Unsent Messages

Promise me that we’ll still be friends even if we don’t have a class together. Promise me you’ll still make time for me when you find yourself a girlfriend. Promise me that you won’t leave me behind when I graduate and you still have a year left of high school. Promise me that we will still be friends when we’re adults. I can’t imagine my life without you and I need you. When you asked me how we were going to see each other if we dropout of that class I tried to act like I didn’t care but the truth is I’m worried. I’m worried we’ll forget about each other like last time. This virus has messed up so much and I am so glad we bonded and sometimes you’re all I can think about. Sometimes I just want to rest my head on your shoulder and talk to you for hours while watching the stars but I don’t think that’ll ever happen. I try to bury my feelings for you because I don’t want to ruin our friendship. I know our other friends in our friend group will find out once we’re all back together when the virus is gone. When we all went out to eat after school I tried to act like everything was normal and I totally don’t have some type of feelings for you. I am trying so hard to get over you. I think you might like me back but we’re both chickens to say the L word even in a friendship way. I am trying so hard not get lost in your beautiful dark blue eyes. Your scent just draws me in your cologne is like a magnet. You adorable dark blue jacket that you wear all the time is my favorite. I love it when your hair is all fluffy, I want to run my fingers through it. Saying goodbye to you sucks. I never ever want to say goodbye to you. Honestly you’re one of the only reasons I want to get my license so I can pick you up and drop you off. Just the two of us talking about random things and I would even drive us places to get food or something. I hope we get to do that next year even if it’s just as friends. I always kind of felt this way for you but I am just now realizing it. When you were with someone else I was happy for you even though I was jealous. I hid my jealousy well. I want you to be happy even if it’s not with me. I will never hold you back. I will never get in the way of your happiness. I care about you deeply and I will respect you and all the decisions you make and I’m sorry I make fun of you for being straight I won’t make fun of you anymore. I’m shocked that you’re surprised that when all the lesbians kill all the guys that I’d save you. Even though you annoy me sometimes I still want you here. I make up so many different scenarios in my head with you. Like I feel like you’re in pain and don’t show it. Sometimes I just want to hug you and never let you go. I’ve never seen you cry and you’ve seen me cry a bit. You’re right I have gone soft and I don’t regret it.