Unsent messages to CAM

you are my best friend in the whole world lol. no matter who comes and goes into your life i will always be here. i literally fucking hate everyone except you. i love you and i dont say it enough but just talking to you can make my day instantly better. i miss you so much lets hang out so i can give u ur sexy christmas gift. u smell like shit lol BYE LOSER!!!!!!

I never got to say I love you. Everyone knew it, I did, you definitely did, but for some reason it was 3 words that we never actually said. I loved you for years, you had my heart from the moment we met. You opened up to me about how you felt about me so I trusted you with my heart. You told me I was the girl you saw a future with. But you broke me in ways that I didn’t think was even possible. I cried until I ran out of tears to cry. What hurt me the most was seeing that while I was desperately trying to hold myself together, begging for you to be there for me, you were already occupied being there for another girl. The same girl that I questioned you about time and time again. You told me I was being dramatic and overreacting, at least now I know that I should always trust my gut instinct. What I struggle with the most is that I have 100 reasons to hate you but still I just can’t. I can’t believe I spent so long wondering where I went wrong to make you drop me like you did. I remember so clearly leaving your house that night, puffy eyed and rosy cheeked, trying to compose myself for the car journey home with your dad. Kissing you goodbye knowing that this would be our last kiss. I spent so many nights trying to remember what it felt like to lay my head on your chest and hear your heart beating. So many nights hugging my screwed up blanket wishing that it was you for one last time. I miss you sometimes. I really do. As much as I say I’m over you, and I think I am... but it’s the little things that sting. Although I’m no longer in love with you, I love you cam.

we screamed star shopping together at the top of our lungs in your car at 4 am and you kissed me at the red light. i knew then you were the one

you're it. you're my happy ending. my love. mine. God, I would kill to see myself the way you see me. I love you babes

it might’ve not been a big deal to u, and i might just be another girl, but to me you really changed my perspective on how i see love.

I never meant to hurt you. I was a broken person who didn’t know how to truly love yet you made me your drug and I left. You said you were addicted to my love and I want it back I want it all back I cant change how I used to be but I’m me now and that’s all that matters but your with her so love her how you loved me all I can say is I’m sorry and I love you

When you asked what was the matter, I really wish I’d told you there and then. A part of me will always wish things worked out love.

just facetime me. im a little awkward but i promise im funny. we can watch a show together, if you’d like (bring ur dog!)

its you. it always has been, ever since when I told my mom you were my soulmate in 7th grade. I cant wait to fall in love with you everyday

thank you for showing me what young love really is. i miss you more and more everyday, come home soon

i gave you all of me and you walked away like it was nothing. the difference between our love was that you just said i love you but i had actions to back up those words. i loved you so much john cameron and i still do. more then youll ever know and more then you probably deserve. you broke my heart and still took pieces of it.

I'm sorry that I hurt you & that I was not ready for a relationship. But I hope you've accepted you were in the wrong too

I miss the way you used to kiss my scars and tell me I was beautiful... if only I had seen the scars you carried sooner... I love you C Xx

My body still aches for you but my mind knows it will never work. Are you still the man I thought I knew?

I am sorry for the way I treated you. You treated me bad in a different way. We weren't good for each other. I want you to be happy though.

Thank you for showing me how it feels to love someone who never loved you the way you thought they did

You're my best friend in the whole world. Thank you for everything, you are so incredibly special to me.

you were a mini version of me dude, i didn't know where we were going to go when i first met you (turns out nowhere) I could've sworn you were my twin flame when i talked to you it was like talking to myself you always knew how i thought and you even knew about how i was trying to push you away because you got to close.. you knew that even though i never told you, i knew you like the back of my hand in a matter of weeks. I let myself get attached which I guess is my own fault. Though I should have seen it coming when you blocked me out of nowhere one day, you did this periodically so i assumed you were joking. When I texted you you told me you no longer needed me which stung much harder than I had anticipated, and I hated that you had so much access to my heart without ever having to try. My point is..I loved you in some weird sick and twisted way after you hurt me so bad I still have a place for you in my heart.

I regret dating you because you’re a bitch. But even though I don’t like you anymore, I still pay attention.

you hurt me so bad. I missed you for the longest time. I would write so many texts but never send them. You really hurt me badly and left me broken. I got over you and was finally doing great until you decided to try and come back. I'm finally letting you go now.

I wish I had seen you grow to be the amazing human that I know you are. I grew up with you and always wanting to be like you. You were my first crush and first love. I always remember laughing anytime I opened the videos you sent me. I just miss you so much and I want you to come back. I wish I could have told you how much you mean to me. I wish I could have seen you grow up to be a wonderful husband and father. I wish you could have lived.

i haven’t been able to love since you, it’s been 8 months and my heart can’t open up to someone else..

every time i feel like things might just work out for us, you find someone else to fill ur void. don't realize the feelings you have for me too late

i hope you don't realize how much love i have for you too late. i'm one in a million baby, don't forget that

You were my everything you said you loved me and i really thought you meant it. I would’ve done anything for you and suddenly i was nothing to you without a reason without anything you were just gone and i was left with this pain in my heart and i sit and wonder everyday why i wasn’t good enough and the only answer to that is you but I know you’re not coming back

i really wanted you in my life. i would give you everything. you were my best friend, but you were also the one who got away.

I only wanted you to care about me. For you to show it. And even after what you said, I still love you. And I'd take you back in a heartbeat. My love for you will never vanish even though you've caused tears to stream down my face.

hiii, if I could go back in time and fix what we had I wouldn't hesitate to do it in a second. i've never felt heartbreak like this. you'll always be part of my life even if youre no longer in it and refuse to text me back. I don't think I'll ever be able to listen to a lil peep song again bc of you. its so hard not to let my mind wander to the moments we has together while driving in your car. I felt safe w you, actually loved and cared for. im dumb for letting my insecurities get in the way. anyways ill be here if you ever wanna fix things, bc a love like this never really fades. thanks for the memories we made I'll forever cherish them and probably compare every new guy in my life to you. you were the first guy I really grew to love and learned to live in the moment with. the effort you put into seeing me was enough to show me that you really cared and I wish I still had time to show you that effort in return. I thought I had time, time to love you more, and now I regret not loving you with all my strength even if it came off as clingy. I decided to give you a chance and im glad I did, I'll always love you bby. even if I only got to be with you a short time I don't regret it, bc id rather love hard for a short time then not love at all.

hiii, if I could go back in time and fix what we had I wouldn't hesitate to do it in a second. i've never felt heartbreak like this. you'll always be part of my life even if youre no longer in it and refuse to text me back. I don't think I'll ever be able to listen to a lil peep song again bc of you. its so hard not to let my mind wander to the moments we has together while driving in your car. I felt safe w you, actually loved and cared for. im dumb for letting my insecurities get in the way. anyways ill be here if you ever wanna fix things, bc a love like this never really fades. thanks for the memories we made I'll forever cherish them and probably compare every new guy in my life to you. you were the first guy I really grew to love and learned to live in the moment with. the effort you put into seeing me was enough to show me that you really cared and I wish I still had time to show you that effort in return. I thought I had time, time to love you more, and now I regret not loving you with all my strength even if it came off as clingy. I decided to give you a chance and im glad I did, I'll always love you bby. even if I only got to be with you a short time I don't regret it, bc id rather love hard for a short time then not love at all.

I wish things ended differently between us but I know you’re happy now and that’s what matters the most.

you’re either going to be the love of my life or you’re going to absolutely destroy my life. and i can’t figure out which one.

you left me behind and I loved you anyway. i hope you got what you wanted since it cost our relationship to get it.

I miss you so much. You’re the light of my life. I know you’re the one. I love you more than you know. -forever & always

My absolute first love. Always. I don't know if we're meant to be, but i will always love you more than you'll ever known.

I dont deserve your love but everytime I see you, I feel happy because even if I dont love myself. You will. Im sorry for not realising that earlier.

I’m really sorry. I wish we could’ve seen where this would lead. (I’m wearing the shirt you gave me.)

no, i don't want us to be just friends and neither do you, we both know. you're my soulmate, no doubts about it, we should give it a try.

you were just like me. and i still think i’ll never find anyone like you. but fuck your ex for being hotter and for you being “lonely”... i thought you had me

I don’t understand why you fucked me over and I don’t think I ever will but all I do know is that I think I’m better off without you even though a small part of me still wants you

I wish i could hold you in my hands one last time. I can still remember your scent, your touch your laugh and i’ll never experience those things again. i love you

You were so good at hiding things that I actually believed you loved me...which is why my trust for everyone is gone bc of you.

you told me to leave you alone. so i did, i just wish i would've known what i did to make you so upset all the time. i wish we didn't have to end like that. im sorry. i really am. i'm sorry i don't ever try, i've given up and it's hard to do anything or even be functional. i deleted everything i had that reminded me of you, but you still can't be rid from my mind. god damn you for making me love you like this. i hate you, but my heart still aches for you. wish you'd text me one last time. i'm sorry bubba. goodbye. i love you, i always had.