Unsent messages to CALEB

i would've given it all up for you. i cared SO SO SO much and never knew. i made a mistake i wish i could take back. i'm at peace with what we are, but i just wish i could prove that what we had was real to me too and that i really really liked you.

you suck.
What was wrong with me when I was 16 & chubby? You only found me attractive after I lost all the weight, two years later. I was the same girl. You used my vulnerabilities against me. At first I thought I was using you, validating myself. “I was good enough for Caleb” But you only asked to see me at night, in the back seat of your car. I was just some girl to make out with at 2 a.m. and leave hickeys all over your neck so you’d gain attention from your friends. You’d leave me once I started to feel anything for you and come back when I didn’t.
I was so stupid. For months, I hated you and you’d walk back into my life. I cared about you, and I was just an option to appease your boredom. I thought something was wrong with me. That I was the problem.
You asked me to write you a love letter and when I caved, you hated every page of it.
What did you want from me?
I drunkenly told you I loved you, and you used that against me.
I trusted you. You lied & told everyone that we did things. And I forgave you like an idiot.
I never loved you. I could’ve but i don’t think you have the capacity to love anyone other than yourself.
You’re a fucking asshole. Stay out of my life. I’m not just a body. I am not some toy. I am a person.
I hope one day you grow the fuck up, and actually form a personality.
I had hope for you. I saw the good in you, everyone told me how you were such a bad person. I let you use me. I was young, dumb, and vulnerable.
Not anymore. I wasn’t the problem. I grew up. Why can’t you?

you suck.

i miss you everyday. i’m sorry i make impulsive decisions and leave, i just convince myself you hate me and want nothing to do with me. i never got to tell you, but i love you. so much.

Thank you for helping me during that chinese spelling test and also being a fun person to turn to in class , I wished I had the courage to keep in contact with you and learn more about you

I really wish that you could catch the hint. Obviously I have feelings for you, you are just clueless. Ik that I am not the average girl that you would prefer, but please ? Take a second look for once. No one could ever love with such a fierceness as I. We have been going to school together for years, and I know you like a book. Please Please look a little further. Look past my exterior. This hurts me that I can't do anything with all these feelings. ♡me

if you could get over yourself for once, you’d see that my text was a cry for help. i’m dying and i thought you might understand, that for once i could tell someone without them seeing me as weak. but my desperation clouded my judgment, because you ignored me, and i finally realized that i’m truly alone in this hell.

sorry you have to deal with the fact that I finally realized I don't need you and you never treated me right

I can't get over you. I know you moved on but everytime I talk to you I get butterflies. I wish we ended things properly.

Hi. I love you and truly believe you are my person. I know things ended because we were just struggling so bad with eachothers mental health issues that it was making us not fully being able to love eachother. I’m sorry I left. But for us to have a completely different relationship the next time around we have to stay apart while working on ourselves. Everyday I wish things were back to normal and I just have to accept it might not ever be. But thank you for being my first love. You are my always and forever.

Hi. I love you and truly believe you are my person. I know things ended because we were just struggling so bad with eachothers mental health issues that it was making us not fully being able to love eachother. I’m sorry I left. But for us to have a completely different relationship the next time around we have to stay apart while working on ourselves. Everyday I wish things were back to normal and I just have to accept it might not ever be. But thank you for being my first love. You are my always and forever.

it’s so frustrating how little u care. i can’t even make u mad or sad because u don’t care about me like that. i’m just a hu to u.

I don't think you were my first love . I don't know if it's because I'm numb but it just doesn't feel right or at least anymore . I think wanna say it was an experiment or entanglement

I love you more than anything in the world, but I know for a fact you can’t say you feel the same towards me and I guess I just have to live with that.

what even are we? one minute you love me, the next you wanna fuck me, then you hate me. one minute we're friends the next we're enemies. stop this madness. i can't take it. you want me to kill myself, but when i say i will you get mad. as if you hadn't said anything. what do you want from me. you choose everyone over me. but when i hang out with someone other than you, i'm the worst friend ever. pick a struggle ffs. i hate this. i hate that i love you. i wish i could let go of you.

you truly destroyed me, you broke me and didn’t even apologise or shed one tear over me, i can’t believe you treated me like that and got away with it, i loved you.

in the beginning, i was truly in love with every peice of you. I thought we could really be something. But turns out the 25 other girls you hit on thought the same thing.

i thought i was in love with you. i’m not. idk what it was but it wasn’t that. we don’t make sense together. you don’t even know the real me.

I should've never hung out with you. I don't know why I kept sneaking out with you. I didn't have as strong of feelings for you like you did for me. I'm sorry for the ways things ended.

i’ll always love you, i’ll forever miss out red robin runs. i really do think it was right person wrong time, but ig we will see.

You're always in the back of my mind. No one makes me laugh like you. I wish I'd told you before you moved across the world.

when i first met you, i never would’ve guessed you’d be the first i’d truly be in love with. but as time went on, i found myself constantly thinking about you.

I had to make you hate me so that you could let me go. You never would have left or been happy if I didnt do it.

we planned our future together, how did you just lose interest and feelings overnight? you dont even care anymore, where did things go wrong?

I am always going to love you but it’s better if we both work on ourselves. You will always be a huge part of me and I am so appreciative of everything we had.

i knew that all u wanted me for was my body. but i figured somehow i could change that and maybe u would love me like i loved u for months. i never really got the chance to say ily or that u made me extremely happy , but even then u put me at my lowest point bc i thought i was always just gonna be good for my body and not myself. i really hope you’re doing well and i’m glad things didn’t work out in the end.

I've never felt so sure about someone before. you've given me a sense of security and hope that no one else has.

Sorry I left. It was only eighth grade i didn’t know any better. Now i see you and wish we fell in love when we were a little older.

i hope that we can one day meet and be friends. you were the first person who really could understand me. i’m sorry for all the times i was an asshole, i felt like i didn’t deserve someone like you.

I started to like you after you left but now I don’t know how to feel. It was Halloween you said you like me and asked if you had a chance with me my friend and I said yes as a joke and you took that seriously we think. I didn’t like you when we started talking. Soon we got your number and we started calling late at night for hours at a time. I felt bad for dragging you on but at that point I started to catch feelings before I knew it you unadded me I don’t know why but then you added me on Houseparty recently and it’s really weird but I’m sorry. :,(

i hope you know i love you. I have for eight years. i'm sorry i never told you, i was just scared. i miss u. a lot. i miss being friends. you were so funny. i probably never cross your mind.

I’m so sorry our friendship ended due to my immaturity. I should have reminded you how important you were to me. I think about you often, it’s okay if you don’t. I hope you’re doing well. I miss you, but I don’t want to cause you more problems. Please take care of yourself. Thank you for being the best friend I could have asked for.

the way i feel
about you is so indescribable, and it hurts so much sometimes because i know you don’t feel the same :p

I just met you and i wasnt really into you but you gave it your all. We faded quickly because i did not appreciate your efforts and now i kinda want you back. I still dont know what our label, and youre not my "type" but i still want your attention

Our love was toxic but I miss you more than anything right now. I would do anything to just be talking to you.

i wish you were more open. i feel like you’re so on and off with me and i just need the reassurance of you acting like how you say you feel. or felt. i don’t know, but please just show your emotions more no matter how hard it is because you are hurting the people around you.

you are on and off. tell me how you feel before i get heartbroken. i've waited and i'm about to move on

I hate you . But I love you. You broke me. But I tried to fix you. You chose her. But I still choose you.

ahhh my first love. thank you for teaching me that people in this world can be manipulative and horrible, leading you on only to rub the fact that you just arent good enough in your face. we had known each other for so long, and you just chose her over me because i was not good enough. not good enough. not good enough. not good enough. you will never understand the concept that there is no "good enough," especially for people like you that can NOT be having high standards acting like you do. you are rude, manipulative, and immature. you have always had the ability to change that. everyone does. but you choose not to, and that is the most disappointing part.

you mean the world to me and i'm so terrified of losing you. i don't want to ruin what we have, but i know i'm in love with you.

I'm not entirely sure what you call the feelings I have for you but I let you go and now you've found someone else. and that's ok. This was my mistake and I'm prepared to deal with it. I hope she can give you everything and more because you deserve it. I'm not certain that these feelings will leave but what's meant to be will be. I hope we find our way back to each other soon

When I knew you my favorite color was yellow, my favorite color is different now. And so are we. It was only ever meant for us to know each other for a moment, not for forever and I’m glad I know that.

i know you liked me. no matter how many times u try to deny it. I've never felt a stronger connection with anyone until u locked eyes with me

no sabes lo estupida que me siento por haberte escrito canciones y por que me sigues gustando aún después de un año, me digo a mi misma, "no les gustas, detente", pero lo que siento no se va.

Promise me that we’ll still be friends even if we don’t have a class together. Promise me you’ll still make time for me when you find yourself a girlfriend. Promise me that you won’t leave me behind when I graduate and you still have a year left of high school. Promise me that we will still be friends when we’re adults. I can’t imagine my life without you and I need you. When you asked me how we were going to see each other if we dropout of that class I tried to act like I didn’t care but the truth is I’m worried. I’m worried we’ll forget about each other like last time. This virus has messed up so much and I am so glad we bonded and sometimes you’re all I can think about. Sometimes I just want to rest my head on your shoulder and talk to you for hours while watching the stars but I don’t think that’ll ever happen. I try to bury my feelings for you because I don’t want to ruin our friendship. I know our other friends in our friend group will find out once we’re all back together when the virus is gone. When we all went out to eat after school I tried to act like everything was normal and I totally don’t have some type of feelings for you. I am trying so hard to get over you. I think you might like me back but we’re both chickens to say the L word even in a friendship way. I am trying so hard not get lost in your beautiful dark blue eyes. Your scent just draws me in your cologne is like a magnet. You adorable dark blue jacket that you wear all the time is my favorite. I love it when your hair is all fluffy, I want to run my fingers through it. Saying goodbye to you sucks. I never ever want to say goodbye to you. Honestly you’re one of the only reasons I want to get my license so I can pick you up and drop you off. Just the two of us talking about random things and I would even drive us places to get food or something. I hope we get to do that next year even if it’s just as friends. I always kind of felt this way for you but I am just now realizing it. When you were with someone else I was happy for you even though I was jealous. I hid my jealousy well. I want you to be happy even if it’s not with me. I will never hold you back. I will never get in the way of your happiness. I care about you deeply and I will respect you and all the decisions you make and I’m sorry I make fun of you for being straight I won’t make fun of you anymore. I’m shocked that you’re surprised that when all the lesbians kill all the guys that I’d save you. Even though you annoy me sometimes I still want you here. I make up so many different scenarios in my head with you. Like I feel like you’re in pain and don’t show it. Sometimes I just want to hug you and never let you go. I’ve never seen you cry and you’ve seen me cry a bit. You’re right I have gone soft and I don’t regret it.

I am conflicted of my feelings. Whether I like you in a friendship way or more. I never thought about us like that not until now at least. I like how we are now. I’m really scared for the future. Whether we’ll even be friends because I’d rather have you as a friend and you have a girlfriend then us not being friends at all. I can’t tell if you like me back but I think I’m not your type or maybe I am. I feel like we have gotten closer and you’re one of my favorite people to see at jail (school). Those couple of days you were sick I missed you so much. You make me feel so much better about myself in every way and I just want to say thank you. I hope you stay in my life forever! I love you!

I really do love you, I try my hardest to keep you alive..but I know some day you are going to leave me without telling.

I haven't seen you in years. We were just kids when we fell in love. I miss you more than you could ever imagine.

hey,
i've liked you for an extremely long time and i've thought about our children, i cry over your brown eyes and perfect smile and personality every single night.

we were sitting by the river. you had your hand on my leg and you looked at me, smiled, then looked down. thats when i knew i loved you.

i want you to miss me the way i miss you. but you wont, and i shouldn't. i love you. i will always love you.