Unsent messages to QUINN

i wish you hadn’t changed so much but it was wrong of me to try and stop it. i’m really sorry for constantly picking you apart and i wish we could go back. through and through i’m glad we let go of each other because love has a lot better things to offer than me.

i’m pretty sure i’m done with you lol. tbh you weren’t even cute enough to be acting like that. i just wish i realized my worth sooner

I'm going to apologize to you in person one day for how I treated you. The most mature thing I did was end us to protect you from me.

You showed me the world wasnt so scary when you had a friend, a brother by your side. And now, you're gone. And the world is so scary.

You've done me wrong so many times it's hard to keep count and yet I'm still with you I guess we'll just have to see what 2021 holds..

You'll probably never see this, but you're the one I want. I want to make you happy and most importantly, be yours. I'll never say it to your face because I don't want to ruin what we have already. Your partner is one lucky person,,-2d

im not sure if we're so close because you love me romantically, or you've confused romantic attraction with strong platonic affection since im the first experience like this you've had. im just a little mislead but i know we'll be alright, any im excited for our first (hopefully of many) christmas together. i love you bub

tomorrow may be the last time you ever see me. if it is, know i loved you and did up until my last seconds. thank you for being my second half.

you will forever be the reason i get to say i prefer fall 2019 rather than summer 2019 :( i miss you so much, i really hope you're doing well.

the first time i was ever in your arms was the first time i ever felt safe. now all i want is you to be happy and for us to be alright :)

i would love to know what you really think of me, do you think of me? it's hard to listen to brain cells by chance without thinking of you. you look, sound, and act hot as f*ck... &then you forget about me for a few weeks. it's okay though, it was fun while it lasted. i hope you're getting by. we seem to both be pretty good haha. so whyyyyy can't i get you off my mind!!!!!

i have empathised with you way too many times. the anger that you fill me up with is strange. we never communicated with words. we always laughed about nothing. pretending we were all good. you were an asshole. only thinking about your dick. somehow i thought i wanted you, when all i really wanted (and needed) was someone. don't you dare ever give yourself the satisfaction that you broke my heart, you didn't. i did that all myself. you do not deserve that satisfaction. fuck you.

You're my everything, the reason I laugh and smile and the reason I am still living... we are gonna travel . the world someday, I promise

i’ve written so many things to you on here, and some of them were months ago. you’ll probably never read them because you probably don’t even know about this website. but i think im almost completely over you, and over what happened. i mean i still have bad days and i still get upset about it from time to time, and yea there is still a tiny bit of hope for us, but im starting to focus more on myself and im kinda proud of myself for that. i’m finally putting myself back together after you broke me. maybe one day we’ll get to talk things out, maybe one day we’ll make it work. maybe one day i’ll just go up to you in the hallway after class, but we both know im too scared to do that. there are things i would really like to say, but i’m focusing on myself right now. if you text me then i’ll text back.

You were and still are such a big part of my life. I'll never be able to let you go because I'd be letting a part of myself go aswell. I wish things were different.

sometimes i fear that you don’t love me the way you did the first few months when we first got together. sometimes i worry that there’s another. i don’t know why you picked me over her. if you left me today for her, i’d understand why. even if you leave me for her, i love you. i’m always gonna love you, forever and always, even if it’s only in dreams or old texts. :)

i know you’ll probably never see this, but i’m gonna write this anyways. i kinda want to talk to you and it just sounds so fucking dumb but i do. i would ask you probably a million questions so i could finally get closure. i just want to make sure we’re both on the same page and if we aren’t then i would really like to talk it through. it’s just when we pass eachother in the hallways or see eachother in class we don’t even acknowledge eachother anymore. it’s kinda sad. i find the thing that you said in english ironic. “my words are choking me” a metaphor, which kinda means that there are things you want to say but you don’t know how to say it or can’t say it. idk man. but i cant say anything to you because it’ll just make me look like i’m still trying to go out with you or something. i’m not and that’s not what i want anymore. i just want closure because you never really explained yourself. it left me feeling so confused and you knew that. i feel like an absolute bitch for unsending the apology. i want you to know i really did mean it, but i felt unheard and ignored when you left me on read and i figured you wouldn’t care if i unsent it. maybe part of me was expecting an apology back? i don’t even know anymore. i wish we could just be friends and forget what happened even happened.

i can't tell whether my love for you is platonic, because it's more than platonic, or romantic, or any label. its like gravity, or a hug, or the sun on your face, or singing in the car with the windows down. i've never met someone i click with so perfectly.

i need you now more than ever. please come back. i can't put how much i love you into words. you make me feel so special.

when i first started talking to you.. i didn't think i would get attached... but there was this spark and energy that was in you, and i could feel myself slowly falling in love with you as days go by. i always think about you nonstop. you are the first thing in my head when u wake up and the last when i go to bed. and let me tell you i have liked other people before you but none of them...and i mean not a single human makes me feel the same way i feel about you. and i know deep inside you are meant for me. i will see you soon i promise and i will be in your arms. we can make our jokes become real life and your laugh i'd listen to nonstop...just know i will never let go of you and my feelings will never disappear. i pray that you are doing well and happy...seeing you happy makes me happy, and i never wanna see you upset because you are my whole world :) i will always be there for you.

i didn’t just fall in love with you. i fell in love with the sound of your voice. i fell in love with the thought of you. i fell in love with your smile. i fell in love with you because you made me find confidence. i fell in love with your smell. i fell in love with you because you helped me through it all. i fell in love with your personality. i fell in love with you because you care. i fell in love with you because you make me feel a way no one else makes me feel. i fell in love with your laugh. i fell in love because you stayed with me. i fell in love with the way you look at me. i fell in love with your eyes. i fell in love with the butterflies you give me. i fell in love with your goofiness and your ability to make me laugh. i fell in love with the sweet boy you really are. i fell in love with our deep conversations. i fell in love with the genuine laughs we had together. i am in love with you. i just want to have an honest, genuine “heart to heart” conversation with you. but i don’t know if you would be willing to. there are so many things i want to say to you but i can’t because i know that if i say we should talk, you would leave me on read. i feel stuck and i hate it because i want to change things and talk but i cant because that will maybe mess up what we have now. also, just tell me the truth. you know what i’m talking abt.

i just want to have an honest, genuine “heart to heart” conversation with you. but i don’t know if you’d be willing to do that. there are so many things i want to say to you but i cant because i know if i say that we should talk you would just leave me on read. i feel stuck and i fucking hate it because i want to change things and talk things out but i can’t.

the fact that i'm inevitably gonna have to live without you is absolutely soul crushing. but! i think that's a sign to make the most of the time we have now,, so thank you for keeping me here my love :)

i met you a few years ago. you seemed so kind and sweet. we weren't friends until this year. you are in most my classes right now. i'm glad we are friends now. thanks for helping me with the homework lol. remember that facetime where we laughed so hard until our stomachs hurt? yeah. idk if that will ever happen again. i want it to so badly. but i don't know if you do. i used to like you. a lot. i am so confused on how you feel. im confused on how i feel, too. apparently it's obvious that you like me to every one else but i don't know. i cry about it because i like you so much. i just need an answer. i hate you tho. for what you told jj and your friends. you promised you would keep it a secret. you kept all the other secrets except that one. that really hurt because i trusted you on that :/. i don't know if i can forgive you for that because of how much it meant to me. but you make me so happy. you don't understand how excited i get when you text me. i wish you could see the smile on my face when you text back. it sounds so stupid but, you really helped when i was at my lowest. you noticed and helped me. thank you. why didn't you say anything about the rumor that you like me? i just want to know. please. we talked for 3 hours on facetime that one day. and 2 hours the next day. now i barely text you. you seem to notice that. it's because of what my friends are saying. im sorry. every night i think about everything you have said to me. i miss those late nights facetiming you. if you do see this, text me. haha. bye

You continued to jump between girls and then ending up falling back at my feet everytime. Thanks for the good two years of friendship but fuck off.

hey quinjamin i just wanted to say ily sm and that i hope we never drift bc u truely are one of my bestfriends and one of the few people i really do trust that haven't hurt me ly homie i hope you are able to read this one day :)

you were the first person i had a sexual interaction with. i was 7 you were 12 and when ever we had sleep overs we would kiss and cuddle. i was so young a you were much older. i don't regret it. i'm having a lot of trouble with my sexuality. but i will call myself a heterosexual for now. most of me is into guys. i'm now 12 you probably 16 or 17 now. tell evan i hope he's doing well. and i hope your family is doing well. your aunts and grandmas were the best at cooking and everything. i miss you a lot. i feel like you would make me feel happy. i hope your okay. i love you and miss you so much. love, your mom's ex boyfriends daughter, nimi.

i hate you. youre a pissrat, but at the end of the day im completely in love with you and you mean the absolute world to me

are you trying to avoid me now? damn. i actually thought you would have apologized or at least tried to talk to me by now.

You were the first person my heart opened to after it put itself back together. I guess that’s 2 for 2 :((

Does it matter to you how close we were and the things we shared or am I just someone to fuck now? I think I know the answer to that and I wish it wasn’t even a question

I really loved you but I thought I got over it and I guess I was wrong. I cant believe I have to get over you again.

I really thought we could have had something special, but everything happens for a reason. So our friends interfered for a reason and i wish you the best.

I wish you’d keep on texting and calling. sure, I can be clingy, but I still want to hope that you still know I exist

i really wish we dated at a different time in our lives. maybe we were meant to be, we just did it wrong

you'd think after this long my feelings would fade. but i still manage to fall more and more in love with you every day. right person wrong time. maybe one day we can get the timing right.

We were a blissful story that I knew was going to end but in all our moments I felt as though it could last forever.

I miss you. You could break my heart a thousand times for all I care. I just love you more than anything. Come back

Everyday goes by with me not telling you the truth. You are one of the best friends I have ever had. But I still don’t have the courage to tell you that I’m Bisexual. I’m afraid that you would never look at me the same. Maybe one day I will build the courage but for now this is all I can do.

You messed me up. I was so down for you for such a long time. You crushed me. But I somehow can’t be mad at you for it.

i see you everyday. you look happy. i’m sorry i hurt you. you made me who i am. i will never forget all the random shit i know about you and how perfectly we fit together . i remember your laugh sometimes and it makes me smile. i love you

i can’t stand seeing you at school and in the hallways. i hate making eye contact with you because every time i do and every time i see you i’m only reminded of all the shit you put me through and how shitty you made me feel. when you look at me do you even feel bad? are you even sorry? i really wish you’d apologize.

Our friendship was unconventional, I know, but looking back do you not think we were falling for each other without realising it? It would’ve never worked between us and nor were either us wanting a relationship but our emotions got the better of us. I loved and cared for you like nobody else...

Honestly, sometimes I miss you, other times i hate your guts. But the reality is I haven’t had a real intellectual conversation since we went our separate ways and that’s what I miss about us. It wasn’t superficial or fake. You were one of the best friends I could’ve asked for and everyday I wish I could back and change what happened between us or that you’ll message me out of the blue.

But until then, I wish you well and hope you find happiness and success in your life.