Unsent messages to EMILY

you honestly don’t know how much you’ve impacted me. YOU BROUGHT ME OUT OF A DEPRESSIVE EPISODE WITH JUST YOUR WORDS i saw you comment on someone’s video talking about how hot they are and i got jealous so fucking jealous that i went up from my depressive episode cleaned my room took my shower brushed my teeth and did my hair JUST BC OF THAT. you have so much power over me and you don’t even know. dude emily you don’t know how much you really mean me me.. the time i ignored you it was SO HARD SO
FUCKING HARD it was so hard not texting you back but i knew i had to do it but i couldn’t do it for long. you’ll never see yourself as how i see you because i see you as a fucking goddess like as to the point where if ducking idolize you which i don’t anymore but i was so fucking swoon away by you i couldn’t see what was going on. one day i fucking starting crying thinking of a life without you i really can’t loose you that’s why i texted you if you’re ok because i can’t loose you ever . it’s unfortunate i’m loosing my feelings for you everyday but i guess it’s time to move on. i hope you find someone who loves you the way i do/did. i loved everything about you, your voice your smile . but i don’t really feel the same anymore i’m becoming less dependent on you which is a good thing? maybe? because i’ve only been sad bc of you i’ve only been happy bc of you i’ve only. been mad BC OF YOU. ugh oh well

in loosing feelings for you , it’s so disappointing too i wish i can go back to the moment where you first held my hand that fucking moment where i felt something i haven’t felt before , i miss it . i don’t feel the way the way i felt when i’d get your texts i’d get butterflies and so happy my smile would get so fucking big when i get your notifications now it’s not. id always wish when i got notifications it was you. but it doesn’t feel like that anymore it’s different. i miss it. even though we literally talk it’s just not the same . my smile has never gotten bigger when i get your notifications you changed me you changed my point of view on life i love you sm and you’re my favorite person and there’s so much to unpack with that title i depend on you. you are my happiness my sadness why tf do i love you but hate you? you’re my only source of feeling my only source of happiness my only source of sadness my only source of anger. fuck emily why do i need you why do i love you . why do i depend on your for everything. i cant loose you i’d be lost give me more time

From z: Emily u made me smile when no one else could but now when I think of you it’s just sadness. Fuck you though and yo adopted brother

i’m sorry i didn’t love you hard enough, i thought i did enough. i obviously didn’t as it showed in the end.

I didn't really understand how I felt towards you you as you were the first girl I liked, I wish you were around now

you are the love of my life, and you will never know that. i try to put on a brave face around you and your boyfriend, but the pain is always present. i know we would be perfect together, if only you liked girls

I've liked you for such a long time and I wanna tell you so bad. If nothing else I wish we were at least friends I and that I could just get a sign that you at least know who I am. b

I want to adopt a cat with you because you love cats and I'm starting to like cats and i think we would raise it pretty well

god i hope to hell im not falling in love with and it's just the idea of love that i'm addicted to. i can't. not when you are straight and well.. im not. and plus. i can't ruin this friendship of ours.

Em
I love you so much and you mean the world to me, you are my favourite person in this whole world and I truly think we are soulmates

Sorry about yesterday. She’s a dick. It was my worst fear to see you that day. It came true . My fucking luck aye.

thank u for taking my food at lunch every day in fifth grade and throwing it in the trash. im really cool now and u never were. u always looked like the horse from tangled to me and i have vision problems. i hope that sends a message. i chose this light pink bc it resembles ur skin tone. bland flat and uglie. *ugly

you’re right. i’m not the man you fell in love with, i don’t where he went but i miss him just as much as you do. i know you’ve been hating me and what i say recently and i don’t blame you, if you want to break up again it’s okay i promise, but you have to promise me you’ll be safe. i love you so much. ig this is just the power struggle phase after the honeymoon phase, right?

i know you told me to stop talking ab it, and i’m sorry but this is the last thing i have to say and then i’m done. your “sister” isn’t supposed to treat you like shit.

Thanks for making me feel comfortable when we were kids. Thank you for making me realize that I didn’t always have to be number two. Thank you for leaving when you did. I’ve realized a lot of things about myself because of it.

i hate everybody, everything they do, everything they say, and I hate them, and I hate it all, but I never seemed to hate anything about you, or you, I could never hate you emily, I will try so fucking hard, but I can never ever hate you emily

Sometimes I don’t want to see you, not because you’re not an absolute joy but because I feel guilty for how much you make me feel

It’s the way she loves stars
It’s the way she laughs
It’s the way she’ll laugh at anything
It’s the way she’ll open it
It’s the way she watch anything
It’s the way loves listening
It’s the way she actually listens
It’s the way we have matching hair
It’s the way she always wears the cutest pajamas
It’s the way she doesn’t judge me when I stim
It’s the way she respects me
It’s the way her eyes light up when she laughs
It’s the way her lips always look soft
It’s the way her hair is literally flawless
It’s the way shes unapologetically her

i hate everybody, everything they do, everything they say, and I hate them and I hate it all, but I never seemed to hate anything about you, or you, I could never hate you emily

Yo si te ame... Pero la verdad nunca supe si en verdad tú me llegaste a amarme de la misma forma en la que te ame=(

I keep going to text you and tell you about everything that's happened but I know you don't want to hear from me anymore.

emmy!!! girl is finally out of quarantine:)) zay zay misses u so does franny?!! all miss our emo girl

emmy!!! girl is finally out of quarantine:)) zay zay misses u so does franny?!! all miss our emo girl

i wish we could smoke and pretend the outside world doesn't exist, no one quite understood me like you

You hurt me so much. I commited %100 to you and you gave me %3. You knew how manipulative you were and chose to continue that. U knew I was in love with you and that’s why it hurt so much to see you manipulate your feelings and it made me feel like you never loved me. I’m happy now tho. I have flower and she treats me 50/50 just like how a healthy relationship should be. I’m in love with her. I’ve moved on from you and you know when we were dating I would wake up drained feeling used and worthless and just generally terrible. All I gotta say now is f you ?

You were the one he chose. Of course you were. Everybody chooses you because you radiate love and happiness, I radiate nothing. When I saw him with you, my heart broke, you looked so happy together, and I was standing alone, on the sidelines. The music faded out, I couldn't even hear anything over my heartbeats. Why couldn't he choose me. I hope you make him happy.

I don’t know what I ever did to you to make you treat me like this. I’m sorry we distanced. It was fun while it lasted.

hi my love:) you’ll probably never see this but it’s hard for me to express how intense my feelings are and just how much i fucking love you so if i’m overbearing and annoying, that would be why. it’s bc i’m violently in love with you AND IM GONNA GET VIOLENT IF U DONT SEE ME SOON BAE

I just want to go out at 3am not giving a f about the world and yell at top of our lungs and drink Monster

"The first time ever I saw your face
I thought the sun rose in your eyes
And the moon and the stars were the gifts you gave
To the dark and the endless skies, my love"

I want to text you. I want to talk to you. I want to talk to you the same way again, but I cannot so I have to turn my phone off and sit there and wonder why I am not good enough for you and it kills me because I love you but you dont love me.

please stop talking about her, please. i just sit there trying to pretend that im not fucking in pain. know your worth , i see you more than what she see's you as, idk how you dont see it. you always fall for straight girls that dont want anything to do with you and you give your time and energy and love to them when they dont care at all i dont know how you dont see it. im trying to tell you i like you a bit everyday but its always she this she that. it fucking hurts emily, you dont know how much i love you youre my favorite person and i never want you to get hurt so please just know your worth. i see more to you than just a girl on my phone and you'll never understand that and thats ok, i want you to be happy and thats why i had your back when you told her you liked her , that shit was so hard to do but i really care about you alot and your happiness does matter alot to me so id go through any amount of pain just to see you happy ive never felt this way about someone before, theres something so special about you that i just cant point out. everything every action you say and do matters every single one. you took me out of my lowest without knowing it. which means you can hurt me alot. just know that i see you , you are never forgotten you mean the world to me,and id do anything for you

Im gonna pour my heart into this. You are my world. I always thinks about if one day if we do end things how bad its going to hurt. You have always been there for me. At my ups and downs. I need to apologize for somethings. i haven't nearly given all the love you've given me in return. The day we first hung out i knew i was in love with you, i know thats crazy considering we weren't even talking but its true.Emily i could not tell you how much i love you but i dont think you will ever understand that.

You stopped caring about me when you moved to college and got a new life. I understand but it hurts. Sisters are supposed to check in on each other and you don't do that.

you still cross my mind at the most absurd times, randomly, I think its because we think of each other at the same time, i miss you, i hope you're doing well out there brat

i hope for the best for you in your life. i’m proud of who you’ve become and the people and love you have attracted and you deserve all that and so much more. i’m sorry i couldn’t handle anything properly and that caused me to lose my friend. it makes me happy for you knowing you are flourishing in life even if it’s without me

I wish I could just tell you why I’m mad, but I’m not used to putting my feelings out there like that and so I’m sorry you have to be hurt like this because of that.

I'm sorry I failed you as a friend. I continuously think about you and all the times I childishly hurt you. I was never deserving of you. Every moment I spent with you was full of happiness and I was never appreciative of it until I lost you. I hope you are surrounded by people who treat you better than I ever could.

He doesn’t love you. He just won’t tell you that to keep you around. Don’t fool yourself into thinking he does. If he did, he would be there.

i love and hate you so much , you dont know how many nights ive cried because of you im going through sm mf pain but im doing it because i love you i want you to be happy even if it isnt with me

Black reminds me of your nail polish. I am so sorry that I took you for granted. I ignored you for my own selfish reasons. Every day I wonder what it would be like if I treated you better. Even though you were my friend, best friend, I still associate you as being my first love. It felt like I could talk to you about anything, but I felt like I could never say you were my best friend or "I love you" because I would be "cringy". I regret thinking that way so much. I want to hug you again and smell the Dr. Pepper that always lingered on you. I regret telling you that you just smelt like "couches" because you had a scent that was my comfort scent for a long time. I want to play Roblox with you, I want to rage at online games with you, and I want to hear your voice again. The only thing I have left of you is your old voicemails you left me, a birthday card, and my fading memories. I just want you back. Sometimes I wonder if you even liked me though. You told me that we couldn't be friends anymore because your parents don't like me, and every day that passes I wondered what I did wrong to upset them. It is driving me crazy not knowing what I did. I could've improved if we just had better communication I feel. Emily, I love you. If for some reason you see this, are you still in that SpongeBob amino? Heh, I still have that BSS factory on Bloxburg, and I don't think I'm ever going to delete it.

go to hell after everything i fucking did for you. i was always there for you always no one checked on you like i did. you were always the “nice” girl that everyone wanted to be friends with but you’ve changed so much since then. of course i shouldn’t expect anything from you but it still hurts to know that after everything you’d choose to betray me i would never even now talk about you and say the things you say about me to other people. fuck you.

I never wanted this to happen because I'm selfish and I didn't want to risk what we had. I hate that I ruined things before I got to tell you how I felt. "I wish you would've stayed."

I loved you so much, what went wrong? My love slowly became hatred. You never loved me the way I loved you, but I can’t blame you. I worry about you constantly, but at the same time I hope for your downfall. You changed so much, and so have I.

i’m sorry. if you don’t like who i’ve become, then just leave. i’ll be fine without you and so will you. i’ll always love you

you look like you just went outside and wiped your face in the ground girl that is not tan it looks like you are covered in dirt

I love going on walks with you. I want to hold your hand and tell you how much I love you, but I can't.

Since I’ve met you, you’ve had such an impact on my life. We resonate with our awkwardness and our love of anime. You’re the most intriguing person I’ve ever met. Even though we are thousands of miles apart I feel you close to me. I love you

Manipulative is not a word I would use to describe myself. I think there were others. Try emotionless, or maybe say that I used you for my own gain. I did.

ur the most problematic and frustrating person ive ever met. u can never be wrong and treat anyone who doesnt give u enough attention like shit. im so glad were no longer friends cause youve been hurting me for so long. i dont care that u have no one now cause u did it to yourself.