Unsent Messages

I never got to say I love you. Everyone knew it, I did, you definitely did, but for some reason it was 3 words that we never actually said. I loved you for years, you had my heart from the moment we met. You opened up to me about how you felt about me so I trusted you with my heart. You told me I was the girl you saw a future with. But you broke me in ways that I didn’t think was even possible. I cried until I ran out of tears to cry. What hurt me the most was seeing that while I was desperately trying to hold myself together, begging for you to be there for me, you were already occupied being there for another girl. The same girl that I questioned you about time and time again. You told me I was being dramatic and overreacting, at least now I know that I should always trust my gut instinct. What I struggle with the most is that I have 100 reasons to hate you but still I just can’t. I can’t believe I spent so long wondering where I went wrong to make you drop me like you did. I remember so clearly leaving your house that night, puffy eyed and rosy cheeked, trying to compose myself for the car journey home with your dad. Kissing you goodbye knowing that this would be our last kiss. I spent so many nights trying to remember what it felt like to lay my head on your chest and hear your heart beating. So many nights hugging my screwed up blanket wishing that it was you for one last time. I miss you sometimes. I really do. As much as I say I’m over you, and I think I am... but it’s the little things that sting. Although I’m no longer in love with you, I love you cam.