in the room , you make me so happy. I smile. I get excited. I want to get near you. you're like the bright shining sun in my day. you've saved me so many times with so many things. j love you, devin

I'm happy with someone now. I feel like I moved on but all it would take is one text and I would be back to that girl that was crazy for you.

fuck you. Im not lazy. funny how its coming from a guy who is barely capable of getting that acne off of ur face. I do not remember ordering a pepperoni pizza.

you saved my life. you're the only thing i'd ever look forward to seeing, even if only for a split second.

You were never really mine but you deserve the world . When you cried to me it showed me something in you that was unique and I will forever love that.

I don´t know if you´ll ever see this, but I hope you know that I really meant it when I told you that I love you. I was so impressed when you told me about your life and your friends,´cause it was so much different then my life in Germany. I always called you Bun, because Bunny´s where my comfort animals at the time, and you totally were my comfortzone back then. I hope you´re having a great life. I love you

I never felt a deeper pain then when you were in my life. But through all that I could only see you. I just wish I could know you noticed. I still love you. I forgive you.

Devin, your family loves you and you know you are a great person. One day you’ll find the one and have a happy family too. And go to sleep. Or dont. Good night.

I’d like to think I don’t care anymore. But if I’m taking the time to write this, I still care, right?

Why’d you take advantage of me? I was so scared and naïve i thought you cared. I’m so scared of “love” now

Twice. I let you break my heart twice. Yet I love you and always will. Maybe we’ll have those 3 kids one day?

I’m finally starting to feel like my old self again. I hope you’re well and thank you for reminding me to stay present.

I’m finally starting to feel like my old self again. I hope you’re well and thank you for reminding me to stay present.

It's hard to love after him. But you're making it a little easier as the days go by. U make me wish I had more time here before I leave. Thank you for being so patient with me

Sometimes I zone out and imagine the future you promised me. I hope you actually keep that promise with her.

Red because that’s your favorite color. But I wish you would just notice how deeply in love I am with you...

regardless of how much you hurt me mentally and physically, i wish the best for you. i still see the boy i met at his most vulnerable. i hope you’re doing okay.

It sucks to know I still love and care about you after you left. It’s been 3 years and I still can’t get you out of my mind

Im going to put it in sky blue bc whenever i asked he would always say this color. but i love you sm. and idk if you’ll ever see this. but i do. and ik i make u get into petty arguments constantly but i’m trying now. and ik i should’ve been tried. and i wish i understood why i do the things i do. but i love you. and i really hope we don’t ever break up. bc i see my whole future with u. and ik were young and it’s a lot but i do i really do. bc no one else has made me happy the way u make me. and i’ve never cared more for someone than i care about u. and i tell u this all the time but rn ur mad at me so ion think it’ll matter. but i’m trying. i’m trying so hard. bc ik u don’t understand me but ion even understand me. and i really wish i did. and i’m so messed up. and maybe if certain things didn’t happen to me maybe i’d be even a little good enough for you. but that’s all i have to say. maybe i’ll come back and write some more. but i love you. and if u do see this i love u quesito❤️?

I really sorry for how things ended up just know that I love you and I would do anything to go back to how it was

Why did you do that. i trusted you and i know it was a mistake on my part but i thought you changed and i trusted you and you did that and you knew i was so vulnerable and look i picked myself back up and im ok now all by myself. i thought i needed you because you helped me a lot and thank you so much for that but i’m doing it by myself now. i wish i never texted you back. i wish i never meant you honestly. you helped me yes but at the cost of so much and now i’m stuck fixing myself with nobody by my side but that’s the best. being able to say i fixed myself and i am who i am by myself.

i’ve learned that you can miss somebody without wishing for them to be apart of your life ever again; we may not be meant for each other but i’ll still unconditionally love you f & a ♡

It’s been over 8 months and the pain of missing you is still sickening. It’s been so long you almost feel like a dream, something I made up to pass the time. but the way I loved you was so real and that crushes me everyday. I’ll be back here again, I promise I will never stop missing you. maybe I can see you soon, I love you dev. forever and always.

we’ve been on and off for 2 years and you’ve never changed. i know i shouldn’t but i love you and i always put your happiness in front of my own but you always take it for granted. we aren’t meant to be together but sometimes i wish it wasn’t that way. i wish you the best and i hope you’re happy.

i'm so sorry, idk what happened i was so stupid for leaving you:( please just text me whenever, i want to talk things out

Thank you for teaching me trauma at such an early age. I’m a badass bitch now and I can’t wait to be the CEO of a company you’re a janitor for.