Unsent messages to LEWIS

i get scared alot. i get scared that youre mad at me all the time and i cant do anything about it. there are things ive thought about for years that i could never bring up without feeling like im going to mess something up. we arent kids anymore but its scary to be adults going into college.
if we meet in person again i cant promise i wont cry. ive been holding back alot to keep things normal. im sorry.

if you ever see this, which i highly doubt you will considering you really stupid, i want you to know the only reason i told you i wasn’t looking for a relationship was because i didn’t know what my feelings towards you were. but as we have talked more, i realise that i think i’m starting to like you, like a lot, but i’m way to worried what others would think. but i’m also no sure if i like you. maybe just like the idea of being with you. you mean a lot to me even as a friend and i don’t want to loose you xx

you’re toxic, and you hate me but i still love you, you were my first love and you taught me what it was like to be loved. even though i left, i’ll always love you

I gave you my heart. But you didn’t give me yours. It’s been 3 months, but I’m still in love. It hurts.

Fuck man, why did you take that risk. I told you it was bad but you left anyway, i never got to confess anything to you. I hate that i love you, you've been so bad to me, you would leave me, shout at me, and never be around but damnit did i love you. Whyd you take the jump?

why did you do nothing? like literally nothing. i tried being the best girlfriend ever. you just didn't appreciate it at all.

You hurt me but I don’t think it was your fault and I have moved to a happier place because of the pain I was caused thank you

when i was with you i couldn’t imagine my life without you, now that you’re gone i just wish i were gone too

i have to let you go even though it is hard for me.
i always wished you could have felt the same way but i understand that were not meant to be and that one day i will find someone who likes me the way i wish you could of.

one day, when you’re a father, i hope you learn how heart breaking it is to watch your daughter go through the same things i did.

I know you didn’t ask me to leave but you deserve to find someone who can give you what you’re looking for.

you are a fucking scorpio dick, at first i didn't realised, but after whatever it was, was over i realised you were such a piece of shit, my brain was so blind sighted. fuck you

words cannot explain how much i love you. ever since you came into my life everything seems worth living for. i’m so grateful that i get to call you mine. i hope this lasts forever

it breaks my heart that you could look at me like a piece of shit after everything i did for you , i hate you

i changed my mind. this is too draining and you’re just using me when it benefits you. i cant lose myself again

i had to let you go to work on myself. i miss you every minute of the day but you wernet good for me and i finally accepted that but i will alwyas have love for you even though u probably have only hate in ur heart

you told me your favourite colours were white and blue because they were soft. they remind me of you. i’m sorry

I wish you didn’t screw me over like you did. Everything I do still reminds me of you. I still love you but I know I shouldn’t. I’m trying to move on but it’s not working. You messaged me the other day wishing I was well but I couldn’t tell you how I’ve felt, it would hurt too much. :(

Not a day goes by where I don’t think about you. Even though you broke me I wouldn’t change what we had as it taught us both lessons and I’m grateful for them... it’s good to see that you’ve moved on and you’re finally happy. All the best and forever and always x

sometimes id actually think you liked me i dont know why i thought that everyne was better or closer to you and i was just hurting myslef

I remember when you kissed me after high school had ended. I thought I would never love anyone but you.

shut the fuck up :) i told u i don't love u and now you're being a butthurt little bitch. grow up cunt

although you said you never would, i still wish you took it into consideration to tell me how you really feel

It scares me how much I like you. I just don’t want you to leave like everyone else but I can’t open up

Goodbye you. It’s time to let go, i’ll never forget about you. And i’ll always love you. See you in another life.

you broke my heart but i still love you no matter what, i see you everyday and I wish I could talk to you

you said you didn’t want anyone else...and now you’re with her. i love you so much; it hurts to know that you will never love me in the same way. i miss you.

i miss the feeling i had at the beginning when we started again, i instantly fell. If only i’d known how toxic it would become...

i've liked you for a long time now, and i thought i got over you. its just attatchment, you never liked me back

We’ve never properly spoken but I get a gut feeling that you’re the one and you probably don’t think about me but you’ve not left my mind in a long time and no one else is able to distract me from you.my mind always goes back to you.

i liked you a lot, and i didnt know how to handle those feelings. im sorry for everything. but you have moved on now and im happy for you. youve found someone who makes you happy. i just wish that someone was me.

all i want and have ever wanted is for you to be happy. i care for you more than i do myself. you made me feel something i’ve never felt before and i’m so grateful for that. i really hope that wasn’t our last goodbye

I’m sorry if things don’t work out for us in the future, I’m sorry for coming out as “toxic” at first and making you confused. I’m sorry for putting my anger all on you, honestly I thank you for being the nicest guy and you deserve better but I will never stop loving you.

the smile you give me
bare emotions on show
in your eyes you know
youre safe
i hold them there
i hold your stare
smile
for once in my life
through all the strife
my heart is full
full
of you

why do u act hard all the time. ur not. im waiting for someone to break through ur act. ur the nicest and funniest person.

I’m unsure if my number is blocked or not, I’m hoping it’s not so this message can be received.

I just wanted to say my final piece and leave you be like you asked.

I care about you, a lot. In many different ways, some of which I don’t understand myself. I told you how I felt about you, multiple times and you pushed me away or ignored it. Somewhere in me wished you had told me how you truly felt also and maybes then this wouldn’t have been so complicated.

Anyways, I’ve never made excuses or lied to you and I’m not going to start now. I hope you can unblock me and reach out someday and we can move forward but until then, I wish you nothing but the best. I hope you have a lovely Christmas and new year’s at home with your friends and family and mostly importantly, I’m sorry.

I’m sorry I wasn’t more honest with you and then maybes you would of stayed and chose me. I with you nothing but happiness. I miss you, and love you always.

You said I was “more than a friend”, got jealous of my guy-friends, said I was “special”, shared your weakness with me, maybe loved me, and still didn’t choose me.

It’s been a few months now. I’m angry. I’m hurt. I’m numb. I fell in love with you. Something I didn’t know I was capable of doing. I had liked you for a year or two before that day in September. Over a year ago now, which is crazy huh?. I love you. I hate you. I don’t know how I feel. I’m angry. Beyond angry to the point I’m scared of myself. You done this to me. I’ll never forgive you for that. I’ll never forgive you for what you forced me to do. I’ll never forgive you for lying. For using me. For leading me on so well. For making me think you cared for me at all. For driving me to literal insanity.

As for you and her? I’m happy for you. I’m happy for her. But you’re lucky I’ve not told her what you’ve done. Yes it might be cause I have no proof. But if I did tell her, at least she would have had the warning. I really hope you don’t fuck her over like you done to me. She doesn’t deserve that at all.

Don’t come back. As much as I want you to come back and apologies. Don’t. Cause I don’t know if I’ll let you mess me up again or leave it. And I don’t want to be messed around again.

I hope you have a good life. Find happiness. Find the career you want.

Love and hate,
Kat

i got so used to falling asleep with your voice next to me. so when you left, it was like i couldn’t sleep at all.

i miss you i really thought you were the one, thought we were gonna last but i guess not as long as your happy i’m happy

The love you gave me was the best love I had felt! but also the worst type of pain I had felt.even though your hurting me more than your loving me,I can’t bare to let you go because I’ve become so attached to you.even though it’s bringing me down along with the end of the relationship.

i’d do anything to relive the moments where you walked me home and kissed me goodbye. but i didn’t know that would be our last kiss goodbye.

you always make me feel so special and loved then you cut me off and it hurts seeing you everyday bc i know you were just doing it for fun and it hurts :)

Sorry our circumstances didn't allow us to be together. Hope all is well and maybe we could reconnect in the future. Sincerely, babe (you get it)

I will always love you , I hope your happy and I hope one day we will meet again because you were my everything

Even though I've tried to move on, my heart still drops when i see you, I only look for you in a crowded room, I'm scared I'll never stop loving you :/

Cold that after an almost 3 year relationship you can block me on everything so I can’t contact you at all and you think that’s okay.

Was it my fault we stopped talking? Was I too much?
It’s too late now but I hope you’re happy and I love you

I know you were probably confused, but I'm sure you had some sort of feeling for me and I foolishly took it as a joke, I wonder if I had taken it seriously maybe something would have happened.