Unsent messages to SAMUEL

i have no words for you or time for you ever again x

I look for you in everyone.

No se como me llegue a enamorar de ti pero me has hecho tanto daño, me has lastimado tanto, las palabras más hirientes que me dijiste una vez fueron tu y yo no somos nada ni seremos nada. Como es que dices eso a una persona que luego de hacer muchas cosas por primera con ella, luego de decirle te quiero te amo, fueron simples mentiras. Lo peor de todo es que sigo para ti a pesar de que no estemos juntos. Pero bueno tendré que a prender a vivir con eso no, solo se que no me arrepiento de nada de lo que hice contigo ya que fue totalmente sincero y por la gran confianza que te tengo. Solo espero que nunca la traiciones por que si lo haces me destrozarias como no tienes idea. Te amo a pesar de todo cariño.

I just realized it was always her wasn't it? You loved the idea of me and that I was yours because she wasnt at the moment. You wanted me to be "normal" so I toned down but I could never be who you wanted before we dated I waited and watched for a year you be hurt by her over and over and comforting you but you never took your eyes off her and I watched you with her finally when i thought you were mine she wants you I addmit that I was dramatic and insecure but we both had our faults and i hope you realize that I already came to terms with her I used to envy her but she provided me with closure which you did not I want to believe I was never her replacement and believe what you said but you went back in some cases I want you to admit that I was a replacement and you understand what you did or you love me but neither will come from your lips anytime soon so i will say one I love you otay maybe one day I will be able to talk to you without wanting you back

Es imposible que veas esto y aún más imposible que te acuerdes de mi,conocerte fué lo mejor que me paso y quien diria que 3 meses despues estaria rota de dolor,no comia,no dormia solo queria volver a oir tu voz a traves del telefono contandome que tal iba tu día,siempre me hacias reir. Nunca podre olvidar lo nuestro,lo bien que me sentía y podria jurar que era la persona más feliz del mundo. Siento mucho que fueras así conmigo,te queria de verdad y hubiese dado todo por tenerte,nunca te disculpaste,desapareciste sin ningun mensaje de despedida y por eso deberia de odiarte,aunque como tu dijiste ¿seguiremos siendo amigos si se termina? te odio

i’ve moved on & found someone who treats me better than you’ve ever did but i still wish you well.

I always had a soft spot for you growing up, i remember when i would see you after school, and you would put your cigarette behind your back because you knew i didn't like smoke:') you were very sweet, you havent been the same since you got with her, and since you broke up. I wish i felt the same about you still because that was the purest i've ever felt about anyone. even the other year when i saw you by college and you told your friend that i was the only person to ever call you samuel. tbh, you made me feel like the prettiest girl in the world for years. i wish i would have met you on valentines day, that way you might still be the same, i was just too sad about life. i hope the old samuel returns soon.

You keep fucking me about and I am so I love with you that I let you. I know we will never be nothing more but it hurts to think we could have been.

Don’t come back I whispered. I screamed where are you.
Now I don’t mind.


I hope things get better for you though.

hey, me again, yeah ik u probs sick of this by now but i can't help but think that i need to show u how loved and appreciated u are. especially as (and correct me if i'm wrong) u seem to have been a lil down recently. i wanna remind u that as soon as this shitty pandemic is over, we are gonna make up for all the lost time we've had, we're gonna go to so many places and see eachother as often as possible. i really wanna go away w u somewhere too, like literally anywhere. it could be the most boring place on earth but id still enjoy myself w u bc u are the one that helps to to see joy in things, ur like a ball of energy and happiness that all radiates onto me when we're together and so i always feel so comfortable, happy and safe w u. just like we're in our own little world. i miss u so much and its really hard to be away from u. i miss looking into ur eyes, i miss laughing w u, i miss running my hands through ur hair, i miss ur smile, i miss hearing ur voice so close in my ear when we hug, i miss it all. pls pls promise to talk to me if u ever need to get anything of ur chest and ill always always be here to listen, even if i can't give the best advice. i care about u far too much to see u struggle or get down on ur own. i love u so much, sorry that this was a lot ahhhh

whenever i feel really lonely i write in here and read my old posts back. you shaped me into who i am. i feel like i haven’t been home since we broke up.

i search my name here, sometimes. you'd never think of apologising to me here, much less in person. why?

I already know you won’t read this, but if you happen to read this, i just wanted to let you know that i miss you, i miss you so much. I wish you’d see me the same way i see you. I have never felt the same way with anyone that’s why it still hurts sometimes. It has been over an year, but I still somehow miss u from time to time. This is the color of you beautiful eyes.

you meant the world to me. i genuinely believe i loved you more than anyone ever loved anyone. you were so special to me and i will never forget you. thank you for everything.

I wish I can tell you how I truly feel. I love you but you don't seem to love yourself. Focus on the people who is willing to devote their life to you.

Carajo ya no sé cómo decirte lo mucho que me gustaste, me lastimaste pero valió la pena cada maldito segundo por qué por un momento me quisiste...se que no lo suficiente pero me basta con saber que en algún momento te guste. Sabes me alegra que me hayas roto el corazón gracias a ti comprendí que no todo es color de rosa.

You were and will always be my best friend. we are definitely soulmates and we fit together like pieces from a puzzle but wrong time wrong person. It hurts to see you love that girl like I love you but i’m glad you are happy. Even when you ask how i’m doing and if i’m happy or if i’ve eaten I will always lie as I don’t want to distract you from your happiness. I will miss you and love you always

I thought I liked you, but really I was young and closeted and
people kept telling me we were meant to be. We could have been great friends.

hey here’s a list of reasons why ur so special to me bc u deserve to feel appreciated ASF at the least :)))
1. u care about me: that’s kinda rare and people don’t generally do it for that long so literally thank u for that bc ik i can be such a pain to deal with (IM SORRY)
2. U TREAT ME SO WELL: u literally make me feel so special and u know i haven’t had the best experience with any of the men in my life before so thanks for being the first and the best to treat me SO well.
3. u have been the source of almost all of my happiness: i smile every time i see ur name pop up on my phone. i still get that rush of adrenaline every time i get ready to go and see u because every time is so special and i know that i’m gonna come home with the biggest smile on my face. i get teary eyed so many nights bc of the kind words that u say to me even tho i don’t even deserve to hear them- u have the kindest soul of anyone i’ve ever met and it makes me smile to myself to know that ur mine and that i’ve been so luckily blessed to have u in my life.
4. uve given me so many reasons to enjoy my life: quite frankly, u are the light of my life and life without light is pretty dark so i would not be doing half as well if u weren’t here rn or if i hadn’t been so blessed to have met u
pretty much, u have smiled more honestly and frequently than ever because of u and there are so so so many reasons to love u and i wish i could offer u more bc u deserve so much. ur the best and i mean that w my whole fkn heart. thank u.

u will probably never see this but u are so mesmerising and i’m so in love with every inch of u. pls never hurt or change urself. ever.

can't you see i'm giving up. can't you see i'm hurting. i love you. i am in love with you. and i know you're not as broken as i am. maybe you just don't understand how relationships work. i am trying so hard and it's literally burning me out. distance is hard. i wish college campus would reopen again so we can meet, then maybe i will feel better. im just fucking getting tired. i feel like it's one way and it's frustrating. you never text me gm or gn first. you text me back hours later and leave me on read. but i dont know what to do because i know you never had a true relationship. please God show me something because i am so close to just giving up. i am in love with this man. please.

bitch, if you manifesting me or sum weird shit, stop. get out of my head. or at least be straight up w me like you used to

i've never met anyone like you, and i don't think i ever will. you are everything and SO much more that i've wanted in a friend, nothing else can compare. you're such a sweetheart with the kindest soul. i wish you knew how amazing you are. i want only the best for you. i'm so incredibly thankful i got to meet you, and will never forget our memories together. even though we hardly ever talk anymore, you're still my favorite person and i will ALWAYS love you. i don't want to say goodbye to you, i can't. i will forever be here for you, no matter what. i hope you're doing well and living your best life. i wanna give you the biggest hug but you're too far :( please don't forget about me, ily sam.

i'm shocked you havent asked for nudes yet, or about my sex life or about my body. youre not like other guys, either that or youre not interested

everything was perfect at first but now its just werid. i feel like you lost interest and it pains me so much. ive been in love before but this is different. it's true love. but i dont think you feel the same.

I really love him but 5 years later and I still lose sleep over you what am I supposed to do with that?

You made me feel happy and cried multiple times. But to this day. I still like you, you're on my mind 24/7. I let you go.

actually, turns out i’m a lesbian and all i ever wanted from men was validation and hated it once i got it because i only thought i wanted it from my internalized year for the male gaze! thanks for wasting my time none the less but i like girls now so bye

i hate the fact you always come back everytime im almost over you, its exhausting, im so deeply in love w you and you know it

ojalá en otra vida las cosas sean distintas. ojalá en otra vida nos volvamos a encontrar por que se que de ser así, de volver a conocerte, me volvería a enamorar de ti, de tu voz, de tu mirada, de tu risa, tus ideas, tus sueños, tus miedos, de todo lo que te hace ser tu.
te amé, te amo y te amaré siempre.

Hi,
You know i’ve loved you so much, I told you when we were drunk but you didn’t love me like I did. I was sad, saw you in my dreams we had a beautiful time together but when I open my eyes I was sad because you’ll never be mine. Time has moved on and my heart forgot you, now I am happy without you

i just want to thank you for coming into my life when you did. i really do miss you & i wish you never left. i hope you’re doing well. i’ve never told you this but i think i loved you.

Parce si supieras cuánto hubiese dado solo si me hubieras demostrado porque quedarme, pero solo me demostraste porque irme. De corazón espero que seas feliz sea con quien sea y que cumplas todas las metas de las que alguna vez me hablaste ?
VH ✨

Samuel, u actually meant so much to me. words actually can’t describe how much i deeply fell in love with you. then, you left i don’t blame u but i wish u were still here. i’m definitely at one of my low points but i know you have moved on. i love you samuel b.

hope you r happy with whoever u r gonna date in the future i regret hurting you im really sorry i hurt myself by pushing u away

Fuiste la persona más importante de mi vida,me enamoré de ti y creo que para ti fui insignificante. Me dejaste sin razón y destrozada,aun así siempre te recordaré.

i talked to my momma about you two days after we started seeing each other. she said she'd love to meet you, and now, she'll never get the chance to.

I don't know if we are just friends but I feel something else, I like to talk to you and I wish you would call me more often because I am ashamed to do so. You are too important for me and I wish you would like me back, I do not know if at some point we will know ... everything after quarantine.

T'aurais dû m'écouter quand je t'ai dit que j'allais pas bien. J'ai jamais été autant mal que ça, en fait tu ma rendu mal comme ça.

Te amè y te amarè por y para siempre, a pesar de todo guardo todos nuestros lindos recuerdos, se que algun dia nos volveremos a encontrar.

I miss you, tell me that I miss you to be your perfect girl, I just want you to come back because I miss you so much and I can't stop thinking about you and our first kiss that night

What have you done to me? Why am I so obsessed with you? I know nothing about you. Yet I am so consumed with curiosity as to who you are. You’re the sole reason my mind is going insane. You’re the only thing that occupies it. I won’t allow myself to rest until you message me with your romantic gestures of “DOIN”.
I wonder what occupies your mind when you look at me. What do you see? Do you think what I think? Or do you not perceive me the way I view you?
Well obviously so considering the current circumstances. It seems we are not connected. We do not share the same thoughts.
Sad to think I thought so highly of us. The possible outcome of me confessing. However my visions fooled me. And so did the surrounding people telling me to reveal the feelings, that I, solely share.
I realise my actions contradict my emotions. That is solely due to my inability to genuinely convey what I feel. I apologise.
I am unable to control my behaviour or emotional stability when I know you are near. I shut down automatically. I apologise.

You're the sole reason my mind is going insane. Why it can't rest at night. You're the only thing that occupies it.

Me esfuerzo todos los días en recordarte lo hermoso que eres, lo mucho que vales, lo precioso que es tu corazón y que muchas personas te aman, espero que algún día puedas verte con mis ojos, te amo, eres el amor de mi vida, siempre lo serás.

Somos amigos. Me duele este amor no recíproco. Te amo hace muchos años pero tu a mi no. Y me hablas de ella a veces...lo cual me destroza. cuando ella ni te mira, por que no elegimos de quien nos enamoramos. Y es una pena que no me veas a mi que si te valoraría y amaría y respetaría hasta el final.

Veniste a mi de la nada . Yo no estaba interesada te convertiste la persona con la que me sentia mas cómoda mad libre mas yo me abri ati como con nadie nunca , Me enamore... y te fuiste . Como si nada. Despues de causar todo esto. De verdad te importe ? O fui solo esa chica de los rumores de la que querias probar? Y ahora eres feliz con tu familia . Y yo sigo aqui . 5 años despues . Aun queriendote. Te quiero y siempre te querre . Me alegro que seas feliz . Yo seguire con mi vida vacia. Xau

Se que nunca pudimos ser nada por todos los problemas que siempre tuvimos pero los dos sabemos que siempre nos vamos a amar porque sabemos que nos extrañamos

you made the first move, and shit I didn't even like you at first but I was the one that fell the hardest. you only text me now to hook up and I really should stop seeing you. but part of me doesn't wanna let go maybe because I don't want to lose you because at one point you made me so happy.

how much I miss you, you’ve made me feel so loved, miss your hugs and kisses, it’s Nov. 17, 2020 and it’s been 1 months and 16 days from our breakup, I just wanna say I love you so much, and thanks for the best 1 year and 11 months I’ve spent with you... right person, wrong time

i love you. i love you so much and i know you don’t feel the same. i just wish it could work. i’m sorry