Unsent messages to CARSON

I would’ve stayed if I could get it together

What sound does a turtle make? (i think im in love with u.)

it rlly hurts how u acted like we wernt talking when we were

I miss my best friend. Come back to me.

you will always be first place in my heart

i will forever have a soft spot for u

it still hurts.

idk why i like u sm but i do lol kiss me!!

sometimes I get so excited about something and I imagine the first person i want to talk about it with is you, and how happy it made me and then i’m reminded of how much you never cared. How my excitement annoyed you. I miss you so much, but then I’m reminded of the bad and I just get sad. It’s fine, I hope you’re happy with her, and that you finally have someone that is up to par with your impossible standards.

sometimes I get so excited about something and I imagine the first person i want to talk about it with is you, and how happy it made me and then i’m reminded of how much you never cared. How my excitement annoyed you. I miss you so much, but then I’m reminded of the bad and I just get sad. It’s fine, I hope you’re happy with her, and that you finally have someone that is up to par with your impossible standards.

I wish we could go back to older times when things were so simple. I don't think we will be in touch like back then but I appreciate you for everything.

I miss the friend I lost when you gave up on yourself. I just got caught in the crossfire of your insecurity. It’s the little things that make me sad, even years later. Did you play Pokémon Sword or Shield? Is your major still computer science? What do you think about the finale of the Mandalorian? Have you found someone worth fighting for?

carson you mean so much to me. i don't get to say it much because i feel awkward saying these kinds of things to people but i love you a lot (platonically) and i like you a lot (romantically). i have such a soft spot for you it is not even funny. thank you for being my friend, i doubt we'll end up being any more but that's ok with me because i still care a lot about you. be kinder to yourself, ily

idrk how i should start this but i thought i would say that you were the first guy i fell in love with. couldn’t tell u really why i fell for u because i hardly knew u. but i did. ur with someone else and i hope you’re happy. u deserve to be happy and so do i. but thank u for talking to me whenever u were just bored because that really fucked me up and i ended up falling way too hard for u and u felt nothing. u made me feel special until i realized u only wanted my body. so yes i hope you’re happy in life but fuck u. ik it’s been a long time since we have talked but i really hope u have grown tf up. i’m younger then u and it was humiliating to be played like that. i hope you’ve grown up a lil bit cause i have and now i finally realize how immature u were. i always looked at u as the older guy that was reserved funny kinda kept to himself and just knew everything and was wise beyond his years. maybe u r now but u weren’t then and it’s taken me so long to realize it. i hope u see this. i hope u wonder who in tf wrote it. i’m finally over it all. THE WHOLE THING.

I'm sorry. I thought you were controlling but you were the best thing to ever happen to me. I'm so sorry for what I did. I wish I could feel those three taps again. I adore you.

I love you. It hurts watching you with her, I want you to be happy, always. Even if it isn't because of me. ❤️

i looked up to you for years, i defended you so many times and even fucking lost friends because of you. you're merch gave me so much comfort whenever i wore it and now i just feel sick thinking of how much i supported you. i was a sub for months and even based my fucking humour around you. i threw up after i found out, it hurts.

Every flame has the same sad ending, every spark is going to die but i wanted us to live forever. Im still in love with you.

oh my god you were actually in love with me. i’m sorry that i wasn’t enough. i never had the balls to tell you that. i’m sorry for whatever pain i’ve caused you. i owe you for everything you gave me and taught me.

i’ve had a crush on you for years and i don’t know how to tell you. you are so kind to everyone, and every time we’ve had our tiny conversations i always smile.

I’m sorry. I wish I could tell you that I miss talking to you. I even miss playing game pigeon games, even though you usually won...

I miss you so much. I know you don’t care about me at all which really, really sucks. I hope you know how great you are, how happy you make me and others. I love you forever.

i don't hate you, i promise. i don't wanna see you because what you did really hurt. but i still love and care for you, even though i need to do it from a distance. we just aren't compatible and that's ok. xoxo

I'm so sorry about how I ended things. I was in a really bad place mentally and was trying to cut everyone off. I want us back so bad. You've moved on and im trying to respect that. I really thought me and you were gonna be endgame. You made me believe that love could be real. Im sorry for hurting you booger. I would do anything to get us back.

hey smelly! it is me lola. i am here to say, you are COOL and you need to stop the self doubt because you are swagalicious and also my shawty (im gay tho) so all im saying is own the swag. own the swag bitch

i won't say this to you until i'm in a place where i can mentally be in a relationship, but in the meantime i'll just say it here! i like you so much like SO MUCH, honestly before i met you i thought i'd never like anyone, and u literally came into my life by bullying me over liking undertale but look where we are now. i honestly don't know how to describe how much i like you, other than the fact that when you laugh it always makes me smile, and a lot of the time i join voice calls just because you're in them. i love the sound of your voice, you're so fucking sweet and compassionate and i care about u so much and i hope u care this much about me too. these feelings might go away, i dunno. i hope they last long enough so i can tell you. because honestly i've never felt this strongly about anyone. and i never thought i'd fall for a gamer boy lol. ily

thanks for letting me go, because i never would have had the courage and strength to leave. thanks for showing me a glimpse of what love could be. i hate you for the way you treated me but you don’t understand how much more i hate myself for allowing it. thanks for “loving me”even though it may not have been real. thanks for showing me love when i couldn’t love myself. thank you and goodbye forever.

why? you left. you broke ME. why are you aloud to go around and spread lies about me? i lost friends. i left you alone when you left. i spread good on your name when i could have ruined it. is it jealousy? or have you really changed that much? my dork would never do that. the old dork. the old you.

When you finally let go of your own fears and ego then I will be willing to talk to you, that is if you can actually execute. You can either actually try for once in your life or watch the person you love, give the love you deserve to someone else. It’s you, not the other person.

i wish you would understand how much i like you. everytime i hear your name or you send me a message i get so many butterflies in my stomach. you make me so happy but i know i probably mean nothing to you.

I wish we would've worked out. It's taken awhile to get over you, but now i don't feel anything when i hear your name. I wish things would've worked out, but you're an actual piece of dog shit

You made me feel wanted, until you pressured me into sending nudes, told me i wasn't more than my body,called me a h*e, and made fun of my insecurities.

I don't want to be your friend anymore. We don't match right and it's just uncomfortable and awkward. I'm sorry for ignoring you but I don't want to know you.

I get jealous if another person has time with you.. I can't grasp losing you to someone better. I feel awful for feeling this way but the days I don't have you are my darkest days.

I love you. I know it seems weird to be so young and me telling you that I love you but I do. You make me so happy and appreciated unlike most people. You make me feel like I have a purpose I’m life. I always want to be with you and never want to leave your side.

you probs dont remeber me. mount paran. i still love u, u broke me and didnt even notice. u started it all.

i still don't understand how you can say you love a person so much but not care that you're tearing that person apart.

i know i was a lot to handle, but when i was going through stuff you made it worse. i still miss you tho.

You guys are definitely soulmates, I hope you have fun together being toxic. Guess you’re definitely regretting everything now, kisses xoxo

you were worried i’d break up with you, i wonder if you know that i haven’t stop thinking about you for four months

You’re always in my head. I wish you would talk to me more cause there’s so many things I want to say.

You’re pretty damn funny, ya know? And when you jokingly flirt with me it makes my heart flutter. If only you weren’t joking, and didn’t live states away from me.

I want to tell you i love you. I've been in love with you since i was 6 and you moved next to me. I never have the bravery to ask you for your number. We used to be really good friends, but then we got to our teen years and fell apart :( ive loved you for so long, and now im too scared to talk to you or even see you. i want to know you better again

i started dating you in 4th grade, you were the dorky boy who liked gardening and fishing. we dated until 7th grade, I let what everyone else thought about you made me brake up with you, now thinking back you were a great boy who treated me right and who truly loved me, i just know realized how i could have hurt you and effected your life. i don't know what you're doing right now at this moment but if i didn't listen to what others thought... we might have still had a great relationship going, i miss u carson

i wish i could tell you i loved you, and i wish i would've realized i loved you sooner because maybe we'd be together right now.

I really loved you but I didn’t know it at the time but I was your rebound anyways :( - also because of u I don’t believe in pinky promises.

4 years later and im still madly in love with you. i keep hoping u find ur way back to me. if not now then maybe in the future. i still remember looking into those crystal blue eyes for the first time 4 years ago. u are my home forever and always. its us against the world cc.

It's been a year since I realized I gave my soul and body for you to just absolutely take advantage of, you say I couldn't separate love from possession. But I think you honestly didn't know the difference, everyday I wake up crying and hating my body, blaming myself for allowing you to touch me, and feeling like you owed my body. Blaming myself for wanting to die, blaming myself for you taking care of me in my weak moment and still always just wanting to please you. I want to scream from the highest mountain but nothing can take back what's already happened. I just pray for the universe to balance itself. You don't deserve love, you need to learn to love yourself first and then forgive and apologize for your previous actions. I don't wish you good luck, I wish you truth and clarity cause you are so clouded. You care too much about what other people think, you are in a constant cycle only you can break. Unfortunately you're so blinded by your own logic you can't see what's right in front of you. Stop thinking about me or ever mentioning me again. You're dead to me just as I am to you. Frankly I love my life right now. Im so much further than I would ever be if I was with you. So thank you, for leaving but fuck you for my trauma.

You make me unbelievably happy and i haven’t felt this in such a long time and it’s sucks seeing you hard core like a manipulative and toxic girl who changes how she feels about you every day. and i wish you would just open your eyes and realize how horrible she is. But i know that you know how horrible she is you just won’t admit it. because the truth hurts and i really like you and i wish you would feel the same way but i know as long as this girl is around you won’t. so i’ll continue to be the supportive friend while you chase after this girl and even though it kills me inside i’ll never stop being there for you.

thank you for everything. i don’t deserve you i love you more than words can describe. you’re someone i don’t want to lose thank you again