Unsent messages to LUCY

it’s fine if you want to pretend i’m him. i understand. i’ll play the part. whoever you need me to be. – alice

i don’t think you realise how much worth you have. so many things about you are important, and there are qualities held only by you. i hope you realise that some day. if not then i’ll always be there to help u along. that’s what friends are for.

you’ll never know how much you mean to me, becuase i will never tell you. please stay when i’m gone because you have so much left to do

bro please stop beating yourself up i promise you it’s all good and there’s no hard feelings, at the end of the day i love you just the same and you can always talk to me

Again I find myself in my room being alone, since I lost you the colors of life feels drier than constumbrella, Karla always tells me that I must continue with my life and close this stage, meet new people, Love really will be the key? Maybe if maybe not, even though it's been a year since you left, it still hurts, I'll go back to the city with my family they still don't know you left and maybe I'll never tell them, they really liked you, every day I go to your grave, sometimes I think, can you see me? Will you think I'm weak? If you were here and saw me like this you would be angry, life is very beautiful but also very dark.
And I hate that.

I kinda had i crush on you. Like a really big crush. Like i saw you smile at me one time and thought i was gonna faint kinda crush. But now that I'll never see you again, I guess it doesn't really matter whether you know. I know it's been 5ish months, and I think I'm over you, but then everytime you even view my story I suck in a breath. I was always worried that if I worked up the courage to tell anyone it would get lost in translation, due to the 2 other Lucy's. So um... yeah. You're so beautiful & funny & you look really pretty when you're concerned, your pearly brown eyes are the most stunning & wonderful thing on the planet, your smile gives me millions of butterflies, your wit, your hair, just... your everything.

i hate that u can be so selfish sometimes. u won't think abt my wellbeing or be there for me. ur own bestfriend. even tho u know id drop anything and everything to make sure ur okay and be there for u. u know that.

I still love you, there’s nothing more I want than to spend the rest of my life with you but you lied and now I don’t know what my life is going to be, the whole plan revolved around you and our life together and now you’re not here

I wanted this for so long and now all i want is to get out. i love you. and i can’t lose you. but i also can’t do this.

I really ducking my hate you for all that you made me lose myself and I still love you made me confused look at me now I can’t spell fucking and I just said I hate you and loved you

Why did you do that, you have made me feel so confused, i like you sm. But i cant can i, because i dont want to be with you incase that's not what you want. I cant leave because what if you don't want me. But after that night i think you do want me but i just dont know sometimes you can be so distant. Somedays or nights like that one, you want me like i want you. I hate feeling this way, i just want you. I want to have you, but i need to know you want me, just one more time, one more night like that and ill drop everything for you. You probably wont read this or you wont think this is about you. Or maybe you do and you dont care, maybe i was just a mistake. I like you sm, but ill leave you be. Because i think i was just a mistake wasn't i? I can't stop thinking about you, about that night. Your perfect but am i.

the boy I like, likes you instead. when I tried talking to you abt it your response to me was to not get you involved and that you didn't want to talk abt it, even tho u know I just wanted to talk abt it so there wouldn't be anything weird between us n bcz u know I can't keep anything from you. but now there it is weird between us. I thought I could tell you anything. but I obvz can't. n now I have no one left.

Jesus has an ed.
anyway hi, I miss you. I just wanted to personally let you know that I love and care about you so much and know that whatever you're going through right now, you're going to get through it. text me if you see this but hey, you're one of my favourite people

I like you but I could never tell you. I hate how your always on my mind. Maybe one day we will be together. But not now. I hate that I love you so much.

ik u will probably never see this so here i am ig. i wish u had wanted to ruin our friendship too. i keep hoping for the day when u will turn around and tell me u changed ur mind because i think we could have loved each other. but rationally ik u probably wont ever like me back so i have to try and move on (even though moving on from you is so much harder than any other crush ive had you idiot). part of me wonders if i will always care about you this much, it sure feels like it rn; but still, u dont like me that way and i respect that. i never want to destroy our friendship by trying too hard to have u love me back. u mean so much to me and while it hurts knowing that i will never get to learn those stupid tiny things about u that lovers learn, i could be content just seeing u smile. after all that is how i realised i liked u. u laughed in that stupid green sweater and that was it.

Do you remember me? Us? All the things we said? All the time we spent together? I'm still here... waiting for a sign.

I really like you but im too scared to tell you. Our friendship has gone on for years now i just want to hold you in my arms and never let you go. Our love all our inside jokes. Your my bestfriend

you broke my heart again and again, yet i still care so much about you. break it but don't shatter it

I know you wont think this applies to you. Consequently maybe that is for the best, but you're perfect. To me. You probably wont see this and thats okay. But i love how funny you are. Your always on my mind. Everything is grey without you

I’m falling for you.
you said you wanted to make your room more colourful, however without meaning to, you made me more colourful.

putting him into the server under a different username and thinking i wld never find out. well now i know and i really hope it was worth it to you

u are to sweet and kind for this world, you have a glow when u walk into a room and put a smile on peoples faces, i hope life treats u well, u are someone i will never forget :)

hey lucy! i kinda have the feeling that we could still be friends but i'd have to wait. if you really leave the school i just wanna say thank you so much for being my friend and thank syou so much for all the great times we've had together! i love you and miss you.

I know you're a dog, I know you're not human. and I know you're not my first love. but Lucy, I miss you so much I miss waking up and seeing you laying on the floor beside my bed waiting for me to wake up. I miss you making me happy when I was sad. I miss you jumping around and smiling even though you were in pain. I miss everything about you Lucy. just come back a visit me sometime

thank you for being there for me when little people were. I will always love you even when you don't love me back.

Our conversations are dry. I feel like I care more about this friendship than you do. You are so caught up in yourself that you can't see that we have drifted apart. One day we won't be friends and instead of being sad I will be relieved.

i need you to break my heart, for i promised i would never break yours, but i wish i had the guts to tell you that i believe i made a mistake choosing to ask you to be my girlfriend that cold night... i just, i dont know what to do, i need you to break my heart please, i want you to be happy but happy really isnt with me, im not right for you and im really fucking sorry if i lead you to believe that, i dont want to hurt you, fuck thats the last thing i want to do,, i love you, but i cant keep doing this to you, you deserve better than what im putting us through, so if you see this.. please, just break my heart.

i think this is closure, i've been postponing this for too long and to be quite frank, you've ruined me. if only you knew

I will love you from afar too, I guess. I didn’t think this would ever happen. I’m not as psychic, as I think

im sorry if i was a toxic part in your life. i need you to know im not like that anymore. wishing you the best.

Feelings exist, thoughts exist, but words don't always exist. I love you, beyond stars, beyond time, beyond music.

Im sorry I keep fucking up and im really problematic. Even when i push you away, you're still always there for me and i don't know why.

You’re wonderful and bring light into the life of every person who gets to interact with you, like sunshine you’re warm and everyone wants to bathe in your light for as long as they can

I never got the courage to tell you how I felt, but I dont regret not telling you... saved myself the pain though I am sure you felt the same...

sometimes I think about you, more like a lot... I miss you lots but I can never say it to your face and it hurts, but I feel like you know that, at the same time I don't know if you miss me, I remember every single day in the summer last year, we called for so many hours, kind of want that to happen today-or everyday, to make it short...I miss you lots and I hope we can talk again, it doesn't matter I just feel like talking on the phone again

Please don't leave me. You're struggling, and I can see that. But I seriously don't know if I can do it without you. Please stay strong. Please keep trying. I need you, so many people do. I love you, stay safe.

hi. ur the only ex friend i think about. i miss you. i miss the laughs we would have, i miss tagging u in things, i miss talking about boys we didn't really like, i miss going out with u, i miss being able to tell u to come over. i will never tell u this, but most days i wish u would text me something like this. u have always meant a lot to me. i wish things had never changed between us. i love u. i think i always will. i hope u have more courage then me and that u will text me.

I’m sorry for the way I treated you. I should’ve been better. I’m sorry for hurting you, you deserve the world.

ive cried to many tears over you but you taught me to actually care about myself and put my need first

Lucy, all those times I said "you" differently, I was giving you a hint. It is you. Although you didn't figure it out, I hope you do.

you were always there for me. we were inseparable for years and I never appreciated that until now. i loved you

Isn't it funny that something so natural turned into something strange. How we used to see each other every day an now we are just something that used to be something special

i cant stop thinking about when you were driving to the station the other day. i was crying and you didn't say anything, you just let me cry and held my hand and i've never felt more cared for or understood or loved. you dont realise how much that means to just have someone there, just to let you get it out sometimes you know? it made me realise how much i love you and how lucky i am. you make me feel safer than any person has before and i feel i can trust you more than other people. dont fuck that up.

Isn't it scary how a person you once bounded so much with, that you would give your life for suddenly turned into a stranger?

im so fucking sad and i think i need help but i’m scared to ask but idk how much longer i can do this

We always fight on who loves the other the most.
But you will never know or realised that I am in love with you

We always fight on who loves the other the most.
But you will never know or realised that I am in love with you

We always fight on who loves the other the most.
But you will never know or realised that I am in love with you

Been a year now since we spoke. We may never have any kind of contact again, but we have that moment.

I never thought I would say this, but I hate you. I hate you so much it hurts. It hurts so bad. I wish you could actually see what you’ve done.