Unsent messages to GABRIEL

when we talk did you get butterflies the way i did?

we will always find a way back to each other

i miss the old us, i wish that you didn't change sm.

I love you bro

i hope you’re here. i’ll meet u soon!

every day I feel insecure and insufficient

i'm always subconsciously thinking of you. i'm sorry.

I like you

If only u knew how much i fuxkin
loved u.

u left me once and i dont think i can handle u leaving me again

u never made me a priority.

You never gave me the closure I deserve.

my feelings for you still linger everytime i sleep

miss you smch

Você não foi meu primeiro amor, mas é o primeiro que não consigo superar (também, depois de te observar por quase um ano).
Nós nunca nos falamos ou fomos próximos, mas é estranho o quanto ainda gosto de você.

hey look, i really really really really like you. i want to stay with i really do, but i dont know if i can anymore, i wish i could open up to you and tell you more about this, but i cant. its nothing you did and its not you, its me. im going through a lot right now and i want you to understand that i like you, even if you dont care. i have a feeling that you do care even if you dont tell me or show me, but i think i just need a break right now, i have a lot of things going on in my life right now with moving, and my parents, and just everything honestly and im just so stressed and i hate being up at night crying myself to sleep because i start thinking you dont like me anymore, and thinking that you just dont care, and ive tried hinting to you that im not doing okay but youre just not getting it. i like you, a lot, youre different, and ive said that to other people but idk. theres obviously something wrong with me and i dont know what it is, you briefly know about my childhood, and theres a lot more you dont know, you pretty much only know about my mom and my best friend but its not even that, thers so much i havent told and i wish i could but i feel like you just never wanted to take the time to listen to me. i love you, and you deserve so much better im sorry. and if or when you read this i think you will know its me so im not gonna put who this is from. just please find someone better okay? i love you so so much.

i spent half an hour this morning counting your breaths, and i couldn't fall back asleep. im about to wake you up with the breakfast i always make you and i'm so thankful we're alive at the same time. im so happy we get to share parts of ourself with eachother. i cherish the time we spend together so much it's dumb but this is the most vulnerable i've ever been in loving someone. sometimes it's scary, with everything you know about me but last night you told me you had no reason to go home because you were with me and that made my heart so warm. i don't know if you meant it like that but even if you didn't, i'm okay with being vulnerable if it's with you. thank you for loving me and teaching me how to be kinder to myself. i love the moon a lot and a lot and a lot and a lot

we dont talk anymore and we arent friends. u were toxic asf and hurt me sm. but i hope u become big. u have sm potential. do u, kid.

Você foi o meu maior amor, e às vezes eu tenho medo de não sentir isso de novo. Nem por você, novamente.

Tengo miedo de verte más lejos de lo que estás. ¿No ves que eres todo lo que quiero? Abrí mis ojos después de dos años y descubrí que eres tú y siempre serás tú. ¿A dónde me dirijo?

I hope you do hold on to the memories we shared I miss holding your hand and squeezing my arm. Why did you not tell me how you felt why did you hurt me so bad , and I just wanted to hang out with you , but thanks for the hug. Mom loved you. Do you still ride horses. I heard you laugh in the street hope she’s good to you and you get miles on that Chevy. I hope you know I think about you every day , but you are a real jerk now.

i wish i could be with you but can’t bring myself to tell you because we agreed to be just friends but i can’t get you off my mind no matter how hard i try

i cry myself to sleep every night wishing that your bare minimum had been enough for me to stay, because every night i want to go back even though i know you wouldn't love me the way i loved you

you’re all i think about and i know you can’t be mine anymore. i just miss our memories and friendship. i wish you could come back.

i love you so much please stop treating me like this. you make me feel worthless but i won't stop loving u

i hate seeing you with her. i wish you still liked me. i don’t understand how you could say those things and be fine now. i miss you everyday.

Me quedé con las ganas de tener algo bonito con vos, que ilusa no ??
A lo mejor no tuvimos el momento indicado para tener una relación, a lo mejor no fuiste mi primer amor y eso es lo más triste... ilusionarse de algo que nunca pasó
Hubo muchas noches en dónde te pensé, te lloré, te odié... X la simple razón de meterte en mi cabeza, x no saber que era lo que me pasaba, me hacías sentir rara y vulnerable, algo que nunca me había pasado
No sé si fue buena idea alejarte de mi, pero yo no podía más con tus celos, no aguantaba que me dejaras ahí parada como una tonta pensando si hice algo mal
Mientras más pasaba el tiempo más me dí cuenta que fui una completa estúpida x dejarte ir, en tan poco tiempo me hiciste sentir la chica con más suerte, pero yo no podía con tanto, necesitaba que me dieran mi lugar, fue muy irónico saber que envidiaban nuestra "relación" jsjsj
Después de casi más de un año me dí cuenta de que te necesitaba así tóxico y celoso, porque de verdad estaba empezando a sentir sentimientos hacia vos, pensé que después de sufrir x tanta mierda podía amar a alguien de una forma única y sincera
Ahora no sé que es de tu vida, a lo mejor encontraste a alguien que te valore tal cual sos, con tus virtudes y defectos, te lo mereces, sos un gran chico
Ahora tiene sentido eso de ser el indicado en el momento no indicado.
Creo que con esto ya te puedo dejar ir, necesito olvidarme de vos, necesito conocer a mi primer amor, poder conocer a alguien que me haga sentir esas cosas que dicen sentir las chicas en las películas y en los libros, necesito que mi compañera se burle de mi x ser la enamorada jejej, poder vivir una linda historia de amor, a fin de cuentas me lo merezco.
Hasta pronto Gaby...

I love you so much , I can’t believe I found someone as loving and patient as you . If we part ways I can never forgive myself for losing such an amazing person .

What happened to all the twelve hours phone calls and the “i love you”s? I just wish I could hear you say it one more time, just once

I still remind the day when you sat your head in my shoulder. And that other day. And the day after. And a few other days. I still remember your smell all over my shirt. Even though you were just playing, i actually was feeling hopeful. But you were just playing.

How are u? I still think about you once in a while. I hope ur happy with whoever you are now. Even tho i still wish that u had felt the same way for me..

I wish u weren't such an egoistic asshole. Yet I still fell and u didn't catch me. I hope you're happy with her now.

look i’m so sorry and i know that you’re trying and i know that you like me but something just tells me you don’t and it’s not your fault but i take it out on you anyway, i feel so bad because it’s not your fault and you don’t deserve me, i’m so sorry, i’m trying to get better and i’m trying to change, please don’t give up on me, i love you.

I tried to trust you, and I tried to convince myself to stop but I’m always coming back to you and I hate it

i miss you too, but seeing your number & “this sender is not in your contact list” underneath your texts makes me feel nauseous

i wish we can start over. but you lied and was choosing her the whole time. i shouldve known. 'bestfriend'..

i wish you treated me better. you left me, ‘bestfriend’. you always wanted to leave whenever you’d see me do anything wrong. you blocked me. constantly. this is on you. i wish you cared about me the way i did for you.

We don't acknowledge each other. I hated every second of that time but looking back I really did have fun. I hope we become friends, you make my life more fun

and if it wasn't about love, then what was it about? our 'friendship' wasn't fake. it was genuine. until u went behind my back and started talking to her and planned to get back with her. i told u to be honest with me. i 'acted different' once you did. and thats when i knew.. it was her. yet i still wanted u in my life, r.

i didn't leave you. you chose her. you hurt me so much and went behind my back. you knew how attached i was to you. it was you over anyone. i told you that. you just lead me on and lied to me, making me feel different. i didn't make you lose anyone. you chose to leave them and you called them fake. thank you for hurting me, lying to me, and going behind my back. only reason i talked to him or anyone else was because i had a feeling you were talking to her again. and we barely talked anymore. i can tell you don't miss me one bit either, and that you never cared about me. you never ever cared about me. have fun with your girlfriend. i hope she treats you well. goodbye.

We haven’t talked in a long time and i just wanted to let u know that ur still on my mind, obv. i wonder what would’ve happened if things went differently. i think u were the first boy i liked a lot, it was kinda exciting bc i saw the way u looked at me then too. don’t feel guilty about what happened either bc ur allowed to do what u want obviously lol. hope ur doing well these days and happy new year (almost) :).

why’d you pick everyone over me i loved you sm & would’ve done anything for you if it came down to it

Your shirt smells happy tears and long comforting hugs. It smells you stopping me from crying and lovely memories. It smells good times and friendly fights. It smells smiles and laughs. It smells you and that smells good.

i hope you find joy in all your future endeavors. don’t stop trying new things until you find your passion.

it hurts bc a part of me will like you forever, even tho i know you never really felt the same. but you guys are cute together, she's so so pretty :)

ur kinda toxic, but it’s ok cuz at least i thought of u when i read the after series and realized that kinda relationship is unhealthy !!!

hey i still love u ...i started to eat more now and i always practice thinking about happy thoughts like u said whenever im down ...i wish we can talk again bubz :(

no matter what happens i’ll always be in love with you and the feelings don’t have to be reciprocated.

you were the first guy i trusted and u fucked it. enjoy ur new girl, wonder if she would stay up all night on ft to help u through a bad trip even tho she has strict parents

I want to run away from you because I'm afraid I won't be able to feel good whit you, but I don't have the courage.