Unsent messages to JON

you can kiss me just one more time

I blame everything on you even tho u werent that bad

you are the moon to my stars i love you forever

maybe someday i’ll find you again. i think we can work it out.

why did you do that? what happened?

If only you knew how big of a crush I actually have on you. Sometimes it feels like you feel the same way but I can’t be too sure.

You hurt me more than anyone I've ever met and yet I still cat go to the beach without thinking of your love

i miss the sound of your voice and the last things that happened before that day. neither one of us said it but we both knew and i would give anything to have it back.

You broke my heart when you cheated on me and it took me many years to get over you. Now I see what you look like 30 years later and I’m thankful you cheated ??

several months later and I still think about how I felt when I first met you and how much happier life was

im sorry for what happend to us, i really do miss you but i dont think you will ever come back. wish you the best and hope in the future we can cross paths again.

I wish we could’ve spent more time together. I know you probably don’t think about me anymore. I regret not trying to fix what we had. This is me trying to move on. I love you. I’m sorry.

You taught me all the wrong things about love. I’ll never get that time back and still... I want to be your friend

im sorry i left you so suddenly with a bad excuse. i still loved you but i knew our relationship was too toxic and you would be better off without me. i miss you and hope you become happy.

talking to you is so fun and i loved it... for about 2 days. and i still would. and i could just be insecure and overthinking but i’m worried you don’t feel the same, it seems like you don’t want to talk to me as much and i hate it because i really really like you but i can’t tell how you feel. if you see this you’ll probably know it’s me and i don’t care because i needed to get it off my chest. i want it to work so badly, but i also can’t be hurt again

honestly you were a waste of my time and i really do wish i never would have met you. i was stupid to think you actually cared about me lmfao. you didn’t deserve all of my time that i put into texting you and caring for you.

Hey I still love you. I’m with someone else and I’m moving on from the trauma you caused. They care about me a lot and make me feel heard. I know deep down I still love you though. I don’t think that will ever go away.

I hate that you’re well aware of the fact that that i’m wrapped around your finger
this is the color of your stupid hair

i wish i could be a part of your life. you're such a great guy and i love talking about music with you. football, too. and i don't even like football. i just like hearing the passion in your voice when you talk about going to college for football. even if i cant be yours i at least wish we were closer friends. maybe i'll get the courage to get courtney to set something up with david and we can all hang out or something. i dont know.

i dont know.

My body tingles everytime I see you, everytime your name pops up on my phone, I have never and will never feel a kind of love like this or as strong as I feel now. I really hope our futures lead us both in the same direction and that we end up having a happy life together, but if not, just know I will love you with all my heart forever.

hey jon, i miss you alot. and i really would do anything to have you and hug you one last time. love you

How are you going to tell me you missed me but act like you don't? Your actions don't match the white lies but somehow I love every single one of them? I just wish you would pay more attention to me :(

it sucks knowing that you’ll never be able to understand the amount hurt that you’ve caused me. i’ve gave you countless chances, but you took it all for granted. your apologies don’t mean a thing without change.

I like you I really do but I’m so scared of losing my bestfriend because of our relationship I mean we both know we shouldn’t be dating but I think I might actually be liking you..at first it was just to play with you but now..I really like you and I want a relationship but I get so scared that you’ll go back to her and you’ll cheat on me and all you want is my body..I like you and I want us to work but I’m so scared that what we’re doing is wrong

i should have pursued to love you while you still loved me... i regret it every day. you made me feel alive, i should’ve done the same for you. i’m sorry

I took off the necklace u gave me today. The pain hasn't went away even slightly but i'm learning to live with it.

I prayed for you before I prayed for my family. I really did care for you and only wanted to help you.

you don’t even know that you’re still hurting me but i’m still waiting for you. idk why but i am. i hope you mature one day, ily.

Things are complicated but I wish u would tell me how u feel. I just want to know. I love the funny pictures u send me and the videos. You always make me smile:)

I really really like u but i feel like u don’t like me back. Youre so different than all the other guys but my worst fear is you don’t like me like I like you. I can’t get hurt again, that’s why I’m being so careful. But I’ll love you even though I’m scared. Even when I try not to, I just can’t stop liking you. You’ve been the picture of the person I want to marry since years before I met you, this is weird. Why do you look so much like the guy I visioned to marry years before I met you? Pls don’t break me

i only ever held on so long bc of how you did in our last moments. i still think it was the wrong time.

Every time I spend time with you I feel like life isn’t real and I am just in a dream I try closing my eyes but then I realize I’m alive which sometimes I feel like I’m not every time you talk to me I feel like the hole world is going it slomo

I think your the boy ill never get over. Its been almost 2 years but seeing you happy without me kinda hurts. All the memories play in my mind, ive moved on but it still hurts yk?

You ruined that song for me. I loved the nickname you gave for it. It showed you cared. I will never forgive you for ruining that song for me.

I am finally over you. You and your gf look happy. I’m glad you found happiness, just a bit sad it couldn’t be with me. I’ll always have love for you. Even if the feeling doesn’t go both ways.

i wish you’d tell me more when you’re upset because i love you and i can tell you’re upset but it feels like you don’t trust me enough to let me in on how you feel

I knew I was never going to be good enough for you, I told you everything, the things with my dad, my family shit, and you were my everything, my only escape from the world, I would look forward to the FaceTime every night and then we just stopped. After that day when you left it just never felt the same and I’m such an angry person now I don’t think you would ever feel the way I do lmao it’s been 2 years but ever since you started playing with my feeling it just made me more attached and I can never forgive you for that. You wanted to see if I would give you a chance in a month but yet you couldn’t even live up to that, you stopped trying in a day, I’m sorry I’m not the same person as 2 years ago but every one changed and so much went on in that 2 years that you don’t even know about it over all fucked me up and I’ve been taking that out on everyone, not just you, I promise. Out of everyone I ever fucked with it dated you were something different and no one I’ve talked to since we ended and been the same, I either have really good luck and meet someone nice but I fuck it up Bc it just don’t feel the same or it’s it’s a shitty person. There no in between anymore. And I shouldn’t miss you Bc you were fucked up and toxic asl but Ik no one could ever be you. It’s werid looking back now and think about you and I little asl. I was one lucky bitch but your prolly talking to someone better now or who ducking knows Bc I ducking blocked you. Idek anymore, it dont matter.

ik it was unrequited, but thank you for just being there. for sharing your interests and for being a patient listener. i hope you’re doing well :)

You fucked me up and made me so attached to you then you felt like playing with my feelings, I miss you so fucking much but I feel like you don’t feel the same, so I did us both a favor and blocked you

you honestly broke me to pieces, i loved you. i knew i couldn't be with you considering you're almost 18. i was so scared for the day you'd drop me because you were of age. little did i know that day would come a lot sooner than i thought. you left me 3 times, you'd come back each time but this time you never did. i waited for the ft or text that i'd get when you'd come back, i never got one. it was one week after my birthday that you left, and a week before that you left the second time. i told god "why did he have to leave right before my birthday? why couldn't he have left after?" and that's exactly what happened. you said you'd come see me on my birthday but you never did. you didn't even ft me, but you told me that you loved me. i'd always wish you good luck for your golf tournaments, and tell you to be safe when you were on your way home and it was raining. i'm still gonna text you on your 18th even tho it may be the last time i'll ever hear from you, but that's okay because i just want that last text. knowing that you still know who i am. your girlfriend might not me too happy about it but at this point i don't even care. thank you for everything you've ever done for me, i miss you dearly.

What the fuck were we thinking bro?? Why have we let it go on for this long and we can’t even get it together enough to put our prides aside and be together. I hope this ends before it goes anywhere else. You’re the ONLY person I’ve told I’ve loved in over ten years but I can’t do this anymore. I can’t let it go on. But I can’t will myself to let you go. Why?

I just want you to be okay. I know I'm blinded by how I feel to really know if it was real, but I think you're so hurt, and so broken....I could see right through your act, and I know how you feel by the way you'd hug me so tight...I hope someday you won't feel as broken as you did with me.

We're friends and its hard to say this but i caught feeling when we met. which was awhile ago. p.s i know you have a gf now

when i heard you had a girlfriend all i could think is 'i should have told you how much i loved you'.

you aren't my first love. i know you won't be my last, either. but thinking about you brings a little bit of light in my life. even if it's not real. i know you'll never ses me the same way. if not because of who i am then becuase of the stories. you'll never see this. i'll never tell you this. but i suppose that's what this forum is for.

I hope heaven looks after you. You were such a kind man. You truly didn't deserve any of what happened to you. I'm so sorry. I really am. You would let me and my mum and my sister stay in your house whenever we needed, purely out of the goodness of your heart. Not to mention you practically paid for my nanny to live. You let her live in your house. You cared for her for years and for that I am so grateful. The things you did for my nanny and everyone were just so kind. I know she really was grateful for you, and I'm glad that at least you died with her and my sister there. Although I know that that would have broken them. I hope you are happy that you are with your mum now, I know she loved you a lot and probably missed you so much. You can join her now. Thank you for always asking about me and caring enough to stand up for me sometimes. I really pray and wish that the angels take care of you. I hope you're happy up there. I am thinking of you. I know you were so important to our family and I can not stress how grateful I am for you. I can't imagine what would've happened to the family without you, especially nanny. Goodnight Jon. Take care up there. Please watch over my nanny. We will meet again one day.

I know you don’t like me back but I never stopped liking you even if I would say I did. I tell myself I hate you for what you did but I really don’t and I just wouldn’t admit it to myself that i love you.

I hate you so much. Everything you did to me. You gaslit me throughout our relationship and used me for my body at the end of our “relationship”.Then left me for your ugly ass “best friend” when you were oh so controlling of me. I know it wasn’t just a coincidence. I hope the way you treated me haunts you every night. I’m writing this here cause I never want to speak to you ever again.

it’s been about 1-2 months since u left bc u fell for ur best friend, and i only recently realised that we were never going to work anyway bc of her. if i realised before it wouldve saved me so much pain. anyways bye whoever reading this u looking cute babe xoxo L

If I'm being honest, I did have a crush on you for a while. I didn't know how to feel. I hated confessions and everything to do with feelings. I would like to think you liked me back but I kept getting mixed signals. I miss you