Unsent messages to ADRIAN

I go on this website everyday hoping u sent something:(

i miss you but i’ve healed and your not for me

i love you my dear

because you're still in my dreams, I guess you mean more to me.

life is worth living with u, bub. :))

i hope u know how much u hurt me.

u were my first love and my first heartbreak

you are the love of my life.

i wish you could see how much i tried and how much i love you

I hope you know you hurt me xoxo

I don’t miss you, i miss who you were

I loved you. I hope your well. My arms are forever open

but you said you loved me more

miss u so much and i can't do anything abt it

i never stopped.

I wish we could still be friends, I'm sorry I ruined everything

I’ve written you so many letters that you’ll never read.

you mean so much to me, i wish i knew if you feel the same

I think of you sometimes loverboy, I hope you're okay. <3

i miss you

im waiting for ur explanation

green will always be my favorite color because of you.

you're losing me love :(

i love you so much and i really do want us to last forever

you made me feel what it’s like to have my first times

i have feelings for you too.

For you i would give up the world just to be with you my dear..

you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me

You’re irreplaceable country boy. Remember that

I love you, thank you for being so patient with me always.

My heart will always be with you

i love u adrian

Sometimes I am less hurt by the absence of your presence and it makes me sad, for that means I am slowly forgetting what it was like to be loved by you.

If you were really scared to lose me the way u said you were, why did you do everything you could to make me leave

I really do wish that you cared about me as much as I care about you, or thought about me as much as I thought about you, or loved me as much as I loved you, or wanted this as much as I did. Because I still remember. All of it. And I haven't been able to let it, or you, go. And I'd kill to not be an afterthought - I'd kill to mean more to you, to feel like I mean something to you again other than a pit stop. But I know it will never happen. So I have to settle and find someone else like you instead. I just wish that we could've kept our little forever, as unrealistic and as inexperienced as it was.

I can't stay mad at you forever. I don't know why but no matter how hard I try I just can't let it go. I can't just accept that you're gone. You were the first guy I ever had real feelings for, it sucked. I wish I could go back and spare me the heartache and pain that you caused. And when I'm ready to let it go I find out you're after one of my friends. I don't understand we are in college now so why are you constantly picking up girls from a high school that you didn't even go to? And why are they always my friends? Maybe you have a screen shotted locked note for that explanation. I get so mad when I think about how you manipulated me into trusting you and then threatened to hurt yourself if I ever left. Who does that? Why would you do that? Especially after hearing all of my guilt after what happened with my friend? Why? Why make me scared that another person I care about would just leave this world? But that's just your game. Well I'm sorry, I'm not some perfect book character like you always wanted, the one you can sweep off her feet and save. I'm not a princess, this isn't a fairytale and I will find someone someday who will actually treat me well. Stop trying to get with my friends and stop trying to talk to me, you don't need to cause any more damage than you already have.

i hate you. i hate you because i cant be with you. i am always listening to you talk about these girls you talk to and this whole time the only person ive liked is you.

people are telling me you were following some chick home everyday despite your “girlfriend.” looks like i dodged a bullet

i am in love with you. i don’t like expressing my emotions too much... but i DO I DO SO MUCH AND U R SO SPECIAL TO ME

its like a ghost of you is with me. i cant seem to move on from you, from us. it hurts so fucking much to not be able to breathe without you. i hope someday that i can live in peace.

I love you with all my heart but I’m not in love with you anymore. I know we’ve gone through so much these past three year and I hate that things are needing. But I can’t change how I feel.

didn’t know if i wanted to choose red or purple but ur the best thing that happened to me in a while i hope ur getting better w wtv u had going on and someday we can get back together ily ♥️

It was only a week, and yet you were able to break my heart. It wasn’t love, it wasn’t in the slightest. It was admiration. I looked up to you. You were the staple nice guy, and yet your niceness is what killed me. You showed me all of these interesting things, you really convinced me you weren’t like the others. We would send such nice music to one another. One song stood out in particular. That night, you started talking about how much you would like to make out with me to this song. Sitting by a cliff, watching the sunset. It was so nice. You started asking for photos. ‘But I don’t know you’. ‘But you do know me, we have so much in common; you study math, I’ve studied bioinformatics. You play music, I play gigs’.

Why was I so, so stupid.

But then you asked for more, I said I wasn’t comfortable. You asked again, I said I wasn’t comfortable. You apologised, ‘I’m sorry if I crossed a line’. I apologised ‘I’m sorry for not sending anything’. ‘My top priority is for you to be comfortable’. I thought you were so nice, you respected me. But the my message saying thank you was left pending. Now I hear that song I cry, people think I’m crying cause It’s an emotional song. But no, it was because I lost my dignity to the person I valued most.

I was 16, you were 28.

Now I’m fucking mad.

If you’ve experienced this, please reach out. It’d be nice to know I’m not alone.

every time i wonder where we went wrong, i understand it was neither of our faults. i wasn’t healthy and you obviously weren’t ready

i will always love you, you taught me so much and i won’t ever forget how you saved me from myself, your stroke game was also fire, thank u

I love you.. it’s been really hard because I know you don’t feel the same... you’re still my best friend

I miss you bro. I genuinely do not think I will ever see you again. I am sorry for being so shit to you. You deserved better.

I’ve been in love with you since the day we met. So much so that I’ll accept being your friend as long as I don’t lose you.

it’s frustrating knowing we arnt meant for eachother, but i really loved you, i’ve never confessed my love to someone before, you were the first person i’ve confessed too, i’m glad you didn’t push me away for that, but i just want you to know i’m always going to be here for you, no matter how much more girls you put above me :)

Te amo mucho, en realidad, te puedo olvidar, pero no quiero hacerlo... Lo siento si alguna vez te hice daño... Me haces muy feliz, yo se que vamos a estar juntos.