Unsent messages to ISAIAH

hey Isaiah I know it’s been years since we had our thing but I still think about u I thought I was over u but then I feel like I’ll never be over u.You were my first love

you kept my notes in your wallet. “so they will always be with me.” that’s what you said. i still remember the feeling i had when you said that. in the middle of that chaotic classroom, it felt like time stopped. it was just you and me.

i will love you till the end. But it was best for us to separate. don’t lie to the next girl, love her to the moon and back. make sure you are loved too. Maybe a better time, or even a new lifetime we will fall in love again.
love, z

the hardest thing i have ever done is forgive you when you did not deserve it. i still ask God to help me not have a bitter heart towards you. i associate the color black with you, because i was light when you found me. i was pure. then you touched me and left me filthy. you made me lose my sense of worth. and forgiving you for that is the hardest thing i have ever had to work on. you stripped me of everything i had, humiliated me, and have caused me to live my life in fear and shame.

I never got the chance to even properly tell you I liked you even after finding out you did too. I still sometimes wish it was you in front of me when he does the things that remind me of you

If I could go back in time, I never would have cut things off. I can make a thousand excuses as to why I did it at the time, but none of them will bring you back. I know it’s selfish of me, I do. But I love you, and I’m sorry I got too caught up in my own head and the trivialities of life. I don’t want to have to wait four years to be allowed to openly love you again, but if that’s what it takes, I will. I’ll always love you. And I’ll keep trying until I get it right.
I’m sorry and I miss you,
your once lovebug

I wish I had a clear reason to hate you, but in the end we were just kids, and I'll live on trying to repair what you've tampered with. I feel like I can't love her because of you. I'm sorry, but I'm not.

you are an absolute fcking asshole, and you ruined my trust, and i hope you one day own up to what you did to me.

I fell in love so hard. It'll be awhile before I actually say it to your face but everything about you makes me happy

its been five months and i still think of you. i dont know why i cant get over you we were nothing more than friends.

hi isaiah. hopefully you actually see this. so you know it’s for you. bristol central. anyways I did love you yk. I miss you

hey. i hope you know i will always care about you. even if i say we cant be friends anymore, or if i suddenly disappear, or if we just dont talk as much anymore. you were my bestfriend, and first bf after-all. i will always be here for you if you ever need to talk. if i ever insult you, or say something mean, i hope you know i don’t actually mean it.

I chose this color because it's the color of your eyes. almost two years later and I still continuously drown in them.

every day i wonder why it happened. why you did what you did. was i not good enough? i found myself wondering if i still liked you, or liked the attention you gave me at one point. i think it was the first at one point. now i dont know. it hurts to think about. we were so happy. then i mustve screwed up or something. i dont know why you did it. i wish i hadnt found out. maybe wed still be a happy couple then huh? itd be easier if you blamed it on me. i still think i love you. so much. i still want to spend my life with you. but its hard. its hard trust you again. i dont know if i can. im sorry. for everything bubba. i wish i could make you happy again.

Every conversation I have about love somehow always comes back to you. Until I hear you voice and move on, it’ll always be you.

i cant figure you out. the constant blocking and unblocking. the constant mood swings. the times youre happy around me but then dont talk to me for days. the way u care about me on certain days, but dont on others. i think you have a girlfriend now. im not mad or sad about it because atleast now i know where i stand :)

fuck you. i didnt even love you in that way but fuck you. yeah thanks so much for cheating on me with my fucking best friend. and not even telling me. you just broke up with me. “i dont feel the say way anymore” bullshit. i wish you wouldve at least told me the truth. i trusted you. ive never let anyone as close as i let you. i guess i shouldnt have.

pretty sure i fell for you and you used to jokingly flirt with me or i think you did but we haven't talked since school stopped

I wanted you to love me so bad I let you push me around and berate me and you did it knowing I would stay quiet because I loved you and that makes me hate you

Isaiah I wish you would talk to me more and actually care about my feelings. I always feel like i’m bothering you and I don’t mean anything, and maybe I don’t to you. You’re special in every aspect and mean so much to me even if we don’t talk everyday. I try and try to talk to you but I always feel bad about it. I wish you knew how much you meant to me. Even the smallest messages make me excited, we have so much in common as well. I can only hope we’ll be together one day and I would do anything to make you happy and smile.

damn, i miss you alot. why’d you just give up on me like that? like i was nothing to you? i want it all to go back to normal, where it felt like you cared about me. i always used to wonder why you cared so much about me before and now i wonder why you dont care about me at all. i loved hearing your laugh, now i can’t even remember it or your voice. its all faded. you’re different now and there isn’t anything i can do to change that, i miss the old you heaps. you didnt even care about losing me, the old you definitely would’ve been lol. idk what to do anymore, it just hurts. please come back, i need you.

You meant the world to me, I only wish I could have given it to you. But now I think it's time for me to let go. I'll miss you.

Don’t you think for a second that you weren’t enough for me, silly. I just have a lot of emotional baggage that muddles my head when I’m in love. I have hope that I’ll heal, though. Thank you for loving me despite my difficulties. You are a wonderful, wonderful person.

i was talking with friends today and i realized that you played me i am nothing to you wow. i hate you so so much why did you do this i trusted you and what did you do break me down im glad that youre moving schools and i hope i never need you again from s

Come back. I need you baby. You know I can’t do this without you. I won’t be able to make it baby. What about the future we planned, i know it was more than just an image that made me happy like you said it was but I genuinely want that, with you, everything, after I graduate we were supposed to start our lives together our family. I loved you, I still loved you.

i still remember what you taught me about airplanes. i still think of you when one passes me overhead. i still miss you.

you remind me of him so much and i wish i could tell you that. i love the pics you send me haha and although they were short i miss our convos.

why can't you fix the things that bother me the first time I tell you. i hate having to tell you over and over.

i want to stay with you, but idk if that's the best for me. I'm getting torn into pieces because of you

I wish you loved me as much as you kissed me under the night sky at knotts. I feel like your last priority now. Our relationship has changed so much in a bad way. I wish you would just hear me out when I try talking to you. You're slowly breaking my heart. I feel like giving up now..

When you talked shit about her while i sat there and listened i never thought you would go back to her. My question is why, why wasn’t i good enough.

i have always loved you, im sorry it took so long to realize it. i never meant to hurt you before. we are together now though okay. i love you chicken, im going to marry you. i promise i will, just have some faith in me.

hey lol. i wish i could have told you all the things i told my friends about you. i wish i could tell you how much i loved you and how much i wanted us to be together but i guess you didnt feel the same. cause at the end you blocked me, unfriended me, and told our friends that you never wanted to talk to me again. i still try not to think so hard about it but its hard because this was my first time opening up to someone fully about how i felt and what was wrong with me. idk it sounds crazy to say this but i love you still, no matter how much it still hurts me that you left and that i dont have you to talk to when things get out of control still hurts me. but its fine because at least now i know you are happier without me then you were with me.

Are you excited for Christmas and your birthday? I hope you have fun and tell your mom I say hi. I miss you so much and I hope your having fun in your life

dear isaiah,
i loved you the way the moon loves the sun. chasing endlessly, for something i knew i could never have.

I wonder if you’ll be reading these tonight?
I hope your next partner never gives you as much trouble as I did. I know you said I was worth all the pain, but I’m still so sorry for hurting you. We gave it our all- many times- but even still, it’s not enough for a healthy & secure relationship, or at least not with each other. I’ve got a lot of work to do before giving my heart to anyone again. I’m looking forward to the day where I can confidently say I’m “girlfriend material”, and I get a good handle over my anxiety. Until then, goodbye, and I hope things go smoothly for you.

Its your fault not mine. For the longest time i felt all this was because of me but it was because of you. You treated me like shit. I've been hurt but not the way you hurt me. I finally let go 3 days after my birthday and was happy. Now for some reason i can't forget you and it hurts again. All because of you

i never get attached to anyone but ive gotten attached to you,,,i know this is selfish but please dont leave me.

i love you so much i really hope you know that and i never have the intention to hurt you i promise, im sorry if i ever did

I loved you more then anything. I tried and Ik I wasn’t the best but the second time I tried sm and you left I want you in my life zay. You make me so happy and sadly still but I can’t wait 2 more years . The fuck am I gonna do wait for you . I loved you so god damn much and I cried and cried because of you ok you was how depressed I got and u didn’t care but I still love you

Hey, uhm I don't know how to start this but I wanna get everything out since I am tired of being stuck on you. I started watching criminal minds again and I remembered how we used to sit on the phone and you would clown me for it. I miss it, you making fun of me for watching it. There's so many things you ruined for me that whenever I think about it I become upset or cry. Falling asleep otp with you while hearing wild n out in the background because that's what helped you fall asleep. Hearing your mom yell at you to read a book for school or do anything and you responding back with a laugh. I miss it. You were to busy for me and it makes me think we had right person wrong time type of relationship. I am not sure though, but looking back you helped me through a lot. My past, my relationships, everything. When I think about you I don't cry anymore. It was hard and I still miss you and have moments where you come into my head and make me upset. I am feeling better now, I miss you.

Your were my very bestest friend. I wish we had kept in touch and I wish that I had some way to contact you. I want my old life back. Even if it felt like love back then (which it wasn't) that's one of the bets friendships ive ever had. Thanks.

Fuck you, you manipulative, lying piece of shit. You treated me like a game, do you even realise people have feelings? You fucking broke my heart, one day your fine and the next day I'm blocked on all platforms FUCK YOU. Its only been 2 months and you've already broke 2 other girls hearts. PIECE OF SHIT FUCK YOU you don't deserve any girls time.

Till this day, I think about the times we talked and I caught feelings for you. Even though we spoke for 7 months, it was special to me and miss the times we talked everyday.

i genuinely care about you so much that it hurts me. though, we are best friends i can't say much because it'll end up ruining what we have. i'd rather be friends with you to have a longer relationship to be honest. the thought of losing you is like a knife stabbed in my heart. please hold me tight. also, i did this in blue because it's YOUR favorite color. teehee. ily.

Hi...
I miss you a lot. I know you did some horrible shit and left some mental scars, but sometimes I wonder what it'll be like if we were still friends.

You know, I really liked you. But there were so many reasons I couldn't tell you. Because I knew you never liked me back because people knew and made fun of me for it because I knew it would hurt more when you rejected me. That's why, that's why even after years of liking you, I could never tell you and I regret it so much

thank you for supporting me when i needed it most but fuck you for playing me like a fucking idiot because you got so far up urself & let people make you forget who you was, you’re not the isaiah i once knew, i’ll always love you but I’m just not in love with you anymore, you’ve been hurting me for too long. I wish you nothing but the best zaya.

i just want my happiness back but you’ve left me in a state of sadness and i will never forgive myself for what you did.

idek stay mad hoe. i used to think you were such a good person. thank you for teaching me that june geminis are ass.