Unsent messages to ZACHARY

Hey Zachary, How are you? I hope your'e doing well. I remember the first time I met you. Do you remember? It was when you and alexandra started dating in the sixth grade. We weren't very close then but seventh grade we got closer but what I didn't know is that you liked Angel. I guess the reason why I liked you is because how you are so kind and how great of a person you are. You were one of the closest friends I had but I ruined it. I tried to shake the feeling of me liking you when you and Angel started dating. When you and her broke-up I wanted to tell you how I felt, but I didn't want to hurt Angel and I wanted to give you time. When eighth grade happened we were fine. Until, I gave you that letter through Alexandra. So cliche right, honestly I didn't mind if you rejected me. The one thing I didn't expect from you was that you stopped talking to me for a whole 6 months. I hope it was worth it. I'm glad I met you. I'm glad you rejected me. It showed me so many things. That I didn't need a guy to make me happy. I hope your happy, I'm happy. Thank you.

I've had feelings like this for a while, but it was never this strong. My hopes are going up but I know that it will probably never happen and that's what hurts the most.

I was so in love with you, but you picked my best friend; I get it, she was prettier and had much better style than me, but did she love you the way I did?

thank you for being my first love. there isn't anyone else I would rather call as mine. you have taught me so much, and in that little time that we were together...we were something else. I keep hoping and searching for a love like ours in every single person I meet, but it just doesn't happen. ours was just too special. I wish you the best in everything you do in your life, and I will stop caring or thinking of you from time to time. you gave me the best gift, and I hope to find that again someday. I miss you more than words, big-time. love you.

I'm so sorry that I wasn't good enough for you. I genuinely loved you and the small part in me that still loves you will always live forever. You're the only person who made me feel how you made me feel. I miss our late night conversations just laughing at what each of us had to say. I truly am sorry for talking too much for you to the point where you ghosted me. You were, and will always be, my first love and I love you with all I am, even though you don't feel the same way

the first person i ever put in so much effort for, yet somehow that still wasn’t enough. i hope you’re doing well and i pray that you get everything you’ve ever wanted and deserve from life. i am so sorry i failed to give that to you and i hope you find the girl who makes you smile daily and someone who will always be there for you. the color of this probably doesn’t mean much to you but it does to me.. i miss you. but its not like you’re ever gonna see this. i don’t think this i will ever fall for someone else or catch feelings for anyone else. the thought of starting over with someone new is just.. i hate it.

Can I talk to you? I really need someone to talk to. You are the only person I feel like I could talk to. I'm really not okay right now. Im sorry, I know it's weird. You are the only person I feel right now that would care. In these pass few months I was at my lowest and you were the only person who asked if I was okay. It was just a small facial expression I made that made you think I wasn't okay, it was nothing but everything at the same time. I laughed it off denying it but I wasn't okay, and I think you noticed that. I just really need someone to talk to but the people I'm closest with and who I would go to are a little bit of the reason I'm feeling this pain. If you can't talk I just wanna say thank you. Thank you Zachary.

i hope one day it’ll stop hurting. i hope one day we’ll have another chance. i miss you. i still love you. i always will.

Zachary I wish I could say this to you, I really wish I could. Whenever you smile, make a silly joke, or just be the loving person you are make me feel something. I don’t really know what exactly your just so kind and nice compared to any person I’ve meet. You gave me something to think about when I couldn’t deal with life anymore. I did think there was something but you treat every girl the way you treat me. When I thought we had shared a moment I realized it wasn’t me. But, you make me so happy, treat everyone so nice and kind. I just see you as perfect your personality makes all your flaws not appear to me. I wished I was pretty, extroverted and confident enough for you to see me as any more than a friend.

i wish you loved me as i loved you. but it’s time i move on. i imagined a beautiful future with you. i love you now and forever.

i actually really fucking love you but i am terrified to date you because of what you put me through in year 8

you used me as an emotional crutch and i couldn’t take it anymore. i hope you two are happy but i couldn’t continue to be emotionally drained so you could tolerate her. it hurts that what i say means nothing to you but you still call. maybe someday you’ll realize how much i cared about you and how you’ll never see me the way i saw you. im in love with you. you know that. you just never felt the same.

I know we never said it but I love you. I love you and i’m going to wait till you come back. Looking back on us I realized that I was in such a bad mental space and it really affected us and i’m sorry. I wish we could talk things through and fix everything. I’m not done loving you.

i never told you, but i wanted to move in with you. i wanted to pick out dishes, and blankets, and do laundry with you.

i know we needed to end, but i'm terrified if we walk away we'll never come back. i don't want to grow old without you.

i'm sorry i lied to you so much, sometimes i want you and what we had back. i wish that was still possible