Unsent Messages

you suck.
What was wrong with me when I was 16 & chubby? You only found me attractive after I lost all the weight, two years later. I was the same girl. You used my vulnerabilities against me. At first I thought I was using you, validating myself. “I was good enough for Caleb” But you only asked to see me at night, in the back seat of your car. I was just some girl to make out with at 2 a.m. and leave hickeys all over your neck so you’d gain attention from your friends. You’d leave me once I started to feel anything for you and come back when I didn’t.
I was so stupid. For months, I hated you and you’d walk back into my life. I cared about you, and I was just an option to appease your boredom. I thought something was wrong with me. That I was the problem.
You asked me to write you a love letter and when I caved, you hated every page of it.
What did you want from me?
I drunkenly told you I loved you, and you used that against me.
I trusted you. You lied & told everyone that we did things. And I forgave you like an idiot.
I never loved you. I could’ve but i don’t think you have the capacity to love anyone other than yourself.
You’re a fucking asshole. Stay out of my life. I’m not just a body. I am not some toy. I am a person.
I hope one day you grow the fuck up, and actually form a personality.
I had hope for you. I saw the good in you, everyone told me how you were such a bad person. I let you use me. I was young, dumb, and vulnerable.
Not anymore. I wasn’t the problem. I grew up. Why can’t you?

you suck.