Unsent messages to BELLA

i like you of course, but not as much as her...it will always be her and i don’t think you deserve that. i’m sorry

what did i do? I thought we would be friends forever, and then the next day, we were strangers. i don't miss you, i just wonder

hey bells,
we're best friends but i dont wanna bother you. youre happy and innocent while im just on the verge of killing myself. crazy isnt. please dont be sad if i really do it, i love you

"eat my ass" i love you thanks for being there when no one else was. me and u forever. yes written in black its me

Hey I just wanted to say I know you’re disappointed. But I’m doing my best. I know I’m not what you expected but I’m trying. Sorry.

i'm sorry i didn't give you an explanation i just couldn't bear the thought of you anymore. all that time. wasted. i've been thinking about you a lot and i hate it, you're on my mind 24/7 and i really thought you'd be gone by now. i hope you're okay and doing well, i hope this finally gives me closure because i don't have the heart to unblock you and apologize. i'm sorry.

I'm sorry I don't know how I feel but I'm even more sorry that not knowing made me frustrated and I took that out on you.

you were the cause of my pain and anger but i can’t stop myself from thinking about you and who you were to me. i miss you and i don’t. C

maybe if we hadn’t done what we did we would still be best friends. im sorry i fucked up. i will always love u

Hey bubs, I just hope you’re doin alright and everything’s going well! I’m sorry i’m not there anymore. Thank you :)

i feel like i deeply take you for granted and im really sorry about that you mean a lot to me and i didnt realise that until i lost you im sorry

hi bella. I just wanted to say that i wish we could be closer , and i love you so much. you're the person i love seeing the most everyday and i really hope your family gets their shit together so that you don't get sent away. im so jealous of how easily you can talk to people.

Hi beautiful, this is everything I want to tell you. I am so proud of you. You’ve come so far and I’m so so so beyond proud of everything you’ve accomplished. Moving away is hard and it’s scary but you grew up and handled it so well. You’ve been through a lot and you took it like a champ. It’s okay not to be okay, please try and remember that. You have so many amazing friends who love you so much, and I know that you love them. I’m so happy that you found people who make you the best version of yourself, that’s the girl I know and love. I never imagined that moving away would solve all of your problems, but I now see that it did. I am so grateful that you found yourself again, even if that place happens to be 1000 miles away. You are strong. You are beautiful. You are loved. You are so important to so many people, more than you will ever know. I know that K would be so proud of you right now, she’s watching over you with love. You are kind and funny and gorgeous and most definitely someone’s dream girl. You made mistakes, but so does everybody else. You grew from them and learnt a lot of lessons. This year was hard, but it was beautiful in its own way. To all of the people you met, learned to love, and let go of: I am thankful. They helped shape you into the person you are today. If you ever feel down, look back at yourself from a year ago and remind yourself that everything comes to an end; the bad and the good. Better things always come, even if it takes awhile. You found your spirit again, and I am forever thankful for that. To all of the beautiful people you opened your heart to, you have a forever friend in them. They love you and appreciate you. Your thoughts are not reality, do not let your mind lie to you. If you are ever doubting someone’s love for you, don’t. You are worthy of love. Do not second guess yourself. Do big things, it’s written in the stars. To my beautiful girl, my beautiful Bella: I love you and I am so proud of you. A free heart and endless spirit, you have the capacity for infinite loves. Please do not ever let anyone stop you from opening your heart to the world. Let your light shine. Let people hear your beautiful laugh. You make waves, you are so important. Fearless in ways never imaginable, I know that you’ve been through so much. Loss is hard, and heartbreak is painful. You are strong and selfless. You have a beautiful heart and a beautiful mind, and I am forever grateful that you feel like yourself again. I knew that you outgrew this city, you are supposed to do bigger things than this place could contain. Let the world hear you, don’t let anyone hold you back. I know you get scared sometimes, but you have no reason to be. Their opinions don’t matter, they are just as scared as you are. So, please, go be free. Go be beautiful and crazy and wild and laugh until your voice cracks. Smile until your face hurts and your eyes squint. Please, go live your life. Be alive. Do it for K. Experience all that the world has to offer. If you ever doubt yourself, know that I’m here for you. I love you and I am so proud of how far you’ve come. Show the world your beauty, show them your heart. Embrace your humor and beautiful mind and create wonderful things. To my girl, I am so proud of you. You care for so many people, and never fail to give all of your love. A letter to you, from me. I am so proud of you. Continue to dream big and experience the beauty of this Earth. Even if you doubt me or forget: I love you, always.

u ruined my life. i have no idea on how you're doing right now but i pray that you've become a better person because i would never wish upon anyone to have to go through what i did because of u. u gave me so much trauma and trust issues like now i genuinely do not believe someone could actually like me as a friend due to all your gas lighting. regardless of how much u hurt me then and how much it affects me now i still wish u the best of luck in life and hope u are happy.

From the moment i met you i knew i wanted you to stay in my life forever. Now, i don't even know who you are.

i know i should hate you but i can’t, no matter how hard i try. i know you think i’ve moved on but i promise i’ll always be waiting for you

You were my everything, my sun, my moon, my stars. You still are the sun, the moon, the stars. Just someone else's.

i miss hanging out with yall, but the more i think about it the happier i am that i left. i hope you guys figure it out, but hating on people based on who they love is not it, whether or not an old book is telling you to. when i needed help, you chose not to pick sides, trying to "stay away from drama" but i was being treated awfully, and i needed someone to stick up for me when i couldn't.

hey bitch i love you and you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. i don’t wanna get sentimental and shit but i would prob be 6 feet under if it weren’t for u :)

Hey, I don't know if you'll get this but I just wanted to tell you that I love you. The way I feel about you, I haven't felt about another human being. There was a time when I was going through a lot of heart break and I didn't like that so I just turned all of my feelings off and went numb until I met you. You brought out a version of myself that I haven't seen in years. I look in your eyes and I feel like I've finally found a home. And maybe it wasn't meant to be but I want to believe that it was meant to be. Bella you are the most beautiful woman I have ever met. When you look at me I can see a caring look in your eyes. A look that I've never gotten from anyone. I love being close to you, I loved seeing and making you smile. God you have the most perfect smile. You showed me kindness and love when no one else was. I want you to know that I will not give up on you no matter what. I love you

I can’t stand being friends with you anymore. You have become so fake and I am done with you. I’ve finally found two new best friends who love me so much and I’m not a second priority. So thanks in a way, for making me realize who my true friends are.

you treat me like shit sometimes but its okay. i let it happen because im desperate to find love again and im desperate for this to work out. its not fair how you still get to talk to your ex and be all buddy buddy with her but when mine calls me out of the blue, you get upset with me. and then on top of that you get mad at me whenever i try to express my frustration with your ex. you say "she's still not over me" "its not her fault" "dont be mad at her" but its not that easy when youve been cheated and treated badly your whole life. its hard to build trust and i dont think thats something you understand about me yet. i dunno, its just annoying because i cant tell you this or youll get upset with me and itll start something. i have to keep it to myself.

You’re such a dork and get so excited about the small things. I’m so happy to be your friend even though it’s only been a few months. Please never let someone kill your child-like wonder and curiosity

i never knew what you meant by me being the rose and you being the prince until we went on separate paths

I didn’t block u. I turned my phone off for the rest of the night because I couldn’t stand it. I didn’t want to hear from u. I texted u and idk why. It’s like even if I mad or don’t wanna talk u always find a way to creep into my head again and again and again. Maybe u could text me back or call me so we can talk and just start over.

why are u so amazing?? u are so beautiful and i love everything about you!! ur everything i want, and it’s almost christmas so all i’m asking for is u.

hi beh! u r my bestest friend and i am eternally grateful that u decided to be my friend! u r one of my biggest blessings ahhh that i feel like i don't deserve. i adore u and i can't wait to go to london and spain with u in the near future. always so happy the universe gave me u

the drawstrings of my hoodie haven’t been touched since you last tied them, everything makes me think of you

physically being with you made me the happiest i’ve ever been in my entire life. deep-down you really do hurt me, but i love you. i’m sorry.

I don’t really know if we are soulmates. I knew this was gonna happen so thank the lord I found someone else before it did. Hopefully the 38 days and counting are worth it. I’m still just a phone call away

I miss you, I just wish you'd come back. But you're gone and I cant change that. I'm so sorry for all of the things I put you through.

why do i always go back to you? you treat me like shit and don't realize it, yet i forgive and forget. if i havent met you i would be happy, but you ruined me. you fucked me over and i don't think i will ever recover. i just want you to realize just how much damage you have done to me.

I never will understand why i ever became friends with you. Your such a shit person, you ruined everything for me and the one I hold dearest to me. Maybe I just wanted to fit in thats my fault but its not my fault u decided to spread rumors, call the cops on my friend for blocking u, and decided to be a straight up bitch to everyone who u thought wasnt good enough for u. Ur a fucking bitch i know ur home life is shit but that doesnt mean u can be a shit person get ur life together asshole.

you only use me to rant about your problems with your friends. have you ever even thought about asking me how i am?

I dont know how much you think about me, but I think about you every day. Even after all this time. I love you, I hope we reunite once I return, even if you're currently with someone.

i wish u were never born. u ruined me. u ruined my life and idc how bad u feel, u will never be able to fix it.

Wrong word using revenge. Call it a get back at me scheme. I thought maybe if u couldn't promise anything you would at least try to stick to your word, But you couldn't and you didn't even try. I call you out on a simple small thing and you gaslight tf outa me making it seem like I was the bad person making things up when I saw it with my own eyes. You again let your feelings control your decisions and made stupid excuses for it.

You weren't avoiding him. If anything you were avoiding me. If you wanna go down that twisted road again be my guest. But if your gonna do it for some sorta revenge scheme I'd think twice. The only reason I broke that promise is because you couldn't promise me anything.

I’d take it back if I could and u know I would. The race finishes when the hobbit leaves, Maybe sooner. All I ask is that you don’t make the same mistake. Prove to yourself you’re better than that, because I know better than anyone u are.

You're always there when I need it most, I thank you for that. I wish sometimes that you would be more confident in yourself, you're beautiful. Everything you have ever done for me has benefited me. I'm so appreciative of you, I love you so much and I don't know how to tell you.

I'm sorry for not giving you and I the closure we needed. You were toxic for me, we outgrew the friendship, and it was time to move on. It's time for me to move on. I wish you the best.

if i’d known that the flame was slowly burning out i would’ve put it out before it was too late. now there’s no hope to get back what was lost, in the burning home of my heart.

no matter how much i wish i did, i didn’t love you the way you loved me. i needed to be loved and you loved me, so i tried to convince myself i loved you back. i love you but i was never in love with you. i’m sorry. if i could go back i would’ve stayed out of your life. there’s so many things i wish i’d done differently. your parents didn’t want you to get hurt and it’s probably best they made us break up. you were an unintentional rebound. but i don’t love him anymore and i don’t want to get back together with him. so the bright side is that it worked.
-7

i really am sorry bella

Sometimes I can hear the whisper of your voice in my ear and it brings me back to when we were so much more

we met because of the mandalorian, watched the first season together, talked about it for hours, and today the first episode of the second season is released. i wish we were still able to talk. we had such an incredible connection. i miss talking to you about aliens. i miss how weird you were. i never asked but i'm pretty sure you're a sagittarius. miss u. i hope you watch the episode today, and remember of a really good friend you used to talk to about space, minecraft, bruce wayne, ghosts and thanos & how you thought i was a slytherin, only because i never believed you were a ravenclaw. miss you. but i wish you never left. you were the one who said leaving people hurt. and you were the one who left. enjoy the second season.

I’m in love with you. I know you don’t feel the same, I’m so sorry. I wish I could be the person you need.

Being you best friend is so hard. Sometimes I feel we are only still friends because we've known each other so long

u not liking chocolate was the last straw. but I guess u don't have bad taste otherwise that'd be an insult to me. you liked John from congress with nice hair more than me which was a huge L too. also u have nice hair and ur really tall

Leaving you was the worst decision of my life. I hate that you’re with him now. I’d do anything to get you back.

you were the cause of my pain and anger but i can’t stop myself from thinking about you and who you were to me. i miss you and i don’t.