Unsent Messages

ah you werent supposed to read that but i guess i cant make you unread things. old habits are hard to break and this seemed like the best way to let it all out. i guess i'll spill a bit more. im scared of hurting you. plain and simple. i want to be the person who lifts you up and the person who can calm you down. the person to hype you up and the person to comfort you when u need it. but i dont know if i can be that person you need. at least thats what ive been telling myself these past few months. im scared to disappoint you. and i feel like that would be an inevitable thing. im horrible with words and even worse with emotions. i can be self centered at times. im so far from the person you need and the person you deserve. thats really all there is to it. and yet none of that stops me from wanting to be with you and that scares me too. anyways pity party over. what really frustrates me though is that i cant find the guts to tell you how much you mean to me in person,, like, to your face. cause if i cant even do that how the hell am i supposed to do??? anything else?? did you know i had half of this drafted since like 11:30am?? and as im typing the other half of this its 9:37pm. at this point i have no clue what im tryin to get at. im just throwing up everything in here but i want things to work out too. i really really do. even if i have no idea what 'things' are. ah anyways go sleep at a decent time (aka not 4am) we'll figure it out. i trust us,,, i think. at this rate i think its just a question of when.