Unsent messages to JONATHAN

Hi lol, it's been awhile since we talked. You probably don't care if we are in speaking conditions or not but it hurts me that we don't communicate anymore. I know that we never actually dated or anything but I really did love you a lot and even though I tell myself that I don't deep down I still do. You were and still are the only guy that made me feel some type of way. I know that I'm not your first love but you're mine. When I told you I loved you I meant it. Losing you was the hardest thing to overcome. I thought we would be more than friends. I guess good things have to come to an end eventually. I wished that you still had feelings for me. If you would've texted me I would've responded in a heartbeat. Every single time I get a notification I wished it was from you... I think about you when I got to bed and when I wake up. When you probably could care less if I was dead or alive. I told you I was always gonna be there for you and I still mean it. I want to check up on you but that's not my place anymore. My love for you wan't fake. I never would've thought that you would be this important in my life lol. I even told my family about you... and then you leave my life a week later lmaooo. I can't like other guys because they're just not you. I look for you in every guy but they're NOT you. I miss the way you used to make feel. You made me feel butterflies.I still remember all the things you said to me. I miss you so goddam much. I would do anything just to talk to you again.

sometimes I talk to god about you for you to come back , but your happy with someone else and that shit hurts me the most

You’re the one.I know I’m young but I swear you’re the one...please trust me and have patience... I’m trying my best.don’t give up.

I wished you woud of treated me better. You are toxic to me but i still and will always love you with all my heart. It hurts when you accuse me of texting other guys or talking to them. I dont understand why you dont let me dress in shorts or anything that shows too much skin even tho its not that much you can see.

i really hope things didnt end on bad terms, but happy moments are so much happier with you and sad ones are so much more depressing. i hope you’re happy with the girl you used to talk shit about, you lost your virginity to her.. i wonder what she had that i don’t.

No matter what happens between us just know i did truly love you and i will always care about you :) please don't give ever give up ill always be here if you need me

Nunca pensé que alguien pudiera hacerme tan feliz y que esa misma persona fuera capaz de hacerme tanto daño y que ni siquiera se diera cuenta, aunque llorando le decía que lo hacia. Sabes el dia en que acepte y que me convencí de que era la mejor decision comencé a odiarte y eso significaba que ya no te amaba. Con el tiempo te perdone, deje de llorar, de sufrir por lo que no fue, era tiempo de avanzar y dejar de pensar en eso, porque di hasta la ultima gatita de mi en una relación que se habia muerto hace mucho tiempo y por la que me perdí yo, asi que era hora de volver a ser yo, de ser feliz conmigo misma y sabes me costo trabajo pero lo logre aun cuando todo respecto a mi salud era incertidumbre y cosas mas buenas que malas, supongo que concentre en eso para dejar de pensarte. Ya no significas nada en mi vida y los recuerdos se han borrado de mi, pero quiero recordar la clase de persona que fuiste para nunca mas en mi vida volver a cruzarme contigo. Buen camino, pero no vuelvas nunca mas en tu vida.

i still have your blue nike hoodie. when i see it i remember when you gave it to me. i was so happy. yeah fuck you for hurting me.

Hola Johnny, se que nunca leerás este pero necesito desahogarme, soy Paula, Paula Farto y te quiero desde primero de la eso, se que nunca me has visto como nada y si ha sido así, soy lo suficientemente tonta para no decírtelo, la verdad es q me gustan mucho tus rizos, tan rubitos y perfectos y q ya seas mas alto que yo, la verdad es que nunca he sentido algo así por nadie pero tu haces que en mi estomago hayan mariposas, creerás que es una broma pero no es así, la verdad es que llevo soplando las velas de mi cumpleaños durante tres años pidiendo el mismo deseo, que algún día podamos estar juntos, se que nunca leerás esta carta pero no creo que sea capaz de decírtelo a la cara,
Te quiero, te quiero mucho,
Paula

fuck you for leading me on, i was always the second option to you, why didn’t you see that i was always the one picking you up?

Eres la persona con la que entendí la expresión "derretirse por dentro".... lastima que todo acabara mal

Pasó tercer grado y no supe nada de ti, lo ultimo que me dijiste fue que era la chica más linda de todas

I loved you so much but in the end I knew that I was too good to you. You could’ve been a better lover if you loved yourself more.

I don't know what happened. I was happy and I thought you were too. I knew this would happen but I wanted to believe you were the one. We had everything planned. I thought things went well at the pumpkin patch. I don't know where I went wrong. I feel stupid for believing your lies. I should've never let my guard down. I can't trust anyone anymore thanks to you. Thanks :/

its almost been three months since you took your own life and i still think about you every day. i never understood what people meant when they said that but i finally get it. i wish i didn’t but it is what it is. thank you for being my best friend. i still blame myself, i know i shouldn’t but i can’t help but remember how rough our friendship was at the end of your life. i forgive you, it’s been hard and i am definitely still mad at you but i forgive you for taking your own life. tomorrow is halloween, your favorite holiday. i know ur excited to be a ghost this year and i hope you get to get your spooky on. thanks for being the best friend a kid could ask for.

All I ever wanted was for you to believe you’re deserving of love and that you are good enough please please please don’t believe what your parents say

I've never wanted to marry a human being as much as you and I would spend the rest of my life loving you.

You saw me when I was miserable and didn’t even ask if I was okay, I cried for hours and you wouldn’t notice when I went on holiday.

when you left, it killed me. now that you've reached out and we're talking again, everything came rushing back. i feel like i'm back in 8th grade. please don't leave again.

dude i really loved you man. you were my best friend and not my world but everything that makes the world good. i miss you and i wish we could be as close as we used to. i know we're soulmates it was just right person wrong time and it hurts me to think about how i planned a future for us together and you just decided to leave all of a sudden.

You will always be the love of my life. Ever since I met you in high school, you gave me a reason to keep going on.

I still love you. Even though we're strangers now, you somehow always find a way back into my thoughts.
please come back

I love you more than I love myself. You made me forget what it felt like to feel so lonely, but now I remember. I'll never forget the way you made me feel, the way my heartbeat when I first said I love you. You were my first true love. But now you're gone forever.

I chose red since it was your fav color btw. I thought I would never find love again since my last relationship. Turns out a guy like you changed that. I love you so much and yk that. You did things I didn’t Deserve and yk that also. I had to cut off our friendship cause we both know ex’s can’t be friends and we can’t take back the things we said or did. I’ll always wonder what your up to at night. I love you Jonathan

I wish I could admit how much I love you. And how badly I want to be with you, in more ways than we are

Do u still miss me ? I hope u'll find the way to come back to me soon. You're the first guy that I showed to my parents. I hope you're doin well. I miss u baby..

i've never loved anybody the way i loved you. thank you for the times we had, even if it ended in tears and regret. you know who i am, and i hope you'll look back on this and see what i do. bisous.

I wish I could let go of you but you and the hope of seeing you again is what keeps me going...even on the bad days.
I miss you! x

haven’t seen you in a while.. no matter what distance I try to create, I always find my way back. I don’t know how or why, but I feel tethered to you. I wish it would stop so I could move on & feel peace. part of me knows i’ve always loved you beyond a friendship.

i cried the last night i saw you bc i knew you were suddenly going to be my past and never again going to be my future. it was like a weight off my shoulders.

You saw my scars, at some point of our relationship you made stars out of them. Later ones I had to put on bandaids again

You used to mean everything to me then one day ig you decided I wasn’t worth it. I really miss my bestfriend but you’ll never want me again because you found people better than me and tbh I don’t blame you. I wasn’t the best at everything, I’m human, I make mistakes but just know I woulda done anything for you. Anything. But that wasn’t enough so I’m sorry.

I wouldn’t want it to be anyone but you. I truly love you with all my heart. Thank you for every laugh and smile :)

I know your dad never taught you things he should teach his son, but i know you will teach our children

I loved you I really did but you chose not to believe it. I don’t know if you didn’t trust me, or if you were scared of your feelings or if it was him? But you broke me. You made your decision and you made mine easier so now it is. It is him. It will always be him. You hated him and prayed it wasn’t going to be him. But it is and always will be. what we had was a love story but what him and I have well that’s true love. You screwed and lost me forever. Let that sink in.

not a day goes by where i don’t think abt you. i really hope your happy. all i ever wanted was for you to be happy. imy bubba