Unsent messages to DEAN

you hurt me so bad but i can’t stop being in love with you

I’m done missing the version of you I loved.

i wish u liked me in the same way and i feel so guilty about it.

you ruined the moon for me

sometimes I miss texting in our notes

I forgive you because I can’t lose you.

The days we got together I will always remember. We a love story that I wish never end. Be safe out there.

I don’t know if you’ve heard drivers license by olivia rodrigo. “you said forever now I drive alone past your street”. I avoid driving on highways sometimes. Something I picked up over the summer. I drive past your road every time I go to therapy. I guess that’s kind of ironic. Anyway. I’m getting better :) Haven’t thought about you in over a week, this song just brought it back

Thank you for making me realise I deserve so much more than the bare minimum and that I was never too much,you just wasn’t enough for me.

i’m not mad that you didn’t want me, i’m mad that sometimes you act like you do, and you take advantage of that soft spot i have because you know that in the end, i’m always gonna run back to you.

I’ve been doing good not thinking about you. Then I saw a $5 build a bear thing. I remember going to build a bear with you. It made me so happy. We put the same sound in. Remember that? I guess I’m just reminiscing over the good times

you were such a perfect guy. when we stopped talking i didn’t know if i could find anyone that was sweet, compassionate, adorable, and so much more but now i’m trying to pretend i don’t care about you or just stop feeling this way but i can’t . you probably don’t feel the same way so i’ll move on but wow i missed you.

I love you but I wish you had the guts to say it back to me . I’m thousands of miles away and I miss you every single second of every day . Please give us another chance.

i fucking cared more then anyone else in your life . You tried so hard to impress others while forgetting about the one person who gave 2 shots about you . And now I’m all broken and YOU’RE NOT HERE . please come back . I’m 6,287 miles away but please please please god . Please give us another chance.

all the photos are gone now. i finally found the strength to delete them from my phone. and all the physical copies i had were burnt tonight. i’m letting go of you. there are people out there that will put me first where as you just treated me like i was an option. i don’t need you for me to be happy. because i have my family and friends. goodbye.

The difficult thing is, we got along so well. You made so much sense to me, and at least it seemed I made so much sense to you. That’s why I loved spending time with you. It was just so EASY. I didn’t have to feel awkward, or uncomfortable. You got me. I guess it’s not just losing a significant other, a lover, whatever. It’s losing someone who truly understood me. I miss that. I miss hanging out with you, and talking to you. Even just laying together. Everything was just comfortable. It made me so happy.

I love you so much, i wish you could feel the same and come back, i miss you so fucking much. i know i fucked it all up the first time but ive realized what ive lost, im so sorry i love you.

we are going on a walk tomorrow. oddly, you are the one who suggested it. it’s been 4 weeks, and i’m still not okay.

Red is your favorite color. You told me that on our first date, do you remember mine? Probably not. I really miss you, but I am moving on and accepting the fact that you are happy with someone else. You really fucked me up in the process though. I wish you nothing, but the best, my friend. You truly deserve the world. One more thing, please don't come back into my life when you realize I wasn't the problem.

Your brother has always warned me not to be with you. You have no idea how many stories and pictures he’s shared with me. Fuck you.

I don't think I want you back. Even if you wanted me. I don't think I'd be willing to put myself at risk of losing you again

I'm so fucking tired of you being in my head. It's not like I even think about you all the time anymore, but so much reminds me of you. Sometimes I wish we'd never met.

Of course, I don't actually hate you, but it fucking hurts that you left over and over and just expected me to take it and be okay with it

My body still shivers when I think back to how you used me. How I wish I could push you off of me and just go on. You broke me.

i doubt you’ll see this, but it’s your favourite colour. reminds me of the summer we spent together. reminds me of happiness, and good and light. reminds me of you. the person who i fell in love with. i miss you. all the time. but you don’t miss me, and that’s okay. i want you to be happy.

hey. how are you today? how’s your day been? i’m hoping i’ll get to see you next week for christmas, i’m not too sure how i’ll cope with that one. last time i saw you since we broke up i got a little emotional to say the least. yeah, two weeks later, it still hurts. i thought we were forever. i thought we were going to work. i mean everyone did. i’m still going to fight for you, i’ll never stop. maybe that’s me being stupid. but i guess maybe one day it’ll pay off. maybe it’s the definition of right person, wrong time. you just came along in my life too quickly for us to have our happy ending. or who knows, maybe our happy ending isn’t with each other? maybe we will learn from our relationship and our next may get better for us. all i want is for you to be happy, and if that’s not with me, then i’m still happy for you. i love you, i shouldn’t but i still do. i don’t think i’ll actually stop.

you gave me the world. you made me so happy. and now i’m lost without you but i’ll never get you back, no matter how much i want you.

Dean, you mean everything to me. I love you with my entire being, and I want to tell you every single day that you're all I want, and all I need. You're my home.

i miss you, i won’t deny that. i miss how we used to be and how how happy we made eachother. i’ll always believe that you’re my soulmate. it hurts but i think you’re happier now, and that’s all i ever wanted:(

Listen to tis the damn season from Taylor Swift's season. I just heard it for the first time and cried for a couple minutes

It's still kinda crazy to me how hard I was willing to try. Even after all of our history. I'm still willing, which I guess is part of the problem. I don't know. You called me your soulmate almost 3 weeks ago but it still sticks in my head. Maybe you're right, maybe we are. It would explain why I keep taking you back, no matter how many times you hurt me. Not that I blame you this time. I'm still proud of you for doing what's best for you. Just thinking out loud here

i’m sorry if i hurted you for leaving, imma admit the first time it hurted me too because i just came out of something toxic and you understood, you made me believe in real love and you never asked me for my body, you never brought up anything about my body until it was time and i’m greatful for that, now every time i got to that one beach where i talked to you it hurts but makes me so happy it reminds me of you. I’m also sorry for the 2nd and 3rd time the second time i was texting you and the next day i ghosted you cuz that toxic person texted me, the last and 3rd time i left cuz of that same toxic person i didn’t leave with them but i left cuz of them cuz they fucked up my mental health so bad i didn’t want to affect you, and i know you were also unmentally stabled too so that’s why i left again, again it hurted but it was for the best. Now we are trying again and i want to make it the last time, i’m greatful you let me in again, i love you so much but i know you don’t, i mean i don’t blame you after everything i did to you i thought you weren’t even going to give me a chance i’m glad you did though. I just want this last time to work really bad that’s why instead of me telling you, you deserve better i’m changing myself for the better, and i will try to get you anything you want money is useless to me anyways all i want is true love and loyalty. Thank you dummy

"well tell her that I miss our little talks" (little talks, of monsters and men). I saw a quote months ago that said "if we ever stop talking, send me a song". I can't, but I'll write you a lyric or two here

I'm doing better. I haven't cried in a few days. I hope you're doing well. Even though you're not on my mind all the time, you still cross it quite often. It's not like I'll ever forget you

You turned into someone I don't know. I miss the old you.. The old us. Don't come back, I'll always care for you tho.

i wish you knew how much you meant to me. sometimes i wish things were different, that maybe our friendship could have lasted a bit longer. i wished i hadn't ruined it. words cant describe how much i miss you, hopefully we will be able to reconnect in the future. for now, i will just reminisce our memories. i love you forever.

It’s not even that I’m unbelievably heartbroken. I’m going to be okay. I just need to put all these thoughts somewhere

I will always care about you and I will never be able to put the way I felt about you into words. I just couldn’t watch myself hurt you, because I know eventually I would’ve.

I want to be in your arms so much but distance is a bitch. All i wanna do rn is book a flight home, a flight to you

I called you last night. I'm sorry. I hung up immediately, I knew it was a bad idea. I was just freaking out. I got into a minor accident (I'm okay) and I got home and I was having a panic attack and I didn't know who else to turn to. I know you said that I have your number if I need anything, but I shouldn't call you. It'll just make this worse for both of us

I keep having mini panic attacks where I can't breathe. I'm so scared I'll never see you again. It hurts

It's so hard saying goodbye to someone when the love is still there. I know love isn't enough, but I wish it was

I almost ran through a red light on the way home, but I didn't. I knew you'd want me to be safe, even if I'm upset

Today was so good, it scares me. I'm so scared things will go sour again. I guess I'll just have to hope

Thanks for being such a big part of my life but at the same time make me feel like im such a small part of urs

I don’t know what to do. I want to see you so badly, but I feel like you don’t want to see me. I keep overthinking, thinking that you’ve found someone else. I wish I was yours, I know I’m not, but I wish I was.

I guess you calling me your soulmate doesn't mean too much to you. I know we're not dating, I know I'm not entitled to your time. But I wanted to see you. And now it looks like I might not be able to. It breaks my heart. I guess I just want more than you do, or maybe you're not willing to give me that until we're in a relationship. But waiting for that hurts. I'll do it. But it hurts

it never happened, but i know that you catch yourself thinking about me the way i catch myself thinking about you. maybe one day we’ll meet again, for you now i wish you the best of luck. goodbye dean, it was fun while it lasted.

You called me your soulmate last night, and said you never stopped being in love with me. And that you miss me. I miss you too. I never stopped being in love with you either. And about the soulmates? I think you’re right. I can’t wait until I’m yours again, for real

i wish we could’ve worked out but maybe we were meant to be in another universe or maybe now is not our time, i hope we find our way back :)