Unsent messages to CHASE

You are the first thing that crosses my mind in the morning, and the last before I fall asleep. I'm thankful for you even if you don't talk to me anymore

i thought we were good friends. really good friends. but good friends dont touch eachother like that.

i feel almost guilty writing this, but letting you back into my life is one of the most hardest things to do. i know i swore to be here for you forever, and that we go through problems together, but speaking to you spurs up so many old feelings, feelings that aren’t supposed to be there anymore. i think a part of me will always have a soft spot for you, because you were my bestfriend. you stood up for me when no one else did. there’s a part of that believes you’re the one who got away. we would’ve been good together. i hope you’re doing okay.

i think i’ll always love you and that’s ok - can’t wait to hear you and your music blasting from people’s cars one day. i love you but i deserve better than you. godspeed

i know i called you stupid a lot, but the stupidest thing you ever did was make me love you. i hate you for that.

i hope you'll come find me and hug me someday even if i say i don't want you to. we could walk around, dance, shop, eat, or just sit. it wouldn't matter as long as it was with you. do you ever wish i was there too?

i just read all the entries from that journal i told you about. they went on for almost exactly a year. i stopped a couple days after i found out about her. its a blank when i think about it now. it was worse than i told you. those months were bad. i have so much i still need to tell you and say to you and it all feels like too much sometimes. i felt like i was gonna throw up i was crying so hard when you texted me. my brother had to hold me for hours before i responded i was shaking so bad. every single song hurts now. i dont think you will ever understand the feelings i have for you, when i try to make sense of them sometimes i get so overwhelmed i have to stop. it feels like the deepest pit in my stomach and the warmest valley. it feels like summer rain and cold winter nights alone by my phone shivering waiting, for you, for a sign. it feels like songwriting with a feverish hunger. it feels like talking to everysingle person in my life about you so much that they begged me to stop. it feels like closeness but also immeasurable distance. it feels like every ounce of hurt and care in my body all in one direction, one that isnt close to here. It feels like confusion and headaches, it feels like staring at your name under the blocked section everyday. it feels like losing the ball in an important play because my mind is miles away. it feels like convincing myself of many things. it feels like wanting more for someone than you could ever want for yourself. it feels like looking at you and my breath still catching because despite what i tell myself or say to you, you feel like home and it really scares me. it scares me more than anything. it tastes like regret and tears. it tastes like hunger. it smells like playground woodchips as i sit alone watching the sunset after a long run where all i thought about was you. it smells like pizza in the restaurant i was in the last day of camp when my breath came unsteady as i realized i would never see you again. when my parents asked why i was acting like i never had before. it feels like falling asleep knowing you were on ft with her. it feels like betrayal and loyalty. it feels like early mornings and late nights with my head in my hands. and i dont think i will ever do this feeling justice, not with the most beautiful vocabulary in the world. this websites is for first loves and as impractical as it is, you are mine. i'm sorry. i'll apologize even when i'm gone.

hey asshat! was that song about me? all of mine are about you. everything is. i'm sorry that things can't be different. i can say it here though, i love you.

I know you've forgotten about me but the love i have for you is still there. I miss what we used to be.

I love you so much. I fell in love with you and i still am. I still can’t accept the fact that you’re gone and I try to get you out of my head but i can’t. Please come back.

thank you for being amazing. i think im falling in love with you but it could take me forever to admit it

I never want to stop knowing you. I can't tell you how I feel because I can't bear the thought of losing you

I'll never forgive you for what you did. I hate you. You took all the love and patience from me and created a black hole.

Sometimes I wish I could talk to you every hour of the day. but you don't always respond and maybe you hate me and that's ok but I wish I could tell you that you remind me of the stars and you're happiness for me. Nothing ever makes sense to me but everything about you is perfect even if you decide to never talk to me again that's ok because I'm honestly just glad I met you.

you broke me but also forced me to find myself. im happy with how I am now, but you're always at the back of my mind. I don't know why I liked you so much. I trusted you, I told you all my problems and you were my best friend. but then you fucked it up and we started dating. sometimes I find myself wondering if we would still be friends if you never told me you liked me. honestly, I think you only were interested in me to get back at her. I was always the second choice. no matter what I do, you always pop up in my mind occasionally. I think I subconsciously try finding you in every guy I talk to. ever since you, I haven't been able to truly care for a boy like I did you. I've become heartless in that department and I just hope one day I'll find someone that will truly make me happy and never make me the second choice. because it sucks. no one should have to get used to that, but I did. we were young when we dated. too young and I didn't know what a relationship was supposed to be. I think it would have been better if it was now. I kind of wish we were still friends. I wonder what our friendship would have been like now. I think I miss you sometimes. but don't get me wrong, I haven't suffered this whole time. I'm fine now and I learned and grew. no one knows any of this. not even my closest friends. and I'll always plan on keeping it that way.

i love you more than words can say and im sorry for constantly fucking everything up and being a bad person ily :)

I don't feel for people often because I'm scared of getting hurt. So imagine after I let myself fall you immediately hurt me.

I loved us because we weren’t meant to be. But rather, in a series of consequences we consistently chose each other. You were for me as I was for you. In every single twist and turn our lives threw at us, we chose each other. I hope you see how meant to be, fate, and destiny makes Us sound too easy. I have so much love for you. Our love isn’t “was”. Our love is “is”. Alive and present right now. I love you. I love you so much, I just can’t let go. So maybe it’s fate. At least that would make you come back to me.

I hate that you lead me on for 3 months but I’m so happy that I’m single and that we are no longer dating. I’ve been able to reconnect with people in my life whose relationships got damaged when we started dating and I’ve been able to love myself again. Thanks for breaking my heart because it only made me stronger and much more aware of what I deserve in someone.

sometimes i wish we had never met but if that came true i wouldn’t have experienced the misery of being truly in love with someone.

When I think about you, I feel sick. When I look at you, I feel sick. So sick, yet so safe and loved.

I can't begin to explain how much I love you and what id do for you. What id do to go back in the moment of sitting on that bench with my head on your chest. I love you.

I don't miss you anymore. I found someone who treats me better than you ever did. But I still wonder what could have been if you hadn't treated me the way you did. I'm glad you found someone who seems to make you happy. I will always love you, but not in the way that I used to. I hope you do what makes you happy. Love, M

if only u knew how much love i have for u. it hurts to put on the act of 'just friends' knowing all i want is u. i love u so much and i always will. i just wish u seen me as more than ur ex who gives u what u want

i miss the way you would hold me tighter when i had to leave. i don’t know how you left that so easily. it’s not fair.

I hope you know that I am never upset with you. I never mean to make you feel like you're not good enough, or that you can never please me. If that were true I wouldn't stay up all night with you, you're one of my favorite people to talk to. So you are absolutely enough.

When you came over and snuggled with my favorite pillow I began to love the pillow a little bit more. It smells like you.

I would literally die if you went through and read all the ones I've written to you on here. But, there's also a part of me that wants you to find them, that's why I chose your favorite color.

How do you feel about me? Is it true that you see a future for us? And if you do have feelings for me, do you like me for me?

Sometimes you make me forget that I'm afraid of falling in love, you make me second guess if I should be afraid of it.

i never thought i would have fallen in love with you.
but somehow u make me smilie everytime i see you

"o fuck off" go fuck urself u piece of shit, you put me thru so much at such a young age, i thot i loved u

I can't love you the way you deserve to be loved. I hope you find someone better than me. I love you.

i miss the feeling of your hands on me. and your breath on my neck. and you looking at me in the eyes

I really miss you. I can't even look at you in the face yet cause I know I'll cry. I will always have feelings for you, you're still my biggest crush.

I hope one night we will go stargazing while listening to our favorite songs and just forget the rest of the world and get lost in each other's company. I really, really hope.

When I told you about all the things I want to do with someone that I love, I hope you listened well because most of them were directed to you.

Remember when you snuck over and we played video games, I really felt so in the moment that night. I just got lost in having so much fun with you, I really let my guard down and showed you the real me. I hope you know that when I'm with you I feel free, I feel at home and happy. I really hope you know what I mean this time. (P.S.) you still kind of suck at the goose game though, but that's okay ;)

why'd you have to lay a hand on me? i can no longer let any man touch me. you have ruined me and all i ever did was love you.

4 months wasted on you. I trusted you. I smiled every time you called and now i'm crying every time i hear your name.

Thank you for being my first love. I’m sorry for not trying to make things work. You’re always in my heart.

I'm so happy I get to know you. ever second we spend together is like a moment in the sun, away from my dark, gloomy life. I love you

your the person who made me get up everyday. The first person i ever truly loved. thank you for it all. i’ll never forget u :)

you hurt me a lot not gonna lie. you made me not trust people anymore but im glad we got that past us and that we are friends now.

you still are the light that burns inside of me, bringing me happiness. nobody could ever replace you.

you give her the attention i deserve after all i’ve done for you and what you’ve put me through. i’ve always had this feeling that you’ll find your way back but maybe you won’t and that’s okay but i still don’t ever see myself being with anyone else because of you and still to this day you will never understand what you mean to me and i hate that i still love you.

i love you. i want to marry you. i want to have your kids. a boy first. and then we can decide if we want another

I love you... you hate me, why? We were so close? But it's fine, we still talked, before I found out.. :/

we got along so great yet you had to ruin it by going back to them. I miss our 10hr ft calls, hanging out almost everyday

I still think about you late at night. I regret letting you go, but it was for the better. I see in your posts that you look more happy with your new girlfriend. I wanted to make you feel like that, but I felt like I wasn't good enough for you. I wish we could still be friends, but I would always see you as more than a friend. I could never break you two apart. Seeing you happy means the world to me. Love you.