Unsent messages to SYDNEY

You will always be my perfect girl
1 million kisses

I imagine a different universe where we're with each other instead of the men we ended up with

I still miss you. please text me

why don’t we talk anymore?

i wonder how you actually feel about me.

is it bad i want to see you before you go back to boston?

please love me back

Why would you do this to me?

thank you for being there for me

i’m dying to know if you still think about me

start being a better friend

I’m done missing you

i love your touch

i’m sorry i’m so hard to love. i’m trying to make it easier.

you make me so happy

I think u were my gay awakening

i fell in love w everything about you. from your voice and laugh to your compassion for others. simply seeing you or hearing someone talk about you makes me beam. i’ll always love you

i feel bad abt us bcs i know we're not meant to be in eachother's lives, but i dont wanna let u go bcs im scared to hurt u w that, and i think u need me, although its bad. staying 'together' is gonna hurt, 'splitting' will too. idk what to do, i feel weird abt it all, i wish i could forget everything sometimes. but itll get better, i think, thats always how it goes, doesnt it? u need things i cant provide, things out of my reach. things thatll tear me apart. i cant give u what u need. it hurts, knowing im no good for u. but we just roll w it, untill the breaking point. i just hope we can ever go back to the beginning and start it all over again, bcs a lot went wrong. sorry i gave u false hope, hope i would never give u, but i told u i could. no, i cant, and i wont. i dont like it that u like me. i feel like ur always watching me. i just rolled w it to keep ur eyes off of someone else. im not a good person for u, u have to realise that. whatever we do will always escalate, u could be okay w it but it isnt good. i apologize, im in a mental breakdown at the moment and i hope youll never look up ur name, but its kind of fun when you do, so fuck it.

You saved my life and I love you so fuckin much. I feel like we’re drifting, and I don’t know if I can handle not being your friend

Heyyy you’re making me question my sexuality because i’d literally only go gay for you. no one else. i just can’t help it, you’re so amazing and beautiful and ajgjjj be j as kcjaj k sometimes you give off the vibe that you feel the same way so i don’t know what to do mann.

fuck you. deadass fuck you. like i really cannot believe you were about to introduce INTRODUCE. me to this bitch and you sitting here retweeting shit about who about what i don’t trust you. fuck allat it’s all dead as fuck. you really tried it. fuck that and i hope she plays the fuck out of you and you end up heart fucking broken. and fuck you for ever making me feel like i amounted to anything. fuck you. on some real fucking shit. fuck you and fuck that big face ass bitch.

You're way too smart for me. Everything you say is perfect, which is why you’ll never love me back. But you still say “I love you”. I guess it’s in a platonic way. I’ll wait for you, though. Even if it’ll never happen.

This is to myself. I have been through a lot and I am so vulnerable. It’s so hard not to feel like I’ll never be happy again. Everyone keeps telling me I’m going to be okay and this was the best thing for me, but it still hurts. But you need to keep going. I’m so proud of you for seeking out resources and hopefully you can work towards being happy and healthy.

I loved you in the most unconventional way. Somewhere in the realm of close friendship. Thank you for getting to know me and trusting me. I don’t know why you view me so highly sometimes, but I’ll try to not disappoint you.

I don't need you anymore. Thank you for everything, I don't regret a thing, I just simply don't want you anymore. I'm happy.

I don’t think you’ll ever know i loved you. i mean how could you, i just watched idly as u fell for someone else

i still check up on you all the time. i wonder if you ever think of me. ill always cherish the friendship that we had.
i love you.
jules

ill always love you. you were my best friend. i dont know why you decided you didnt need me anymore. but i will always love you and wish nothing but the best for you. - the judy to your sharon

I’m sorry I never told you but I love you and it hurts you don’t feel that I know you don’t because I can see the confusion in your eyes when you catch my gaze you can’t understand the way I feel but I still feel it

i feel as if you’ve lost interest in me. you stopped texting me, you’ve told me many times that i scare you, or you’re afraid of me, but all i want to do is love you.

hey, u very very nice and fun to talk too, I like playing Roblox with you, yes, also btw irelands are pretty cool, also yes, and ur Roblox clothes look very good.

ever since i met i don’t know but you really changed something in me you gave me a future to look forward to. A future with you, a future i can truly be happy in. i love you sooooo much sydney it’s kinda bad how clingy i am and i hope it’s not to much for you to handle this is my first and hopefully my last relationship i hope that i can jus turn around in the bed and see you my wife right next to me. please don’t ever leave and if you somehow come across this jus know what we have now i want forever. I want to get a place with you build a lil family with you jus do stupid shit together with your goofy ass just having fun and at the end of the day we jus cuddle and do cute shit all night i love you

we were friends and then one day out of nowhere u made everyone turn on me. what did i do wrong? im glad we're no longer friends. thanks for ruining my self esteem

i miss u so much. i miss being ur bestfriend. i hate how i ended our friendship, i’m so sorry. i wish i could go back and take back how i treated u. i will forever love and miss u

ah you really do always know what to say. i really am such a lucky person to have the privilege to know you like this. (and unfortunately you know me and this is unfortunate because i just spent 2 minutes trying to figure out how to spell privilege until i finally searched it up. attempts included but were not limited to: privelege, privlege, prilege, privlge, privylege. i told you i was bad with words.)

ah you werent supposed to read that but i guess i cant make you unread things. old habits are hard to break and this seemed like the best way to let it all out. i guess i'll spill a bit more. im scared of hurting you. plain and simple. i want to be the person who lifts you up and the person who can calm you down. the person to hype you up and the person to comfort you when u need it. but i dont know if i can be that person you need. at least thats what ive been telling myself these past few months. im scared to disappoint you. and i feel like that would be an inevitable thing. im horrible with words and even worse with emotions. i can be self centered at times. im so far from the person you need and the person you deserve. thats really all there is to it. and yet none of that stops me from wanting to be with you and that scares me too. anyways pity party over. what really frustrates me though is that i cant find the guts to tell you how much you mean to me in person,, like, to your face. cause if i cant even do that how the hell am i supposed to do??? anything else?? did you know i had half of this drafted since like 11:30am?? and as im typing the other half of this its 9:37pm. at this point i have no clue what im tryin to get at. im just throwing up everything in here but i want things to work out too. i really really do. even if i have no idea what 'things' are. ah anyways go sleep at a decent time (aka not 4am) we'll figure it out. i trust us,,, i think. at this rate i think its just a question of when.

My mood changes when I talk to you it could be at the lowest point and you could make the clouds go away and show a rainbow and I wish I could say how I felt but she would kill me if I did, you have no clue how much you are to me I love you

im sorry. i put us in a hard spot and i know i said our friendship would hold no matter how akward things got and i still stand by that. but i really miss you. things are,,different. i dunno how or how to describe it. i want more but i know its not possible. it would be unfair to you but is it too much to ask to just. hold you for a bit? no strings attatched? treat you like your the only person in the world? hold your hand just for a minute? i want to have more moments like at that chipotle a few months ago. figuring things out and talking through things, revealing more about ourselves because the truth is i miss you. which doesnt even make any sense because youre right here. we havent stopped talking, we havent stopped being friends but the only way i can really describe it is that i miss you. ik this isnt very fancy and you'll never see this so i guess that's why im being so open. i think about you alot, you know? i bet you think that my mind is always preoccupied with,, heh other things but truth is its a conscious effort to think about him where with you youre always just there. you float in and out of my brain all the time. im always wondering about you, what your doing, how your doing. i try to check up on your but ah im uh emotionally stunted to say the least. im not good with words. clearly. but anyways point is. youre in my brain. constantly. which reminds me ik i have all my other playlists on public and your probly think i dont have any about you but just so you know your playlists are on private. i add onto them alot. the vibes clash around too. there are songs that wanna get me screaming and dancing and there are songs that make me miss you so much it hurts. anyways. thanks for being you i really am the person i am today because of you and it scares me to think about who i would be without. gosh i probly wouldnt have a good sense of humor,, but youre caring, youre stubborn, pretty, funny as hell. ah class is starting soon but at the end of the day i really am thankful that youre my best friend. even if its just that.

thank you for being my first real love and my first gf. i miss you and hope we can get back to being as close as we were

You are so beautiful. You really are and I wish you would believe me. I hope you love me as much as I love you. I feel like I'm failing you.

Hey, I searched my name and saw a message. I don't even know if it was you but I think I wanted it to be. Maybe it's a coincidence and some other Sydney said it but if it was you...I used to love you and I'm sorry for everything I never said.

why am i the one to always apologize, when it's you who's done me wrong everytime, but you know i can't live without you

why do you do this to me, every year at the time my mind is in the worst place, you walk out and replace me.

I'm here, again, why couldn't it be me and you, not you and her. I'm so tired of feeling like this its slowly chipping away at me

I think i've fantasized a life with you almost 365 days, yet you've never once taken a second to think about me

i sometimes stay up and wonder if you actually liked me, or if i was just the first person to show you affection...

why are you turning into her. you are so against her yet you are turning into her. i thought you wouldn't hurt me.

You saved me but you probably don’t know that. You mean so much to me but I can’t express it to u and I can’t put it into words so it frustrates me. Your smile, laugh, eyes, hands, kiss, cuddles, just everything about you is perfect to me and it makes me sad that u can’t see that. Ur the prettiest girl I’ve ever laid eyes on. You deserve better and deserve the whole entire universe. Every time I’m with you it feels like I can finally calm down and be myself. When you laugh, hug me, or kiss me it feels like it’s just you and me, no one else. You feel like home when I’m in your arms. The warmth and safety I feel is something someone other than you can never make me feel. You actually know me it’s scary. Because what if you leave me. You should see the way I talk abt you to others. I’m so in love with you. I know we’re young but I want to marry you one day. I love you beb

ur laugh and :) lights up the room...u are the 1 person who can make me :) in my darkest times. i will love u 4ever.

:( Pp poo poo . I miss talking to you every day :( we rarely talk now and it just makes me cry every time you leave me on read :/